Indulgence

by Liz Crowe

  “She saw us dancing at the masquerade on Friday and said we needed to talk. So I’m not really sure.”

  At that same moment, Anthony barreled through my door and threw a newspaper down on my desk. Anthony was Cecily’s PA, gay, black and wonderful. He and Lena were the closest people to me since I lost Holly.

  I didn’t normally pay attention to the papers, especially the society pages. Anthony lived off them. I picked up the paper and examined the picture.

  “What the fuck?” It was a picture of James and me at the ball. We both had our masks on, but the caption read: JB3 MYSTERY WOMAN! “JB3?”

  Lena and Anthony both said in unison, “Jackson James Benedict the third; JB3!”

  Realization hit me like a tidal wave. James was JB3? That was bad. “Oh, holy hell.” I may not have paid attention to all the society pages, but I knew who JB3 was. Millionaire playboy, new girl every week, bachelor extraordinaire. I heard Lena and Anthony talking about him all the time. I really knew how to pick them.

  “Holy hell is right, girlfriend. If the picture was in black and white no one would know it was you, but in color, giiirrrl. You can’t hide that mane of red hair. And since when are you and JB3 a thing?” He spotted the bouquet and read the card. “XO, J? Giiirrrl! Caught you a big fish with that one.”

  My head was in my hands and I could feel the headache coming on. “Fucking hell.”

  “Mmmhmmm, hell fucking him, I bet it’s more like heaven.” Lena immediately started cracking up as I turned fifty shades of red. “NOOO? I was kidding. You’re sleeping with him? Honey, do tell! It’s time for lunch anyway. Let’s go!”

  Anthony was right, it was time for lunch. I grabbed my bag as Lena, Anthony and I headed to the Coney Island down the street. I filled them both in on the way.

  By the time our lunch arrived I had spilled the beans including our run-ins at the Blue Horse from the summer. I spared no detail except for some of the intimate ones.

  “What am I going to do? He’s JB3. I don’t know if I can handle this.”

  Anthony was fanning himself. “Honey, if you don’t want to handle that, I will!” We all started laughing. “Please tell me he’s got a little dick. I don’t think I can bare it knowing he’s that good looking and hung.”

  My face gave me away without any hesitation. I hated that I so easily blushed.

  “Damn. Giiirrrl, you hold onto that with both hands, literally.” Then he winked.

  We went back to eating as I pondered all the thoughts running through my head. He could have any girl he wanted, he was so far out of my league. Anthony asked me what was wrong. “Um, I’m me and he’s, well, JB3! I’m from a blue collar family and he’s not. He’s high society. This is a disaster waiting to happen.”

  Anthony grabbed my hand. “Girl, you a catch. You’re real, not some fake society bimbo. Has he given you any reason to doubt him?”

  “It’s been three and a half days. He’s gone out of town or at least that’s what he’s told me.”

  “What does your gut tell you?” Lena was asking now.

  “I believe him.”

  “Then leave it. He comes with some high toting baggage, but you can’t let that define your relationship. Girl, you deserve this.” Lena agreed and I was feeling better.

  After paying our bill we headed back to the office. Anthony’s phone started buzzing. “She’s baaack!” We all quickened our pace knowing Cecily was waiting for us.

  We walked in to see Linda scowling again, “Cecily wants to see you and you.” She pointed at Anthony and me. We both sighed as we made our way to her office.

  Her door was open and she was standing by her desk finishing up a phone call. She waved us in and motioned me to sit. Shit. She ended the call and barked a few orders at Anthony before sending him off.

  “Close the door, Anthony.” He gave me a sympathetic look before closing the door.

  She took her seat, then a sip of her water and stared at me. I hated when she did that. Finally she spoke. “Great job on Friday.” I visibly relaxed as she smiled. “Stop doubting your talent, Cassidy. You’re great at what you do.”

  “Thank you. I’m grateful for the opportunity.” She continued staring at me before shuffling a few things around on her desk. She picked up a paper and put it in front of me so I could see. It was the picture from the ball of James and me. “Oh, God.”

  She chuckled. “If you’re looking to bring attention to yourself, he’s the quickest way to do it.” All I could do was shake my head. “I don’t really care what’s going on, but keep it separate. I don’t want this affecting your work. You have a promising career ahead of you. Stay smart, Cassidy.”

  “Absolutely, of course, Cecily. Thank you for understanding.”

  We went over a few more work related things before I went back to my office. I scrolled through my email hoping for some worthwhile correspondence, but there was none. I spotted the box at the end of my desk that I had forgotten Linda put there because I was distracted by the flowers. There was no return address, just my name and B & C on the label.

  It was a good sized box. Opening it, I discovered another box with Frida’s labeled on it. What the hell? Suspiciously, I opened it up and pulled back the pink tissue paper. Several pairs of satin underwear, bras, and camisoles greeted me. I didn’t see a card and began looking for one when Lena popped her head in. I slammed the box shut, but not before she saw it.

  “Is that from Frida’s?”

  “Don’t. Just hush. What’s up?” Why the hell did he send me lingerie at work? He really was the devil.

  She was smiling from ear to ear and I knew then she saw what it was and I knew I was as red as a rose. “From James?”

  “Lena, what do you need?” I was totally embarrassed and she knew it.

  “I’m heading out to pick up the last of the donations. I’ll see you in the morning.” I looked at the clock and wondered where the time had gone; it was already after four in the afternoon.

  “Great. Thank you, Lena. Have a good one.” She winked as she closed my door. I sagged into my chair and peeked back into the box of lingerie once more. It was a gorgeous mix of satin and lace, but mostly satin. As I rifled through, I finally found a note.

  I owe you some new panties.

  I couldn’t resist the rest.

  ~James

  I felt myself blush at the realization that JB3 just bought me a new wardrobe of undergarments. JB3. I never realized they were one in the same. I had heard most of the stories, but never paid them much heed. It was the job of the press to exaggerate, right? I couldn’t resist...I knew I shouldn’t…

  I pulled up my internet browser and typed in ‘JB3’. A slew of links popped up. This was bad. The first one was a link for the local paper. One after another I started clicking away. Almost every picture was of James and random girls. Only one face repeatedly appeared next to his. She was a pretty brunette named Melissa Westin.

  Not being sure how much time had passed, I was rubbing my temples when my cell started ringing. Pulling it from my purse I saw it was Cal. “Hello.”

  “Hey, sis. You okay? You sound stressed.”

  Sighing deeply, “I’m a fool, Cal.” I felt sick to my stomach.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “James…he’s JB3.” I was practically in tears.

  “He’s who? Cassidy, it’s after six. Are you home yet? I was planning to pick up a pizza and thought we could have dinner before my shift.”

  I loved my brother, overbearing ass and all. “I’ll be there soon. Just use the spare.” I disconnected the call and put my cell back in my purse. Gathering up my box of lingerie, laptop bag and purse, I decided to leave the flowers because my hands were so full.

  When I got home, Cal was getting out of his truck with a pizza box in one hand and a six pack in the other. I walked up the steps, unlocked the door before I hung up my purse, put my laptop bag down and ran upstairs with my box of intimates. Before heading back down, I changed into
some more comfortable clothes.

  Cal was sitting on the couch and handed me a plate of pizza as I sat down. He was in uniform from the waist down, sporting a white t-shirt on top. Cal started eating, waiting for me to break the silence. Spotting that he brought my favorite, Mike’s Hard Lemonade, I grabbed one and downed half the bottle while he eyed me suspiciously.

  He sighed, “Cassidy, what’s going on?”

  “I told you, I’m a fool. He’s a notorious playboy. I’m just a notch in his belt.”

  He just scowled at me. “Cassidy, while at first I would’ve agreed with you, after talking to him this morning, I don’t think that’s true. He really cares for you, he told me so. What happened between then and now?”

  “He’s plastered in all the papers and now I’m there, too.” I got up and grabbed the article from my laptop bag and tossed it in his lap.

  “JB3? Are you the mystery woman?” He was smirking. “What’s the big deal?”

  “Are you kidding me? Really? After what we’ve been through; I deal with enough crap from those entitled asses I throw parties for, but to be dating one of them?” Now I was just talking shit because I was totally freaking out.

  “Cassidy, I know what’s going on here.” I looked at him doubtfully. “You really like him. You’ve never cared about what others thought before, not since high school. You’re just making excuses because you’re scared you’re going to get hurt.”

  I started crying. “I am not!” Damn, I hated when he was right.

  “Ok, if you say so.” He went back to eating his pizza and I did the same. After a few minutes he got himself more pizza, water and me another drink. “I can’t tell you what to do. We all have a past; you know that better than anyone. His just happens to be well documented. Don’t let his past dictate your future. I know you have things you’d like to sweep under the rug.”

  Cal had a point. “You’re right. Sorry I freaked out. Thank you.”

  “Any time, sis. You know I’m here if you need to talk…or kick some ass, even if it’s yours.” He grinned and ruffled my hair.

  Smiling, I smacked his hand away. “Knock it off!”

  “I need to go. You’re good here?” Nodding my agreement, I stood up and he gave me a giant bear hug until I was giggling.

  “Put me down!” He obliged and headed out the door and I followed after him. I didn’t even ask him about his conversation with James. “Hey, what did you two talk about this morning, anyways?”

  He just shrugged his shoulders at me. “Bros before hoes, Cassidy.” He was laughing as I rolled my eyes at him. He got in his truck and took off.

  Unbelievable. Bros before hoes. What about sisters? Cal had never liked any of the guys I dated. Of course he had never met any of them either. This could be interesting.

  Turning on my iPod, I selected Stars by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. The song reminded me of Holly. I cranked it up before I sat back on the couch with another slice of pizza. I let the music flow in me as I just vegged out. I was replaying the events of the weekend over and over while lying on the couch. Several songs later, one I hadn’t heard in a long time started playing. How ironic that it came on at that moment. I sat and listened to it, loving it all over again. When the song ended I got up and hit repeat, replaying the song. Alter Bridge’s Blackbird boomed through the speakers. I listened to the song one more time before turning it off and heading up to bed.

  ~ JAMES ~

  My plane landed and it was already late. I decided Mom could wait until morning and headed straight to the hotel. I managed to get some shut-eye on the plane and decided to get a workout in. After changing my clothes, I headed down to the hotel fitness center. I was alone in the gym, which wasn’t surprising given the late hour, and pretty much had the run of the place. I jumped on a treadmill after lifting some weights and put my ear buds in and selected my ‘workout’ playlist.

  Cassidy was all I could help to think about as my legs pounded away. She didn’t seem to care about my reputation, or she was clueless. Guessing by her lack of magazines and papers around her place, I was convinced she was clueless. I knew it could get ugly. And Melissa…I couldn’t even think about her. Worst. Mistake. Ever.

  A while later, I slowed the treadmill to a stop and noticed I ran over ten miles; my goal was five miles every other day. I’d definitely be hurting in the morning. Seeing it was close to two a.m., I grabbed a towel, a bottle of water and headed back up to my room. After taking a shower, I checked my email, and after firing off a few, I was thankful to be feeling drowsy. I climbed into bed and let sleep take me over.

  Light filled my room when I awoke. Grabbing the bedside clock, I was surprised to see it was almost eight in the morning because I rarely slept more than three to four hours in a row. I stretched, showered and dressed in the span of twenty minutes. Wearing jeans and an oxford, I left my hair down and headed out the door. The valet brought the rental around and I jumped in to head to the clinic.

  I checked in at the front desk and then made the trek to my mother’s room.

  “Jimmy!” She held my face between her hands and kissed me before hugging me. “Oh, it’s good to see you, my boy. Let me look at you.” I felt like I was twelve years old again. “Something’s different. Tell me how you are? I was just headed to the cafeteria for some breakfast. Come on.” She wrapped her arm around mine and we walked in silence for a few moments. She was too thin, but looked better than she did at my last visit several weeks ago; she had some color back in her cheeks.

  I got an omelet, bacon and some orange juice while mom grabbed two croissants to go with her eggs, fruit and coffee. When we sat down she placed one of her croissants on my plate. “Jimmy, they’re delicious, you must have one.” I nodded as I dug in to my breakfast. “So, tell me about this Cassidy.”

  I started coughing, practically choking on my bite of omelet. She was grinning from ear to ear. After I composed myself I glared at her. “Talking to Dad, are you?” She put a cheesy grin on her face and waved her hand at me in her usual ‘carry on’ manner. “There’s not much to tell.”

  “I know better than that, Jimmy. Your Aunt Bev emailed me a copy of that picture in the papers of you two. I’m sorry I missed the masquerade, it looks like you had a marvelous time.”

  “Knowing Aunt Bev, she’s the one who took the picture.” I sighed. “She’s wonderful. She’s laid back, funny, beautiful, passionate…”

  She was beaming at me across the table. “You’re really taken with her. Oh Jimmy, that makes me so happy. I never thought I’d see the day when someone turned your head. And she’s not after you for your money?” It was a question everyone would ask.

  “She’s the most genuine person I know, Mom. I don’t think she quite comprehends all the baggage I come with.”

  “Dad said she’s a doll. I can’t wait to meet her and find out for myself.” I looked at her with my brow all creased. “Honey, I’m coming home. The holidays are coming and I miss my family.”

  “What do the doctors say?”

  “Jimmy, please let it go.” She wouldn’t look at me and started devouring her breakfast.

  She was evading the question. I slammed my silverware down a little too hard and she jumped. “Sorry.” She tilted her head at me and feigned a smile. “Mom, what do the doctors say?” I tried softening my tone.

  “Jimmy, we knew it was a long shot. I have some tests today and should have results in the next day or two. If this is going to be my last Christmas, I want to spend it at home.”

  I pushed my half eaten plate away from me. “Mom, don’t say that.” Resting my head in my hands I felt her squeeze her frail frame around my shoulders.

  “My sweet boy. We’ve been fighting for years; I was told I only had months. It’s been a good fight. No matter the results, I want to go home. There’ll be no more discussion.” My throat was constricting and I squeezed her hand. Defeated, I acknowledged my understanding and she sat back down to finish her breakfast.

  Chapter
Fourteen

  Rainbow

  ~ JAMES ~

  We proceeded with a day full of tests for Mom. I gave her every appropriate detail about my time with Cassidy and she was the happiest I’d seen her in a long time. After dinner we went back to her room, and I could tell she was exhausted, so I insisted she go and get some rest and she did.

  I left her room to head out to the gardens to call Dad. “Dad, it’s me. Yes, she’s resting. Did you know she’s planning to fly home with me? Yes, I understand…”

  Dad told me, “Son, I know how hard this is. Your mother and I made this decision together. She wanted to be the one to tell you.”

  I could hear his voice cracking and it nearly sent me over the edge. “Ok. We’ll see you in a couple days. Love you too, Dad.” I sat down on the nearest bench with my head in my hands as the tears fell from my eyes to the grass below.

  After an hour of feeling sorry for myself I decided to go back to Mom’s room and found she was still sleeping. I left her a note telling her I would be back in the morning, went back to the hotel and headed straight to the bar.

  “Whiskey, make it a double.” The bartender nodded and fetched my drink. I downed it in one gulp and the fire burned me all the way to my toes. The bartender looked at me. “Water, please.” I knew better than to have any more. Glancing at the menu, I decided to order a steak and salad.

  After struggling about whether or not to order another drink, I spoke to the bartender who made the arrangements to have my dinner sent to my room. I was scanning through emails and on the phone when room service knocked. I opened the door and the waiter brought the meal in on a cart. After handing him a few bills, he bowed and left the room.

  “Smith, just do what you need to get it done. Sabrina and Delaney should have all the necessary information. I want it done by Friday night, sooner if possible. You, too. Thanks.”