Indulgence

by Liz Crowe

“Ozone.”

  “I like the Silver Sage.”

  “Then you paint your room in Silver Sage and I’ll paint mine in Ozone. How many gallons do you think we’ll need?”

  “I have to measure the rooms to figure that out. We should also paint the ceilings. They’re looking a little drab.”

  “Fine. Just make a list and we’ll go to Home Depot and buy the supplies.”

  Jenna was peeking over my shoulder at the computer screen. “Oh, I like that one,” she said, pointing to the queen-size bed with a black ironwork headboard.

  Sam peered over my other shoulder. “That could be very fun,” she teased.

  Jenna and Sam started laughing at the innuendo. I rolled my eyes. Who said men were raunchier than women when it came to sex? I decided to play along. “I’ll be sure to order two pairs of handcuffs. Do you prefer pink or black?”

  As the words came out of my mouth, Rick walked in through the back door, his tank top permeated with sweat and a towel around his neck. He placed his gym bag on the floor. “Handcuffs?”

  “You weren’t supposed to hear that,” Jenna remarked. The three of us broke out in a fit of giggles.

  Rick walked up behind me and looked at the computer screen. “You’re looking at furniture.”

  “What did you think we were looking at?”

  “Porn.”

  ‘We aren’t as horny as you,” Sam told Rick.

  “You never complain when we’re in bed.”

  “Okay! That’s enough. We’re going shopping to pick out paint,” I interrupted before the conversation got graphic.

  Sam kissed Rick on the lips. “You reek. Go get a shower. We’re painting when Jake and I get back from the store.”

  Jenna steered the shopping cart, Sam directed us up and down the aisles, and I loaded the cart. Half an hour later, we were heading back home. We started in Granddad’s bedroom. I decided to give the room to Rick and Sam. We moved all the furniture into the center of the room, prepped the walls, and began painting. I was surprised it only took a couple hours. We left the windows open overnight to air out the fumes. Rick and Sam would officially move in the next day.

  Next we tackled my room. Rick and I hauled the twin beds to the garage. Jenna was going to post them on Craigslist for sale, which would help offset the cost of a new bed. Once the room was painted, I said goodbye to Rick and Sam. Jenna went back to her place to shower and change. We were going to the furniture store to buy the bed and then I was taking her to dinner.

  Those first few weeks of June were amazing. My house became a commune. We were happy and worked together as a team. I had a part-time job at Barnes and Noble and enjoyed my work there. Jenna worked at Express. Since we were both in the mall, we got to spend a lot of time together. It was also nice to have her along when I hung out with Rick and Sam. I didn’t feel like the third wheel since we could now do things together as couples. It seemed too good to be true, and it was. Reality soon came crashing down on us.

  Chapter Twelve

  The four of us sat around the kitchen table, eating dinner.

  “Do you think you can help me go shopping to pick out a suit?” Rick asked Sam.

  “What do you need a suit for?”

  Here it comes, I thought to myself. I had a strong urge to duck and cover. Rick glanced at me and then turned back to Sam. “I’ve been accepted to compete in the NBA draft next week.”

  Sam gave him an incredulous glance. “Are you serious?”

  “This is the last thing I would ever joke about, Sam.”

  Sam placed her napkin on the table and stood up from the table. “Excuse me.”

  She walked off in a huff and Rick said to me, “What did I do wrong?”

  “You never told her you’d applied for the draft, let alone been accepted. How did you think she was going to react?”

  “I’ll go talk to her,” Jenna offered.

  “No, I got it,” Rick insisted.

  Once he left the room, Jenna and I were alone. “You’ve known all along and you didn’t say anything to Sam?” Jenna asked.

  “It wasn’t my place to say anything. Rick is her boyfriend. I told him he should come clean.”

  We heard the sound of muffled voices shouting at each other upstairs and then came a loud crash that sounded like glass shattering.

  “Guess she’s not going to help him pick out a suit,” Jenna muttered.

  We caught a glance of Rick walking through the hallway, past the kitchen, toward the front door. It slammed as he left the house. “You go talk to Jenna. I’ll get Rick,” I sighed, leaving my half-eaten meal at the table.

  Rick was pacing the porch with quick, furious strides.

  “Hey, man. Slow down. I don’t have the money to replace the floorboards right now.”

  Rick stopped and leaned on the railing. “I’m sorry.”

  “Didn’t take it so well, did she?” I asked sitting down in the chair opposite Rick.

  “She’s such a bitch sometimes. Sam knows how important this is to me and yet she still can’t support me. I’m not a brainiac like she is. My gift is to play ball. I’m going to Brooklyn next week, and if I’m selected you can be damn sure I’ll wear that team hat with pride.”

  “I think she’s afraid of what will happen when you leave. You’ll be on the road, she’ll be at Villanova. There will be temptation for you, if Sam is not around. How will you handle that?”

  “Who’s side are you on, Jake?”

  “I’m on both sides. I understand both sides. Obviously, you two have a problem communicating your feelings on this topic.”

  “That’s a cop-out, Jake.”

  “No spending thousands of dollars on therapy gives me clarity. Don’t bitch, you’re getting my advice for free.”

  “I can’t do this right now,” Rick said in exasperation, pushing his fingers through his hair. He turned, walked down the front steps, and headed for his house.

  “Hey, just so you know, I think you’ll get picked,” I called out to him as he neared his front door. Rick turned around, gave a faint smile, and waved his hand in thanks.

  I went back inside the house and reheated my dinner. I ate alone and when I was finished, there was still no sign of Jenna and Sam. An hour later, while flipping through the TV channels, Jenna appeared.

  “How is Sam?” I asked.

  “Not so good. She’s really pissed off at Rick.”

  “Want me to warm up your dinner?”

  “No, thanks. I think I’ll head home and talk to Rick. Did you have any luck with him?”

  “I tried to make him understand Sam’s side. I don’t think he’s wrong to be upset though. Rick has worked his ass off for this opportunity. These two have to work it out. If they can’t, maybe they weren’t meant to be together.”

  Jenna gave me a quick, sweet kiss on the lips. “I’ll text you later.”

  I turned off the TV and made my way upstairs. Stopping outside Sam’s bedroom door, I lifted my hand to knock, but halted when I heard her crying. It broke my heart, but I didn’t know what to do. I stood there deliberating. Finally, I decided to knock.

  “Come in,” Sam said.

  I opened the door to find her grabbing a tissue from the box on the bedside table. She dabbed her eyes and blew her nose. “I just wanted to see if there was anything I could do to help you,” I said, approaching the bed.

  “Hold me,” she snuffled, her sad eyes full of tears.

  I could do that. I walked over to the bed and leaned my crutch against the wall. Sitting down on the bed with my back against the headboard, I took Sam into my arms. She laid her head against my chest and I rested my chin on the top of her head. “I’m so sorry,” I apologized.

  “For what? You didn’t do anything wrong,” Sam said, her voice subdued.

  “I just want you to be happy. You’re always fighting with Rick. Is it worth all the aggravation and heartache?”

  Sam never answered my question. She just remained in my arms until her breathing sl
owed, her nerves calmed, and she fell asleep.

  The entire Welsh family joined Rick in Brooklyn at the Barclays Center for the NBA draft. Sam and I stayed home to watch in on ESPN. Sam hadn’t spoken to Rick all week. I urged them both to stop being so pigheaded, but it was no use: I’d never met two more stubborn people in my life. Honestly, I was surprised Sam agreed to watch the draft with me.

  The announcer read the draft pick for the Miami Heat. My heart stopped when I heard Rick’s name. The camera cut to the crowd to show Rick standing from his seat, a wide, charming grin on his face, his family cheering him on. “Miami that’s fantastic,” I said to myself.

  “Everything he’s ever wished for is coming true,” Sam whispered, leaning her head against my shoulder. “He won’t be far from Jenna. It’s good he’ll have some family nearby.”

  Her sadness was palpable and I struggled to say something positive. “You could go with him, transfer to a school in Florida.”

  Sam looked up at me with desolate eyes. “I won’t follow him. It’s his dream, not mine.”

  “What if Rick wants to share his dream with you?”

  “I can’t do it. I won’t do it.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  The Welshes held a picnic to celebrate Rick’s draft pick to Miami. I sat on the back porch with Jenna, watching Rick and Sam have another blowout fight at the back of the property. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I could tell by their body language it wasn’t good. I wondered if Sam was breaking up with Rick.

  “What do you think?” Jenna asked. I wasn’t paying attention. “Jake, are you listening to me?”

  I turned to face her. “Sorry, what did you say?”

  Jenna sighed. “You love her, don’t you?”

  “Who?”

  “Sam.”

  “Of course I do. She’s one of my best friends.”

  “It’s more than that, Jake.”

  I leaned in and kissed her on the lips. “I’m with you, Jenna.”

  “I wish I could have the same kind of relationship with you that you have with Sam,” she lamented.

  “How so?”

  “Sam is the only person who can truly understand you and talk sense into you when you need it. You don’t even have that kind of relationship with Rick.”

  I squirmed in my seat. I tried to change the subject. “I really care about you, Jenna.”

  “I care about you, too. But our relationship…” She trailed off, not sure how to finish the sentence.

  “It’s a physical relationship,” Jake said, finishing the sentence for her.

  “Yes, we are friends however, most of our relationship is based on sex. I mean, it is good sex, but it’s not enough to build a lasting relationship on, is it? I’ll be leaving for Miami soon and you’ll be here with Sam.”

  “We could try a long distance relationship. You’ll be back to visit your parents. I can see you then.”

  “Is that what you really want, Jake?”

  “I want you to be happy and have new experiences and not feel tied down to me,” I finally admitted aloud.

  “I want the same thing for you.”

  I took her hand in mine. “I’m going to miss you.”

  “I’m just a text away.”

  I smiled. “You know what I mean. We had a wonderful time together.”

  “Yes, but we both deserve more. We deserve to be in love.” She stood from the chair to go back inside the house.

  I also stood up and took her in my arms. “A part of me will always love you, Jenna,” I whispered in her ear.

  “Thanks, Jake. That means a lot to me.”

  I walked back home and sat in the darkened living room. I’d just broken up with my girlfriend. I felt equal parts of sadness and joy. There could be no regrets. What Jenna and I had shared was wonderful. She gave me the confidence to become a man. Made me realize I was more than ‘Jake the cripple.’ I was someone who deserved to be loved. The thought made me smile.

  I was lying in bed, unable to sleep, when I heard Rick and Sam’s footfalls in the hallway. A few minutes later they were going at like they were the last couple on earth, in charge of repopulating the human race. I put in my earbuds to deaden their cries of ecstasy. Guess an intense fight calls for passionate make-up sex or maybe it was break-up sex. The curiosity got the best of me and kept me awake.

  Finally, I decided to get out of bed and make myself something to eat. I was eating my grilled cheese sandwich when Sam walked into the kitchen, dressed in a blue satin robe. She took a bottle of water from the refrigerator and sat down next to me.

  “So I hear you two made up,” I said, placing my napkin on the table.

  “I don’t know if we’re back on track. I don’t know what we are right now,” Sam admitted with confusion in her voice.

  “Sounded like you were back together from my bedroom.”

  Sam laid her head on the table and groaned. “I’m sorry we were loud. I’m so embarrassed. It was selfish of me to deny Rick his moment of victory. He worked hard and he deserves this success.”

  “I’m happy to hear you admit that. He wants you to be a part of this so badly.”

  “I know. I’m just not sure how long I can be a part of it. He’s leaving soon, you know. Rick will be practicing, getting to know his teammates, traveling for games, propositioned by tramps.”

  “Is that what you’re really worried about? Will Rick be faithful to you?”

  “Of course I’m worried. Temptation is hard to resist.”

  “If you love him, you should trust him. Rick has never done anything to you to betray your trust,” I reminded Sam.

  I didn’t sleep a wink that night, my mind pondering all the different scenarios of Rick and Sam’s relationship. Then I started to analyze Jenna and me. Was it possible that I was in love with Samantha the entire time, but never let myself act on that love? I needed to talk to Sam.

  I took a shower and then dressed for the day in a pair of khaki shorts and a tee shirt. Searching every room in the house, I realized Sam was nowhere to be found. She might have gone back home, but that didn’t seem plausible. Sam was upset and needed to think. I had a hunch where she was, so I grabbed my car keys off the kitchen table and drove to the library.

  I wandered the library aisles until I found Sam. She sat at a secluded table in the corner, books scattered all over the table top, her head bent, blonde hair hiding her eyes. I watched her intently as she feverishly studied, biting the bottom of her lip in concentration. It didn’t matter that it was the middle of summer and college wasn’t in session. Sam was always eager to learn.

  Quietly, I walked up to the table and sat down next to Sam. She didn’t even notice my presence until I gently placed my hand on her arm.

  She jumped. “Jake, you scared me half to death. Why are you sneaking up on me?”

  “I need to talk to you.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. “Jenna and I...Well, we mutually decided...”

  “You broke up?”

  I nodded my head.

  “Jake, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” She closed her book and turned her full attention on me.

  This was love. I was sure of it. Samantha was the missing piece of my heart I never found with Jenna. Sam really did understand me better than anyone I had ever known. A warm feeling spilled over me and made me smile. “I’m great,” I honestly replied.

  Sam raised her eyebrow and touched my forehead with the back of her hand to see if I had a fever. “I think you have a slight fever. I can take you to the minute clinic to...”

  I cut her off by kissing her on the lips. There was a spark between us. Although Samantha was kissing me back, she quickly pulled away. “You’ve completely lost it,” she whispered, touching her lips which moments ago had been pressed against mine.

  “I...I...” My mind was racing. I felt dizzy and needed to get some fresh air. What the hell was I thinking? Was Sam just going to jump into my arms
and confess her love? “I’m sorry,” I managed to spit out. Then I stood up and fled the library, leaving a bewildered Samantha behind.

  I was convinced I had done the right thing by kissing Sam. It felt so right. I know she felt the spark between us. She only needed to admit it. There was something between us that couldn’t be denied. I had finally admitted my feelings for Samantha, but I couldn’t verbalize them. She loved Rick and Rick was my best friend. I guess she still hadn’t made up her mind about her relationship with him.

  It felt like a no-win situation. I had the memory of the cabin in the mountains, and that would have to keep me going. I decided to skip dinner because I just couldn’t face seeing Rick and Sam just then. I went to the movies and walked around the mall to kill some time. Finally, the sun began to set and I returned home.

  Rick was sitting on the sofa, reading Sports Illustrated. “We missed you at dinner. Where were you?”

  “Went to the movies. Have you talked to Jenna today?”

  “No, why would I?”

  “We decided to break up yesterday,” I told him slowly, unsure how Rick would react to the news.

  “She didn’t say anything. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. We’re still friends. We just realized we weren’t right for one another.”

  “Fine.”

  “Really, that’s it? You’re not angry?”

  “Will you give me some credit! Why would I be angry if you made a mutual decision?”

  “You wouldn’t,” I agreed. “Are you and Sam still together?”

  “Yeah, why wouldn’t we be? She was fucking amazing last night.”

  “Too much information,” I said, raising my hand to make him stop.

  “Why are you asking? What did she say to you?” Rick asked with suspicion.

  “Maybe she’s just nervous about you going pro,” I suggested.

  “Christ, she’s the smartest person we know. If that’s her problem, it’s stupid.”

  “Well, maybe if you were a little more supportive…”

  Rick gave me the death glare.

  “Forget I said anything.”

  He grunted and went back to reading his magazine.