Cazzo: A Reed Security Romance (Reed Security Series Book 3)

by Giulia Lagomarsino

  Sam took my hand in his. “Are you okay?”

  I gave him a tentative smile. “Sure. I just want this over with.”

  “It will be very soon.” I looked back out the window, but Sam squeezed my hand again, pulling my attention back to him. “You don’t have to do this, you know. We can take care of all of this and you never have to see him again.”

  “I know, but I feel like this is something I have to do. Like facing your past or something. If I don’t deal with him now, I’ll always wonder if he ever really cared about me or if I was all part of some bigger plan.”

  “We’ll be with you the whole time. You won’t be alone.”

  We pulled up alongside the curb and the SUV came to a stop.

  “Okay, this is how it’s going to go. Sam, Chris and I will accompany Vanessa up to see her father. Rob and Jules will stay in the vehicles just in case.”

  “In case, what?” I asked John.

  “In case we need to make a quick getaway. We get in and out in under a half hour. That’s all the time I’m willing to give you. After that, there’s just too much of a chance that something could go wrong.”

  “Okay,” I agreed. Sam stepped out of the car and held his hand out for mine. This was nothing like the first time I met him. When I had gone to Pittsburgh, I was dressed to the nines and had my hair and makeup all done, as was expected of me. My new wardrobe consisted of jeans and t-shirts. I had rarely dressed like this in my old life, but it was more me than I had ever felt before.

  Walking into the building, more than a few heads turned my way, but I wasn’t sure if it was because of the hulking men surrounding me or because people recognized me and wondered where I had been. When we stepped off the elevator onto my father’s floor, the secretary dropped her mug of coffee when she saw me. I guess that answered my question.

  “Ms. Adams, it’s so good to see you. Your father has been so worried about you.”

  “I’m sure he has,” I said sarcastically. “Would you please let him know that I need to see him right away? It’s urgent.”

  “Of course.” She sat down and called my father in his office. I could tell by the look on her face that whatever my father was saying was either unexpected or not good. “Um, he’ll be out in just a moment. Please take a seat.”

  “I don’t think so. We’ll just head on back to his office. He won’t want to wait to hear what I have to say.”

  I walked toward the office with confidence, knowing that Chris, John, and Sam were all behind me. I walked slower because I knew that it would be difficult for Sam to keep up if I walked at too brisk a pace. Without knocking, I opened his office door and let myself in.

  “Vanessa,” he said, standing from his desk and walking around. “Where on earth have you been? I’ve been so worried about you.” He went to wrap his arms around me in a hug, but Sam stepped in front of me, blocking off any contact.

  “That’s close enough,” he growled.

  “Vanessa, what is this? You’ve been gone for months and now you come here with a bunch of gorillas that speak for you?”

  “They don’t speak for me, but they do look out for me. Something that you’ve never done.”

  “I’ve always looked out for you. I gave you everything you ever wanted.”

  “No. You gave me what you thought I should have. You wanted me to marry the right person that would make a good financial match for you. Wasn’t that your intention when you agreed to marry me off to Carl Reiner?”

  He blanched and took a step back before composing himself. “Vanessa, I was in trouble. I never meant for you to get involved in that. He was going to take all our money. I had to find a way to stop him.”

  “And that was by marrying me off to an arms dealer? Did you really think I would be happy with him?”

  His face twisted in rage. “You ungrateful bitch. All you had to do was listen to me, but you always had your own ideas in mind. Why couldn’t you be more like your sisters? I pointed them in the right direction and they did as they were supposed to. They married into good families and because of that, we have some of the most lucrative connections in the United States. Do you know what an alliance with Carl Reiner would have meant for us?”

  “A death sentence?”

  “Money and power.”

  “Dad, you’ve already got billions of dollars. You’re one of the most powerful men I know. Why would you need someone like him?”

  “He brings connections from other countries. It would have been a windfall for us.”

  “Does it always have to come back to money? Did you ever love me?”

  “You’re just like your mother. Did you ever love me?” he mocked. “Do me a favor and disappear like she did.”

  “What? You told me she died.”

  I stepped toward him, but Sam grabbed onto my arm, holding me back.

  “She might as well have. She actually thought when we got married that I loved her. She didn’t realize that we had a mutually beneficial arranged marriage.”

  “Where is she?”

  “Who knows. She left a note one day that she was leaving and wouldn’t be back.”

  That didn’t make sense. If she thought the marriage was out of love, then why did she leave my sisters and I behind. It would be different if she had never wanted to be married or have kids, but it sounded like she had wanted this.

  “Did she ask for us?”

  “Why would she? She never wanted you to begin with.”

  I felt like my legs were going to fall out from underneath me. How could this be my father? He had always been a hard man, but the way he was speaking to me, it was like there was never any love for me.

  “Let’s get down to why we’re here,” John said, stepping forward with a manilla envelope in hand. “I’m sure you’ll find the contents of this envelope very enlightening. Feel free to take a moment and look it over.”

  Dad took the envelope and opened it up, skimming over the pages. Every page he flipped made his face turn redder. “What the hell is this?” he asked, gripping the pages in his hand and waving them in the air.

  “This is evidence of your dealings with a known arms dealer and several other illegal financial deals,” John said calmly.

  “You did this?” Dad turned to me and pointed a finger. “You always were a worthless piece of trash. Hanging out with poor people and calling it charity. You never could figure out how to work situations to your advantage.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I started crying and I hated that he had that kind of power over me after everything he had done. Sam took me by the arm and guided me toward the door.

  “If you ever contact her again, I’ll make sure that everything in this file goes right to the CIA, ATF, FBI, and any other agencies that might want to get their hands on you. From now on, she doesn’t exist to you.”

  The door shut behind us and I couldn’t hear anything else that John was saying. I was gripping Sam’s arm so tight that I might have been leaving fingerprints behind.

  “Hey, don’t listen to anything that piece of shit says. He was a worthless father and an even more worthless human being.”

  “But he’s my father,” I cried. “How could he say things like that to his own daughter?”

  “Sweetheart, not everyone is meant to be a parent. Sometimes family is all you can rely on, but other times, you have to make your own family.”

  I nodded, knowing that he was right, but it still hurt that my own flesh and blood would be so cruel to me.

  “I wish I would have thought of the right thing to say, but I couldn’t. I just stood there and took it. What does that say about me?”

  “It says that you aren’t a cruel person. Those words don’t come naturally to you because you don’t have a hurtful bone in your body.”

  Sam pulled me into his arms and held me tight until John stepped outside. As we were leaving, I held tight to Sam’s hand, walking out the door of the building a free woman. But if I was truly to be a free woman, the
n I needed to figure out who I was apart from what my father had tried to make me. I knew that I couldn’t stay with Sam because I would just be building a life around another person again. I needed time to be just me and figure out what I wanted before I tried to have anything else with him.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Cazzo

  “I HAVE TO turn in my report tomorrow,” John said as he helped me unload the SUV. “I’m sorry, man, but I have to tell Cap what happened.”

  “You don’t have to apologize, John. You do what you have to do. I know I fucked up.”

  “So, what’s going to happen with you and Vanessa?”

  “I don’t have a clue. She hasn’t told me what she wants yet, but I have a feeling she’s not going to be sticking around.”

  “You gotta have faith. Don’t give up on her.”

  “I’m not. That’s why she’s still with us right now.”

  John nodded and gave me a back slap, then headed back to the SUV. The guys were headed back to Reed Security to fill Cap in on our trip and what was going on with Vanessa. I would most likely be called into the office tomorrow and get my ass reamed.

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to go inside and face Vanessa just yet. She had been silent the whole way home and I understood since her world had just been turned upside down, but I wanted to be the one that she turned to. I was pretty sure she was going to be running away. I walked inside and Vanessa was sitting on the couch, staring off into space. I took a seat next to her and placed my hand on her knee. She didn’t even notice until I gave her a little squeeze.

  “Sam, it’s good to be back,” she smiled.

  “Are you? Back, I mean.” She looked down to avoid my eyes, but I lifted her chin up to meet my eyes. “Just be honest with me, Vanessa. That’s all I want from you.”

  When the tears came, I knew I was fucked. “I want to be here, Sam, but I can’t stay.” I nodded and dropped my hand. “It has nothing to do with you. I need to live on my own for a little bit and figure out who I am without my father telling me what to do or hiding out here. If I stay here, I’ll always wonder if this was what I truly wanted.”

  “If you stayed here, you would be choosing me.”

  “But I need to choose me right now. I’m sorry, Sam, but this is the way it has to be. I’m not saying I won’t be back, but for now, I need to leave.”

  I brushed away her tears and gave her a small kiss. “I’ll still be here waiting for you.”

  “Please don’t. I want you to live your life and if it was meant to be, we’ll find our way back to one another.”

  I got up and walked over to the envelope John had given me. I couldn’t believe that this was happening. She not only was leaving, but she was planning on moving on without me. Her plans didn’t include me at all. I walked back to her and handed her the envelope.

  “John got a check from your father. One year’s living expenses paid for.”

  “I don’t want it. It’s dirty money.”

  “Don’t be stupid, Vanessa. If you’re going to go off and find yourself, you need money. This allows you to do that.”

  She took it from me hesitantly and opened it up. “Oh my gosh. He gave me a million dollars. That’s more than living expenses.”

  “That should give you quite a while to get things figured out. You could go back to school and do something you really want.”

  She didn’t say anything for a few minutes as she looked at the check. When she looked up at me, the tears in her eyes almost broke me. “Sam, I want you to know that I love you very much and you’ve given me something that I’ve never really had before. I don’t know how I can ever repay you for that.”

  “I don’t want you to repay me.” I tried to keep the anger out of my words, but I felt like I was being paid for services rendered. “Just do me a favor and let me know that you’re okay wherever you end up.”

  “I will. Sam, I-”

  “Uh, Chris wanted me to give you something. He left his keys to his car.” I handed them over to her, making sure not to touch her hand or I might pull her against me. “He said that it was an extra he had and he figured that you would need something to get around in. It’s paid for and the title is in the glove box. So, it looks like you have everything you need.”

  I had to get out of here before I totally lost it and got down on my hands and knees and begged her to stay. I took a step toward her and kissed her one last time on the lips. Everything that I felt for her came out of me when my lips touched hers. My chest tightened painfully and I pulled back, working my throat until I could talk without losing it.

  “I hope you get everything you want, sweetheart. Goodbye.”

  I walked out the door and straight to my truck, firing it up and peeling out of the driveway. It wasn’t until I was on a side road that I pulled over and finally broke down. I had lost her, but at least she was alive. I had to keep thinking of the positive things that came out of this or I would fall into a depression I would never get out of.

  ✯✯✯✯✯

  I couldn’t wait for tomorrow to come. I went straight to Reed Security after I pulled myself together and went to see Sebastian. He had to know from me what had happened and he needed to know now. Maybe it was more that I had to get it off my chest and finally know what was going to happen with me.

  After filling him in on everything that happened, I sat in his office as he stared at his desk in stunned disbelief.

  “I just can’t believe it. I’m not even sure where to start.”

  “How about we start with me going against protocols and taking Vanessa away from her personal protection?”

  “Yeah, about that,” he said, rubbing a hand across his jaw. “I don’t even know what the hell to say about that. You fucking knew better.”

  “I did.”

  “Yet you did it anyway.” I nodded. There was nothing else to say. Cap stood and paced around the room for a minute, trying to get his anger under control. When he turned to me, his face was filled with anger, but there was also disappointment. That was almost worse. “You’re a team leader. These guys look up to you and you broke every rule. For what?”

  I didn’t think that was a question he really wanted answered.

  “Answer me!” he yelled.

  Okay, I guess that wasn’t a rhetorical question. “I was thinking with my dick. I wanted to escape for a little while with her. I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. There’s no excuse for what I did. I’m not going to sit here and bullshit you with apologies and promises to do better. I fucked up so bad that no one on my team would ever accept that.”

  “How the hell am I ever supposed to trust you like I did before? Or your teammates? If you ever get to the point where you can come back to work, what the hell am I supposed to do with you?”

  “I don’t know, Cap,” I said quietly.

  “Fuck!” he shouted. “This shit was supposed to stop with Cal. You were there. You saw how it tore up the team to deal with his shit. And you own part of the company.”

  “I’m an investor, Cap. If you want me gone, I understand. I’m not going to fight you on that. I know this isn’t something I can easily come back from.”

  He paced the room for a few more minutes, letting his anger cool. I knew exactly where he was. I felt the same way when I found out about Cal’s betrayal. This was almost worse because Cal was trying to save his family. I was just thinking about myself and being buried inside Vanessa. I put the whole team at risk because I was only thinking of my dick. Cap finally stopped pacing and came to sit back in front of me.

  “The thing I can’t get past is that you tried to kill yourself. What the hell is going on with you, Cazzo? This isn’t you.”

  “It’s been a rough year.”

  “Don’t give me that bullshit. You’ve dealt with some difficult things before and you’ve never lost your cool. This is something entirely different.”

  I understood him being upset over me breaking protocols, but he didn’t know shit about
how difficult it had been for me to be out of commission. Everyone thought they understood and they all thought they could make it better. It was a completely different thing to experience it than it was to look at it from the outside.

  “Cap, I lost the use of my fucking legs, was forced into a protection situation that I didn’t want, and almost saw the love of my life die, all within six months. All due respect, but I have never dealt with anything as difficult as that in my life. I know that I handled it wrong and that I broke so many rules that I shouldn’t even be here. If you want to fire me, then do it. I wouldn’t blame you.”

  “Don’t make excuses for what you did.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “Fuck you, Cap. I told you that I didn’t want her in my house. I told you that I wasn’t in any condition to deal with another person in my space. I told you that I was a fucking liability and that I shouldn’t go with her when John’s team took her away. I told you that I had a personal relationship with her. You insisted on all of it. You thought you knew best. I tried to fucking tell you,” I yelled. “This shit’s on me and I have to deal with it, but don’t pretend like you’re totally innocent here. You should have fucking listened to me, and that’s on you.”

  “You’re right. It is on me, too. I didn’t like seeing you in so much pain and I wanted to fix it.”

  “You can’t fix everything for everyone, Cap. People have to deal with shit in their own way.”

  He nodded and leaned back in his chair. “I would tell you to turn in your gun, but you have a whole arsenal at your house.”

  So, that was it. I was done. I didn’t have a fucking clue what I was going to do now that Vanessa was gone and I had lost my job, but part of me was relieved. The pressure to get back at work was gone. There was no one counting on me and nowhere I had to be.