Beautiful and Broken

by Sara Hubbard

  “Thanks, dear.” My father’s hands are out, ready to take the potatoes, and I barely register him speaking to me.

  “What?”

  “The potatoes? I’ll take them.”

  “Right.”

  Back in the kitchen, Mom hands me a bowl of stuffing and a cranberry mould. I set them on the table and take a seat. Sawyer is eyeing me in that what the hell did your mother do to you? kind of way, but I don’t offer an explanation.

  Mom’s smile is massive when she enters with the turkey. “Ta-da!” she says, proud of herself. “Time to carve the turkey, Mitchell.”

  “This looks amazing,” Jason’s mother says with her hands pressed together.

  “Yeah, amazing.” Jason takes a long sip of his wine, staring at Sawyer over the rim of his glass.

  Rodney squeezes in between us, and I pat his head.

  “No begging,” Dad says, pointing to the foyer. The dog runs off in a hurry as if he’s already been given something.

  The turkey is carved and all our plates are full. As we pick at the last bites, the conversation begins and my level of discomfort reaches an all-time high.

  “Tell me, Sawyer, what kind of work do you do?” Calvin, Jason’s dad, asks.

  Sawyer runs a hand across his cheeks. He shaved this morning, but his face is already shadowed.

  “Sawyer is a fighter. A boxer. Isn’t that right?” My mother takes a sip of her wine.

  “That’s right.”

  “I see,” Calvin says. “I would imagine there’s only a finite amount of time you can do something like that. Have you thought about what you’ll do when you can’t fight anymore?”

  “A bit. I’ll probably open a gym. Maybe become a trainer.”

  “Dad, most boxers get knocked around a lot in their lifetime. I don’t imagine there are a lot of options for someone with brain damage,” Jason says.

  “Jason,” Agnes and I say at the same time.

  “What did I say?” He takes another drink.

  I watch Sawyer’s hands ball on the table and for a second, I worry. Sweat forms on my brows. I can’t take my eyes off his knuckles as they turn from tan to pasty white. Oh, shit a brick.

  “No, that’s fine,” Sawyer says, waving me off. “Not all of us can fall into money and a respectable career.”

  Jason laughs and sets his glass on the table. I half expect Sawyer and Jason to jump on the table and start beating on their chests.

  Agnes smiles. “I just love this cranberry mould. And what is in this stuffing? Apples. I think I taste apples.”

  “Yes. Apples and sausage,” Mom says sweetly.

  “Of course. The sausage. This is perhaps the best stuffing I’ve ever had.”

  “For the record, I didn’t fall into anything,” Jason says, twirling his glass in circles by its stem. “I got into law school on my own. Made the dean’s list every year—on my own. And soon I’ll become a partner because I earned it.”

  Sawyer smiles and takes a bite of the turkey, ripping into it like he’s a lion who hasn’t eaten in a month.

  “I think we should change the subject,” my dad says, eyeing everyone at the table.

  “Mom said Molly’s helping you find a house?” Mia says, her smile sincere. I would thank her later if I wasn’t so pissed at her. But now I think she’s done me a favor. Jason’s acting like a supreme ass and he’s egging Sawyer on, on purpose. He wouldn’t live through one of Sawyer’s punches—surely, he has to see that.

  “She is,” Sawyer says. He takes my hand and brings it up on the table to display to everyone.

  I need to lie down. I need medication. When will this dinner end?

  Rodney runs in the room and pokes at Jason. Jason shoos him away, but he doesn’t go anywhere. That’s when I see what he has in his mouth. My eyes snap to my open purse. I can see right down inside, and my underwear is missing.

  I gasp.

  Jason looks at me like I’m mad and then looks down at the dog. He sees the fabric and frees it from the dog’s mouth. “MD,” he says, his face scrunched up into an award-winning sneer. “What the fuck?” he says, rising to his feet.

  “Oh dear God,” my mother says, putting her head down into her hands. “You try to be a good mother and raise your children right, and this is what happens.”

  Mia snaps to attention and grabs the underwear. “I wondered where they went to.”

  “They’re Molly’s,” Jason shouts.

  “I think I’ll head out back for a cigar,” my dad says, pushing out from the table.

  “I think I’ll join you.” Calvin throws his napkin down and hurries from the room.

  “I don’t smoke,” Agnes says. “But fresh air would be nice.”

  “I’ve never been so embarrassed in my entire life!” Mom shakes her head at me and then at Mia. She stomps out of the room, her heels clacking on the tile.

  Jason shoves himself out from the table. “Six years,” he says to me. He glares at Sawyer. “You’re nothing but a short distraction, and a way for her to get back at me.”

  “That’s not true, Jason. You’re not the same person I loved. You’ve changed.”

  “So have you.” He nods to the underwear and leaves the room.

  “Thank you, Mia,” I say quietly. I’d say I owe her one, but I don’t think what she did for me tonight is quite enough to balance the scales.

  She shrugs. “This is one for the family album.”

  “Sawyer?” I put my hand on his cheek and try to turn his face so his eyes will meet mine. “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

  “Just give me a minute,” he says.

  “I’m so sorry. He’s wrong. I want you. Only you.” I kiss his forehead and then try to find my sister. Have I wrecked everything by bringing him here? He was hesitant about a relationship before, and I wonder if this will kill us. Thinking about losing him gives me stabbing pains in my chest.

  Mia is in her room, sitting in her window seat. She smiles when she sees me and I take a seat opposite her, sitting slowly.

  “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “Ha! I guess I did. I owe you so much more than taking the blame for soiled underpants.”

  “Soiled?”

  “Oh, please. Why did you take them off if it wasn’t because you and Sawyer did the nasty in your room?”

  A giggle escapes my mouth and I lean back, suddenly relaxed. I missed this with my sister. Commiserating.

  “So what did you want to talk about?”

  She sighs. “It’s bad, Molly, but you need to know.”

  “I don’t care anymore. I’m really happy with Sawyer.”

  “Yeah, I think you are. I can see something in your face when you look at him. I don’t remember you ever looking at Jason that way. And Sawyer just kind of lets you be...whereas Jason was always commanding you.”

  Outside the window, the moon is full and low, rimmed in pink. Did he command me? Yes. I think he did. When we went out to dinner I wore what he liked. He ordered for me. If I wanted to go out with friends and he didn’t want me to, I stayed home.

  “That’s as much his fault as mine. I guess I let him.”

  “Jason cheated on you long before your wedding,” she says quickly, like if she doesn’t say it fast she won’t get the words out. She chews on her lip, waiting for my response.

  “How do you know this?”

  “I caught him nuzzled up to some girl at a bar. I confronted him and he said I misunderstood, but then…a few months later I saw him doing the same thing, only this time he had his lips on her neck.”

  I sigh and feel empty. Six years, I was with him. Six long, wasted years. How could I not have seen him for what he was sooner? Had I really loved him? I’m not sure I did. I think I was in love with the life I dreamed we’d have together. But it never really lived up.

  “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised,” I say.

  “I knew I had to tell you, but he told me he’d deny it and you’d never leave him anyway. What was the point?
” She shakes her head. “I let it go. I wanted to tell you so badly but I didn’t want you to think I was causing trouble. I have a history of that, you know.”

  I smile. “Yeah. I know.”

  “But then your wedding day came and I couldn’t let you marry him. I just couldn’t, but I needed proof that he was a cheat if you were ever going to believe me. So I came on to him. Just to see if he would do anything. I told him I’d always wanted him. That you’d never have to know and he didn’t even hesitate. I planned it so someone would find us. I meant for it to be Megan. I asked her to come and check on us in a few minutes after I went to check on him. He was late and I said I would go and talk to him, but then Dad came looking for Jason first.”

  I take my sister’s hand. “I forgive you, Mia. He was right. I don’t know if I would have believed it then. I was so delusional. But now I feel bad for being that person, that you’ve been trying to do the right thing and I’ve been treating you so horribly. Can you forgive me?”

  Crash!

  A scream echoes through the house.

  Mia and I stare at each other for a split second before we jump from our seats and run for the stairs. I bound down them and head for the dining room. Jason is on the floor, completely out. His mother is on the floor beside him, tapping his face.

  Sawyer stands tall, his hands in tight fists.

  Calvin is screaming at Sawyer, telling him he’s going to jail. My father's trying to calm him down. But I barely hear what anyone is saying; their voices are like running water, background noise.

  “Sawyer?” I say.

  His eyes meet mine. He looks at me like he wants to hurt me too, like he hates me. No one has ever looked at me before with so much focused hatred, and it makes me take a step back.

  “You can fucking have each other,” he says. He storms out, leaving me standing there, helpless, confused, and paralyzed.

  Eighteen

  “WHERE DO YOU think you’re going?” My mother gets in my way as I try to walk out the front door. “It’s Thanksgiving, and you need to be with your family.”

  “I need to be with Sawyer.”

  “Look what that animal just did! The ambulance is on its way. You stay right here, young lady. Don’t you care that Jason is laying out cold on the dining room floor?” She points her finger at him, and shakes her hand up and down, trying to punctuate her point. “Doesn't that matter to you at all?”

  “It does, Mom, but what happened? What did Jason say to him? I’m not entirely sure he didn’t deserve it.”

  My mother raises her hand and slaps me hard across the cheek. My head rotates to the side and I cover my burning flesh. It hurts, but not as much as the sting of my mother taking Jason’s side—again.

  “Oh, that’s right. Get good and offended. Fine, hate me. But this boy will ruin your life. Mark my word.” Mom steps aside and walks into the living room, leaving me in the foyer with tears in my eyes.

  Mia clutches my arm. “Go. I’ll call you if there’s any permanent damage.”

  When I open the door, I see Sawyer peeling away. “Mia,” I call out. “I need your keys.”

  ***

  I hear sirens as I speed down Melody Lane. The ambulance. Good. Jason will be fine. I almost come to a full stop when I see Sawyer’s jeep pulled over and a cop at his window with a gun pulled on him. I pull over to the side of the road and jump out.

  “No, stop, please!”

  Another cop on the opposite side of the car comes into view. His weapon is also drawn. “Get back in your car, Miss.”

  “No, there’s a mistake. Please. You can’t take him!”

  Sawyer steps out of the vehicle with his hands raised. He turns around and the cop on his side of the car holsters his weapon and pulls handcuffs out of his pocket. He slaps them on Sawyer and I feel sick.

  Before they put him in the cop car, he shouts, “Call my lawyer.”

  I’m numb, but I manage to nod. Tears catch in my lower lids and slowly, they fall down my cheeks, stinging the flesh my mother just slapped. I dig down deep and find the strength, pulling out my phone and searching through my purse for that stupid business card his lawyer gave me. It seems like forever ago. How could I have known back then that I would be standing on the edge of the road under a street lamp, my heart breaking as Sawyer Davis drives away in a police car?

  I hop into my car and frantically search through my purse, pulling out my phone, lipstick, and some random receipts. When I can’t find it, I turn my purse over and shake it. Aha! It falls onto the floor and I snatch it up, dialing his lawyer’s phone number quicker than I could snap my fingers.

  With each ring, my heart is racing. “Come on, come on. Pick up. Please.”

  “Crane, Dunlop and Associates,” says a woman with a nasal voice.

  “Dane Thomas, please. It’s an emergency.”

  “This is a criminal law office. All of our calls are usually emergencies.”

  Really? Sarcasm? What kind of business are they running? “Please!”

  “One moment.”

  I tap the steering wheel as elevator rock music plays in my ear. I’m sitting here waiting while Sawyer is in handcuffs. It doesn’t seem fair. Oh my God.

  “Dane Thomas.”

  “Mr. Thomas. This is Molly Denton. We met when I was in the hospital. You tried to—“

  “Ah, yes. Molly. I remember you.” I hear a quiet squeak as if he’s sat back in his chair. “What can I do for you?”

  “It’s Sawyer. He’s been arrested.”

  “Where is he?”

  “I don’t know. I’m in Furlow, just outside the city. He was picked up here. I imagine he'd be taken to their lockup and not the one in the city.”

  “Alright. What are the charges?”

  “I’m assuming assault. He knocked out my ex-fiancé at Thanksgiving dinner.”

  “What?” Pause. “Never mind. I’ll see you there.”

  ***

  Furlow Police Station is modest, a single story brick building with white shutters. It would almost look like a house if it wasn’t for the bars on the inside of the windows and the massive white sign outside that reads, Furlow Police, keeping you and yours safe.

  The parking lot is almost full but I manage to find a spot around back. My phone rings and my mother’s name comes up, but I refuse to answer, muting it instead before jogging into the police station. Inside, a plexiglass wall separates the waiting room from a uniformed cop standing behind a waist-high desk. Tiny holes in the glass allow him to talk with me.

  “Sawyer Davis? I’m here to see Sawyer Davis.”

  He raises an eyebrow at me. I recognize him from somewhere but I can’t say where.

  “You Mitchell’s kid?”

  “Yes! I am,” I say, smiling, hoping the name-drop might get me what I want. It doesn’t hurt to have a lawyer father in a situation like this.

  “Can’t help you.” He looks down at his papers.

  “What? Why?”

  “He only wants to see his lawyer. No visitors.”

  I take a step back, feeling like I’ve been slapped. Again. Sawyer punches Jason and now he won’t see me. What the hell is going on? We were fine. Everything was fine, but I left him for five minutes and everything changed. Jason. He said something to Sawyer to set him off.

  The cop looks up and points to the door. “Have a nice day.”

  “I’ll wait.” I force a smile and walk over to the coffee machine on the far wall. It tastes like ass and smells like it too, but the caffeine helps. So does the package of M&Ms, the can of Cola and the Fruity Nut Bar I eat.

  Within an hour Mr. Thomas is here, looking all official in his suit and matching briefcase. He nods to me. “He’s here?”

  “Yes. But he won’t see me. I don’t understand. We were fine until he hit Jason and I don’t know what I’ve done. What Jason said to set him off.” I wipe away tears and take a deep breath.

  Mr. Thomas places his hands on my shoulders and looks into my eyes. “Calm down, Mo
lly. I’ll talk to him and we’ll get this sorted out.”

  “Thank you,” I say.

  “Wait here.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Two more Fruity Nut bars later and another can of cola, and I’m wired and chewing on my nails. The caffeine I’ve consumed in the last hour is enough to make me feel like I’m on drugs and the cop at the desk is starting to look at me funny. Maybe it’s because I’m talking to myself. Or maybe it’s because I have a pile of wrappers on the seat beside me, since I can’t find a garbage bin.

  Mr. Thomas walks through the door beside the counter and he looks frustrated. He shakes his head as he approaches me. “Come on. We’ll talk outside.”

  I nod and follow him.

  “Where’s your car?” he asks.

  “I’m not leaving without Sawyer.”

  He clears his throat and his eyes are steady on mine. “He doesn’t want to see you, and I’m afraid when he gets like this, it’s best to walk away.”

  “You talk like you really know him.”

  He sighs. “I’ve known him since he was a kid. I was his lawyer when he got into some trouble in high school.”

  “The murder?”

  He stills and looks at me curiously. “He told you about that?”

  “No. My mother did. I mean, I asked him about it and he wouldn’t give me any details.”

  “Well, I won’t either.” He scratches at his chin. “Give him some time, Molly. You’ll get nowhere with him right now. I can’t get anywhere with him either.”

  I shove my hands in my pockets. “My family said something to him. I know it. Or my ex did. They’re all so intent on my getting back with my ex—a man who cheated on me.”

  “Yes, I’m familiar with Jason Mathews.”

  “I’m sorry?” What does that mean? Was he aware my ex cheated on me too?

  “Can you tell me your side of what happened? I can’t really rely on Sawyer right now. He’s too far gone. When his anger creeps in like this, he shuts down.”

  “I heard some chaos downstairs. I was in my bedroom talking with my sister. When I came down, Jason was unconscious on the floor and Sawyer was standing over him. Jason’s dad was yelling something about a lawsuit. Sawyer took off and I followed him. He got pulled over and I got out of my car to try and clear things up, but all he’d say was to call you.”