A Heart Decision

by Laurie Kellogg

  Luke pounded on the table. “Damn it, BJ, you forced the woman I love on me as my nurse and begged me to take her to bed. Now you’re mad at me for doing what you asked? Where’s the logic in that?”

  “There is no logic. I made that request with my head. I’m reacting from my gut. And right now my gut wants to choke the living sh—”

  “So go ahead. Beat the crap out of me! I won’t even fight back.”

  Her brother and his two friends threatened to pound each other all the time. But this was different. Ben and Luke were really furious at each other—all because of her.

  “I knew this would happen!” Luke shouted. “Why do you think I hid what I felt for her all these years?”

  “So, should I assume you’re going to marry her now?”

  “No. Nothing’s changed—except maybe the way you feel about me.”

  She held her breath waiting for Ben to reassure Luke. Unfortunately, he didn’t.

  “Then why’d she take her engagement—”

  “Because I wouldn’t sleep with her while she was wearing another man’s ring, okay? I don’t know what you’re so pissed about. You pleaded with me to give you a flesh and blood rival to compete with.”

  “Yeah. So what the hell happened to that case of buyer’s remorse you were gonna give her?” Ben asked.

  Buyer’s remorse? What did he mean by that?

  “I’m sorry I suggested it,” Luke said more softly, as if he truly regretted it. “Call me selfish, egocentric, or whatever, but I realized, if I was gonna do what you asked, I owed it to myself to make the most of the few nights I have with her. And that doesn’t include disappointing her in the sack to make you look like a super stud.”

  “Maybe not, but you didn’t have to set the bar quite as high as you obviously did.”

  “I don’t believe it.” Luke sputtered. “You’re actually developing performance anxiety over this?”

  “You bet I am. You don’t know what it’s like to kiss a woman who thinks the sun rises and sets on your best friend. Do you really think, after being with you, she’ll ever tear the shirt off my back?”

  That T-shirt had been so old and threadbare, it would’ve ripped if she’d breathed heavy on it.

  “You have nothing to worry about, pal. I roomed with you for four years. I know how long you keep the bed springs squeaking.”

  She buried her face in her hands, hating what she was doing to their friendship. She had no business marrying Ben. He deserved better than a woman who just wanted a companion and a father for her children. “BJ,” she called down the steps, “would you come upstairs, please?”

  While she waited for him to climb the steps, she stood and slipped her ring back off her finger. Once he reached the second floor, she led him down the hall to Luke’s library and pressed the ring into his hand. “I can’t keep this.”

  “I told you, I want you to have it no matter what.”

  “No. It’s not going to work, Ben. I can’t marry you.”

  He stared into her eyes and stroked her cheek. “Why? He still doesn’t want you.”

  “Yes, he does. Luke’s just protecting me from something terrible in his life. He won’t tell me what it is, but I intend to make it my business to find out.”

  “Maybe when you do, you won’t want him.”

  “There isn’t anything that could make me stop loving him. And you deserve someone who won’t make you feel like second best the rest of your life.”

  The muscles in Ben’s throat flexed furiously for several seconds before he spoke. “I love you, Sabrina. I hope it works out with Luke, but he doesn’t seem as if he’s about to change his mind. Just remember, if he doesn’t come around, I’ll still be willing to give you the family you want.” He brushed his lips over her forehead and left. As his feet pounded down the steps, she wandered back to the stairs in time to hear Ben say to Luke, “Congratulations, she’s all yours, whether you want her or not.”

  “What do you mean—” The back door slammed, cutting off Luke’s words. When she strolled back into the kitchen, a deep crevice bisected his forehead. “What did he mean you’re all mine?”

  “I just gave Ben his ring back,” she whispered and turned away while she filled a mug with coffee for him.

  “Damn it, Brina! The man is head over ass in love with you. Why the hell would you do that? If you think I’m gonna step up to the plate just cause he’s out of the game—”

  “I don’t expect a damn thing from you, you big jerk!” She set the hot cup of coffee down on the table in front of him. “I ought to throw that at you. How dare you insinuate I’m trying to manipulate you? If you really think that, then you don’t know me at all.”

  “I don’t understand why you would ditch a guy who loves you and wants to give you the world.”

  “Because I care about him. Ben can never be happy with me, feeling like he can’t measure up to you.”

  “That’s not my fault.” He jabbed his chest with his thumb.

  “No one says it is.”

  “I don’t think Ben would agree.”

  “Face it, Luke, I love you. That’s not going to change if I marry him. I can’t stand to see your friendship torn apart. And if you think Ben is upset with you now, consider how he’ll feel about you when I call out your name in bed some night.”

  Another set of knuckles rapped on the door and interupted. Luke’s partner stood outside, sweat glistening on his dark face.

  “Hey, Cal!” Luke waved him inside.

  As usual, the big jerk welcomed anything that would offer a reprieve from discussing his feelings.

  The big man stepped through the door, carrying a box from Dunkin’ Donuts, and shook Luke’s hand. “I thought I’d stop by to deliver the good news in person. We arrested Suarez and his supplier last night with the drugs.”

  “Yes!” Luke punched the air. “That’s great news.”

  “We staked out the exotic dancer’s house like you suggested. How the hell did you know she was his girlfriend?”

  “It was just a gut feeling. He brought her a dose of antihistamine that night, and he didn’t seem thrilled with the way his contact was ogling her.”

  “Well, it was a good call. We collared ‘em right in the middle of their deal at her kitchen table.” Cal set the box of donuts on the table. “So, how’re you doing?”

  “A lot better now that you’ve brought me some food.” Luke chose one of the glazed donuts from the carton and tore into it. His mouth full, he mumbled, “Sabrina’s trying to starve me this morning. Pull up a chair, and take a load off.”

  The man should’ve been an actor instead of cop. She didn’t know anyone who could mask his feelings the way he did.

  “Let me say hello to this beautiful lady first.” Cal kissed her on the cheek. “Is he behaving himself?”

  “Mostly. Thanks for the goodies. But seriously, donuts?”

  “I’m just doing my part, living up to the cop stereotype.”

  “Bull.” Luke reached over and patted Cal’s substantial paunch. “He brought donuts because Darlene won’t let him eat them. She’s more afraid of him dying from a heart attack than a bullet.”

  She poured a mug of coffee for Cal and smiled down at Luke. “Since you now have company as well as sustenance, I’ll go upstairs to call Annie and tell her we can take care of the kids today.”

  She grabbed one of the donuts and gnawed on her lip as she climbed the stairs to Luke’s office. How was she going to face her brother and sister-in-law? Tyler had been so happy when she’d agreed to marry Ben.

  It had always been her nature to look for the silver lining in a cloud. Unfortunately, the only one she could see on the horizon was that she could go back to work now.

  “You don’t know what a Godsend this is,” Annie said. “With my school schedule, it would be December before I’d be able to squeeze in another appointment.”

  After getting pregnant with Noah at only sixteen, Annie had been forced to drop out of high school
. When Sabrina first met her, Annie had been extremely insecure about her lack of education.

  “Going to college was your dream, but you don’t sound very happy about it.” Sabrina licked the donut’s sugar from her fingers and straightened the pile of mail on Luke’s desk. “I thought you really enjoyed your classes. You made the Dean’s list while you were pregnant and caring for two six-year-olds, for crying out loud.”

  “I know.” Annie sighed. “But I didn’t have Sam then. I can’t stand leaving him every day. I think going to college was more about proving to myself I could do it than anything. I don’t even know what I want to major in.”

  “Lots of people aren’t sure about that when they start. If you don’t want to go to school, don’t.”

  “You don’t understand. Tyler is so proud of me. You should see the beautiful leather backpack he surprised me with. I don’t want to disappoint him.”

  “My brother loves you and wants whatever is going to make you happy.”

  “But even I’m not sure what that is. I love going to school. But Sam will only be a baby for such a short time.”

  “Then take this time to enjoy him.”

  “But I also hate it when people ask what I do for a living, and I have to say I’m just a stay-at-home mom. It makes me feel sort of....I don’t know....inadequate.”

  Sabrina shook her head and sighed. She hated the pressure society put on mothers. One half of the world considered it selfish for a woman to leave her children and continue working once she had a family, and the other half considered her lazy and unproductive if she didn’t pursue a career.

  “I despise that phrase just a stay-at-home-mom. There is no job more important than raising your children, Annie. If that fulfills you, forget about other people’s opinions. The next time someone asks what you do for a living, tell them you’re raising the next generation’s Thomas Edison, Margaret Thatcher, and Jonas Salk.”

  Annie chuckled. “You might not be too far off on that Margaret Thatcher thing. Your niece definitely inherited her father’s ability to debate an issue, and she’s no slouch at getting Noah to do what she wants, either.”

  “I know. I’ve seen Mandy in action. The most important thing is for your kids to have a happy mom. Talk to Tyler. He’ll understand.”

  Sabrina’s own words reverberated through her head. Great advice. So why didn’t she take it herself? Unfortunately, she wasn’t sure her brother would understand her driving a wedge between his two best friends.

  Tyler still hated their late father for all his shortcomings and blamed him for gambling away the money to purchase the heating oil that might have prevented their mother from losing her battle against pneumonia. When their dad died a year later, as a result of a beating from someone he’d owed money to, her brother had even refused to attend his funeral.

  Granted, her broken engagement hadn’t killed anyone, but coming between the two men Tyler would give his life for might still make his unforgivable sins list.

  Sam began crying in the background, and Annie said, “I have to go. My breasts feel as if they’re ready to explode.”

  After Sabrina hung up the phone, she continued straightening Luke’s office to give him more time alone with his partner. Undoubtedly, he needed someone to talk to right now, and she was the last person in the world he would pour his heart out to.

  As she transferred the contents of the wastepaper basket into a large empty potato chip bag Luke had left on his desk, a newsletter from a support group grabbed her attention.

  Dear, God, no.

  It was times like this that ignorance truly would be bliss, and she hated being a nurse. Her gaze snapped to the bookshelves. The answer she needed had been right there the whole time. At least a dozen volumes on neurological disorders sat among his medical books, and three dealt specifically with Huntington’s disease.

  It all fit—his father’s violent behavior and suicide, his brother’s drug addiction, Luke’s reckless thrill-seeking behavior, and his decision to have a vasectomy....not to mention, his zealous objections to Mrs. Klausen bearing the burden of her husband’s Alzheimer’s.

  That only left one question unanswered. Was he sure he would eventually develop the disease, or did he simply fear he was a ticking time bomb?

  She winced as a memory from her nurse’s training flooded back.

  Little Ricky Norton had been afflicted with juvenile Huntington’s. It was the most heartbreaking case she’d ever had, and she spent hours crying for the child and his parents. After Ricky died in her arms, she’d suffered intense guilt over her failure to notice his lack of muscle control had compromised his ability to swallow. Consequently, he’d aspirated a mouthful of oatmeal. She’d shared her remorse and anguish with the women in Luke’s family while helping with the Christmas dinner dishes at his mom’s house.

  Talk about putting her foot in her mouth.

  His sisters and mother had seemed so uncomfortable. Sabrina had figured they’d thought she was rude to bring up such a depressing subject on a holiday. Only now did she realize exactly how upset his family must have been.

  Knowing how much Ricky’s battle with the disease had tormented her, she understood why Luke was so determined to spare her. Watching a loved one suffer with Huntington’s had to be ten times as horrendous.

  One thing was certain—she couldn’t tell him she knew his secret until she found a way to prove that, no matter what the future held, she’d always love him and be by his side.

  She buried the wadded up newsletter deep in the trash and tied the bag up tight so he wouldn’t guess she’d seen it.

  Somehow she had to convince him she wanted to take care of him and would grieve just as deeply whether she was his wife or not.

  ~*~

  Women would always be a mystery to Luke. It boggled his mind how, in the space of a single hour, Sabrina could go from being on the verge of scalding him with a mug of boiling hot coffee to smothering him with affection. Ever since Cal left, she’d been doting on him.

  First, she’d fixed him a thick turkey club sandwich for lunch, after which, she’d given him a long relaxing back rub. It amazed him she hadn’t even argued when he’d told her his wrist felt good enough to drive to Tyler and Annie’s. She’d simply handed him her keys and helped him behind the wheel.

  “Uncle Luke, you’re doin’ it wrong!” Mandy snatched the Barbie doll and the dress out of his hand. “It’s s’pose to snap in the back.”

  Sabrina laughed, set the cucumber salad she’d prepared for dinner on the table, and wandered into the family room. “Your uncle doesn’t have a lot of experience dressing dolls, Mandy. He’s much better at undressing them.” She smirked at him and muttered, “Especially the live ones.”

  Chuckling, he grabbed her hand and pressed his lips to her palm. “So true.” He ruffled Mandy’s hair. “Your daddy and I used to tease your aunt when she was a little girl by undressing all of her dolls and leaving them naked.”

  “That’s what Noah does, too.” Mandy glared at her brother and sprang to her feet as the door to the garage swung open. “Daddy!” She sprinted across the kitchen and flung herself into Tyler’s arms.

  “Thanks for babysitting, you two.” Tyler slapped Luke on the back and kissed his sister on the cheek.

  Annie strolled in the back door and dumped a bag of fresh corn on the center island’s granite countertop. “How was the baby for you?”

  “Baby?” Luke grinned at Sabrina. “Was there a baby here?”

  “Don’t tell me Sam’s been asleep the whole time.” Tyler groaned and pulled Annie back against him, murmuring into her nape, “That’s just perfect. It’s gonna be midnight before I get you alone again.”

  Annie turned in his arms and kissed him. “Why don’t you and Luke go grill the chicken while Sabrina and I put the rest of our dinner on the table?”

  While Tyler gathered his barbecue tools, Luke steered his wheelchair out through the solarium to the raised terrace and lit the gas grill.
<
br />   “So how’re you doing?” Tyler asked, once he joined him with the platter of chicken parts and a couple of cold beers. “Does your ankle hurt much?”

  “Not really.” Luke had expected a lot more discomfort than he’d had. But, then again, Sabrina had pretty much kept his mind focused on a more vital body part. “I take it you didn’t talk to Ben this afternoon.”

  Tyler’s eyebrows drew together as he glanced at him sideways. “No, what’s goin’ on?”

  He scrubbed his face with his hands. “I’ve screwed things up so bad, Ty.”

  “What’d you do?”

  “What haven’t I done?” Luke winced as he tried to twist the cap off his beer. He handed the bottle to his friend. “I guess, my wrist hasn’t healed as much as I thought.”

  Once Tyler opened the beer for him, Luke took a swig and launched into the story of what had happened since Ben and Sabrina’s engagement party. “My guess is he’s not speaking to me.”

  Tyler rearranged the pieces of chicken on the grill and cocked his head. “So you’re telling me you slept with my sister?”

  “Don’t go ultra-protective on me. Is that the only thing you heard in all I’ve told you?”

  “No. I also heard you’ve been secretly in love with her all these years.” Tyler turned and looked him straight in the eye. “What I didn’t hear was what the hell’s stopping you from marrying her?”

  “I can’t. I don’t want to get into it.”

  “It has something to do with why your dad and brother killed themselves, doesn’t it?”

  Luke whipped his head around and stared at Tyler. “How do you know about that?” He’d never told a soul except for Sabrina, and that had only been two days ago.

  “Back in college, you had some pretty bad nights. You talk in your sleep whenever you’re upset. I eventually pieced it all together.”

  “And you never said anything?”

  “I figured, if you wanted me to know, you would’ve told me.” Tyler took a sip of his beer. “When I found out Sabrina accepted Ben’s proposal, I wasn’t completely happy about it. Of course, I never let them know that. She’s always been crazy about you. I didn’t want to see her make the same mistake I made.”