Indulgence

by Liz Crowe

  No more pain. Please, no more pain.

  Arms surrounded me, pulling the snake free from my hands. The snake stilled, wrapping around his arm.

  “Kirk.”

  His lips took mine, lifting me and pressing me into the shower wall. I let my pain and fear flow out through the kiss, immediately replaced by arousal and lust.

  “I need you.” I rubbed against him and he lifted my legs. I twisted them behind his back.

  His hard cock pressed at my entrance, a slow taunting promise of what was to come.

  I woke from the dream with a gasp. The room was still dark, so I buried my face in the pillow and tried to slow my breath. I was still so hyped up on the dream; I could feel the moisture between my legs.

  “Silver.”

  I held my breath when Kirk whispered my name, and felt him roll toward me. I’d been sleeping in his bed for the last three nights, three long nights of intermittent sleep thanks to the pain in my back and crazy dreams. He hadn’t touched me except for the first night when I’d rolled onto my sore back and woke up crying in pain.

  “Crazy dream,” I whispered and rolled to face away from him.

  Even during the day, he had been giving me room to heal, but it wasn’t the same remote distance as before. Now, even when he sat across the room, I could feel him watching like he was trying to absorb every move and draw the pain away.

  “You need anything?”

  For the pull in my stomach to go away. I pressed my legs together, yearning for a release I couldn’t have.

  Unless I could find a few minutes alone to scrub it away.

  “Silver,” he repeated when I didn’t answer. His hand felt my hair, making the feeling unbearable.

  “I’m fine.”

  He grunted, but didn’t roll away as I had hoped.

  The thought of giving in and letting him take care of the problem crossed my mind. He’d done it before and obviously had no problem with it.

  I squeezed my eyes closed.

  Sleep. I needed sleep.

  I was just tripping on the effects of the dream and letting it play with my emotions.

  Of course, returning to the source of the problem could also make it worse, I realized, but that was my last thought before waking again to the smell of food.

  For the last two mornings, I hadn’t woken until after he’d already eaten and decided to bring my breakfast into the bedroom so I could eat as comfortably as possible.

  The skin on my back still felt tight, but the worst of the burning pain was gone, leaving only the deep soreness from the bruising. I’d gone from one crashing change to yet again having everything I expected flipped upside down. I’d seen his dark side and survived—even though he didn’t seem to enjoy the punishment any more than I did.

  He had it in him to make sure I did as he wanted, but while I was in pain, he was gentle and attentive. It was still nearly impossible to understand anything that might be going through his mind, but he’d softened. I accepted that it might only last until he was sure touching me wouldn’t send me into a fit of agony.

  I rolled over and Kirk’s smell caught in my nose, reawakening the imagery from the dream. I couldn’t go on like this. Teetering on insanity. Holding on to one life and a distant set of convictions while living here.

  I had yet to accept never being free again. But there would be a certain level of freedom in submitting to Kirk.

  I either had to do that or get back the brooding and remote Kirk. I wasn’t sure which situation was worse, but every time he did something nice another piece of my willpower slipped away.

  Before long, I wouldn’t have a choice in the matter.

  I had to take control of something while I still could.

  I looked at the clock, it was still early and Kirk had probably just sat down to his own breakfast.

  If I waited in bed long enough, he’d bring my plate in and let me eat in bed again, but after the dream, I felt restless. I wasn’t too sure that I wanted to see Kirk, but I definitely didn’t want to lie in bed and think about him either.

  I crept out of the bedroom and found Kirk sitting at the table eating. “You’re up early,” he said, sitting back in his chair.

  I kept my eyes lowered as I walked toward him and dropped to my knees at his side. He made a pleased sound in his throat and cupped my cheek as he handed me a piece of bacon. I carefully took it from his fingers then laid my head against his thigh as he stroked my hair.

  “Come up here,” he said, patting his leg. I slowly crawled up, my back aching and burning with every move.

  He proceeded to feed me, bite by bite, the rest of the food on his plate. As I tried to take a bite of the scrambled eggs, before they rolled off the fork, he chuckled. It was a tense chuckle, but at least he wasn’t still completely pissed at me.

  “You’re enjoying this.”

  “Shouldn’t I?

  I nudged his neck with my nose and ran my fingers down his chest. He caught my hand and lifted me to my feet.

  I shook my head—emotionally and physically thrown off balance. “I’m trying to be what you want me to be.”

  “Why?” he whispered, sitting back.

  “Because it’s the only thing I can do. I need you to protect me, and….” And, I still wasn’t being completely honest. My body still wanted him.

  “And you’ll trade your body and will for that?”

  “Isn’t that what you’ve wanted all along?”

  He watched me through narrowed eyes. “You’re a schemer.”

  “We both have reasons not to trust each other, but every time I try, you shut me down and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” I stepped back, pulling my robe tighter. “If you really don’t want me, just give me to someone else.”

  “No.” He growled, knocking his chair backward as he stood. He ran a hand through my hair and stepped forward until his body was against me. “You’re mine and you’re not going anywhere.”

  “Fine, then introduce me to your other personalities. Maybe then, I’ll know how to deal with them all.”

  He pushed me into the refrigerator. The cold surface stung the healing welts on my back. He paused for a second when I winced then his lips smashed against mine.

  He pulled back when we were both breathless. “You’re really willing for me to pass you off?”

  “Despite all claims otherwise, you care. You don’t want me to be killed, so even if you did, I figure you wouldn’t give me to anyone horribly nasty.”

  Kirk cocked an eyebrow, “You don’t really want to do this.”

  “I want…” I took a breath, his woodsy scent claiming my rationale and words. “I don’t want to hurt anymore. If sex can prevent that, I’ll do what you want.”

  “How bad does your back hurt?”

  I shrugged, “I hurt. All of me hurts and it’s not just from the beating.”

  “You’re lonely.”

  “So are you,” I countered, matching his conviction.

  “This isn’t about a relationship.”

  I scoffed. “I wasn’t ignorant of that memo.” I bit my lip and looked down. “I have to do something. You told me to stop considering impossible situations, so I’m taking advantage of the current one.”

  “You’re taking advantage?” he drawled. “And when I hand you off to the others? To Ross?”

  My conviction wavered. “I’ll do what you want—”

  “If I give you what you need,” he finished.

  He pressed me into the refrigerator again and pulled away my robe sash, slipping his hands inside. His fingers brushed against my sides then pulled my hips against him while his knee slid between my legs.

  I giggled and he pulled back.

  “What are you laughing about?”

  “I think I just figured part of you out.”

  His face darkened, and I hoped I hadn’t just busted my chance at avoiding his temper.

  “The only time I really get a rise out of you is when I stand my ground.”

/>   The way he pressed his lips together I couldn’t tell if he was hiding a smile, or if I had just hit a raw nerve. “Standing your ground is dangerous.”

  “You’re the only person here, and it seems like the only thing I’m in danger of at the moment is—”

  He kissed me so hard the words whirled around in my head and shattered. “Quiet, Silver.”

  He held me against himself, pulled me away from the refrigerator and walked me backward to the couch. He pushed the robe off my shoulders, his hot hips brushing against my cool, freshly-exposed skin.

  “You’re strong,” he whispered into my neck. He nipped my skin and I arched against him. “Hold onto it, but be careful about who you let see it.”

  The back of my calf bumped the couch and Kirk let the robe fall away. He removed his shirt then pushed me across the couch. After dropping his pants, he rested his knee between my legs and leaned over me, taking a nipple in his mouth and rolling it with his tongue.

  Then, he captured my mouth—his tongue pressing against mine. He sucked and nipped until I had to gasp for air.

  I was still worked up from the dream, and he didn’t have to do much work to have me yearning to go. His fingers slid through my folds and he raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything.

  He adjusted and lifted my hips as he slid inside me, pressing his thumb to my clit as he slowly filled me.

  It shouldn’t be like this, I thought. I felt guiltier for enjoying it than agreeing to it. I matched his thrusts, pushing upward so that each stroke pushed me deeper into pleasure.

  Someone knocked on the front door and Kirk dropped against me, panting in my ear. He pressed himself up with a grunt, “Can it wait?”

  “No,” a deep voice answered.

  Kirk sat back and rubbed a hand over his face. He wouldn’t look at me as he shoved his legs into his pants and stalked across the room.

  I heard whispered voices and then approaching footsteps. “Get dressed,” Kirk said.

  I sat up and looked over to see Miles. His eyes raked over my nudity and I froze for a second.

  Dressed, I repeated to myself, resolved not do disappoint Kirk again. But, I had no idea what he expected me to put on. I stood and nodded, ducking into the bedroom.

  I looked at the pile of clothes I had near my bed and rubbed my hands over my face, the full impact of what I’d just been doing fell on my gut. I felt physically off balance as my emotions engaged in a hopeless battle.

  There was no winning. No way out. No way back to who I used to be.

  Kirk stepped in and put a hand on the small of my back and directed me toward the dresser. He pulled out a pair of jeans and a tank top—both my size, at least, the size I’d been when I arrived.

  I frowned at him. Somehow excess clothes seemed especially suspicious. Sitting against the dresser, I stared at the clothes in my hands. “I’m horny, frustrated, and confused. Can you go back to being distant and horrible?”

  His eyes drifted over me as if he wanted to help me but had no idea how. “I thought you didn’t want to be miserable anymore.”

  “No matter what, I keep sinking. I can either take a final gulp of water and drown or sprout gills and never go back. I’m not good at letting go.”

  “Then, what was that out there?” Kirk’s forehead crinkled and he leaned against me, placing a hand on the dresser on either side of me, and I drew back.

  “I—” I knew there was a risk of pissing him off if I told him the truth, but I let it roll out anyway, “I wanted the choice to be mine. You could force me to change, this place could force me to change, but I don’t want to lose every part of my autonomy.”

  He stared at me, the look in his eyes unchanging, and I waited for his anger or at least annoyance, but he leaned back and his face softened.

  “You’re not mad?”

  He shook his head and waved at the clothes. “Get dressed, I have to tend to some things and you’re coming along.”

  I pulled on the clothes and flipped my hair over my shoulders. Kirk grabbed a belt loop and tugged me closer. “I can respect that you still want control, but if you do anything to test me or a reason not to trust you, you’ll regret it.”

  The pacing footsteps in the living room indicated Miles was getting restless waiting on us. “I know you want to finish your fuck, Kirk,” he yelled, “but can we get this over with? Alan is waiting in the security room.”

  Kirk grabbed my hand and led me to the living room. After so long, it felt strange to be so covered, I wondered what kind of business a crime leader would take his sex slave to.

  But wondering about his intentions would get me nowhere except trouble, so I didn’t dare ask about it.

  “You sure you want to bring her,” Miles asked, pointing to me as if I wasn’t there.

  “Yes, as if you haven’t toted Alley around a hundred times.”

  “Alley didn’t just try to run.”

  “Not recently, but Alley caused her own fair share of trouble once,” Kirk said, “I’ve heard plenty of stories about her first few weeks here.”

  Miles shook his head. “That’s the very reason I don’t take to the new ones.” He gave me a glare then headed out the door.

  Kirk gave my arm a tug and I followed the two of them down the hallway to the elevator and down to the lobby of the building. They led me down a hallway until, I recognized where we were. Kirk pushed open the door and we stood on the catwalk above the room where I had woken up.

  The room I had been dragged to for my punishment after running.

  My stomach clenched and I grabbed the railing, hoping this wasn’t some kind of joke or worse.

  Kirk glanced back, squeezing my hand, but he didn’t slow down or give me time to pause.

  I swallowed the emotions, fighting the clog in my throat, and keeping my eyes on the floor. We continued across the catwalk past the stairs leading downward, to a door on the other side.

  The room was hot and heavy, and filled with the buzz of electronics. The blond man sitting in front of the computer panel swiveled in his chair as we entered and nodded.

  Past him, monitors covered a wall, showing hallways, a pool, the overlook, a grassy area outside, guest rooms….

  Kirk wasn’t kidding when he said everything in the place was being monitored. I figured he’d dragged me here to teach me a lesson about how hopeless it was to try to get away.

  I continued studying the monitors while the men next to me whispered about a “guest” who had been in a restricted area with one of the “girls”. The man at the desk rewound some of the footage and showed it to Kirk.

  “He was probably trying to get privacy,” Kirk said.

  “People don’t really expect that here,” the blond replied, “and Kat went right along with him.”

  Kirk cleared his throat and glanced at me. “Well, we don’t exactly encourage them to correct customers or go against their wishes.”

  “What I mean is, she doesn’t look even the least bit startled. Usually, I’d expect to see one of the girls to look antsy at least, as they’re being led into a place they know is off limits. She looks completely calm.”

  “Morton is new,” Miles added, “which is either an excuse or a reason to be more suspicious. There was no harm this time, but I think we should keep an eye on him.”

  The blond nodded, “I’ll make a note for everyone to keep track of him. He’s registered here until tomorrow afternoon.”

  Miles nodded, “I’ll have someone chat with Kat later.”

  Kirk chuckled, “By someone, I presume you mean Alley. I assume nothing came up in his initial background check, but I’ll see if I can dig a little deeper.”

  Miles nodded then glanced at me.

  “She won’t say anything,” Kirk lifted my chin and stared into my eyes, “Understand?”

  “Yes, Master.”

  “Why don’t you bring her down to dinner with Alley and me?”

  I twitched and Kirk must’ve felt it because he squeezed my hand. “
I’ll let you know later. Text me if anything else comes up.”

  “I’ll take that as a hint not to come knocking on your door again.”

  “Yes.” The edge of Kirk’s lip tipped up, but his eyes were dead serious.

  Miles chuckled and smacked Kirk on the back of the shoulder as he left. Then, Kirk nodded to the blond, “Take a ten-minute break.”

  The man smirked, “Planning a quickie in the security office?”

  “No less chance of being interrupted here than in my own room. I’ll keep an eye on him, but I also have a lesson in mind for my errant slave.”

  “Don’t make a mess; I’m on shift for another hour, so I can’t exactly get away with leaving it for the next guy.”

  “You have my word,” Kirk chuckled, placing his hand on the back of my neck. My body stiffened and I tried to read his body language out of the corner of my eye.

  His eyes were soft, even after the blond man left us alone.

  “I take it this is a lesson in why I shouldn’t try to run?”

  “Partially.” He pulled me to him, smiling as my body reacted to his nearness. “What are you afraid of?”

  “Gabe….” Among other things, but nothing in this room could address those fears.

  “I said I’d protect you from him,” he whispered—it was more of a promise than an admonishment. With his arm around my waist, he nudged me closer to the monitors. Holding my back to his chest, he clicked a few keys then pointed to the desktop monitor. It was the common room where Alley and I had been waiting on the laundry….

  I saw myself standing alone, arms wrapped around my stomach as the girls crowded around the table. I remembered the fear that swirled through my veins as I watched Gabe across the room. The video continued, and I watched myself run out of the room. Kirk switched the video to the stairwell—where I stood and debated what to do.

  “Someone knew from the moment I headed toward the door. That’s how you found me so quickly.”

  “Yes. They paged me as soon as they saw you move away from the group. Although they didn’t recognize it as panic, until we realized who you had seen. He wasn’t supposed to be there.”

  “Do you think he was looking for me?”

  “Maybe, no one has mentioned it to him. If he didn’t realize you were there, it’d confirm his suspicions.”