Indulgence

by Liz Crowe

  I giggled and pushed against him. “Deal and you can tell me not to get attached to it tomorrow.”

  *****

  I curled up against Kirk; we were both still naked in the middle of the field. “You seem different today.”

  “Reevaluating my tactics,” he replied, running his fingers over the stray strands of hair that dangled over my shoulder.

  “And discovering that a little honey works better than ignoring and barking at me.”

  “I never barked at you.”

  “You did a lot of growling.” The wind shifted, drawing the sweet smell of nearby daffodils toward us. I thought it might be best to change the subject instead of egging him on. “Why do you have so many snake tattoos?”

  “I like them.”

  “Snakes, or snake tattoos?”

  Kirk dragged his fingers through my hair and pulled my knee up to hook it over his hip. “Both. I was a country boy. I loved finding snakes, but the tattoos just seemed fitting.”

  But? The way he phrased it made it seem strange—he didn't have the tattoos because he liked snakes. There was another reason. A reason I’d probably find myself in trouble for digging for. I waited, giving him a few moments to continue his thought and clarify if he wanted, but he traced his fingers down my arm to my thigh and down to my knee, leaving a tingling trail that lit up my nerves again.

  “If you don’t want me to get used to this, you should really stop doing that.”

  “I like watching your reaction.”

  I rolled against him, so I could stare into his face. “What do—what am I going to be expected to do to be a good slave?”

  “I thought you wanted to forget about that today?”

  “I figured I’d rather ask you while you’re in a good mood.”

  He took a breath and pushed me off him, retrieving his shirt from the edge of the blanket. I had definitely ruined the serene mood. “What’s expected depends on who you’re with. Just do as you’re told.”

  “But am I supposed to instigate, to…interact?”

  “Most of them will expect you to at least act into it, yes. A blow-up doll would be cheaper and more effective if they didn’t want interaction.” He handed me my shirt. “Beyond that, they’ll tell you what they want.”

  I slipped it on and rubbed the back of my neck, pulling my knees up to my chest and dropping my chin against them. Kirk smiled and twisted around, putting one leg behind me and one in front and holding me to his chest.

  “I don’t plan on sharing you more than I have to,” he whispered, kissing my temple. “I’ve never been great at sharing.”

  “Is that why none of the other slaves can get your attention?”

  “One reason among many.”

  I rested my head against his shoulder and watched the breeze lift up little ripples across the lake, creating a skewed image of the sky and surrounding plants. I felt like that water, trying to reflect back what everyone was projecting on me, only to have it distorted and unclear.

  Kirk gathered my hair away from my neck so he had access to kiss it, and I drifted back into that place of lust that he’d created for me. He moved the leg that was behind me.

  “Lay back.”

  I silenced the arguments and questions, rolling back onto the blanket.

  “What were you thinking about?” he asked as if it wasn’t bad enough that I had to give up every part of myself, now he wanted my thoughts, too.

  “I don’t want to piss you off.”

  His eyebrow raised and the faint smile faded from his lips.

  “Nothing that bad,” I said. “I’m not contemplating my next breakout attempt or anything. I’m just afraid of losing myself.”

  “Sometimes that’s the only way to survive. You shed the old life and move on. Cling to it and it’ll suffocate you until you die.”

  “Shed,” I repeated, “like a snake.”

  He squinted down at me, as if he hadn’t made the connection—or he hadn’t expected me to make it. I wondered what he had shed off. How he came to be a leader—a young one at that—in a sex retreat, yet he’d never show much interest in the slaves.

  “How did you end up here?” I asked before I could put a damper on my curiosity.

  “You have to earn that answer.” He crouched over me, slipping a hand up my stomach. I wanted to be pissed that he could put me in a place of complacency so easily, but, on the other hand, it was a blessing. It made things less painful.

  “You have to trust me,” he said. Sitting back on his heels and spreading my legs.

  Full trust wasn’t an easy request.

  His fingers caressed my folds, and I nodded. I had to trust him, the only tether I had to safety, to human contact. I heard faint voices and looked up to see a small group of people about a hundred yards away. They had stopped to watch us, and instead of feeling embarrassed, I felt… uninhibited.

  I locked my gaze on Kirk, feeling myself slip away.

  “I’m scared,” I whispered. I hadn’t even been able to hold off the change for a few weeks. I was becoming like the other girls, making excuses for the abuse, letting myself slide into the pleasure to escape. There was freedom in letting everything else go—not worrying about school, car payments… rent. I wondered what happened to my things, but it didn’t matter. I wondered if my family had noticed that I was gone. I moved away to get my space, and even though Mom demanded that I call regularly, I stretched as much time as I could in “regularly,” ignoring their calls for weeks at time, and sending little texts in between just to tide them over.

  “I’m going to get you to stop thinking,” he smirked.

  “You know brain surgery?” I whispered, afraid the onlookers would notice my rebellion.

  Kirk laughed quietly, “No, you’ll have to keep your body relaxed.”

  That didn’t encourage my confidence in either of us, but I nodded and let him spread my legs further. He pulled out a rubber glove and a pack of lube that had been hidden in the side of the cooler.

  “And you called me a schemer.”

  “Latex free,” he said, slipping the glove over his left hand. Then he coated the fingers with lube. Two fingers pressed inside of me first. His thumb rubbed my clit while his fingers searched for my g-spot. I jerked, raising my hips off the blanket when he found it and he slid a finger inside of me. The way he concentrated on the two spots, I thought he was going to take me right to the edge, but then he slipped another finger inside of me, stretching and filling me.

  I moaned and fisted the blanket, when he stretched his large fingers out stretching me nearly as much as having his cock in me, but not nearly as deep.

  “It’s going to hurt,” he warned, “but as long as you don’t tense up too much, it won’t last long.”

  My eyes widened, but I nodded, relaxing so he could slip his last finger inside of me.

  What the hell did I just agree to?

  The stretching was on the verge of burning, but it turned to pleasure as he continued massaging inside of me. I heard the lube bottle click open again, and felt it run down my skin as it rolled off his hand.

  “Lift up your shirt,” he said, “Pinch your nipples, and roll them between your fingers.”

  I had to arch my back to get my shirt up high enough to reveal my breasts to him, then I began fondling myself as instructed, the sensations adding to the buzz of my overwhelmed nerves.

  My hips pressed down, my body wanting his hand deeper. The sensations at my clit stopped for a moment before he pinched it between the thumb and forefinger of his other hand. I gasped and jerked in pleasure, but that forced his hand deeper, causing a new burn.

  “Ah,” I tightened in pain for just a second then reminded myself to relax. He folded his thumb in with his hand and pressed inside of me. I squeezed my breasts harder, teetering on the precipice of pleasure and pain as he pushed inside of me. I focused all of my tension in my hands, kneading and abusing my own breasts and forcing the rest of my body to be as relaxed as possible.
/>   Just as I thought I couldn’t take any more, his hand stilled, buried up to his lower forearm inside of me.

  “Holy shit,” I said as we both paused.

  Kirk ran his free hand across my stomach, then the hand inside of me twisted, moving slowly, but every motion stimulated new nerves. I tightened around him, unable to stop the convulsions as they raced out from my core.

  My breath came in sharp pants, each enunciated with a sigh of pleasure.

  “Keep playing,” he reminded me—a gentle correction.

  I squeezed my sensitive nipples again. The sensation paired with his hand still buried deep inside of me was close to sending me over the edge again. Kirk rubbed his thumb over my clit again, spreading some of the lube over it, then flicking and pinching it gently.

  I screamed, feeling the pressure building inside of me. I bucked once, then again. Kirk pushed my hips to the ground, keeping me still, but my stomach clenched and I jerked and spasmed on the ground. I cried out again, pinching my nipples as hard as I could. Finally, he moved the hand inside of me, and everything exploded.

  A commotion erupted above me as my body shuddered on the blanket. By the time I’d come back down from the orgasm, Kirk was lying next to me with a suspiciously satisfied grin on his face. I looked up, and the onlookers had already moved on.

  “You win,” I whispered, closing my eyes and drawing my body toward the sound of his chuckle. With my cheek against his chest, I expected him to tense or find some way to push me away, but he carefully tucked me against his chest.

  *****

  I felt Kirk nudge me, and I opened my eyes.

  “If we don’t get up, we’re both going to have some strange suntans tomorrow.”

  I blinked and sat up, unsure of how much time had passed since I’d dozed off. Still half-naked, I sat up and reached for my shorts. “I’m going to be sore tomorrow.”

  “Good,” Kirk scoffed, fishing through the cooler again. He handed me a bottle of water and then a small piece of chocolate brownie.

  “Oh my god, you’ve been possessed, haven’t you?”

  He moved to snatch it away, but I jerked it to my chest, and he leaned back next to me, relining against one arm. I unwrapped the morsel and took a bite, the moist chocolate filling my mouth. I chewed slowly, trying to savor every second of the taste before swallowing.

  “I should probably thank you for today.”

  “Probably.”

  I offered him a bite of the brownie, and he took a small chunk.

  As I watched him chew, his eyes trained on the lake, I realized that the beating had changed him as much as me. My pain had come at his hand, and in the moments since, I convinced myself that this…whatever I made of it wasn’t as bad as having my back set on fire with a leather strap.

  I wasn’t sure if that made me insanely weak for giving in early, or smart for knowing when to admit defeat. I wanted to lean toward smart, but some small part of me couldn’t get over the weakness. That part told me that I was a coward and a fool, but hell, I was alive for it to tell me that, so I couldn’t be doing that badly.

  I wanted to survive. I wanted to fight. But what was I going to fight against? The most intense orgasm I’d ever had or the last few bites of brownie left in my hand?

  Certainly not against the man who’d given them to me.

  I was fucked in every way possible. I shoved the last of the brownie in my mouth then took a drink of water to wash it down.

  “We can take a walk around the lake before we head back.”

  “Do we have to head back? I like being outside.”

  “We can make it a slow walk.” He stood and then glared down at me, “Why the hell am I negotiating with you?”

  “Because it’s my birthday,” I smiled.

  He laughed and shook his head, offering his hand to help me up. I started to fold up the blanket, but he dropped the cooler in the center of it and told me to leave it.

  “One of the grounds keepers will pick it up.”

  “Handy,”

  Kirk raised his eyebrows and hummed, leading me toward a small worn path that circled the lake.

  “Did I earn my answer?” I asked.

  “Actually, I had hoped that you forgot about the question.” A twig snapped under his foot as he lifted a branch for me to pass underneath. “I came here because I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I was working on the street—”

  I gasped.

  “Not that kind of working on the street. Moving drugs, dabbling in gambling—whatever I could to earn a roof over my head and a meal. I lost a bet and ended up owing a lot of money, so I went into hiding and came to this town. Someone mistook me for someone else, and I got in on a deal, and the strange thing is, once Miles found out my con, he asked me to work for him.”

  “You don’t talk or act like someone who grew up on the streets.”

  “I’m a quick learner,” he said.

  “Yeah, but—”

  “I started college when I was sixteen,” He said with a groan, “Pre-law.”

  “Shit,” I dropped my bottle of water and it rolled into the bushes. I scurried to pick it up, but was startled when something moved under the leaves next to it. I jumped back, and Kirk caught me before I stumbled and fell into the lake.

  “Not a country girl,” he said with a smirk.

  “I visited my uncle’s farm… once. He had a bull and it followed me around everywhere I went. Pretty freaky, if you ask me.”

  He reached into the bush and plucked up the bottle, dusting it off before handing it back to me.

  “Thank you,” I said as he took me by the waist and led me down the path. I leaned into him, resting my head against his shoulder. “Do you think I’m pathetic?”

  “Uh,” his pace slowed, “One, why would you care what I think? And two, why would I think you’re pathetic?”

  “Because you’re the only person I can ask who might give me an honest answer, and I….” I shook my head.

  “I think you’re stubborn and motivated by wanting to survive and eventually find a way past this.”

  I shivered in the cool shade as the breeze fluttered by, picking up twigs and dead leaves left over from the previous year. “But….” I couldn’t manage to find the right words—the ones that would help me focus on how I was feeling without pissing Kirk off. “I feel like I shouldn’t be enjoying it, or enjoying you. By doing that I’m….”

  “You’re surviving. We want human interaction; we seek pleasure—if we didn’t, this place wouldn’t exist.”

  “I’d be okay with that.” The soreness between my legs hinted otherwise. I may not have wanted to be a slave—on any level—but that orgasm made me want more.

  “So, you enjoy sex.”

  I scoffed and shook my head.

  “You don’t enjoy sex?” he asked slowly, tipping his head to watch my face as I considered my answer.

  “Well,” my tongue tripped awkwardly against my teeth. “It’s never exactly felt like that before. Never even remotely close.”

  I rubbed my face and started walking faster, hoping he’d just drop the conversation, and knowing that there was no way in hell that he would.

  “You’ve had an orgasm before?”

  “Yes,” I said forcefully. Although, since the two experiences couldn’t compare—sex with my exes and out-of-my-mind sex with Kirk, I actually began to doubt myself. And I certainly didn’t want to admit that to Kirk. Then, I really would be pathetic. I somehow convinced myself that keeping that to myself made me less pathetic and needy. “Why don’t you like playing with the other slaves?”

  Kirk growled. “I’ve already told you, I don’t like sharing.”

  “But you could have found one of the others and claimed her so you wouldn’t have to.”

  “Honestly, they all want attention, but very few of them want attention from only one person.”

  “More people to buy them things?”

  He nodded and laced his fingers through mine as we rounded
the back side of the lake.

  “It’s more than that, though,” I said, knowing that I bordered on pushing him again. “You don’t like being forceful with the girls.”

  “You think I’d have to be forceful to get any one of them in my bed?”

  “Well, no, but maybe to keep them there and to keep them from getting out of hand.”

  “Believe me, Silver, you’re the most out of hand girl in here—aside from Kat, but she’s never been a problem before.”

  “Maybe that’s because she’s been a problem all along.”

  Kirk gave me a sideways glance, and I chose to bite my tongue before pushing the issue any further.

  “You think she’s the head of the drug ring?”

  “You think there’s a drug ring? I thought it was just one guy selling to a few of the girls.”

  Kirk stopped, crossed his arms, and glared down at me.

  I scraped my thumbnail against the rivets of the bottle cap in my hand. One minute, his eyes could make me want to jump him, and the next they made me want to run away and find a snake hole to hide in.

  Finally, he shook his head and took my hand again. “I’d tell you not to say anything to anyone else, but—”

  “You’re the only one who gets the brunt of my verbal diarrhea.”

  Kirk snorted, “Why do I have the feeling you’re going to get us both in trouble?”

  “If you really thought that, you’d kill me now.” I knew I had to stop making snide remarks at everything he said, but as long as he wasn’t completely blowing up about it, it was cathartic.

  And for whatever reason—and whatever result—I was relieved that he had loosened up and wasn’t threatening to beat or get rid of me at every opportunity.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Good Day to Die

  The soreness between my legs had doubled overnight, and I thought about staying in bed. I heard the roar of the shower running on the other side of the wall, which meant that it wasn’t quite time for breakfast.

  I laughed to myself and buried my face in the pillow. I was the slave, yet, aside from last night, Kirk was always the one waiting on me. I rolled onto my back, stretching all of my muscles, and finding the soreness to be surprisingly satisfying.