Shadow of a Doubt

by Kristine Williams

  Blair waved a hand in the air, nodding and shaking his head almost at the same time. "No, I know I will, Jim. I mean last night, I wasn't so okay. I just want you to know, I'm not going to disappoint you here or anything."

  "Blair, I know you're not going to disappoint me. You never have. We'll get through this, and we'll move on." He checked his watch. "What time is your class?"

  "1:00 is the first one. I've got two, today." Blair picked up a fork, but didn't feel like eating, so he played around with the eggs for a minute. "What are you going to be doing, if you gave your caseload to Mike?"

  "Catchup, Chief. There's always paperwork to be done. Suspects to interview, research to be done. The city never sleeps, you know." Jim finished his eggs and looked at Blair. "I'll drive you to class when we're finished with Beverly. I for one will be glad when these classes of yours are over for a bit, I'm getting tired of having just Simon to talk to."

  Blair laughed, nodding his head. He often found it difficult to keep up a conversation with the Captain, even though Blair typically had no problem keeping up a conversation with just about anyone. Jim and Captain Banks were good friends, but even Jim occasionally found himself having more in common with Blair's point of view than the other man's. Although there were times when Jim would definitely side with Simon, usually when it had to do with Blair wanting to do something he really shouldn't. Blair realized Jim was still watching him, sitting there drinking his coffee, so he forced himself to eat some breakfast, then cleared the plates. Jim started putting on shoes and told Blair to go ahead and leave the dishes for later, so he did. He hurried to put on his own shoes, then caught the coat Jim handed him and followed him out the door.

  "Don't forget your keys," Jim reminded him as Blair was shutting the door.

  He quickly felt his pocket. "Got em." Too many times, Blair had forgotten to take his keys out of his pants pocket, and put them in the tray by the door, then gone running out the door without them.

  As they drove to the station, Blair could feel the fear that he was trying to ignore creeping back up. He pushed the hair from his face with one hand, trying to determine its steadiness. Beverly was on their side, he knew that. She and Jim had even dated once. But that was back when Danny was killed. Back when Jim had been so affected, he lost control of his Sentinel abilities. Back when a sure-fire, eyewitness case of Jim's had gone horribly wrong in court.

  "Sandburg, you ready?"

  Blair looked up, realizing they were parked in the Precinct garage already, and Jim was looking at him. "Yeah, I'm ready." He reached for the door handle and Jim held out a hand, touching his arm.

  "Listen, Beverly is on our side. If you have any questions or concerns, I want you to ask."

  Blair nodded. "Right, Jim."

  "I mean it, Chief." Jim hadn't let go of his arm yet so Blair listened. "I don't want you crawling into some hole somewhere going quietly nuts. You're not alone in this, got that?"

  Blair nodded again, glancing at the floor of the truck for a moment, somewhat embarrassed. "Yeah, Jim, I got it. Thanks." He looked up and smiled, then motioned with his head towards the door. "Shouldn't we...?"

  "Yeah, let's go." Jim let go of his arm then and opened the door, climbing out of the truck. Blair followed suit, but instead of walking to the elevators as they normally would, they walked over to the door that led to the street behind the building, and crossed it, to the courthouse.

  Going quietly nuts. Blair had never thought of it that way before. But his little anxiety attacks had never taken on such intensity before Brackett came along. He had nearly gone nuts last time. He had even gone so far as to...almost...Blair shook his head, trying to ban those thoughts. It was exactly what Brackett would have wanted, to have his influence come between Blair and Jim. He couldn't let that happen. He couldn't let him win.

  They stepped off the elevator and into the hallway, then walked to the far end and found the door marked Beverly Sanchez, Assistant DA. Jim paused before knocking, glancing back at Blair.

  Blair nodded in reply before Jim could ask the question. He was not going to fall apart, not here, not now. Jim knocked, then opened the door when he heard Beverly call out. Blair followed, glancing around the inside of the office quickly before turning to shut the door. He knew Brackett wouldn't be there, not in the office, but he couldn't help it.

  "Jim, how are you?" Beverly approached, hand outstretched, and shook Jim's hand, then turned to smile at Blair. "Blair, I'm sorry about the suddenness of this. It couldn't be helped."

  Blair shook her hand and tried to return her warm smile. "It's okay." He released her hand and glanced at Jim. "Just gets it over with sooner."

  "That's right, Chief," Jim said.

  "Please, have a seat." Beverly motioned towards two chairs that were positioned facing her desk, then she moved around to sit behind it, facing them as they sat. "Now, I'm not sure what Jim might have told you, Blair, but I want you to know your testimony will be worked around your schedule at the University."

  Blair nodded and raised his eyebrows slightly. He didn't really want to say anything, and thought it might be best to say as little as possible. If he kept quiet, and forced himself to pay close attention, instead of drifting off into his little worries, he might get through this with some level of maturity. He was not going to let his partner down.

  "At this point, I have your statement from the arrest report, and so does the defense attorney. What's going to happen, is we're going to call you to the stand, ask you some questions about what happened, and then they'll get the opportunity to cross examine. You've seen this before."

  "Yeah." Blair nodded again. He'd seen it, he'd just never done it.

  "What's he using as a defense?" Jim asked.

  Beverly sighed. "Innocent. Pure and simple. Claims he didn't do it."

  "What?" Blair asked, incredulously. He looked at Jim, then back to Beverly. "How can he? There were cops all over that warehouse. He shot two of them."

  She was nodding, but there was nothing agreeing about her composure. "He's claiming he didn't kill Delaney, or the dealer. Says he was framed by Kostov to come to the warehouse, and thought everyone was there to kill him and he had to act in self defense to get away." She glanced at Jim, then back to Blair. "He's also claiming he had nothing to do with what happened to you."

  Blair swallowed, trying to focus on the corner of the desk in front of him while he mentally put the pieces together. It was supposed to be simple. It was supposed to be cut and dried. But then, so was the case against Tommy Juno.

  "What about the tape?" Jim asked, glancing from her to Blair. "Simon and I both saw it, and we took it in as evidence."

  Beverly looked down for a moment, then up at Jim. Blair could see a look in her eyes that he didn't want to see. "The tape was destroyed in evidence lockup."

  "What?!" Jim asked incredulously. "What happened?"

  Blair sat still as a stone, fear creeping up from his gut to his face. This simple case was turning on him already, and they weren't even in the courtroom yet.

  "It was destroyed, Jim. That's all I know. Seems to have been expose to acid or something. I've had it sent to the FBI's crime lab, but I think it's hopeless." She turned back to Blair and he had to force his eyes to meet hers. "Your job is to answer the questions, and keep your answers short and to the point. I'll make sure the questions get our point across. We don't need the tape, we have two eyewitnesses to the recording, and your testimony. Now, we know he's lying. It's my job to make the jury see through his lies, and convict him. All you have to do is tell the truth."

  "Yeah? Well, I can handle that." Blair smiled slightly, trying not to glance at Jim. His embellishments and obfuscations may be a private joke between the two of them, but when the truth was needed, Blair had no problem. His only problem right now was dealing with the fact that this entire case might rest on his testimony. Not Jim's, but his.

  "What about Kostov?" Jim asked.

  Beverly nodded, glancing at some pape
rs on her desk. "The Feds are bringing him to court for his testimony, which should take place right after your own." She flipped open a notebook and turned a few pages. "We did opening arguments last Friday, and got quite a lot of groundwork laid down." She looked back up at Blair, then at Jim. "I've got you two down for tomorrow morning, first thing. Is that going to be all right?"

  Jim nodded, glancing at Blair for a moment before returning his gaze to Beverly. "We'll be there," he replied.

  She looked at Blair and he nodded. "Okay, good," she smiled. "The Defense may not have any questions for you right away, so you're looking at a possible call back on Thursday or Friday." She glanced at her watch. "Any questions?"

  Blair looked at Jim and shook his head. He had a million of them, but he knew the answers wouldn't be what he wanted. He could feel his heart rate begin to increase with the realization that the whole mess was marching right along, and he prayed Jim wouldn't listen.

  "Fine. I'll see you both in the morning." Beverly stood, so Blair and Jim followed suit. "Jim, can I see you for just a minute?"

  Blair looked at his partner and pointed towards the door. "I'll just wait out there."

  "Right." Jim patted Blair's arm as he passed between the two chairs and walked to the door.

  Part 2

  * * *

  Once in the hallway, Blair's heart really began to race, and he knew for sure Jim would tune in to it. He leaned against the wall and began to breathe, steadily, in and out, in a slow, rhythmic pattern designed to reduce the body's reaction to stress. That's all it was, stress. He had never gone to court before and had to be a part of the case. Let alone a pivotal part. When David Lash attacked and kidnapped him, he was killed during the arrest attempt. All the other cases Blair had seen go to trial, hadn't involved him. The others had simply required his sworn statement in a lawyer's office. He used to find it interesting, watching Jim on the stand, following his cases from start to finish. But now...now he was involved more than he had ever wanted, or expected. And it was no one's fault. No one he could blame, anyway. No one other than Lee Brackett.

  "Hey, Chief, all set?" Jim stepped out of the office, followed by Beverly who was now carrying a briefcase. "Let's see if we can get some work done before you need to be at the University."

  "I'll see you two in the morning." Beverly hurried down the hall in front of them, heading for the stairs that would lead up two flights to the court rooms.

  "I'll call you tonight," Jim called after her.

  Blair stepped up to the elevator and pressed the button. "So, the trial has already started?" he asked as they got into the elevator.

  "There's a lot to these trials, Chief. More than just you and me telling the jury what happened. Lots of legal posturing to go through." Jim pressed the button for the lobby and looked at Blair. "I didn't hear about it until yesterday, myself. Simon and I both thought it was scheduled for next month."

  The elevator stopped and they got out, walking through the morning crowd and out to the street, then crossed to the Station. Once inside, they passed and were greeted by several officers on the way to the elevator. Lately, Blair had been feeling sensitive to what the other officers were thinking, despite Jim's constant assurance that he was accepted and liked by those who mattered. His little episode in the garage, with Jim's gun, still weighed heavily on his mind. Although, aside from the occasional comment from a uniformed officer that he wasn't even supposed to hear, Blair had never been given reason to believe he wasn't accepted there as Jim's partner. It was just this damn trial, weighing him down. He was going to have to start taking his own advice and calm down.

  "Sandburg, you coming?"

  Blair looked up, realizing they were on the 7th floor and Jim was standing outside the elevator, looking in at him. He grimaced, then smiled his embarrassment and rushed out of the car, following Jim to his desk.

  "What's on the agenda this morning?" Blair asked, shrugging out of his jacket.

  "Just have to go over this case with Mike, and hit the paper trail." Jim reached out for Blair's coat and hung it on the hanger behind the desk, then started to take his own off. "Listen, Chief, if you need to..."

  "Ellison, I need you and that file in here." Captain Banks had stepped out of his office when Jim entered the room.

  "Right away, Captain." Jim finished removing his coat and tossed it to the rack. "Grab that file for me." He motioned with his head towards his desk and walked to Simon's office.

  Blair stepped around the chair and found a file in the middle of the desk, picked it up, and followed Jim into the office. On the way there, he noticed Mike Jenkins inside, as well as Simon and now Jim. Blair entered the office and handed Jim the file, nodding at Mike who greeted him with a smile, then moved around the group to stand against the wall where he could listen to the conversation already in progress.

  "There's not much to go on yet, Captain. I just got the case yesterday," Jim was saying. He handed the file to Mike Jenkins and turned back to Simon.

  "Mike will take over. He can always check with you, right, Mike?"

  "No problem," Mike replied, glancing at Jim.

  "Listen, Simon, I could handle this case. I mean, Mike's got enough of his own."

  "No. No way, Jim." Simon shook his head, glancing at Jim, then Mike before either could reply. "I want you focused on this trial, and nothing else." He spared a quick look at Blair, who was listening to them all. "It's only for a few days. I want this guy put away, and this whole mess over and done with. If that means lightening your load for a week, I'll do it."

  Jim nodded, and they all three seemed to glance at Blair at the same time. A sudden rush of guilt forced Blair's gaze to the floor, then around to the desk, where he consciously made his eyes follow a leg of the table back up, until he could once again glance about the room at the same level as the rest of them. It didn't matter what Jim or Simon kept telling him...Blair was going to feel responsible for this entire incident until it was over. He just couldn't shake it.

  "Jim, have you interviewed any of these witnesses yet?"

  "No, Mike, not yet." Jim turned back to Mike, and Blair focused on what they were saying, willing his own thoughts away for as long as he could. "Forensics still has the scarf we found on the scene, and I don't have a report back from them yet on the fibers in the car."

  Blair listened to the two Detectives discuss a case he had missed completely while at the University, but he soon realized he wasn't paying much attention. It was over before he even knew what had happened, and Jim was ushering him towards the door.

  "...drop you off at the University," Jim was saying.

  "Yeah." Blair nodded and started out the door, glancing up at the wall clock. His first class was in an hour.

  "Hey, kid, hang in there." Mike patted Blair on the shoulder as he walked past. "Jim, you too. Still having those nightmares?"

  Blair looked up suddenly, wondering for a split second if Mike was talking to him, or Jim. He noticed Jim making a quick gesture with his head, then glance at Blair.

  "Well, take it easy," Mike said, making a big show of folding up the file in his hand.

  Blair turned around to face Jim, but before he could say anything, Jim moved to the desk and reached around for their coats. "Come on, Chief. I'll give you a ride."

  "Jim..."

  "Let's go, Sandburg. I've got a lunch date after I drop you off." Jim tossed Blair his coat and started to walk away, leading the way back to the elevators.

  Blair caught the coat, and had to hurry to catch up, getting to the elevator as Jim was stepping inside and turning around. They were alone on the way down, so Blair finished pulling on his coat and turned to his partner. "Jim, you didn't tell me you were having nightmares."

  Jim shrugged, glancing down at him for an instant, then back up to the numbers above the door. "No big deal, Chief, just a couple of bad dreams." The doors opened and Jim stepped out into the garage, leading the way to the truck.

  Blair once again had to hurry t
o catch up. "Jim, it is to a big deal. Why didn't you tell me?" Jim was opening the driver's side door and he turned to look at Blair. "Now I have to tell you about every little bad dream I have? Come on, Chief, it was no big deal. Get in." Jim got in the truck and started the engine, waiting for Blair to get in as well.

  Reluctantly, Blair walked around the hood of the truck and got in, buckling up then looking at Jim as they drove out of the garage. "Jim, the last time I knew about a nightmare you had, it really affected you. Scared the crap out of me, too." Blair instantly recalled having been awakened by the sounds of Jim, in the room above his own, shouting in his sleep. Waking him had frightened Blair even more, as his partner was able to come instantly awake and ready for trouble, grabbing his gun before even opening his eyes. He knew Jim was too good to ever shoot without a clear knowledge of what was going on, but having a gun drawn and cocked in a instant, and aiming at you, was not something Blair was used to. "You told me about that one."

  "I didn't have to tell you about that one, you already knew." Jim glanced down the alley before pulling out. "Listen, Blair, the only reason I haven't mentioned the last couple, was because they just happened. I thought you had enough to worry about this week."

  Blair shook his head. "No, man, this isn't about me. It's about you, Jim. You're having nightmares for a reason, and if you'll talk to me about it, maybe we can work them out."

  "There's nothing to work out, Blair. Just forget about it. In a week, this whole mess will be over and neither one of us will have any more worries." Jim was making a left turn, so he glanced at Blair as he did so. "Okay?"

  Blair sighed, glancing out the window for a second. "No, Jim, it's not okay." He looked back at his partner. "You told Mike, though."

  Jim shook his head, laughing a little as he shot Blair a quick glance. "Now what's that all about?"

  "Look, Jim, I'm a big boy, honest. I can handle this without cracking." I think. "I just don't like the idea that this is getting to you, to the point of you having nightmares, and not telling me about it."