THE HAPPY HAT

by Peter Glassman

  “Whoa.” Boomer looked at the photos held over his plaster clad head and face opening. “These are better than Playboy.” His erection grew to tent-stake rigidity.

  “See. He can get it up. So do we have a deal?” Novo faced the Air Force sergeant.

  “We’ll set it up for one of the ramp wards. Boomer has to get his pecker inside the hooker and then shoot his load. We’ll be taking pictures. I’ll tell you guys when and where.”

  Boomer had a good memory for those photos and his residual penile tumescence showed it. He was looking forward to winning the money and getting laid was an additional bonus.

  Chapter 23

  Kiss Me Kate

  Kaplan wore a car coat over his sport jacket, slacks, shirt and tie and found Skagan’s condo easier to locate the second time. She buzzed the door in the main entry and let him into the apartment when he knocked. She was already dressed with her coat on.

  “We can take my car. I’ll drive. I know a few short cuts into Manhattan.” Her voice was soft and friendly.

  Kaplan took in her gorgeous appearance. Her ski-like puffy coat had a white fur-rimmed hood. The soft mint-green quilted coat extended to her mid-thigh and the color accentuated her sapphire blue eyes. With her bright red lipstick, ruby studded earrings, and touch of rouge to each cheek, Kaplan immediately dismissed her command choice for driving to the City.

  “You’re dressed for a chill factor.” His smile matched hers as they left the main entryway.

  “New York City can be windy and the breeze is off the still frigid ocean. It is okay for me to drive isn’t it?”

  That’s better–getting me into this decision. “Of course. I don’t even know the long way into Manhattan never mind a short cut.” Kaplan looked around the condo over her shoulder.

  “Bork is in his crate. He’s eaten and attended to his litter box.” She smiled.

  “What if a burglar comes in?”

  “The crate isn’t locked. He can get out and give any burglar the scare of his life. Don’t worry, this condo building has good security.”

  He opened her car door and went around the Dodge Dart and buckled in next to her.

  “I came upon the idea of going in for a musical and Special Services tickets go so fast I didn’t have time to discuss it beforehand. If you’d disagreed I would have returned the tickets.” She drove effortlessly at the brisk traffic speed occasionally shooting a glance sideways when stopped at a traffic light.

  “I love musicals and I’ve always wanted to experience Kiss Me Kate. It seems like a natural choice for us.” Kaplan hoped this would trigger some personal dialogue.

  “Natural? What do you mean?”

  “Well Kiss Me Kate is about an assertive female and a similarly strong-willed guy. Like us. I’m sure we’ll mirror ourselves off the main characters.” I hope I’m not being confrontational.

  Skagan was silent for a few seconds. “I never thought about it but you’re right. We both have leadership work ethics. I have to say though, from our first date, that you are a gentleman and not aggressive. I mean you didn’t impose yourself on me to dominate our evening last time.”

  Okay. So I can be a little pushy and can get away with it–if the timing is correct. “Phil, I want to be upfront with you. I wanted to ask you out again but it’s difficult in the hospital. I didn’t want to breach the officer-enlisted barrier and get you in trouble.”

  “I could sense this when we’d see each other at G-1.” She smiled. “I didn’t want you to jeopardize yourself by being so obvious in front of witnesses.” She stopped at a toll bridge to pay the toll. “I hope you didn’t eat much of a breakfast because I planned a pig-out for us at the Carnegie Deli.”

  “Carnegie Deli? Is that the place famous for kosher food and to-die-for sandwiches?”

  “That’s the place. It’s beyond description–you have to experience it. And after it and the play is over you won’t have food on your mind until tomorrow.”

  They turned into a ten-level parking edifice and found a spot on the third floor. The icy Manhattan wind hit them as they left the building and Skagan immediately thrust her arm through his and moved closer for the two-block walk to the Carnegie Deli.

  Her close proximity gave him a warm feeling. Being with her today didn’t feel like a second date. Rather, it felt like he had known her on a personal basis for a longer time. Their touching seemed so familiar.

  The hot steamy odorific atmosphere from the Carnegie Deli hit them like a wall of delicious vapor. Pastrami, corned beef, roast beef, sauerkraut and the tart aroma from the table centerpieces of half-sour pickles and pickled green tomatoes was identifiable at once.

  “Wow.” Kaplan looked at the rows of tables. People sat next-to-and-across from each other. There were no individual tables. It reminded him of his high school lunch room. “I was mildly hungry until we came in. God, I could eat one of everything on the menu.”

  Skagan laughed lightly tossing her hair within the furry jacket hood. They both removed their coats and draped them over their chair and sat facing each other. “It’s an illusion of the senses. Believe me one Empire State roast beef on dark rye, some of those pickles and steak fries and you’ll think your stomach will burst.”

  “Is that what you’re getting?”

  “Yes, but their other deli meats are equally fantastic especially the corned beef.” She reached in front and skewered a green pickled tomato with her fork.

  A stocky middle-age waitress in a green-and-white gingham uniform took their order and asked about beverages.

  “Celery soda.” Skagan piped up.

  “They make vegetable soda?”

  The waitress stared at Kaplan, “We have tomato, celery, radish, and turnip soda. Waddya want big boy?”

  “Celery will be acceptable.” Kaplan immediately replied and Skagan laughed with his cautious selection following her lead.

  They ate in silence as they manipulated their small mouths to take large bites from their Empire State roast beef masterpieces. The carbonation from the celery sodas caused occasional audible burps but every other patron was doing the same. Loud burps were a compliment to the management. There was a sign on the wall that said so.

  The Embassy Theatre was three blocks in the opposite direction and they passed their parking garage with Skagan still clinging to Kaplan’s arm. The wind was blowing from behind but was still a little piercing.

  “Phil, I haven’t been so full of food since Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner.” He looked down at her with her furry hood enshrouding her head like a halo.

  “Just don’t fall asleep on me during the performance.” She squeezed his large biceps.

  They arrived just as the entrance line began to move. “For a revival musical Kiss Me Kate brought out a huge attendance.”

  “About a quarter of the people are freebies like the military to seed the numbers for the critics. By-the-way the musical did get rave reviews. I hope you’re not too stuffed with food and won’t nod off.”

  He returned her smile. “I don’t think so, not with you sitting next to me. This whole day is a shared experience.”

  Skagan squeezed his arm and they were escorted to their seats to the live orchestra playing Kiss Me Kate’s score.

  Kaplan marveled at the scenery change from King Arthur type settings to Damon Runyon Manhattan. It was indeed a play within a play–a musical within a musical. They drank only water at the intermission along with a needed bathroom break.

  ‡

  The chill had increased during their walk back to the parking garage. Skagan let the car warm up before edging into traffic and the sixty-minute drive to her condo.

  “I have a light snack for us when we get back in case we do get any kind of an appetite. There are things I’d like us to talk about.” She kept her gaze on the road in the thick but moving traffic.

  “I hope it’s not about the war or about work.” Kaplan looked at her handsome profile. Even with the heater fan blowing he could still make
out her lilac essence over the roast beef and pickled tomato memory from their lunchtime engorgement.

  “I chose our outing today to cleave a space between work and play. We see too much pain and suffering during the day. We need a break. We have to get real and not lose our personal identity.” She shot a sideways glance at him with a rapid return to traffic.

  “I never seem to have the time to not think about work. Even when I get to my apartment I’m already planning my clothes and schedule for going back to Queens Naval the next day. I rarely have time for a book and I fall asleep in front of TV.” Kaplan sighed after his words.

  They arrived at her assigned condo parking space and took the elevator to her unit. The contrast from biting cold to interior warmth was welcome.

  “Hang our coats in the hall closet. I want to get our light dinner out of the fridge. I hope you like chili and salad with Italian dressing.”

  “It sounds perfect.” Kaplan went to the sofa facing a multi-tiered wall unit which supported a television and a stereo sound system.

  She put the meal to reheat slowly with the salads waiting patiently on the gray simulated granite Formica counter top. Skagan turned on the stereo to barely audible soft-listening music and sat next to him.

  Kaplan looked at Skagan sitting with her hands together on her lap. Her pink sweater complimented the softness of her breast contours. “I really looked forward to our next–this–meeting. I was finding it difficult not to approach you in the hospital on other than our mutual plaster cast logistics.”

  “That’s why I called you. I know it’s awkward and I feel the boundaries separating us during the day are artificial but necessary for the military to function. It’s what happens in a totally mission-oriented society.” She looked up from her lap after a slight pause. “I’ve decided not to re-up in the Navy.”

  He raised his eyebrows, “Oh. And when is your re-enlistment anniversary date?”

  “In seven months.” Their eyes met. “I’m packing Bork up and we’re going back to school for hospital administration. When is your Navy service over?”

  My assignment is over when we catch the heroin cartel. “Unless the Navy gives me an early out I plan to leave in August–six months.” Kaplan looked around for signs of Bork.

  “Bork’s back in his crate with the lock on.” Her smile faded back to seriousness. “You said you might go to law school. Now’s the time to make plans.” She continued eye contact.

  “I have no family to go back to so I’ll apply in June for next fall and I’d like to get into a Boston program–Suffolk, Brandeis, Boston University or Harvard Law. The government’ll pay my way without any payback to the military.”

  “Ike, I know we’ve only seen each other on a personal level twice.” She swallowed and took a deep breath while Neil Diamond’s “Song Sung Blue” was a distant soft pulsating presence. “I sense something binding between us. We see each other every day and I feel something. I can almost reach out during the day and absorb some aura joining us.”

  Kaplan placed his left hand on her two hands in her lap. “It’s a strain for me too Phil, especially when we’re alone in the cast room.”

  She stood up with his hand in hers. “I really don’t feel hungry right now. I’ll shut the chili off and we can have it later.”

  Skagan returned and moved close into Kaplan. She stood on her toes and placed her arms on Kaplan’s shoulders. She couldn’t reach around his neck.

  Kaplan said nothing. He scooped her up in his muscular arms with his left arm under her knees and right arm under her shoulders. They kissed and he felt her moan and shudder at the same time. He opened his eyes and carried her to the bedroom where he laid her head on a pillow and looked down at her. “If you don’t want this I’ll understand.”

  “What do you mean if I don’t want to?” She stood up and pulled her sweater over her head.

  “This will change everything between us Phil. I’m not a ‘wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am’ guy. If we make love it’s a commitment. I was brought up that way. Making love to you is making love to Philomena Skagan the person not just to her body.”

  Her eyes glistened as she removed her form-fitting slacks and began unbuttoning Kaplan’s shirt and then released his belt. “I just knew that Ike. I’m the same way and I’m afraid I haven’t had much experience with this aspect of romance.”

  He kissed her again and unhooked her bra as their lips engaged for what seemed the longest of minutes. When their clothes were in a neat pile on the carpeted floor she grabbed his left hand to lead him beneath the bed covers. They turned on their sides facing each other and the kissing turned into embracing, groping and clutching as Kaplan rolled on top.

  “Yes, please, Ike.”

  He touched between her legs and when her wetness intensified he gently entered her female domain. He was slow with a gradual to-and-fro motion. There was no pain only absolute ethereal sensation for both. When his entry was complete she enveloped his body with her arms and legs. They developed a slow and deliberate rhythm punctuated with moans and kisses. They each wanted the other to experience a maximal and mutual physical expression of love that was an additive feeling for both. Skagan hung on with all her strength as the pinnacle of her feeling for Kaplan began to erupt. Kaplan could also no longer contain himself and their pent-up emotions exploded with exhalations of their names.

  Skagan could feel his pulsatile ejaculations and Kaplan felt his manhood being intermittently stroked by her vaginal contractions. It seemed like it would never end but it did and they stayed together in a locked sweaty embrace as their breathing slowly, very slowly, returned to a normal cadence.

  At last they uncoiled and lay side-by side. “Ike. I never experienced it like this. If I wasn’t on the birth control pill I think we would be pregnant from tonight.”

  He laughed. “I like it when you said ‘we’ would be pregnant. This is definitely not a one-sided commitment Phil. I told you if we made love our lives might change.”

  They fell asleep in each other’s arms for about an hour. Kaplan stroked her long unraveled hair. How can I segue into the plaster situation?

  She did it for him. “Ike it won’t be long before the last of the casualties from the war are all back in the states and we can end this contaminated plaster project.”

  “I heard estimates that it would take almost a full year to air-evac all the patients including those with Nam casts to the states. Nixon wants all combat troops out of Vietnam by the end of this month.” Kaplan’s source was his FBI superior Adam Stokely.

  “I’m sick of the war and I’m sick of that stupid festering plaster.” She kissed his cheek. “I’m still out in seven months.” She buried her head in his damp chest hair. “We should take a shower–together.”

  Kaplan wondered at her definitive seven-month resignation. Is something supposed to happen within that time frame? He silently prayed that Skagan was not part of the heroin cartel. He really had fallen in love with her. It wasn’t the two dates. It was a slowly developing infatuation turning into a frank realization that he would like to spend the rest of his days with this woman. If she was smuggling heroin, however, it was his job to put her in prison. He thought back to his envelope addressed to Adam Stokely. I want to tear that letter to shreds but I can’t do it until this case is over. God I hope she’s straight. Why can’t I tell?

  ‡

  Sebastian Remo had mapped out his strategy. He waited until Perkins went to lunch and then brought some mail for G-3 he had held back to justify a repeat visit.

  “Here’s the rest of the morning mail. It was mixed in with G-2’s batch,” Remo lied.

  “Okay thanks.” Perkins had to chart the morning doctor’s orders as done and those to be done. He ignored Remo’s presence.

  Remo moved slowly to the ward’s exit next to the cast room and slid inside when he was certain the corpsman couldn’t see him. He used the picks Bizetes had obtained for him to open the lock on Perkin’s locker without leaving telltal
e marks. Next he took out a covered 2-inch long large bore needle from his shirt pocket which he stole from F-1. It was the kind used to run in blood and fluids rapidly in a shocky patient.

  Remo looked around once more. No one there. He grabbed a section of Perkins’ laundry bag and gently pushed the 14-gauge needle through the fabric so it wouldn’t leave a hole when he removed it. He felt rock hard resistance after about a quarter-inch depth. Remo exerted steady firm pressure until the needle went forward into the yielding substance. He quickly removed the needle and examined its bore. White powder. He touched the tip and looked at the powder. There were no needle-like cocaine crystals. He tasted it–bitter like heroin.

  Remo saw some plaster still clinging to a rubberized apron and scraped some off. It looked like what was on the needle. He tasted it. It was bland tasteless calcium sulfate–plaster. The needle sample from the laundry bag was plaster-plus-heroin. Perkins was stealing a Nam heroin plaster cast.

  Chapter 24

  Ward M-3

  It was amazing how rumors spread throughout the hospital staff population like tropical jock itch. Patients, however, had a security system to be admired by the CIA. No word of Boomer’s pending foray for Saturday night had thus far created loose lips. Queens Naval Hospital staff was clueless.

  Mickey Meaghan and Angelo Novo had kept their mouths shut. Likewise Boomer Stiles lived with the future challenge to his manhood in his every waking thought and even in his dreams. The plan now was to get an evening pass to the movie so they could sneak over to ramp ward M-3. It was a minimum care unit orthopedic ward with a third of its compliment away on weekend leave.

  “What about the hooker? Do you know what she looks like?” Boomer was looking at a Playboy fold-out and getting an erection.

  Novo grabbed the magazine from Boomer. “Hey. Don’t waste any boners on a picture of a naked lady. You’re gonna get the real thing pretty soon. I got fifty-bucks bettin’ on you putting the pork to her and squirtin’ your juice.”