Indulgence

by Liz Crowe

  “I know. We watched the surveillance video,” he pushed away from the wall and caressed the back of my arm. “Let’s go upstairs.”

  My eyes lifted. I wondered for a second if I was imagining the whole thing, but he carefully lifted me from the bed, and put another hand on my hip trying to brace me.

  “I’d carry you, but I don’t think you want me to touch your back.”

  I shook my head. I forced myself to stay upright, but by the time we reached the apartment, all I wanted to do was collapse. Kirk led me to the couch and let me sit down. He walked away and returned a few seconds later piling pillows on the far end of the couch then taking a seat next to me.

  “Lay on your stomach across my lap.”

  I crawled across him, feeling like a thousand snakes were biting my back at once. Kirk pulled my hair up, tucking it to one side as I settled. My muscles twitched, adjusting to the new position.

  “I’m going to put some ointment on your back. It’ll sting at first, but then it should ease the pain.”

  “Why are you being nice to me?”

  “I think you’ve been punished enough under the circumstances.”

  He started brushing the ointment on my back with tender strokes. I buried my face in the pillows, trying not to scream at the initial touches. Once my body grew used to it, the initial sting wasn’t as bad. I blocked out the pain and went to my own little grey world.

  I noticed that he had stopped moving, but he didn’t ask me to move, so I didn’t argue. He rested a hand on my upper thigh and dragged his other through my hair.

  “Bend, don’t break, Silver.”

  *****

  The skin-crawling sensation on my back roused me, and I glanced around the empty room. No longer was I laid across Kirk’s lap.

  I didn’t even see him around.

  Something on my back moved, and I jerked to get it off. Then, I felt the skin ripping sensation of something biting. Pain radiated out from it, spreading through my entire body.

  I twisted, trying to see it.

  Still feeling rough skin move across my back, I finally caught a glimpse of the snake.

  It struck again at my lower back and I jumped off the couch trying to get away.

  My limbs went numb as I watched the snake slither off the couch, its large triangular head ready to strike again. It coiled back baring its fangs and I jumped away.

  Fingers grabbed my arms and I looked over my shoulder. Ross glared at me, his fingertips digging into my muscle.

  “You’re supposed to be in lock up. Take your punishment.”

  The burning in my back spread. Every pulse of my heart sent the venom coursing through my veins, until my vision blackened.

  “Thanks.” I heard Kirk whisper as the dream faded.

  “I saw the same thing you did,” I recognized the second voice as Miles, “but are you sure bringing her back up here was the best thing?”

  “Yeah.” I felt Kirk’s fingers brush my neck. “I need her to trust me.”

  “Ross wouldn’t agree with that.”

  “So, I won’t tell him. You understand. She’s not like the other girls.”

  “Careful, you’re sounding like a heartsick teenager.”

  “Not what I mean. She came from a normal life, so she didn’t come in wanting to win our acceptance.”

  “She came in wanting to fight for her freedom—that’s a tough thing to break.”

  “I don’t want to break her.”

  They both went quiet. I heard something rustle then the smell of pizza hit my nose. Hot and slightly acidic with the smell of tomatoes.

  “Don’t tell me you expect me to serve you, too,” Miles joked.

  “No, but you can help me sit her up.” He rubbed my arm. “How much can you move on your own?”

  I wondered if he knew I was awake the entire time. I moaned into the cushions. Then, I felt them both lift me, and help me back so that I was sitting sideways on the couch. My hair fell down over the welts again.

  “We really need to take care of that,” Kirk said. He stood, leaving Miles to brace me and returned, handing Miles one of my hair ties. Kirk sat in front of me while Miles twisted my hair up into a messy bun.

  “This is irony,” I mumbled, turning to Miles as he moved from behind me. “Alley?”

  “She’s fine. She’ll have double laundry duty for a while, but since you begged for her reprieve and we watched the tapes, we did as you asked.”

  “Thank you.”

  Miles squeezed my arm then I heard his footsteps retreat toward the door.

  I leaned my head against the back of the couch, trying to keep myself upright, careful not to let anything touch any of the welts that stained my back. I imagined that it was red and oozing hot lava.

  Kirk rubbed my cheek as he rose again, “Just for a little while, Sweetie.”

  The combination of words tugged at my chest. I didn’t want him calling me “Sweetie.” And yet, my emotions battled over it. It either meant he felt sorry for me or possibly that he didn’t hate me as much as I thought. “Does that mean you’ll let me sleep on your lap again when we finish eating?”

  “Is that what you want?” He handed me a paper plate then flung open the pizza box lid. He dropped two steaming slices of pepperoni pizza on my plate and I settled with my side against the back of the sofa.

  I shrugged and winced as I bit off the tip of a slice.

  “Here,” Kirk picked up a bottle of pills and handed me two capsules. He dropped my water bottle on the couch between us. “It’ll help with the swelling and pain.

  The pain you caused.

  There wouldn’t have to be any pain, but Kirk was following orders.

  I was the one who broke the rules. I’d slowly break apart every shred of my own sanity if something didn’t give.

  Kirk had warned me that he was my only ally. He admitted that he’d hurt me. Rape me. And he was the truthful one.

  I promised that I’d do what he said if he protected me. I begged him to keep me and not turn me over to the others. He’d kept his end of the deal.

  The criminal was better at keeping his word than I was.

  I wondered what that said about me.

  I also wondered what it meant that I was thinking about giving in.

  “How much did you overhear?” Kirk asked, watching me out of the corner of his eye as he ate.

  He knew that I had been awake. If I lied and said I only heard the final bit, I’d be screwed if he already knew otherwise.

  “I woke up when you told Miles ‘thanks’.” I glared down at the snake on his arm—no doubt the inspiration for my nightmare. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  “Your back is going to need a while to heal. Then, we’ll start over. You get a clean slate.”

  “And if I screw up again?”

  “When you do…,” he sighed. There was something different about him. He looked exhausted. Sounded exhausted. “We’ll go from there.”

  We finished eating in silence, and I’d scarfed down so much, I felt like my stomach would explode, not such a good idea since all I wanted to do was lay down and go back to sleep and I certainly couldn’t do that on my back.

  I laid against the back of the couch while Kirk cleaned up the mess. When he was done, he sat next to me again, rubbing a thumb against my jawline. “I know you’re a strong girl. I know that everything inside of you is telling you to fight. I’m not telling you to ignore it, just to be smart about it.”

  “How? How am I supposed to use the urge to fight?”

  “To stay alive. Sometimes that means not saying what you’re thinking, and just doing what you’re told.”

  “That’s not fighting.”

  “You’re wrong. Sometimes the only way to win is to stay alive and not break. If you keep fighting like you have been, you’ll break.”

  “Maybe I have already.”

  Kirk shook his head and put a pillow next to his legs. “You haven’t.” He motioned for me to lay across his lap.


  “I don’t need you to take care of me.”

  “You don’t want me to take care of you. Believe it or not, that’s what I’ve been doing since you got here. If I weren’t—”

  “Don’t say it. I’ll…” I sighed. “I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

  I crawled across his lap and dropped my head to the pillows he’d laid out. As my body relaxed, stretching out my back again, I flinched in pain.

  “I can’t put any more pain ointment, yet.”

  “I’m oka—” I grunted, then took a slow breath. “I’ll be okay when it settles.”

  He pulled the blanket up to cover me up to my waist.

  “Don’t you have stuff to work on?”

  “Yep, that’s exactly what I’m doing.” He rubbed my back under the lowest of the welts, massaging down my hips and legs.

  I took a deep breath and relaxed. At least in this position, I stood no danger of rolling onto a welt. It also felt childish. Waiting on him to take care of me, and soothe my wounds.

  I didn’t fall asleep, but I lay there silently until the sun set and the room darkened. I was at war with my own mind and body. I felt completely alone with no one to talk to about my feelings, to ask if I was really doing the right thing. I had to look inside myself for those answers, and it terrified me.

  Kirk sat quietly with me, rubbing my leg or patting my head when I got particularly squirmy until the pain dulled again. But otherwise he didn’t move, allowing me the use of his body for my comfort.

  “Thank you, Master,” I whispered.

  His fingers tightened on the back of my thigh.

  “Thank you for bringing me back up here and sitting with me.” I hated the words as I spoke them, not because they weren’t true. I truly appreciated it. I hated them because of what they did to me. They made me his, attached me to him in ways nothing else had.

  My mind and soul were ready to admit that I needed him—that on some level, I craved his attention, because it was all that I had. It’s all that I would have.

  I desperately needed to stop thinking. “How bad do you think a shower would hurt?”

  “How bad does moving hurt?”

  “Too much.”

  “Then, multiply that by ten.” He massaged just above my tailbone and I moaned into the pillow. His hand continued in circular motions down my ass, then each of my legs.

  My body wanted his tenderness so badly that it was willing to do anything he wanted to get it and my brain latched on to every pleasurable sensation—no matter how small—just to get away from the pain. His hand got to the end of my thigh and stopped.

  I whimpered.

  “You want a distraction?”

  “No more pain.”

  “I’ll be gentle.”

  Gentle would ruin me. Crush up my insides like a used piece of paper and toss me in the garbage ruin me. “Yes.”

  He pushed down the blanket, allowing his fingers to graze the inside of my naked thigh.

  “Remember the kiss you gave me yesterday?”

  “Yes.” No, please don’t pollute my mind, too. I locked in on the memory, the feeling of him leaving me needy, wanting.

  Wanting. I repeated to myself.

  I could taste his tongue on mine.

  What the hell was my mind trying to do to me?

  I tried to push it back, but his hand parted my legs, moving up toward my hot core. I felt the cool air. His light touch.

  I wanted to spur him on as much as I wanted to damn him.

  A finger found my clit and rubbed it gently. Not enough. I pressed against him—instantly embarrassed at my need. And at the rate that my body tried to overthrow me.

  My back burned as it arched, and Kirk took advantage of the increased access to my folds. He pressed his fingers inside me, pressing down against my tender flesh. He added another finger, stretching and filling me. My hips rocked, wanting more. Wanting him on my clit.

  He moved me slightly and slid his leg farther down my stomach until his knee rested close to my pelvis.

  So close.

  I moaned. Moving my hips, wishing his knee was a little closer.

  “Good girl,” he said, dragging his fingers through my hair, caressing and tickling my neck.

  I inched up until his knee was close enough for me to rock my hips and press my clit against it.

  I moaned, using his body to push me closer to my pleasure. The stinging pain in my back faded, replaced by pulsing in my veins, and tingling nerves.

  His fingers increased their pace and I inched closer.

  My insides squeezed around his fingers, and he slowed, leaving me momentarily balancing on the painful pinnacle. Just a little farther before I fell. I rubbed into him but needed more.

  He rubbed his fingers through my juices then inched closer to my ass.

  I moaned a protest, but a finger slipped back inside my pussy and the sensations pushed me toward compliance. His thumb pressed at my tight hole slowly moving inward.

  The knot inside me wound tightly and burst as I tensed around his thumb and fingers, still grinding against his knee as I spasmed and moaned.

  Kirk pulled the blanket up to my waist again as I panted and came down from the orgasm. He readjusted his legs under me so that my stomach was lying across his lap and I could relax my head on the pillows.

  “How’s the pain?” he whispered.

  I hummed into the pillow, exhaustion overcoming me. “I’m good.”

  “Ready to go to bed?”

  “Do I get more distractions?”

  “I think you’re high on endorphins.”

  I pushed myself up and managed to sit with a little help. I didn’t want to look him in the face, to face my carnal desires, but I lifted my gaze. His blue-grey eyes met mine in the dusky room.

  “You’re sleeping in my bed.”

  “I’m not sure if you want me to argue or comply.”

  He moved, his face stopping inches from mine until I could feel his breath on my skin. “What do you want?”

  “I want to be stubborn and say that I want my own bed, just to irk you. But, all I really want is sleep in a soft bed.”

  “You’re all trouble, Silver. For both of us.” His lips brushed against mine, and I kissed him back.

  Chapter Ten

  Serpentine

  My eyes opened in the quiet, dark room.

  It was eerily quiet, and I pushed myself up, feeling a strange weight on my gut. The weight shifted with my movements and I pulled down the blanket.

  A long coiled snake stared back at me.

  “Not again,” I whispered. I froze and the snake lay back down, relaxing against my skin.

  I squeezed my eyes closed, and wished for the serpent to disappear. The door opened, light filling the room.

  I lifted my head.

  Kirk.

  He walked toward me, whip in hand.

  “Please,” I whispered.

  “Quiet, Silver.”

  “No,” I was terrified to move. Terrified of what would happen if he startled the snake. “You don’t understand.”

  “I said quiet,” he growled. He knelt next to me, his fingers tangling in my hair. “I thought humans learned long ago to never trust a serpent.”

  He flipped my covers back, the snake was gone.

  His hand slipped between my legs and rubbed my mound. I was already wet and wanting for him.

  Ruin.

  I pushed him back and my back erupted in splintering pain.

  Kirk pulled me off the floor and dropped me to his bed.

  “Remember,” he whispered, rubbing his hips against me. He kissed my neck, nipping and sucking at my skin all the way down to my collar bone.

  I moaned and pushed against him.

  He palmed my breast. Pinching and twisting at my nipple until all of my nerves betrayed me, joining in his bitter and swirling symphony.

  My body was his, under his command.

  He traced a finger down to my belly button, leaving a trail of gooseb
umps and tingles in its wake.

  Testing the connection, I pushed his hand away and screamed again in agony as the pain returned.

  It’s a dream, I told myself. Even my mind was turning against me. Training me to be his. Pulling me into his dark fantasy.

  My resistance only gave him the opportunity to break me open and douse me with his venom. It burned through my veins, clouded my mind, and twisted all of my nerves until my body screamed for him. His cock rubbed at my entrance, and I fisted the sheets under me, arching my back.

  Fighting meant pain. Giving in meant exquisite release.

  I needed his touch. I needed him to fill me.

  Nothing else mattered anymore.

  Then the world shattered and I woke in my old home. Under the window, the sunlight danced off the small collection of snow globes.

  Home. I pulled open the curtains, taking in the light of freedom until a cloud moved over the sun, and the scenery darkened. A man in a suit stood about a hundred feet away then turned toward the window.

  Ross.

  I retreated into the bathroom to escape his view, but that window was also wide open.

  I could feel the eyes on me even if I couldn’t see them. I covered the window and slammed the door shut, trying to lock it, but the door was slightly too small for the frame, and the lock wouldn’t catch.

  I heard footsteps, then Kirk calling for me. I sat in front of the door, trying to keep it closed, but he pushed it open a few inches. Enough for a snake to slither inside.

  “No,” I screamed, jumping away from the door and into the bath tub.

  The door swung open, but there was no one there. It was just me and the snake.

  “Kirk,” I yelled. “Please, Kirk, help.”

  Wake up; it’s a dream, why can’t I wake up.

  If it’s a dream, just face the snake.

  My heart pounded so hard, I started to feel dizzy.

  No escape. I dropped to my knees. The snake slithered closer, only a few inches from the side of the tub. So, I took a deep breath and picked it up. It was calm for an instant, but fear took over again, and as if it smelled it, the snake whipped around in my hands.

  I tried to wrestle its long body, holding just behind its head so it couldn’t bite me.

  I remembered the pain of the snake biting my back.