Spit Against the Wind

by Anna Smith

  Jamie kept sobbing, his voice growing weaker. ‘Please get me out of this, mister.’

  The farmer’s wife seemed to be taking ages, but eventually she came back. They both knelt down by Jamie and the farmer began slowly cutting the metal, carefully snipping each part to free Jamie’s foot. When he cut it, he pulled the metal out of Jamie’s foot and I thought Dan was going to faint at the sight of it. Jamie almost passed out with his head on the farmer’s wife’s lap.

  ‘There now, there now,’ the farmer said. ‘That’s the worst part over. Now let’s see the damage.’ Jamie was barely conscious as the farmer eased his sock off. We all stood over him as we saw the sock slip off and the gaping hole in his ankle. The farmer’s wife soaked the cloths in the water that smelled of medical stuff and plastered them on to Jamie’s foot. She held up his head and gave him a drink of orange juice which he gulped gratefully. The farmer looked around at the rest of us who were all standing eyeing Jamie drinking the juice. We were dying of thirst.

  ‘Here, have this,’ he said, and handed us a big bottle of juice.

  We gulped it down, taking turns, pulling the bottle from each other’s mouths. I couldn’t get enough to drink if I had taken the whole bottle. I felt dizzy.

  Jamie sat up and suddenly looked better, but his face was grey and grimy from tears.

  ‘Jesus, Jamie,’ Tony said. ‘We thought we’d lost you. God, are you all right?’

  ‘Yeah. I’ll still beat you at running, even with a bad leg.’ He smiled and the farmer breathed a sigh of relief.

  The farmer looked at his wife and they both gazed across the field expecting the ambulance to appear at the farmyard.

  ‘You’d better not walk,’ the farmer said. ‘Right, you guys lift him and I’ll give him a piggy-back to the farm. The ambulance will be here any minute.’

  ‘I’m all right now,’ Jamie said, not wanting an ambulance because it would mean the game was up and he would have to go back home. But he knew he was so badly hurt he would have to go to hospital. We all knew it was over. We just looked at each other, and Tony’s eyes filled with tears. He walked away from us.

  ‘I’m not going back,’ he said.

  No sooner were the words out than the ambulance came screaming into the farmer’s yard, followed by a police car. Then seconds later there were dozens of people walking across the fields towards us. As they came nearer I recognized some of them. Neighbours, relatives, the woman from the post office, Luigi’s wife. I wondered what they were all doing and it didn’t click for a full minute that the whole village had been out looking for us. My heart leapt and sank in an instant. Dan’s eyes lit up.

  I turned to Tony and he was walking backwards away from me. He was shaking his head.

  ‘I can’t, Kath, I can’t go back there.’ His eyes were full of tears.

  ‘Tony, you have to. You can’t run away.’ I felt my voice shake. I was close to tears. ‘There’s nowhere else to go, Tony. Please,’ I pleaded, but he was already walking away.

  I ran after him and grabbed his arm, turning him towards me.

  ‘Tony, it’s hopeless. You’re only eleven. You can’t go anywhere. Look what happened to us and there were four of us. C’mon. You can’t go away on your own.’ I started to sob. I was desperate. Tony stopped and stood looking at me. The farmer turned towards us. Nobody moved. Tony looked at Jamie and Dan and shook his head. He started to sob too.

  ‘I love you, Kath. I’ll always love you,’ he whispered as he walked away, tears running down his face. He started to run. The people from the village were walking faster and faster as they came towards us. I recognized my mum and dad, then I saw Kevin. I wanted to run to them, but I turned and went after Tony. Dan ran beside me, and then the farmer came after us, carrying Jamie on his back.

  Tony ran and ran faster than any of us. We tried to keep up, but we were weak from hunger and I could hardly breathe.

  We saw him go towards the viaduct and start to climb it. We stopped and looked at him.

  He was like a monkey the way he scaled the wall, climbing higher and higher. Everyone from the village had almost caught up with us and we were all running towards Tony. He didn’t even look back at us, he just kept climbing higher. We all stopped when we reached the foot of the viaduct.

  ‘Oh God!’ I turned to Dan. ‘He’s going to fall. It’s slippery up there.’

  ‘No, he won’t fall. Tony’s like Tarzan. He’ll never fall,’ Dan said, looking up anxiously at Tony, who was almost at the top ledge.

  I was oblivious to the crowd who had caught up with us until my mum threw her arms around me.

  ‘Oh Kath! Oh Kath! Thank God you’re safe! God, we thought you were murdered, or kidnapped!’ I burst into tears and squeezed her tight, but pushed her away almost instantly to look at Tony.

  ‘What is he doing?’ Kevin said, hugging me.

  ‘He can’t come back, Kev,’ I rushed. ‘The Nazi’s been battering him and he nearly killed him. The Nazi had a gun and he chased us.’ I blurted it all out.

  Kevin looked bewildered. ‘Are you sick, pal? I think you’re delirious.’

  ‘No, it’s true, Kev,’ Dan said. ‘Tony’s got all the stuff. The Pole is really a Nazi. Tony’s got the papers. We’ve all seen them.’

  Dad looked at Kevin and Mum and then at me, his face screwed up, wondering what we were talking about.

  Tony’s mum rushed forward to the foot of the viaduct. She was screaming.

  ‘My boy! My boy! Oh Tony! Oh Tony! Please come down! Oh God! Somebody get him down!’

  Various men rushed forward and shouted to Tony.

  ‘C’mon now, son. It’s too dangerous up there. C’mon now. The game’s over. Your mammy’s frantic. Now c’mon down and everything will be fine.’

  ‘No it won’t.’ We could barely hear Tony’s voice through his sobs. ‘It’ll never be fine,’ he sobbed.

  I broke free of my mum and ran forward. ‘Tony!’ I shouted. ‘Please, Tony. Come down. Everything’s going to be fixed. Kevin will fix it, you know he will.’

  Kevin rushed forward and shouted up to Tony. ‘C’mon, son. Nobody’s going to hurt you. Nobody’s ever going to hurt you again.’

  We all stared up at Tony. A hush fell over the crowd. Tony stood still. He had climbed on to the ledge near the top and was looking down, his face white. The silence seemed to go on for ages. He’ll come down, I thought. It’s over.

  But it seemed to happen in slow motion. Tony had turned his body a little and looked as though he was about to start down the viaduct when suddenly he slipped. He was flying through the air. My mouth dropped open. I couldn’t breathe. Tony was coming towards me. Everybody screamed when they heard the thud on the ground. But nobody screamed any louder than me. I screamed with a voice I didn’t even recognize. I ran forward and threw myself on the ground on top of Tony. His body was still. His leg was buckled halfway up his back and blood poured from his ear. But his face was just Tony’s face as if he was sleeping, like the way he was asleep the other night in the field when he looked happy.

  ‘Tony! Tony!’ I screamed into his face. ‘Wake up! Open your eyes! Oh God! Oh no, Tony! Oh please don’t die!’ I sobbed on to his body. I could smell his clothes and feel the heat of his body and his shirt damp with sweat. I wanted to stay there for ever, to hold him until he woke up. But he would never wake up. Tony was dead.

  I knelt up and turned around to see Dan fall to his knees and sob. Jamie was screaming, his head burrowed into the farmer’s shoulder.

  All sorts of people were pushing their way around Tony and I could hear them screaming that he was dead. But their voices were further and further in the distance and I could barely hear them. Everyone was spinning in circles and I tried to stand up, but I fell down, hardly hearing their voices. I could feel someone pick me up, but I didn’t know if they were really lifting me or if I was floating in some kind of dream. I thought I could hear Kevin’s voice telling me everything was fine. But I knew everything would never be fin
e again. I tried to speak but the words wouldn’t come out. The pain in my chest was so bad I thought it would burst. The voices trailed away and I seemed to be sleeping, dreaming or dying. I had no idea. But I hoped I was dying.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  We were running along the beach, laughing and kicking sand, giggling as Dan stumbled and fell over. Tony ran faster than all of us and we chased him, shouting at him to slow down. Then he fell over and rolled on the sand laughing. Jamie, Dan and I all caught up with him and stood over him as he lay in the sand looking up at us, his face glowing and his eyes shining. Then his expression changed to fear and he opened his mouth to scream but nothing came out. I watched as rats came out of the sand all around us, climbing on to Tony’s head and covering his face. We screamed. Dan and Jamie shook the rats off each other, screaming in terror. I fell down on to Tony, grabbing the rats off his face, but there were so many I couldn’t catch them. I fell on to the sand, sobbing and screaming in desperation. Then I could hear the sea, lapping against the pebbles, hypnotizing me as it whispered back and forth. I opened my eyes and saw the four of us on a raft, laughing and shouting as we bobbed around on the water. I saw myself in the distance, then the raft disappeared and a cold, dark feeling ran over me.

  I was sure I saw Kevin sitting on the edge of my bed, smiling at me. I tried to smile but my face wouldn’t work. Then Kevin’s face turned into the Nazi, then Father Flynn. The faces kept changing and I shrank back as all three faces leaned towards me. I could feel the bed shaking. My body was trembling. I felt rivers of sweat run down my stomach and down the back of my neck. I could hear somebody screaming. It sounded like me.

  ‘Quick! Mum! Come in! Doctor!’ I could hear the words in the distance, and when my eyes opened again there were three people standing at my bed. I felt my lips move. Who were they? Then I knew my mum, then Dr Morgan. My eyes strained but they were burning in my head. I saw the doctor shaking his head and sitting down on the bed.

  ‘Kath? Kath?’ I could hear him, far away, echoing in the trees. I heard the birds sing, but outside I could see it was dark.

  ‘Kath?’ the doctor said again. ‘Kath? Can you hear me? Kath? Do you know who I am?’

  I tried to speak but my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth.

  ‘OK. Don’t speak, Kath. Squeeze my hand if you know me,’ I heard him say.

  I felt his warm, fleshy hand in mine and my fingers wrapped themselves around his thumb. I saw everyone’s faces change. Mum seemed to sigh and grabbed hold of Kevin’s arm.

  ‘Oh Kath!’ She was by the bed now, rubbing my hand and pushing back my hair from my forehead. ‘Oh Kath! We thought you were a goner.’ Her eyes filled with tears. My chest felt heavy.

  ‘Don’t get her too excited now, Maggie. It’s going to take a bit of time. She’s been very sick. The pleurisy itself will take it out of her, never mind the shock. We’re just going to have to let her take her own time. But I think she’s getting out of the woods.’

  I heard the doctor’s words echo in my head. Never mind the shock. The shock? What shock? I could feel myself drifting away and the three of them began to fade before me. The shock. I was floating away.

  The cold cloth on my head felt good and when I opened my eyes, shafts of sunlight streaming in the window made me close them again. My chest hurt when I breathed in. A sharp pain in my side made me catch my breath and I opened my eyes again, straining to see Kevin through the sunlight.

  ‘Hi, tiger.’ He smiled, squeezing the water from the cloth and placing the cold flannel on my head. ‘Jeez, Kath, we thought you were going to sleep for ever.’

  I tried to smile. Kevin looked beautiful, his hair gleaming in the sunshine.

  ‘You’ve been out for nearly two days. The doctor and everything’s been here day and night. You’ve been really sick, Kath.’ He put his arm around my shoulder and gently pulled me forward as he puffed up my pillows. The effort nearly killed me. Every bone in my body ached and there was a sharp pain in my back, stabbing me every time I breathed.

  I lay back, looking around the room, wondering where I had been. The nightmares. Terrible places, dark, horrible things flying around. And here I was in my bedroom, with its yellow walls and pictures of Mick Jagger that had been there since Ann Marie left. I felt warm and good, with Kevin sitting there talking to me. Then I remembered.

  We ran away. It all came flooding back to me. There was a flashback to Tony flying through the air towards me. So fast. Then he was on the ground. I closed my eyes but I could still see him. Kevin put his arms around me and held me close to him.

  ‘Tony’s dead … isn’t he?’ I murmured.

  ‘Yes, Kath. Yes. He’s gone,’ Kevin said and stroked my hair. He smelled clean and fresh.

  I felt the sob rising like a wave from deep inside me. My chest hurt and I was choking. I opened my mouth, gasping for air. Then the sobs came, in short bursts first, but soon my whole body was heaving and with every breath came the stabbing pain in my side.

  ‘Oh Kevin! Oh Kevin! Tony’s dead! I want him back! Oh Kevin! Don’t make him be dead! It’s not fair!’

  ‘Sssh. There now … sssh. You’ll be all right, Kath … I promise. I know it’s hard … I know, pal … I know.’ Kevin eased me back on to the pillows and I felt the tears run into my ears. He wiped them. His eyes were shining and he looked as if he was going to cry too.

  ‘Try and relax, Kath. The doctor says it’s important that you don’t strain yourself. You’ve got pleurisy. It’s a bad sickness in your lung. And you’ve got to be very careful. Try and relax,’ Kevin said, looking away from me, tears in his eyes.

  ‘I want to die,’ I said, choking. If only I could die. If only the pain would go away and I could be with Tony, like the way we used to be. Like the very first day I saw him, when he was beautiful and funny and tougher than any boy I knew.

  ‘Sssh,’ Kevin said. ‘Sleep for a while longer and we’ll talk about it when you waken up.’

  I felt myself drifting away again and I could hear Kevin’s voice whispering in the hall to someone that sounded like my mum.

  ‘Yeah. She knows now. She must have just remembered it. Poor wee soul. She’s in a real state. I’m glad it’s still four weeks until I go to Australia. I want to make sure she’s on the mend before I go,’ I heard Kevin say. Then the voices went away and I was sleeping again.

  *

  The rain was pouring down the day I put my feet on the floor. I stood up and felt wobbly as I walked to the window. Water dripped from the window sills and from the trees outside, making puddles, then little rivers running down the streets. Some kids were out splashing in the water, making boats from pieces of twigs and watching them as they floated down towards the drain. They kicked puddles of water on each other and one of them burst into tears. I felt my face smile. I sat back down on the bed and looked in the mirror. My face was white and thinner than I remembered it. My eyes looked watery and pale. I took a deep breath and there was no pain. I stood up and walked very slowly out of the room and steadily down the stairs to the hall.

  I could smell bacon and eggs cooking and my stomach rumbled.

  In the living room, Dad sat by the unlit fire reading the newspaper. I felt as if I hadn’t seen him for ages.

  ‘I’m starving,’ I said, and he looked up, his face brightening into a big smile.

  ‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Would you look who it is! Maggie! She’s out of her bed.’ He leapt from the chair and threw his arms around me.

  ‘Oh my darlin’. God, you had us all round the bend with worry. Are you all right? I think you should be in bed. You were nearly dead!’

  Mum rushed in from the kitchen, a tea towel over her shoulder.

  ‘God almighty, Kath, I don’t think you should be up. Quick … lie on the couch.’

  ‘I’m all right, honest. I’m fine now. I’m starving,’ I protested as she ushered me on to the couch.

  I sat up, intoxicated with the smell of food, watching Dad trying to read the
newspaper so that he wouldn’t have to talk to me about Tony. I wished he would say something. He gave me a sideways glance like he could read my thoughts.

  ‘You OK, Kath? You know, about Tony? God, it was the most awful thing. That wee boy …’ Then he leaned over to me and whispered, ‘I knew what he meant to you, Kath. I know it’s a hard thing for you. Life sometimes does terrible things to you. But he’ll always be in here for you.’ He struck his chest with his hand. ‘In your heart, Kath … in your heart.’

  I felt tears in my eyes and I looked away. Mum shouted us into the kitchen. The table looked brilliant, with heaps of bread and steaming hot tea. She put a plate in front of me with crispy bacon, a fried egg and a sausage. My mouth watered. I hadn’t been this starving for ages. I stabbed the beautiful golden yolk and soaked a forkful of bread into it then wolfed it down, gulping a mouthful of piping hot tea.

  Dad and Mum looked at each other and smiled.

  ‘She’s on the mend,’ Mum said.

  I managed to smile back.

  While I sat with them in the afternoon, they told me all the news. Dad joined in the stories while he picked horses from the racing section of the newspaper and fiddled with the television aerial trying to get a good picture for the big race. Mum just shook her head. She knew if he won any money she would be the last to see it.

  They told me that Jake McCabe had gone. He had walked out of the house the morning after Kevin’s party. But not before he gave Mary McCabe a sore face. She had to have three stitches to her head. I told them about what Jamie had said about the cruelty people saying they would take the children away, but Mum assured me that she knew all about that, and now that Jake was gone, everyone was rallying to help Mary. But her face was still black and blue.

  ‘I hope to Christ that useless bastard never sets foot in this village again. For if he does, someone will be done for murder. I only wish I had cracked his jaw years ago and maybe he wouldn’t have kept on at her,’ Dad piped up.