Indulgence

by Liz Crowe

  “It’s beautiful, Jake. You should get it for Jenna.”

  The only problem was, I wasn’t thinking of Jenna. “I thought it would look great on you.” I unhooked the claps of the necklace. “Turn around, Sam.” She did as I requested and I fastened the necklace around her neck.

  Sam looked at her reflection in the oval mirror that sat on top of the display table. She gently touched the key. A sales associate leaned in and said, “Very lovely.”

  “We’ll take it,” I said, pulling out my wallet.

  “No! You can’t.”

  I handed the sales associate two fifty-dollar bills. “Yes, I can.”

  We walked out of the store, Sam holding a little brown-and-white striped bag that held an empty jewelry box. She wore the necklace and a wide smile. “I love you, Jake. You’re the best friend ever,” she said, leaning her head on my shoulder.

  We walked for a while in comfortable silence, enjoying the sun and gentle breeze. Sam still hadn’t spoken about what happened between her and Rick. The curiosity was killing me, so I broached the subject again. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Hmm,” she said, taking my hand.

  “Why do you stay with Rick? You two are always arguing about something.”

  “Because we fight as passionately as we make up,” she replied as if it were the way every relationship played out.

  “Yeah, don’t want to really hear about the making up part. Rick must be amazing in bed,” I joked.

  “I enjoy having sex with him.” She said it so honestly, it made me wince. “Jake, you’re adorable when you’re shy.”

  “I just don’t want to talk about your sex life,” I reiterated.

  “I get it. You’ve never had a girlfriend well, until recently. It’s natural to be nervous about discovering your sexuality.”

  I sighed. Sometimes Sam was too perceptive for her own good. “I know how to have sex, Samantha.”

  “Knowing how to do something and actually doing it are two different things, Jacob.”

  “And your point is?”

  “You don’t have to pretend with me. I was nervous my first time.”

  “Was Rick nervous?”

  “Yes, I think he was afraid that I knew more than he did.”

  I laughed aloud. “With as much porn as Rick watches, I doubt that.”

  “Eww, Jake!”

  “Oh, now who’s shy?”

  Sam changed the subject. “How are you and Jenna doing?”

  “We haven’t been together that long. I never thought I’d have a girlfriend. Jenna doesn’t see me as a cripple. She just sees who I am inside. That makes me happy.”

  “That’s wonderful, you deserve all the happiness in the world.”

  I suppose I did deserve a break. Life after the accident hadn’t always been easy. Maybe things were finally changing for the better. A part of me wanted to hope so badly, but my mind kept telling me that hope was a luxury I couldn’t afford. Hope would only lead to more heartache, and I feared one more nail in my heart would leave me irrevocably broken.

  Sam and I walked back to our hotel after the theatre let out. “Should I sleep on the couch tonight?” I asked Sam, figuring she’d want to make up with Rick after spending the day away from him.

  “No! You sleep in the bed. The only thing the three of us will be doing tonight is sleeping.”

  “So you’re still angry with him?”

  “Yes.”

  “You always make up.”

  “Yes, but I’m not ready to forgive him yet. This trip was supposed to be about the three of us spending time together. He had to go and mess that up.” Her carefree attitude was gone and the tension was returning.

  “We did spend some time together,” I reminded her. “I, for one, am glad I got to spend some time alone with you. I had a fantastic day, Sam.”

  She cracked a smile and glanced over at me. “I had a fantastic day, too.”

  When we arrived back at the hotel, Rick wasn’t there. I figured he was out at the bar drinking and knew better than to mention it to Sam. She let out a yawn, which she covered with her hand. “I’m going to get a shower and go to bed. Coming?”

  I stood still as a statue with my jaw so open I could swear it touched the ground. I tried to swallow, but my mouth was too dry. Images of Sam and I in the shower were so vivid and I desperately wanted them to come true. My breathing became shallow and I reached for the back of the chair to steady myself. What the hell was wrong with me? I had a girlfriend. Why was I getting turned on by the idea of Samantha and me?

  Sam rushed over to me. “Jake, are you okay? You look white as a ghost. Here, sit down.”

  I slowly took a seat and then Sam knelt in front of me and pushed the hair out of my eyes.

  “Let me get you some water.”

  Her warm, soft hands left me and I felt a pang in my heart for their loss. I really liked Jenna, so why was Sam having this effect on me? She handed me a glass of water and I gratefully took a sip. Before I could form a sentence in my brain, Rick walked through the door.

  When he noticed Sam kneeling in front of me and my ashen complexion, he rushed to my side. “Jake, are you okay?”

  I nodded, placing the water on the coffee table. “Yeah, sorry to scare you. I probably overdid it today.” There was some truth in the statement. Although my mind could believe I was Superman, my leg physically limited me. Mostly, I was angry at myself for enjoying the fact that I hadn’t had to share Sam with Rick today.

  “Sam, help me get Jake to bed.”

  The next thing I knew, Rick was on one side of me and Sam was on the other. They walked me into the bedroom. Sam pulled down the covers and I climbed into bed. Rick removed my shoes. Sam put the duvet on top of me and kissed my forehead. “Good night, Jake.”

  I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter Five

  Mr. Welsh picked us up at Thirtieth Street Station in Philadelphia when we got back from New York City. I sat in the front passenger seat, while Rick and Sam sat in the back of the minivan.

  “Did you kids have a good trip?” Mr. Welsh asked as we drove along the Schuylkill Expressway.

  “Yeah, Dad. It was great,” Rick responded with no enthusiasm.

  “What did you do?”

  “I went to a Knicks’ game and Jake and Sam went to the theatre,” Rick told him, still miffed.

  Mr. Welsh looked in the rear-view mirror, then glanced over at me. I had no clue what to say, so I simply shrugged my shoulders.

  We dropped Sam off first and then made our way home. I grabbed my duffle bag from the car and glanced at Rick. “Are we okay, man?” I asked in a wary tone of voice.

  Rick slapped me on the back. “Yeah, we’re good. You aren’t the reason Sam and I argue. We’ve got some shit to work through.”

  “Thanks.” With that, I turned to the left and Rick turned to the right and we walked to our respective homes.

  Walking through the front door, I let out a long breath. Finally, I was home, away from the stress of Rick and Sam’s relationship. I dropped my bag on the floor in the foyer and walked into the wallpapered living room. There on the old, beige couch I found my granddad and Jenna watching Wheel of Fortune. It would have been humorous if I weren’t so tired.

  Jenna turned around, a wide smile on her gorgeous face. Before I could walk over to her, she was standing and then running into my arms. I hugged her, but quickly stepped back, not wanting my granddad to witness our affection.

  “Hi, Granddad. How are you?” I asked sitting next to him.

  “I’m fine, Jake. How was your trip?”

  “It was good. What is Jenna doing here?”

  “Oh, she’s taking good care of me. Tonight she made me grilled cheese and tomato soup.”

  I looked over at Jenna and said, “Thank you.”

  Jenna winked at me.

  “Okay, I’m going to take my bag up to my room and talk to Jenna for a while. Let me know if you need anything.”

>   I headed for the stairs and Jenna fell in line behind me. Opening my bedroom door, I threw the duffle on the floor. Then I turned to Jenna and pulled her in to me, kissing her with feeling. “I missed you.”

  “I missed you, too.”

  “Thanks for taking care of Granddad. I really appreciate it.”

  “How was New York?” she asked in all innocence.

  “I don’t want to talk about New York,” I told her, going in for another kiss.

  “Okay, we don’t have to talk,” Jenna agreed, slowly pushing me back toward my bed.

  When I realized what she was doing, I panicked. “What are you doing?” I asked, my voice an octave higher than usual.

  “Getting comfortable,” she replied as we fell onto my bed.

  We continued kissing. I was enjoying the physical contact, but at the same time, my mind kept telling me it was a bad idea. Jenna was only seventeen, almost eighteen. I wasn’t ready to take our relationship beyond kissing, while Jenna seemed to be running full speed ahead. I don’t know why I had such a hang-up about this. Was it because I was nervous about having sex for the first time or afraid of what Rick would do to me when he found out? Then there was always the fact that if we did have sex, it could be considered statutory rape. It was probably a little bit of all those reasons. “Jen ... Jenna, we gotta stop.”

  Jenna pulled back and giggled. “Jake, you’re so cute when you’re shy.”

  I froze underneath her. She had just said something very similar to what Sam had said when we were in New York, and it threw me off. “My granddad is downstairs,” I stuttered. “Please, we have to stop.” I was acting like a complete idiot. I couldn’t get Sam out of my head.

  When Jenna realized I was in distress, she got off me and stood up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to I’m going home,” she trailed off, looking more confused than I felt. She turned on her heel and walked out of the room.

  I lay on the bed, exhausted, placing the palms of my hands against my eyes. “Damn it.” I waited fifteen minutes and then picked up the phone.

  “Hello,” Jenna said on the other end of the line.

  “Jenna, I’m sorry. It was a long weekend. Rick and Sam were fighting and I’m just totally exhausted.”

  “Oh, I thought maybe you weren’t interested in me.”

  “No! It’s not that at all. It’s just...you're the first girl I’ve ever dated. Geez, I don’t know how to say this,” I sputtered over the receiver.

  “Are you nervous, Jake?” she asked, her tone softening.

  “Yes.”

  “You don’t have to be nervous.”

  “Well, I am. I didn’t expect you to throw me on the bed and kiss me like you did. I’ve never had sex before, Jenna. I want to, but we’ve got to slow down. And don’t laugh, because I know that makes me sound like a girl. Are you okay with that?” My sentences poured out like a verbal tidal wave, definitely not graceful.

  There was a long silence on the other end of the line. I had no idea if she was mad at me or relieved. Finally, she said, “I’m okay with that. Thanks for being honest with me. I guess I did come on a little strong tonight.”

  Like a freight train, I thought to myself. At least she wasn’t angry and I didn’t blow things with her by admitting my feelings. “I’m flattered, really.”

  “If you’re worried about my age, I’ll be eighteen in a few months. And just so you know, I’ve never slept with anyone before either.”

  I was relieved at her admission. If things ever did progress in our relationship, I didn’t want to be the only one with no experience. Now I knew we were on an even playing field, so to speak. If I wanted to stay with Jenna, I knew I had to commit to trying new things and not be afraid. I was up half the night trying to decide what to do. Should I slow down or go for it? I felt like a child on a seesaw. My body wanted Jenna, but my mind was overcautious. Jenna seemed willing, but was I ready to take the plunge?

  Chapter Six

  By Monday afternoon, Rick and Sam had made up and were speaking to one another again. It was a relief because when they fought, I never knew whose side to take, and being a diplomat sucked. I’d never make a go of it in politics. Today Rick and Sam had ‘other plans,’ and it wasn’t too difficult to figure out just what that meant.

  I sped home after my last class. Hopefully, I would arrive home before Jenna and surprise her. I was glad because I felt like such a wimp after the other night in my bedroom. I hoped I had plucked up the courage to show Jenna how I felt about her. If Rick and Sam could have a relationship, why couldn’t I? I liked Jenna and she liked me. It wasn’t as if I was going to propose marriage. Whatever my hang-ups about having a girlfriend, I was determined to forget them and move ahead. I deserved to feel passion and excitement just like anyone else my age. Ever since the accident, I’d lived my life with caution and fear. I had to stop. No one else could be responsible for it only me.

  Jenna found me leaning against the brick wall of my house, waiting patiently for her arrival home from school. Her eyes lit up when she looked at me and it was a huge boost to my confidence. I’d spent half the night awake pondering the course of our relationship and waffled back and forth between taking it slow or forging ahead. I know we had agreed to slow things down, but today I didn’t feel like holding back. When Jenna stepped up next to me, I leaned in and kissed her on the lips. “Hi.”

  Her smile broadened even more. “Hi. This is an unexpected surprise.”

  “Did you like it?”

  “Oh, yeah. Want to go inside?”

  I took her hand in mine and we walked into my house.

  Granddad was sleeping in his recliner when I checked on him. I took Jenna to my bedroom so we could be alone. “So I’ve been thinking about our conversation last night.”

  “And?”

  “Maybe we can find some other ways to deal with our sexual tension without actually having intercourse.”

  We were fooling around in my bedroom. Our kissing was getting hot and heavy. I felt the urge to touch Jenna’s body, explore what she was offering. I rolled onto my back and pulled her on top of me. My hands ran down her spine and cupped her ass. Jenna broke the kiss and opened her eyes.

  “Are you okay with this?” I asked. Even though I’d made a new resolution to myself to forge ahead in our relationship, I wouldn’t go any further if Jenna wasn’t on board.

  “Yeah, I was just waiting for you to take initiative.”

  “Why me, Jenna? What do you see when you look at me?”

  Her tongue wet her lips. “I see thick raven hair that looks so silky I want to run my fingers through it. Your dark hair sets off your blue eyes. When I look into them, I feel like I’m floating in the South Pacific Ocean.” Jenna sat up straight and straddled me. “Your shoulders are broad and strong,” she continued, running her hands over them. “I always wondered what your muscles looked like under your shirt. You’re always lifting weights with Rick, so they must be amazing. Why don’t you ever work out shirtless?” she lamented.

  “You’ve watched me work out?”

  “Yes. Let me see what’s under that shirt, Jake.”

  I took a deep breath and then grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. Leaning back on my elbows, I watched Jenna’s eyes devour me like I was a big piece of chocolate cake that left her mouth watering. She didn’t say a word, just placed her palms over my nipples and then slowly worked her fingers along my abs. I closed my eyes, falling back onto the pillow. Her touch was light and delicate, which made me all the more turned on.

  “You look hotter than I ever imagined,” Jenna whispered, leaning in to kiss me.

  My hands inched their way under her shirt, feeling the velvety skin on her back. Then I felt her bra strap, but it was smooth. Where were the hooks?

  Jenna sat up and pulled off her tee shirt. “It hooks in the front,” she said in this breathy sexy voice. Before I could reply, she unhooked her bra and threw it on the floor.

  My heart quickened stari
ng up at her, topless, gorgeous. She had small breasts, but they were pert and her dusty pink nipples were erect. I reached out and touched them. Jenna let out a soft moan. What do I do next? My dick knew what it wanted, but my mind hesitated, afraid I’d fail miserably if I didn’t make the right move.

  “Touch me, Jake,” she pleaded.

  “Where do you want me to touch you?”

  She took my hand and placed it between her legs. I swallowed hard as I rubbed her jeans between her thighs. Jenna pushed off me, standing up to unbutton her jeans. Soon she had peeled them off and was standing in front of me. The only thing she wore was a pink thong. I told myself to breathe because if I didn’t remind myself to do this simple act, I would certainly pass out.

  The corner of Jenna’s lips curled up and she gazed at me with such intense eyes I felt like I would self-combust. She lay on the bed next to me. “I want you to touch me everywhere,” she whispered.

  “You’re so sexy, Jenna,” I said as I began to explore her body with my hands. My fingers trailed down to her naked ass. Then I caressed her hip and moved to her inner thigh, fingers inching slowly to her sweet spot. I slipped past the cotton thong and felt the moisture pooling in her sex. “That’s it, Jake,” she choked out.

  I didn’t need any more encouragement. I slipped a finger inside her and slowly began to work her into a frenzy. Jenna arched her back and pressed her head onto the pillow. I kept up the pace as my own arousal grew. My thumb found her tender spot and I began to rub. Soon Jenna was grabbing onto my waistband and withering below me. “Oh god, Jake,” she said in staccato. I took her mouth with mine to silence her cries, lest she wake Granddad from his slumber.

  Jenna collapsed on the bed wearing the biggest smile I had ever seen. I had no idea exactly what move sent her sailing over the edge, but I was the one who made her feel that way. Lying next to her, I discreetly tried adjusting my erection.

  Jenna propped her head on her hand and looked down at the bulge in my jeans. “I think I need to take care of that for you.” Soon she was on her knees, unbuttoning my pants and slipping them over my hips. She caressed the cotton boxers over my cock. I swallowed hard. Jenna took the elastic of the boxers and pulled them down. My erection sprang free. Her right hand curled around me and began to stroke up and down. It felt amazing better than anything I ever did by myself. If I wanted to last, I had to start thinking about something else, like an ugly witch with boils. Oh, but Jenna’s hand felt so good. I couldn’t concentrate on anything except how fucking fantastic it felt. I balled the bed sheets in my fist as I came in her hand.