A Heart Decision

by Laurie Kellogg

  If I’d tried to explain to your mother why I have to do this, she would’ve tried to talk me out of it. And loving her as much as I do, I wouldn’t be able to go through with it.

  I know it isn’t fair to lay this responsibility on you, Nicco, but I doubt Luke can see things objectively after the brutal way I hurt him. I’ve no doubt he was wishing me dead in the ER last night, and I don’t want him to feel guilty about it.

  You’re nearly as old as your brother, so I hope I can rely on you to keep this letter to yourself and give your mom a chance to finish grieving. Let your brothers and sisters grow up a little more before you share the horrific future they may face. You can let them read this whenever you think they’re ready. I pray by the time any of you have to endure this nightmare, they’ll have found a cure.

  Please make sure Luke knows how sorry I am, and how much I love him as well as the rest of my children. And help your mother understand that, despite how much it hurts me to leave her so soon, I have to. When you truly love someone, his or her welfare and happiness become much more important than your own. Tell her one last time for me how deeply I love her.

  I trust all of you and God will find a way to forgive me.

  Love,

  Dad

  Sabrina swiped at the tears streaming down her cheeks. Luke was right. She didn’t have the vaguest notion what it was like for him to live every day as if his head was in a guillotine. Life was hard enough for him without her making it worse by pressuring him into something he wasn’t comfortable doing.

  The phone on the night table rang once and stopped, indicating Luke must have answered the call in his office. Two minutes later, he wheeled himself into the bedroom, wearing a shell-shocked expression.

  “Who was on the phone?” she asked.

  His mouth opened and closed several times before he managed to choke out, “T-Tyler hit his head and is in a coma.”

  ~*~

  Sabrina inhaled the familiar odor of the hospital and struggled to maintain her composure while she comforted Annie through the night in the surgical waiting room.

  When she’d called Ben last evening, she discovered he’d flown to Los Angeles on business. He’d promised to come back as soon as they could fuel up the corporate jet.

  Luke slumped in his wheelchair staring at the floor and glancing at the clock every few minutes. She didn’t blame him for not speaking to her. The very real threat to his best friend’s life made her charade yesterday afternoon seem crueler than ever.

  Fortunately, Annie had called the kids’ pediatrician, David Lambert, to get a recommendation for the best neurosurgeon in the area. It turned out, David’s ex-wife, Brianna, had recently become involved with her doctor, Marc Huntley, from the Mayo Clinic, who was in the process of moving his practice to Pennsylvania. As a favor to David, Dr. Huntley had agreed to perform Tyler’s surgery.

  “I don’t know what to tell the kids.” Annie sobbed on Sabrina’s shoulder. “Dorothy says Noah blames himself.”

  The best Sabrina had been able to piece together from Annie’s hysteria was Tyler had slipped in a puddle of milk Noah had spilled and cracked his skull on the granite countertop.

  “Just explain their daddy bled a little inside his head and the doctor has to operate to relieve the pressure on his brain.”

  “So what is this Glasgow score Dr. Huntley was talking about?”

  “It’s a test for determining how deep a patient’s coma is by assessing his best eye, verbal, and motor responses.”

  This was another one of those times when she regretted her medical training. She couldn’t bear to share with Luke and Annie how high the mortality rate was on patients with Tyler’s score or that, if he survived, he had a good chance of having permanent brain damage. She’d let the doctor give them that bad news.

  All they could do was wait.

  And pray.

  “I can’t believe this is happening.” Annie sniffled. “We were just discussing this in bed the other night.”

  Sabrina glanced at Luke and then back at Annie. “You told my brother, didn’t you?”

  Annie nodded. “He said he’d rather die than have me saddled with taking care of him.” She buried her face in her hands. “I’m so afraid he won’t have the will to live through this.”

  “Ty’s a fighter,” Sabrina reassured her, stroking her sister-in-law’s head.

  “He has to be okay.” She sobbed. “Sam’s not even three months old. He’ll never remember his daddy.”

  And Mandy and Noah wouldn’t remember Tyler all that much better.

  Luke’s head snapped up as the door to the waiting room opened, and Dr. Huntley strode in to speak with them.

  “Mrs. Fitzpatrick, your husband came through the surgery really well. He’s being taken to the ICU where we’ll be administering drugs to assist in reducing the swelling to prevent any secondary insult to his brain.”

  “So he’ll be all right then?” Annie asked, making Sabrina wince at the desperate hope in her sister-in-law’s voice.

  “I’m sorry.” The neurosurgeon spread his hands in a helpless gesture. “I can’t give you a reliable prognosis yet other than his chance of survival is much better now.”

  Sabrina stood and shook the doctor’s hand. “Thank you for dropping everything to treat my brother.”

  “I was glad to do it—especially since I earned a lot of points with my fiancé’s ex.” Dr. Huntley chuckled. “The neuro attending will be able to tell you a lot more about your brother’s condition in the next forty-eight hours.”

  “How long before he wakes up?” Luke asked.

  “Unfortunately, there’s no way to predict that. It could be hours or even days.”

  Or never. Sabrina looked at her feet to avoid Luke and Annie’s gaze.

  Huntley continued, “The longer the swelling and his coma continues, the more likely he’ll sustain permanent brain damage. Now, it’s just a matter of waiting.”

  And praying her brother wouldn’t end up physically or mentally compromised—or, worse yet, in a permanent vegetative state.

  ~*~

  Shortly after two in the afternoon, Luke finally convinced Annie to let Sabrina take her to the cafeteria for something to eat. They left him to watch over his friend while they were gone.

  “Ty, please,” Luke whispered as he squeezed Tyler’s hand. “You’ve gotta be okay. I already lost one friend this week, I can’t handle losing another.”

  “How is he?”

  He flinched and glanced up at Ben looming in the doorway. The control he’d been hanging onto by a thread snapped. He dropped his head and rocked forward, hugging himself. “He’ll be lucky if he remembers who I am let alone that he promised to kick my ass. Damn it!” He raked his fingers through his hair. “In kindergarten, he convinced me to eat paste, for fuck’s sake.”

  Ben stepped between the hospital bed and the wheelchair, laying his arm around Luke’s shoulder. “Stop talking like that. You haven’t lost anyone. Tyler’s gonna be okay.”

  “What about you? Aren’t you still pissed at me?”

  “Nah.” Ben shook his head. “It’s hard to stay mad at a guy who would give up the woman he loves for his friend. Tyler blasted me after you had dinner with him the other night. He helped me see what a jackass I was. Sabrina has always loved you, and I knew it when I proposed to her. I’ve accepted she won’t be happy with anyone but you. Frankly, I deserve to be shot for putting the two of you in such an awkward position. I can only plead guilty by reason of insanity—and desperation.”

  Luke smiled over at Tyler. “Thanks, buddy, I knew I could count on you to butt in.”

  Ben heaved a sigh and glanced sideways at Luke. “He also told me why you’ve been so anti-marriage. I’m sorry. Huntington’s is a bitter pill to swallow.”

  “Wait a minute.” Luke grabbed Ben’s arm. “How’d Ty know? I didn’t tell him.”

  “Annie did. She made him promise not to say anything to you. Of course, that didn’t mean he co
uldn’t tell me.”

  Which meant Sabrina must have told Annie. “Apparently, I have a lot of friends with big mouths.”

  “I guess so. I wish you would’ve told us yourself. It had to have been tough dealing with it alone all this time.”

  Luke shrugged. “Hey, life is like a game of poker. Some of us get better hands than others. And when you’re dealt shitty cards, you don’t show ‘em or let anyone see you sweat.”

  “The difference is, keeping your shitty hand a secret can’t help you in life. Your friends’ support could.”

  “I didn’t want you pitying me.”

  “There’s a big difference between concern and pity. Now, are you gonna marry Sabrina or not, jackass?”

  Luke glanced at him askance. “If you love her even half as much as I do, you’d want her to be happy.”

  “I do—enough to let her go.”

  “The problem is, if I marry her, she’ll only get hurt. She’s been taking care of sick kids her whole adult life. I don’t want her saddled with an invalid husband. It’s time someone took care of her. I know you would do that.”

  “And so could you. You have no idea if you’re carrying the gene.”

  “Even if I have the test and it proves I’m negative, I was snipped back in college, so I’m shootin’ blanks. She deserves the chance to be a mother.”

  Ben did a double take. “Seriously? Why didn’t you ever say anything?” He slapped his forehead before Luke could answer. “Oh, right. I would’ve asked why you did it. You know vasectomies can sometimes be reversed.”

  “After all these years?”

  “There’s always adoption or a sperm donor.”

  “Face it, pal, I can’t bluff my way through this hand, and neither can Tyler.” Luke released a sarcastic snort. “Hell, maybe he and I can become roommates again someday and wear matching bibs.”

  “I hate to ruin your fantasy, but Annie will never let you have him.”

  True. His friend’s wife would care for Tyler until the day he died, no matter how much he hated it.

  Ben punched him lightly in the arm. “But I can see Sabrina and Annie pushing the two of you through the park together.”

  “Gee, that’s a comforting picture.” Luke smiled at Tyler. “What do you think, Ty? We can have the girls soup up our wheelchairs, so we can race BJ in his McLaren.” He glanced over at Ben. “Sabrina says it can help to talk to him.”

  “Help who?” Ben’s mouth curved in a wry twist. “Us or him?”

  Did it really matter?

  ~*~

  At eight o’clock that evening, the attending neurologist finally gave them some good news. Tyler’s Glasgow score was higher, which meant he was a little closer to regaining consciousness.

  By nine, Sabrina could barely hold her head up.

  Luke pressed his lips to her forehead. “Princess, let me take you home to sleep for a few hours. You told us earlier that Tyler isn’t likely to wake up before tomorrow.”

  “I can’t leave Annie here alone.”

  “She won’t be. Ben will stay with her, won’t you?” Luke looked at his friend and lifted his eyebrows in a hopeful arch.

  “Absolutely. The nurse is getting a blanket and pillow for her. I’m hoping she’ll sleep a bit in the waiting room while I sit with your brother.”

  The way the two guys took care of Annie testified to how much they both loved Tyler.

  Ben caressed Sabrina’s cheek. “Listen to Luke. You won’t be any good to Annie or your brother if you collapse from exhaustion. You need to be well-rested for him when he wakes up. He’ll need you here a lot more tomorrow than now.”

  They were right, and she was too tired to fight with them, anyway. In a daze, she followed Luke toward the hospital’s exit. It wasn’t until they were halfway to the car that Luke’s wince and gasp called her attention to the crutches under his arms.

  “Wait a minute, you idiot. Where’d you get those?”

  “One of the nurses lent them to me. She’s storing the wheelchair for me until tomorrow.”

  “How does she know if you’ve been cleared to use crutches or not?”

  “I told her I was and proved I knew how to use them.”

  “You’re not supposed to put that kind of pressure on your wrist yet.”

  “Oh, well.” He shrugged. “You’re in no shape to be loading and unloading a wheelchair, either.”

  “But doesn’t your wrist hurt?”

  “I’ll live.”

  Why did men have to be such macho jerks? She dug her heels in and refused to budge another inch. “Let me, at least, go get the car and bring it to the door for you.”

  The fact he didn’t argue confirmed how much pain he was still experiencing.

  When she pulled her Accord up to the exit a few minutes later, Luke opened the driver’s door. “Scoot over. You’re too tired to drive.”

  “And you’re not?”

  “Humor me, okay?”

  “Fine,” she huffed, hoisting herself over the center console into the passenger seat. The next thing she knew, Luke was gently shaking her.

  “Come on, baby, wake up. I’d carry you up to bed if I could.”

  She blinked and glanced around at Luke’s yard and the detached three-car garage in front of them. “We’re home?”

  “Yup.” He smirked.

  “All right, so I was more tired than I thought.” She dragged herself out of the car and trudged to the door. “I hope Jamal remembered to come feed the dogs and take them out. I’m really not up to cleaning any messes right now.”

  Luke unlocked the back door. “Don’t worry. Jamal is as reliable as teenagers come.”

  “That doesn’t say much, does it?”

  The sound of the television greeted them as they stepped into the house.

  “Hey, Lieutenant,” Jamal’s voice echoed through the dark.

  “Speak of the devil,” Luke muttered as he swung himself into the living room on his crutches. “What’re you doing here, buddy?”

  Jamal switched on the end table’s lamp. “I called my mom and told her I was stayin’ to take care of the puppies in case you couldn’t get home. I didn’t think you’d mind if I slept on your couch.”

  “I don’t, as long as it’s just you. It doesn’t look like you’ve been doing much sleeping, though.” Luke waved toward the empty ice cream carton, chip bags, and assortment of cupcake and candy wrappers on the coffee table. “Do I have any food left?”

  Jamal flashed a sheepish grin. “A little.” He turned to her. “How’s your brother, Miss Sabrina?”

  “As good as can be expected right now. Thanks for asking. And thank you for taking care of the dogs.”

  “No sweat.” Jamal glanced at the large TV screen where the movie, Lethal Weapon, was approaching its climax. “I, uhh, I guess you want me to go home now, huh?”

  “You’re not legal to drive until six a.m.” Luke rubbed the kid’s head. “So finish your movie and then sack out in the guest room until morning. Sabrina and I need to get some sleep. If you leave before we wake up, make sure you lock the door on your way out.”

  Once again, Luke’s patience and affection for this skinny disadvantaged kid touched something deep inside her. It was comforting to know Tyler’s sons wouldn’t lack for male attention if her brother failed to fully recover. Although, if Luke did eventually develop HD, the duty as role model to her brother’s boys could land completely in Ben’s lap.

  ~*~

  Luke yawned and pulled Sabrina’s warm body closer. As exhausted as he was, sleep wouldn’t come. His mind kept spinning, imagining life for Tyler’s family if he ended up an invalid.

  “Are you still awake, too?” Sabrina murmured in the darkness.

  “Uh-huh. I can’t stop thinking about Noah and Mandy. We need to stop at their house on the way to the hospital tomorrow and see how the kids are holding up.”

  “Okay. I can pick up a change of clothes for Annie while we’re there.”

  “No. She ne
eds to go home for a couple of hours to take a shower and see her kids.”

  “You’re really worried about them, aren’t you?”

  “Yeah.” His throat tightened. “I remember how it felt to find out my father wasn’t ever coming home again. And I wasn’t only seven years old.”

  “No, but you’d just had a fight with your dad. That couldn’t have been easy.”

  He pressed his face into her herbal-scented hair. “I can’t help thinking how awful it will be for them if—”

  “Please don’t say it. I don’t even want to think about that possibility let alone hear it. The kids will be okay.”

  “Yeah? Who’ll teach Noah and Sam to shave or walk Mandy down the aisle when she gets married?”

  “Aren’t you forgetting they have you?”

  “Right.” He snorted. “For how long?”

  “If not you, then Ben, or some other man like you. How many of your Explorers don’t have dads?”

  “Most of them.” It was probably what had drawn him to the program in the first place. Luke hadn’t had anyone to fill the void his dad’s death had left in his life. It was tough enough being a teenager without having to struggle through those years minus a father.

  Tyler’s freak accident had given him a whole new perspective on his own situation. The sudden tragedy underscored how unpredictable life is for everyone. No one, regardless of their family history, could rely on the future.

  Even if he hadn’t inherited Huntington’s, he was still a cop. At any time he could be killed on duty, struck by lightning, or hit by a bus. Next week, next month....or even tomorrow.

  He only knew two things for certain. He loved Sabrina, and she loved him—for better or for worse.

  CHAPTER 12

  Sabrina heaved a sigh of relief as she pushed Luke into Tyler’s room the next morning in a wheelchair she’d borrowed from the hospital transport department. The doctors had taken her brother off the respirator, and he was breathing on his own.

  Annie lounged in the chair near the head of Tyler’s bed, her face glowing as if she’d won the lottery. “About six o’clock this morning, he opened his eyes for a moment.”