A Heart Decision

by Laurie Kellogg

  “It was more like his eyelids fluttered,” Ben clarified.

  It was a good sign, but not enough to get too optimistic. Annie either didn’t understand or didn’t want to admit that Tyler could remain exactly the way he was for the next fifty years.

  Sabrina hugged her sister-in-law. “That’s great. Why don’t you let Ben take you home for an hour to shower and nurse Sam?”

  Annie glanced down at her chest. “I’m not sure I have much for him. I think the stress may have dried up my milk.”

  Luke squeezed her arm. “Even so, the kids need to see you. We stopped to reassure them on the way here, but they’re still scared.”

  “I know,” she whispered. “I’ve been calling them every couple of hours.”

  Sabrina patted her back. “We know you want to be here for Tyler, but it could be days before he fully regains consciousness. Now that his condition has stabilized, you have to make the kids your priority. Just go hold them for a few minutes. We’ll call you if anything changes.”

  Ben took Annie’s hand pulled her out of her seat. “I’ll bring you back as soon as you’ve showered and put on some fresh clothes.”

  “I look and smell that bad, huh?” Annie’s mouth curled in a half-hearted smile. “I guess I’d better go then. I don’t want to scare my husband back into a coma when he wakes up.”

  Once the two of them left, Sabrina sank into the chair Annie had vacated. She reached over and squeezed Luke’s hand. “I want to thank you for letting me read the letter from your dad.”

  “Pretty heart-wrenching, huh?”

  “Yes, it was. But it helped me understand how hard this must be for you. I’ve only seen your circumstances from a woman’s perspective.” She reached over and stroked his cheek. “You have to cope with your situation the best way you can, and if you feel like you have to do it alone, I’ll respect your wishes. I’ll hate it, but I’ll leave if you ask me to.” She drew a deep breath and closed her eyes. “I don’t ever want you to feel like you have to end things the way your dad did in order to spare me.”

  The muscles in his throat visibly convulsed. “I don’t want you to go, Princess,” he whispered, his voice thick and husky. “But you love kids, and I want you to be a mother.”

  “We have Tyler and Annie’s kids to love, and your Explorers, and Dusty and Mopsy.”

  One corner of his mouth lifted in a sad smile. “It’s not the same. I know you. You want to feel a new life move inside you, to hear your baby cry the first time, and nurse him—or her. I wish I was a man who could give all of that to you. Ben can.”

  “You mean things like morning sickness, backaches, labor pains, and walking the floor with a colicky baby?”

  “Yes. He loves you as much as I do. And he can give you kids and anything else you could possibly ever want—including fifty years of happiness that I may not be able to.”

  “Thank you very much for thinking I care what Ben’s billions could buy me.”

  “And thank you for deliberately misconstruing what I meant. I know you’re no gold-digger, Brina. I also know you love Ben deeply, or you never would’ve agreed to marry him. A week ago, you believed you could be happy with him. All I’m asking is for you to remember that.”

  “That was all before you admitted how you feel about me. It’s you I’m in love with. My heart doesn’t beat faster when Ben walks into the room. My toes don’t curl when he kisses me. And I don’t want to rip his shirt off his back several times a day—or I would’ve already done it.”

  “Passion isn’t the only important thing in life, Brina. There’s companionship and security.”

  “How can you, of all people, say that, Mr. Insatiable?” she lowered her voice to a whisper. “Ten minutes after you finish banging my brains out, you’re ready to do it again....and again. And I’m just as bad, encouraging you.”

  A satisfied smile curled his mouth. “It has been good between us, hasn’t it? I’m not saying that making love to you isn’t the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. I just don’t want to deny you the chance to have a family.”

  “So, then, let’s get a sperm donor and have a baby—assuming I can even get pregnant. There’re plenty of women who can’t. If nothing else, the last two days should’ve proved that if something ever happens to you, our children, no matter how we have them, will be well taken care of. Don’t you think Ben and Tyler would look after me and our kids the same way you would theirs?”

  He glanced at Tyler. “How’s that for incentive, buddy? If you don’t get out of that bed and prove you’ll cover my backside, your sister will become an old maid with no children.”

  Tears welled in her eyes. “Are you saying you’ll marry me and we’ll have a family together?”

  “No. That’s not what I’m saying.” Luke brushed her hair back from her face. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I can’t promise anything right now, other than I’ll think about it. But first you have to promise me something in return.”

  “What?”

  “If I ultimately decide I can’t handle what you’re proposing, you’ll marry Ben instead.”

  Her mouth dropped open momentarily. “You have to be kidding! How can I promise something like that, knowing you’re in love with me?”

  “Because if you don’t, then I won’t even think about marrying you.”

  “You and Ben are both unbelievable!” she shouted, belatedly remembering she was in a hospital. She lowered her voice several decibels. “Normally, you’re threatening to punch each other out. But ever since my birthday party, all the two of you have done is try to pawn me off on each other. You really make a girl feel loved. You can be such an insensitive jerk sometimes.”

  “I know.” He drew in a shuddering breath. “But I’m also a jerk who loves you.” His fingers plowed through his dark hair. “Hell, Brina, it makes me want to puke to think of my friend—or anyone else—making love to you. You saw how upset Ben was when he realized we’d slept together. This is damned hard for both of us.”

  “And you think it’s been a picnic for me?” She rammed her thumb into her chest.

  “I’m sure it hasn’t been. But when a man loves a woman—”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know.” She pushed herself out of her seat, dramatically sweeping her hand in the air. “He does whatever he has to in order to hold on to her. Or, at least, that’s what the Percy Sledge song claims.”

  “Exactly. But that all depends on whether it’s beneficial for her.” He reached over and took her hand. “Percy also made it clear that when a man really loves a woman, her happiness comes before his. No matter how much it might kill him to do what’s best for her.”

  In truth, it sounded more like an echo from his dad’s letter than the ’60s song.

  She yanked her hand away from his and stomped toward the door. “If you and Ben don’t stop putting my welfare first because you think you know better than I do what will make me happy, I won’t marry either of you!”

  “Maybe that would be best,” he called after her as she stormed out to the hallway.

  If she found someone else, at least it wouldn’t threaten his friendship with Ben.

  ~*~

  Sabrina rushed away from the ICU so fast she nearly bowled over a tiny woman.

  She grabbed the woman’s arm to prevent her from falling. “I’m so sorry! I should’ve watched where I was going.”

  “It’s all right, Sabrina. I’m sure you have a lot on your mind right now.”

  She wiped her eyes and peered at the woman with light brown hair and sky blue eyes. “I’m sorry, you look familiar, but—”

  “Casey Lambert. We met at Tyler and Annie’s Fourth of July barbeque. My fiancé, David, is their kids’ pediatrician.”

  “Oh, right.” She smiled down at Casey’s now nearly flat stomach. Back in July, the woman had been pregnant. At the time, Annie had mentioned that Casey was serving as surrogate for her sister who had suddenly divorced Dr. Lambert, leaving Casey carrying her ex-brother-in-law’s baby.�
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  “So you and David are getting married?”

  Casey nodded. “Thanksgiving weekend. I was just heading to Tyler’s room to see how Annie is doing.”

  “As well as can be expected. She’s not here right now. We talked her into going home for a few hours to see the kids and change her clothes.”

  “You looked upset when you came charging out into the hallway. Is everything all right? Tyler hasn’t taken a turn—”

  “No, it’s nothing like that. I was supposed to get married Christmas Eve.” She closed her eyes and heaved a sigh. “Now I’m not so sure I am.”

  “It sounds as if you could use a friendly shoulder.” Casey smiled. “Can I buy you a cup of coffee?”

  A polite decline hovered on her lips until she looked into Casey’s sympathetic gaze. “Sure, why not. But seeing as I’ll be bending your ear, I’ll buy.”

  She followed Casey to the hospital’s cafeteria and spent the next hour explaining her situation. She concluded by saying, “It’s not like it’s my last chance if I don’t get married in December. I don’t have to have a Christmas wedding. Luke just keeps pressuring me to marry Ben right away.”

  “He obviously realizes how long you’ve been waiting to have a family. Maybe he wants to see you settled so he can stop feeling guilty about letting you down.”

  “But I’m in love with him.”

  Casey silently watched her for a moment. “Right after our daughter, Jamie, was born, I thought David was still in love with my sister. I was completely prepared to step aside for her. Fortunately, it was just my hormones and overactive imagination making me think that. But if David had chosen Brianna over me, I think I would’ve settled for a comfortable relationship like you say you have with Ben, rather than face an empty chair at the dinner table every night and raising my daughter alone.”

  “You’re saying you think I should marry Ben?”

  “No. I think you should do everything you can to persuade Luke to be your husband. But if you fail to convince him, then, yes, I think you should grab whatever happiness you can with Ben—especially since you love him.”

  “I do. But it’s not the same.”

  Casey reached across the table and laid her hand over Sabrina’s. “You never know. In time, you may fall as deeply in love with Ben as you are with Luke right now. For centuries, people tied the knot in arranged marriages that eventually became love matches.”

  “I know. That’s where my head was before I knew Luke returned my feelings.”

  “So?” Casey shrugged. “If he decides he can’t marry you, despite loving you, nothing has really changed, has it?”

  “No. I guess not. Except that now I know he loves me.”

  “Then I think your answer comes down to whether you want to live the rest of your life alone and childless if Luke ultimately insists on remaining single. I’m not saying Ben is your only other option, but you just admitted that you love him as much as you can love anyone other than Luke.”

  Sabrina stared at the table for several minutes. She’d already come to this decision last month before she accepted Ben’s proposal. “I do care for him,” she finally whispered. “And I don’t want to spend my life alone.”

  ~*~

  Luke stared at the acoustic tile ceiling, brooding while he waited for Sabrina to return.

  What the hell did he have to think about?

  He knew damn well Ben would take care of his family and be there for Sabrina if he got sick. For that matter, knowing his buddy, Ben would probably offer to donate his sperm so Luke could have children with Sabrina.

  Maybe that was the problem.

  He wanted to get Sabrina pregnant himself. In the traditional way. He didn’t want her carrying some other guy’s baby unless it was absolutely necessary. The only way he could be sure of that would be to have the blasted test and then, if he’d miraculously escaped his dad’s fate, have his vasectomy reversed. Unfortunately, after so many years, the odds of success would be low.

  Just before noon, Annie rushed into the ICU with Ben hot on her heels. Once again, her hair was a glossy cap of dark curls, and she’d changed into a pair of jeans and a pale blue polo.

  “Any change?” she asked breathlessly.

  “No.” Luke shook his head. “His condition’s about the same.”

  “Where’s Sabrina?” Ben asked.

  “I acted like an insensitive ass, and she walked out on me.”

  A second later, Sabrina strolled back into the room. “I went to have a cup of coffee with David Lambert’s fiancée, Casey,” she explained, proving she’d overheard their conversation. She smiled at Annie. “Casey stopped by to see how you’re doing while your friend was trying to blackmail my brother into consciousness.”

  “With what?” Annie stroked Tyler’s face and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

  “He basically announced he wouldn’t marry me if Tyler doesn’t recover enough to take care of me and our kids if he gets sick.”

  Luke shrugged. “He promised me an ass-kicking if I don’t marry her. Why should I worry if he’s not gonna follow through?”

  Ben crossed his arms over his chest and towered over Luke’s wheelchair. “Because, after all these years, you should know that, as Tyler’s friend, I consider it my duty to fulfill any obligations he’s unable to. Even though I’d prefer for Sabrina to choose me to be her husband, I will kick your ass for her brother. So make up your mind, damn it! Are you planning to marry her or not?”

  “Maybe.”

  The three of them stared at him for several tense moments.

  “Well?” Ben’s eyebrows and shoulders rose simultaneously. “Do you mind giving us a clue what will affect your decision and when you’re going to make it?”

  “I’ll let you know by the first week in December. But in the meantime, you’d better still plan on marrying her, because the odds are better that I won’t be.”

  Sabrina shoved his shoulder. “Don’t you think it’s cruel to keep us hanging like that?”

  “Yes, but I don’t have any choice because that’s about how long it will take to be screened for Huntington’s. So, if I decide to go ahead with it, there’s only a fifty-percent chance I’ll end up as your groom.”

  She did a double take at him. “You’re gonna get tested?”

  “I’m considering it.”

  Ben clapped his hand on Luke’s shoulder. “I’m sure I can grease the wheels of the lab to get your results back a lot sooner than December.”

  “I didn’t give that timeframe because it’ll take that long for the test,” Luke explained. “When my sisters were screened, they had to be evaluated by a neurologist, and then they were required to do six weeks of counseling before the lab would agree to run the test.”

  Sabrina nodded. “He’s right. Genetic counselors want to make sure a patient is asymptomatic, first. And, if he is, that he’s also emotionally equipped to handle the test result if it turns out to be unfavorable.”

  “Seeing as Luke doesn’t really want to know his fate, is it possible they’ll refuse to test him?” Annie lowered the rails on Tyler’s bed and sank onto the edge of the mattress, holding his hand.

  Sabrina shrugged her shoulders and settled into the seat next to Luke’s wheelchair. “I don’t know.”

  “Since I’ve already swallowed my macho pride and admitted this bad-ass cop is just a big fat ‘fraidy cat—”

  “No one thinks you’re a coward,” Ben snapped, cutting him off.

  “Regardless, I refuse to even think about getting screened unless Sabrina promises to marry you, instead, if I test positive.”

  She glared at him. “You know, you’re still being an insensitive ass.”

  “I know. And I’m sorry.” Luke spread his arms. “But that’s the deal. If I know I’m going to get sick, I can’t marry you. So unless you and Ben are willing to print groom to be determined on your wedding invitations, I won’t bother putting myself through a lot of—”

  “You have a deal.”
Ben slapped him on the back.

  “Don’t I get a say about which of you I marry?” Sabrina’s watery gaze bounced between them.

  “No,” they answered together.

  “Well, I have news for the two of you.” Sabrina swiped at the tears shimmering in her eyes. “It’s ultimately my choice whether I marry either of you. Choosing the man to spend the rest of my life with should be a decision I make with my heart, not my head.”

  “If you feel that way,” Luke said, “then you understand this is a heart decision for me, too.” He glanced at Annie on the other side of the room and lowered his voice to barely a whisper to prevent her from hearing. “Brina, I don’t want to make you a widow almost as soon as I marry you.”

  “Come on, Luke! Most patients live fifteen to twenty years after they become symptomatic, and there are drugs to reduce the chorea and hyperkinesia. They’re coming up with new treatments in the field of medicine every day.”

  It didn’t matter. If he tested positive, he planned on taking the easy way out like his dad, long before he became too incapacitated to put an end to his misery. He would never saddle anyone he cared about with that duty.

  “Exactly. I don’t want to put you, or me, through fifteen years of hell.”

  Ben’s gaze narrowed. “Which are you really afraid of, Luke? Becoming a burden on Sabrina, or that she’ll prevent you from ending it all when you’ve had enough?”

  “One from column A and one from B. So since I won’t even be sure I can handle knowing my fate until after I get counseling, there’s no sense making an appointment unless Sabrina accepts my terms.”

  ~*~

  He’d given her absolutely no choice but to agree to his demands. If she didn’t consent to marry Ben in the event Luke tested positive for HD, she would have zero chance of marrying him. At least this way, her odds would be fifty-fifty. And as she’d admitted to Casey only a half hour ago, she really didn’t want to spend her life alone.

  “Fine!” She tossed her hands up, doing her best not to cry. “Make your damn appointments, and I’ll continue planning the wedding with three guest lists. Yours, Ben’s, and mine. I just don’t understand how you can ask your friend to bear the humiliation when and if I marry his best man instead of him.”