by Lillard, Amy
“I don’t know.” He walked to the door of the shop and opened it, staring down the street at Esther Lapp’s departing form. She marched toward the bakery with the same determination that she had used when talking to Onkle.
Danny chuckled. “I’ve never seen her quite so . . .”
“Forceful?” Andrew supplied.
“Jah.” Danny took a long drink from his water bottle, then pointed the mouth toward Andrew. “You don’t think this has anything to do with Caroline leaving, do you?”
“Maybe.” Andrew shrugged despite the pain hearing her name caused him. “Maybe she thinks that it’s time to stop beating around the bush with Onkle and come out and say her feelings.” Or maybe his and Caroline’s matchmaking had finally paid off. As much as it would pain him, he would write her and let her know. Someday.
“Speaking of feelings,” Danny started, “what about the four of us going to Kauffman’s tonight for supper?” It wasn’t quite a request.
“Danny, I—”
His cousin held up a hand to stop his words before he even got good and started. “Sarah really likes you. The least you can do is give her a chance.” The unspoken since Caroline is gone hung heavy in the air.
Andrew sighed. The last thing he wanted to do was give Sarah false hope, but if being with Caroline over the last few weeks had taught him anything, it was that he could live again, learn to love. Except now the one he wanted was somewhere else. He wasn’t sure what was worse, knowing that Beth was gone forever not by her choice or that Caroline had chosen something else over him. Or perhaps it was a someone.
Now he was just being ridiculous.
“Come on, cousin. It’ll help keep your mind off things.”
Danny was right. He needed to keep his mind clear of the things he couldn’t change.
“Allrecht.” He gave a reluctant nod. “Dinner tonight.” Just the four of us.
It was nearly seven-thirty when Moxie started barking, signaling to the fact that someone was at the door.
Esther had just finished taking the casserole from the oven and set it on the cooling rack when the puppy alarm went off.
She had been a little skeptical about having the dog in her house, but now that Caroline and Emma were gone, she was glad to have him for both his guarding capabilities and his companionship.
It was strange to her how she had only lived with the pair for two years, but their absence left a huge hole in her heart.
She patted the pooch on the head and slipped him a piece of fat off one of the pork chops she’d made.
She wanted tonight to be extra special and had even considered going down to the library and checking out an Englisch cookbook and making something the likes of which Abe Fitch had never seen, but instead opted to go with the proven route.
She wiped her hands down her sides and smoothed back her hair. “I’m coming,” she hollered over Moxie’s excited barks.
As expected when she opened the door, Abe Fitch stood on the other side. “Esther.” He waited patiently for her to invite him in.
“Get in here, Abe Fitch. Do you want the entire town to start talking about us?” She pulled him inside and resisted the urge to see if anyone saw her let him in.
Abe’s forehead puckered into a frown, an expression she wasn’t used to seeing on him. Normally he went around with a sort of dreamy look on his face. But his confusion at least meant he was paying attention. “Was iss letz, Esther Lapp?”
Esther released his elbow and tried to act normal. No sense in going ab im kopp. “Maddie Kauffman’s been talking around. Don’t want her to get the wrong impression.”
“Ach, and what might that be?”
“Never mind that, Abe Fitch,” she said, hoping he didn’t notice the blush she felt heating her cheeks. “Supper is ready and on the table.”
Thankfully, Abe didn’t protest. He swept off his hat and hung it by the door, then followed behind her to the table.
They sat down and bowed their heads in prayer.
Esther thanked the Lord for the beautiful day and the wunderbaar-gut food they were about to eat. She asked for Caroline’s safe return to Tennessee and the words to tell Abe what needed to be done.
“Aemen,” he said.
She murmured a response, then offered him the platter stacked with pork chops. “Would you like one?”
“Jah”. He used his fork to spear one and deposited it on his plate.
They passed the other dishes to one another and set about their meal. The truth of the matter was Esther wasn’t sure how to tell Abe the truth about why Caroline had left.
“What’s on your mind tonight, Esther?”
“Jah?” His words were so unexpected it took her a heartbeat to realize he was talking to her. Or maybe it was the fact that never once as he spoke did he stop eating or look up from his plate.
But he was looking at her now, calmly chewing his last bite and waiting for her to respond.
She laughed, a choked sound, then took a gulp of iced tea to ease the constriction in her throat. “Why do you think I’ve got something on my mind?” She tittered, then immediately wished she could call back the words. Or the tone.
“Because you’re not normally this nervous around me. And you told me as much when you came down to the furniture shop this afternoon.”
Ach, jah, so she had. Esther cleared her throat and gathered her wits and courage. “I need to talk to you about Caroline and Andrew.”
“Jah? Seems to me there’s not much to talk about anymore. She went home to see her grossdaadi, and it doesn’t sound like she’s coming back given the letter she wrote to Andrew.”
“He let you read it?” Esther pushed her plate aside and folded her hands on the table.
“Jah.” Abe continued to eat, grabbing another biscuit and adding a liberal dollop of butter. “And he hasn’t seemed like himself since then.”
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” She took a deep breath and braced herself to continue. She had gone back and forth between telling him straight out or trying to bring it up in casual conversation. But somehow that seemed a bit deceptive. It was bad enough that she was telling Abe at all. She had promised Caroline that she wouldn’t say anything to Andrew, but she never said anything about telling Abe. It was a conscious deceit, but one she would have to use to her advantage. “Caroline went home because Emma’s father came back.”
Abe stopped eating, his loaded fork suspended somewhere between his plate and his lips. He closed his mouth and swallowed hard, the bite redeposited on his plate as he set his fork down. “I thought he was dead.”
Esther shook her head.
“Then she’s still married.”
Esther shook her head again.
“Ach, woman, would you tell me what in the world is going on?”
“Emma’s father is English. He and Caroline were never married.” She said the words slowly as if somehow they wouldn’t sound so damaging that way. She watched his expression for signs of condemnation.
But Abe’s expression was only one of surprise. He sat back in his seat. “You don’t say.”
“Listen . . . Abe . . . I think it’s a shame that Caroline and Andrew were growing so close to each other and now it’s all lost.”
“Well, I can’t do a thing about Andrew’s mind on something like that. I’m not one for passing judgment, but this seems very unfortunate for all.”
“I don’t think you understand. Andrew doesn’t know.”
Abe’s mouth twisted from side to side, pulling his beard this way and that. He reached up and stroked it back into place. “And you think if he did know that it would change things?”
“Jah, I do. I think they were so very close to falling completely in love.”
“Andrew needs a second chance at love, and it sounds like Caroline needs a new start as well.”
Esther tried to temper her smile. She had been so scared about telling Abe Caroline’s secret. He could have come back with condemnation,
censure, and disapproval; instead he leaned forward and braced his elbows on the table in front of him. “Do you think that if you told Andrew why Caroline has gone that he would . . . ?”
“First off, I promised Caroline that I wouldn’t tell Andrew. That is something you’ll have to do for them.”
“I don’t know, Esther.” He shook his head and sat back. “Why did Caroline go back? Is she still in love with this Englischer?”
Esther pressed her lips together. “It seems the Englisch boy doesn’t know that he’s a dat.”
“This changes things,” Abe said.
“I don’t see how.”
“It seems to me that Caroline is headed toward putting her family together. And it sounds like it’s a long time in coming. I do not think we should interfere with that.”
“I’m not talking about interfering—” Esther started, but Abe was already shaking his head.
“Only a woman would consider that telling him something so dramatic would not be interfering.” He cut a bite off his pork chop and fed it to Moxie under the table.
“Abe Fitch, I expected better from you.”
“What?” he asked, squinting innocently through the thick lenses of his glasses. “I saw you feed him twice whilst we were eating.”
“Not about the dog. About Andrew and Caroline. They deserve a chance.”
He tilted his head in a thoughtful way. At least she had his full attention again. “And . . .”
“And it could be said that if we don’t interfere and give them a chance to work through this that we are interfering as well.”
A frown puckered his brow. “I’m not sure I understand any of what you just said.”
“Never mind, Abe. The least we can do is pray about it, jah?”
“I agree that taking things to the Lord is a gut idea, but—”
It was her turn to cut him off before he could finish the thought. “You pray about it, Abe. You can do that much.”
“Jah.”
“Now,” Esther said, pushing back from the table, “how about some coffee and pie?”
“Would you like some help?”
She shook her head. “You stay here and finish feeding Moxie your scraps.”
He pushed his glasses a little higher up the bridge of his nose and smiled. Esther’s heart melted a little bit more. Surely a man kindhearted enough to feed a puppy under the table would do everything in his power to support true love.
She smiled to herself as she got their desserts together and carried them back to the table.
Abe was still waiting on her, his plate scraped clean.
“I hope you like apple crisp and ice cream,” she said, sliding a bowl in front of him.
“Jah,” he said, scooping up his first bite before she had even sat back down.
That was a gut sign.
“So that’s why you invited me here tonight? To ask me about Andrew and Caroline?”
“Jah. I mean why else?” Esther shrugged and concentrated on getting the right amount of apple crisp to ice cream on her spoon. It gave her something to focus on instead of those suddenly intense blue eyes of his.
“I thought it might have something to do with all the matchmaking Caroline and Andrew were doing.”
Esther sat down her napkin, shock prickling her all the way to her fingertips. “Matchmaking?”
He nodded.
“Caroline and Andrew?”
“Jah. All those dinners after church . . .”
“And trips to the farm.”
“You look surprised.”
“I am.” How did he notice all of Caroline and Andrew’s attempts to get them together when she hadn’t? “Why didn’t you say anything?”
Abe finished off the last of his dessert and sat back in his chair. “Well, I figured that you weren’t interested in me that way.”
Esther blinked and opened her mouth, but she couldn’t find the words to respond so she closed it again and blinked for a second time.
Abe raised an eyebrow. Evidently he expected some sort of response to his declaration.
“I . . .” Esther pressed a hand to her chest, right over her pounding heart. “Why would I not?”
He quirked his mouth to one side. “I know you loved John Lapp.”
“I did.”
“He was a gut man, that much is certain. And you’ve never remarried. I figured you were still pining after him. If you’re still in love with your husband and you’ve never remarried, how could another man find a place in your heart?”
Esther was struck completely mute. She could only stare at Abe and mull his words over in her head.
But she took too long to decipher what he had said.
Abe pushed back from the table and stood. “I think I should be going now. Danki for nachtess.”
His words set her in motion. Esther stood with such speed she nearly knocked her chair over backward. “Wait.”
He stopped, hand on the doorknob and Moxie at his feet. “Are you saying that you haven’t minded all this matchmaking the kids have been up to?”
“I haven’t minded a’tall.”
Her heart skipped a beat. “And what exactly does this mean?” She was surprised at herself. When had she gotten so brazen?
“I s’pose that depends.”
“On what?” she all but whispered.
“You.”
Esther felt her knees start to shake.“Jah?”
“John Lapp was my friend, Esther. I would never do anything to change your memories of him. So if you’re not ready, if you’re still in love with him, then we go on with our lives.”
“And if I say I am ready?”
“Then we can start courtin’ for real.”
There went her heart doing that stuttery thing again. “Can I have a little bit of time to pray about it?” she asked.
“Jah, of course.” He started out the door, but stopped half in and half out of her apartment. “I’ll be by tomorrow for the answer, say about three.”
Esther smiled. “I’ll make sure to have some coffee ready.”
Andrew couldn’t believe he let Danny talk him into going out with Sarah again. He had so much on his mind lately that his instincts were down. He hadn’t thought it through. He’d just been too tired to argue.
“I know.” Julie giggled and covered her mouth, her eyes flashing from Danny to him and back again.
They were seated in one of the back booths at Kauffman’s. They had been taken to their table, served waters, and given menus, but so far, all Andrew had been able to concentrate on were the memories of the last time he had been there with Caroline.
“What do you think, Andrew?” Danny asked, stirring his lemon around with the end of his straw.
“What?”
“I told you he wasn’t listening,” Julie admonished.
Sarah blushed.
“We’re planning on going out to the Millers’ pond to go swimming tomorrow. You want to come?”
He opened his mouth to excuse himself from the excursion when Sarah said, “Please.”
And Julie added, “Come on, Andrew. It’ll be fun.”
Why not? He deserved to have a little bit of happiness instead of pining away for something that could never be. Caroline had left without even telling him good-bye in person. She had only written him a letter.
How much could he mean to her if that was all she felt she needed to give him? Not much.
His thoughts were far from charitable, but his sadness had quickly turned to anger. He had thought that they meant something to each other. Ach, but was he wrong. “Sure,” he said, tamping down his anger. “That sounds like a lot of fun.”
Dear Caroline,
I just received your letter. I’m so froh that you made it safely back to Tennessee. I was so worried about you taking such a long trip alone with your boppli. It seemed very dangerous at best.
I understand why you felt you had to go. I hope your grandfather is doing better. Every night I pray that he finds his
health again either here on earth or with our Heavenly Father.
You didn’t mention Emma’s father in your letter. I worry about you going to find him. I guess I’m afraid that he will want to take Emma away from you. Perhaps I have been reading too many of those Englisch magazines. It’s just as feasible that he would want to marry you and sweep you and Emma away to live happily ever after, as they say.
Andrew hasn’t taken the news of your departure very well. He came to talk to me and even brought the letter you left him so I could read it as well. I still do not understand why you wouldn’t tell him the truth. I’m positive that boy is in love with you and was hurt deeply that you left the way you did. It seems only fair that you tell him what has happened. I hope someday you can. Maybe after you talk to Trey and clear things with him.
You’ll never guess who came to supper with me last night. Abe Fitch! He’s coming by to talk to me this afternoon. We’re going to discuss courting. Jah, you read that right. Abe Fitch and I just may be officially courting by this time tomorrow. I feel as giddy as I did the first time I ever saw John. I’ll write more when I can to let you know what Abe and I decide.
I must close for now. The oven timer just went off. Must go see about the new cookies I baked. They are called Hawaiian Delight. I sure wish you were here to taste them with me.
Please give Emma a kiss from me and tell her that I love her so. I miss you both more than you will ever know.
Esther
Chapter Eighteen
At ten minutes till three, the bell over the bakery door rang and Abe Fitch shuffled in.
Esther tried to hide her panic but was sure it showed regardless. A bus had come in from Tulsa bringing a church group of quilters. All the ladies had to come into the bakery to grab a snack and a cup of coffee and settle down a little before the bus headed back to the city.
Normally buses weren’t a problem, but with Caroline gone this one was. Esther ran herself near ragged trying to fill her regular orders as well as take care of all the walk-ins.
She appreciated the business, but she was frustrated all the same. How was she going to continue on without Caroline?
The only way was to hire someone else, but that seemed like she was admitting that Caroline wasn’t ever coming back to Wells Landing.