Reaching Out For You (Never Letting Go)

by S. Moose

  As he strokes my back he asks, “When are you going to open your eyes Soph?”

  The question makes me think. “I want him back Connor.” My face is on his chest. I need to know he feels the same way before I can risk my heart again. I take in a deep breath.

  Connor pulls away from me and looks down. “Then tell him.”

  “I know and I am. Thanks for being here.” I get up on my tippy toes and kiss his cheek. “I miss my best friends. Please don’t tell Adam yet. I want to take things slow because messing up isn’t an option.”

  He blushes. “I miss you too Soph. No more running and I won’t say anything.” We hug again and go our separate ways after I assure him I’m ok.

  Chapter 4

  I get to the building and walk inside. Dr. Joseph Henry is one of the presidents of Optimax, however his passion is in teaching and honing the minds of young society so they can take on the world. It’s a pleasure to get to know the inventions and tools the company has in the works.

  I make it to the meeting just in time and take a seat before Dr. Henry arrives. I keep wondering what the meeting can possibly be about. I look around the room and see a nervous expression on everyone’s face.

  Dr. Henry comes in and leans against the desk in front of the room, “Good afternoon everyone.” He nods at each of us. I’m feeling a mix of being nervous and anxious. “Now I know you’re all wondering why I called you here today. Optimax is pushing forward with a new project and needs to bring some more people on.” He pauses and looks at all of us. I can see the shimmer in his expression and start to feel tense. “Now I’ve watched each and every one of you and wish I could bring you all onboard but we can only accept two people. It was a difficult decision to make, but please put your hands together for Steven Hart and Sophia Burns.”

  My mouth drops; I can’t believe out of everyone I’m the one they want! I look over and see Steven’s face. He looks like he’s ready to pass out. I try to get his attention by tossing a paper ball at him, when he turns around I mouth “Congratulations.” He smiles back at me but I can see how nervous he is. I don’t want to show my excitement too much since there are many upset faces around me, but I can’t help but smile, because of all the countless hours and research I put into this group. I deserve this opportunity and I will make sure I do well.

  “Now I just want to say thank to everyone for your participation in this group. Your hard work has not gone unnoticed and if anyone would like a letter of recommendation please come see me. That will be all for today. Have a great rest of the year and good luck to you all.” The rest of the group begins to pack up their things up and hug us with congratulations before heading out of class. Steven and Dr. Henry talk for a brief moment as they shake hands before he leaves. I can’t move from my seat, “Surprised Miss Burns?”

  I look up and see Dr. Henry nearby smiling, “A little. I don’t know what to say, other than thank you so much.”

  “It’s my pleasure Miss Burns but you should be thanking yourself. You worked very hard this semester and I am very pleased with you. My colleagues are very interested in meeting you and Mr. Hart very soon. Please ensure you are checking your email frequently since I will be sending each of you a business task that needs to be completed and presented to the company in a few months.”

  I slowly get up from my chair, walk over to him and shake his hand, “I won’t let you down sir.”

  He starts shaking his head, “I believe in you Miss Burns.”

  “Thank you again,” I beam. I pick up the rest of my things and start heading back to my room. This is unbelievable, a new and clean slate. I hope this is the beginning and I can prove myself. I feel a little confident and great about myself. Everything I did-all the research, the studying and staying up all night with caffeine has paid off. I take out my cell phone and call my dad.

  “Hi honey!” He says excitedly.

  “Daddy, guess what?” I’m beginning to feel anxious. I want him to be proud of me.

  “What is it Sophia?” He asks slowly.

  “Optimax selected me! I’m officially hired!” I shriek in the phone.

  “Sophia! That’s such great news honey. Oh I am so proud of you. If only your mom could be here.” There’s a pause in our conversation as a tear falls from my eye.

  “I know daddy. She would have been proud of all of us.” I smile as I look up to the sky. I can imagine my mom looking back at me smiling.

  There’s another pause and I wonder what my dad is doing. “Soph, why didn’t you tell me Adam transferred to your school? We were together today and you could have told me.”

  It’s surprising he brings up Adam. I’m afraid with what he’s going to say next. What is he up to? “Um w-what,” I stutter.

  My dad begins to laugh. “I ran into Lydia last week and she said he was back from Boston and transferred back in August. Why didn’t you tell me? Have you talked to either Adam or Connor?”

  I’m not sure how to answer him. “Oh yeah here and there you know. They’re on the basketball team with Kyle and we’re all so busy.”

  “Sophia you three were inseparable. I don’t have a memory without the three of you.” I know my dad is going to get serious on me. “He was your best friend. Be the bigger person. If memory serves me correct you were the one who broke off the friendship.”

  “Ugh, whatever Dad,” at this point I want to get off the phone with him. I don’t know why he would bring this up to me now. The feeling of annoyance eats at me. I kick a rock near my foot and am about to say bye when my dad says something else. “He came back. That means something.”

  “I know Dad.” I take my hand and pull it through my hair. “I have to go, I’ll talk to you later, love you.” I didn’t want to sound sad or cry on the phone with my dad. I try to hide my emotions. I hate this feeling.

  “I love you too honey. Have a good day and congratulations, again.”

  I see a nearby bench and sit down thinking about what my dad just said to me. He’s right; Adam’s back and it does mean something. He could have stayed in Boston or have gone to a different college but he’s here at the same college as me. He did tell me he’s happy he’s here. Everything happens for a reason. Since he’s back, I need to take the next step to build our friendship. Since I’m the one that put an end to our friendship, it does make sense that I take the first step to mend it. My level of fear soars but I have to take this chance or else I’ll always wonder.

  I still remember the night that I lost him. The memories play back in my mind often and each time it did I feel guilty. It kills me to have these memories play through my mind. The pain rips my heart into pieces and I fall apart. I was so mad at everyone and didn’t know what I was doing. I wanted to push everyone out of my life including the one person that I truly loved. That night I went over to Adam and Connor’s and started screaming for Adam to come outside. When he came out I started hitting him, “What’s wrong with you?” Adam yelled.

  “You’re the worst person ever! Why didn’t you stay with me after the funeral? I needed you Adam. You’re supposed to be my best friend!” I slapped him across the face. When he looked back at me, I saw the break in his face. I didn’t know why I was doing this but I was so mad. I was mad at everyone and I didn’t care anymore.

  “Soph, I thought you wanted to be alone and be with your dad and Sarah. I’m sorry but you need to calm down.” He came closer to me to try and hold my hand but I slapped it away. “You are my best friend. I don’t know what else you want from me?”

  I pushed him again. “You’re such an asshole Adam!”

  He looked hurt. “How am I being an asshole? I thought giving you some space to spend time with your family was the right thing to do. This is too much to handle Soph. You’re all over the place. One minute you’re happy and then you’re mad! What’s your problem? I didn’t do anything wrong to you! I gave you space and you should know that I would be here if you needed me. Stop being such a crazy bitch!”

  I pointed
my finger in his face. “See! Asshole,” I got right up to his face and wanted to punch him.

  “Sophia!” He tried to bring me in for a hug but I pushed his arms away. I know he’s worried about me but where was he when I needed him?

  “No.” I pointed my finger to his chest. “You do not have the right to touch me! I don’t have anyone. My mom is gone and you left me Adam,” I was crying so hard I didn’t realize that I punched Adam in the face. Suddenly I felt arms around me pushing me away, “Connor what the fuck?” I clawed at his arms so he would let me go.

  “Sophia, go home. You’re drunk and we didn’t do anything wrong,” Connor helped Adam get up from the ground, “We’re supposed to all be friends, so why are you doing this?”

  I couldn’t hear anything that they were saying and I walked away never looking back.

  * * * * *

  I’m in the library looking up more information about Optimax. The company started a little over four years ago. I try to look up the founders but can’t find anyone’s name. “How weird,” I whisper. I click on a few profiles and see Dr. Henry’s information but everything else seems to be a mystery. It says the company was started up by one person and grew. It says it is a privately owned company and the CEO wishes to be nameless. I conducted an internet search for the CEO of Optimax but nothing came up. I wonder why everything is a secret.

  My phone vibrates again for the millionth time. Kyle’s been calling and texting me non-stop. I keep pressing ignore and delete but he doesn’t get the point. I finish my research, grab my purse and head back to my room.

  It’s getting dark out and my walk back to the room is a little further from the library. There are a few people out and about on campus but nothing too crazy. I feel my phone vibrate and take it out to read the text message.

  Kyle: Why do you keep ignoring me? We need to talk. I’m still your boyfriend.

  Ugh! Doesn’t he get it? I put my phone back in my purse when I hear footsteps behind me. I start getting panicky because I know it is Kyle. I walk a little faster, “Sophia.” He says loudly. This is it. I have to tell him to leave me alone. I turn around and look him in the eyes. “Kyle, leave me alone. It’s over.” My voice is shaky but I can’t back down.

  He reaches out for me and I jerk my arm away. “Sophia, stop this now.” His voice is raw and nasty. He gestures for me to come back to him.

  “I am not your pet Kyle! You need to leave me alone. I’m done with you!” My voice is getting louder and I hope that someone will come save me from this idiot. “I don’t want anything to do with you anymore Kyle. Just leave me alone!” My eyes shift nervously. I’m good at acting and hope he can just believe me and leave. He comes closer to me. His eyes are dark and empty with no emotion. No heart, nothing. He swiftly captures me in his arms before I can move away. I struggle in his arms and push him away but he’s too strong for me. “Kyle! Let me go!” I scream at him.

  “I can never let you go,” he whispers in my ear. His insidious voice makes me cringe. I hate him. I hate how close he is to me. “Don’t you know how much I love you Sophia? You’re my world. I’m so sorry for everything. I’m getting help for my anger issues. You don’t deserve to be in pain anymore. Let me take you away. We can go anywhere. My dad will let us take the company jet to Italy. Remember? You always told me you wanted to go. Now here’s our chance.”

  His voice sends shivers down my spine. I can hear the darkness and I want him to go away. I don’t stop struggling to get out of his arms. He holds me tighter as he rests his chin on my head. He tries to hold me closer but I keep thrashing around. I look around and there is no one around us, “Kyle, no. No Italy, nothing. You need to let me go now!” I’m screaming and hoping someone hears me.

  Kyle laughs manically and I know he’s never going to let me go until he gets what he wants. All of a sudden, I see Adam running toward us. “Adam!” I shout.

  Kyle pushes me to the ground and turns around to face Adam. I see his fists ball up tightly and instantly panic. I don’t know what’s going to happen next. No! Adam can’t get hurt. “This is none of your business Simpson.” He shouts angrily. “Back the fuck away.”

  I see Adam get in Kyle’s face. I swiftly get up off the ground and run to Adam’s side. When I grab his arm, he turns his head to look at me. He doesn’t say anything but I know he’s glad to have me by his side. “She told you to leave Harrington.” Adam points his finger into Kyle’s chest. “I suggest you back the fuck away from her.” Adam stands in front of me and grabs my hand. He holds on tightly as I place my cheek on his back.

  Kyle smacks Adam’s hand away. “What the fuck do you care asshole? She’s nothing but a fucking cunt ass bitch.”

  Adam looks at me and I know to get out of the way. I take a few steps back before he punches Kyle in the face. I watch Kyle fall to the ground and see his menacing expression. I immediately grab Adam’s left arm to pull him away. All of this drama needs to stop. I can’t take it anymore. “Stop please,” I softly plead. Kyle quickly gets up from the ground and looks at the both of us. “Oh I get it now. You’re fucking this prick, aren’t you?”

  Adam tries to pull away from me but I hold him tighter. “Just leave Kyle.” I tell him.

  Kyle points at us, “This ain’t over.” He looks over at me before leaving. That dark look leaves me trembling. Why can’t he just leave me alone?

  We watch Kyle walk away and I let out a sigh of relief. Adam pulls me close to his body and I can feel his heart racing. I wrap my arms around him and I never want to let go. We stay like this for a while before he lets me go and touches my face. “You ok?”

  I touch his hand. “I’m ok now. Thank you for everything.” I see the smile on his face and I melt, my smile.

  “I’m glad you’re ok.” His eyes don’t leave mine. I love the feel of his hands on my face. I feel so much better. This is where I want to be.

  “Always,” I put my arms around his waist as I rest the side of my head to his chest. He’s a good five inches taller than me and I feel his breathing quicken. I hold him tighter letting him know I’m here to stay. I feel him resting his chin on top of my head and putting his arms around me. This feels right and I smile thinking that this is the start of us again.

  Chapter 5

  The next few days flew by. Adam and I were slowly getting back to the way things used to be. He’s been spending more time with me in my room. We watched movies and caught up on the past four years we’ve lost. He told me about Boston and how much fun he had. I loved sitting there listening to him tell me all the great places he wanted to take me to. I told him about my sessions with Dr. Taylor and that I felt better. He made me laugh and it was like we never missed out on those years. I never got a chance to ask why he came back and he didn’t asked about Kyle. Things truly were starting to feel better. We haven’t talked about what happened between us and I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him about it. I knew that it would be coming soon and I prepared myself for that day. He tucked me in at night and surprisingly, the nightmares haven’t returned. I should have taken the initiative and told him how I felt but we haven’t had that perfect moment yet. I wanted to make sure it would be something neither of us would forget. I wished for that day to come soon.

  * * * * * *

  It’s Sunday night and after hours of studying, I think it’s time for a break. I’m starving! I put my books away and decide to text Erin so we can go out for the night. After writing three essays, studying for a marketing test and reading about entrepreneurs, I think I deserve a break.

  Me: Can you please come to my room?

  Erin: Yeah np. U ok?

  I don’t text her back since she is going to be in here within a few seconds. I stare at my phone again looking at Adam’s number. Before I can text him, Erin comes rushing in, “Soph! What’s wrong? I got here as soon as I could! You aren’t a very good explainer in text messages you know! You left me hanging!” Erin’s out of breath as she falls at the end of my bed.

  I
sit up. “I’m sorry honey,” I laugh. “Yeah’ I’m fine, just confused!” I fall back on my bed laughing.

  Erin lies on her side while looking at me, “About what?”

  I give her a small smile and cover my face. “Adam’s been spending more time with me.”

  Erin’s face lights up. “Wow look at you!” She comes over to my bed and I tell her how we’ve been. She listens to every word and doesn’t hide her delight. It feels amazing telling her all of this. I’ve been so happy these past few days and it feels right to be with Adam again. We have a natural flow and it’s incredible to have these feelings. I’m smiling more and my confidence is slowly coming back.