Beautiful and Broken

by Sara Hubbard

  “So he definitely did hit Jason.”

  “Knocked him unconscious, apparently.”

  “Well, if I were you, I would be talking with Jason to see if you can get him to get the DA to drop the charges. Otherwise, with Sawyer’s record, he might be going to jail for real this time.”

  Hot tears clung to my lashes and I try to blink them away. I clutch at my stomach, wishing the sick feeling would go away. I promised myself I wouldn’t go through the pain I felt with Jason, but after a few weeks with Sawyer, I feel like the pain is worse. I can’t stop myself for feeling so much for him and it kills me.

  “I’ll do whatever I can.” And I will, but convincing Jason won’t be easy. In fact it will take a miracle.

  Nineteen

  CHARLIE IS IN the apartment when I get home from all this chaos. He and Amy are half-naked, and I almost turn around and walk out until Amy throws on her shirt to console me. That’s when Charlie rushes out to deal with Sawyer’s PR nightmare.

  I’m in Amy’s arms, crying, when my phone rings again.

  “Should I answer?” Amy asks.

  “No. It’s probably just my mother again.”

  “What if it’s Sawyer?”

  I sigh. “Okay. But if it’s my mother I’m not home.”

  She nods. “Hello?”

  Pause.

  She breathes in and out. “You’re a right douchebag, you know that? What did you say to him anyway? I can only imagine.” Pause.

  I perk up, staring at her. It has to be Jason. This is my opportunity to ask for his help. Uh. The very thought sends shivers up my spine.

  “Yes. She’s here. Not sure if she wants to talk, though.”

  I reach my hand out and she makes a face, but hands it to me anyway.

  “Jason?”

  “Molly, thank God you’re okay. If he hurt you…”

  “Sawyer wouldn’t hurt me. Are you in the hospital?”

  He coughs. “No. They released me. I have a concussion, two wonderful black eyes and a broken nose.”

  Hell of a punch. “Oh, Jason. But you’re okay?”

  “As good as I can be.”

  “Are you home? Because I’d like to come over. We need to talk.”

  “I always have time for you, you know that.”

  “Good. I’ll be over in a few.” I turn off the phone.

  Amy’s eyebrows are meeting her hairline and her face is sour.

  “If I don’t convince him to get the DA to drop the charges, Sawyer could go to jail, Amy.”

  She shakes her head. “Be careful, Molly. He’ll only reel you back in.”

  “I’d like to think I’ve changed a bit. He can’t pull the wool over my eyes like he used to.”

  “Sure.” I hug her and head to the bathroom to clean up my face. I look like I’ve been to hell and back. My eyes are all puffy, my cheeks are red and my red wavy hair is a snarl of a mess. A few minutes later, I still look awful and I don’t much care. It’s not as if I’m trying to impress Jason.

  At his apartment, I hesitate. I pray when I see Jason all banged up it doesn’t stir any feelings I have left for him. That wouldn’t be good, and it would be completely against the reason I’m here—for Sawyer.

  He answers the door after I knock quietly.

  Oh, God. He does look awful! “Jason.” I reach my hands out and touch his face. He was right about the black eyes, but there’s so much more discoloration. He has a white thing covering his nose, and all around it is purple.

  “Did they give you something for the pain?” I ask.

  He holds his hand over mine and looks at me the way he used to, the way he did when we were in love and I didn’t know better. I slide my hand out from under his. He steps aside and I walk in.

  He heads to the kitchen and I follow. As I sit at the breakfast bar he opens a bottle of wine and holds a glass out to me.

  “No thank you.”

  He pours himself a large one, swirling it before taking a sip.

  “How did this happen?” I ask him. “I mean, everything was fine when I left him in the dining room. How did everything go so wrong so quickly?”

  He shrugs. “Who knows? He’s trash, Molly. Forget about him.”

  “Well, he won’t even talk to me, so…”

  Jason nods but doesn’t offer a response.

  “Did someone say something to set him off?”

  “I don’t know.” He takes another drink. But he doesn’t look at me when he answers and I’m sure he’s not telling the truth, at least the whole truth.

  “You must have said something to each other before fists started flying.”

  He scratches his cheek. “Well, considering my head injury, some of the details are a little fuzzy.”

  I’ll bet. Way to be coy, jerk.

  “I don’t want to talk about him, Molly. Let’s talk about us.”

  “Us? There is no us. Not anymore.”

  “I don’t believe that,” he says.

  He leans against the counter and crosses his feet. Staring at him, I start to feel uneasy. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. After six years it’s hard to turn off whatever I felt for him. His face is so beat up. It makes the old me want to break through and take care of him. No. Can’t do that.

  “Six years, Jason. I had this image in my mind of us married, with kids, you at our dad’s firm, me welcoming you home every day…you wrecked that. Mia told me there were others. How she tried to trick you to make sure you were done cheating on me.”

  He groans and rolls his eyes. “Fine. I admit it. I cheated. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. With the other girls, it was just sex. They never meant a thing to me.”

  “Oh, thank you. I feel so much better.” I clutch at my heart for emphasis. “That’s not love.”

  “Everyone loves differently. I’m not sure I’m the monogamous type.”

  “I wish I knew that six years ago!”

  “Really? Would you take it all back?”

  I sigh and shake my head at him. “I don’t know.”

  “You’re important to me and you always will be, so your happiness is important to me too. I never intended for you to find out about the others.”

  “I deserved to know who I was agreeing to spend the rest of my life with!”

  “I’m the same person.”

  “No. You’re not at all who I thought you were.”

  “Well…whether you want to take me back or forgive me, that’s all up to you. I’ll be okay. But I meant what I said, your happiness is important to me. So I’ll be damned if I let you end up with Sawyer fucking Davis.”

  “You have no say in who I date or don’t date.”

  “I’m serious. I don’t care if you end up hating me. I'll bring that arrogant ass down. You'll never be with him as long as I’m still standing.”

  “Don’t do this, Jason. I’m asking you—no, begging you—please don’t do this. Talk to the DA. Get him to drop the charges. Please.”

  He shakes his head. “There isn’t a lot I wouldn’t do for you, Molly, but I won’t do that.”

  “I hate you.”

  “Hate away. I’ll sleep better knowing he’s behind bars.”

  I reach across the table and slap him hard across the face. He clutches at his nose. “Molly, what the hell? My nose is broken!”

  “Asshole! You cheat on me and try to run my love life. Who are you?” I scream. “Who are you?”

  “I’m the guy who loves you best.”

  “Well, good for you, because you’re making me miserable.”

  He frowns, as if he might actually be affected by my words. It’s probably a lie, too. I don’t trust him at all anymore.

  “At least tell me what you said to him. I know you said something.”

  “Can’t do it, Molls. We may never get back together, but…I won’t see you with anyone else either.”

  I turn on my heel and head for the door, clenching my jaw and trying not to blink for fear I'll break down in front of him. I w
on’t let him see me like that. He’s controlled me for too long.

  ***

  A quick call to Mr. Thomas and I know Sawyer is out and on bail. At least that’s something. He won’t return my phone calls and when I try to stop by his hotel, the doorman stops me on my way inside.

  Doesn’t he know how much this is killing me? Does he even care? Or is this his way of brushing me off? If only I could know for sure. If he’s done with me, then fine, I'd have no choice but to walk away no matter how much it hurt. But if he pushed me away because of something Jason said…that’s different and it has to be set right. He should end it with me after having all the facts and nothing short of it.

  “Mr. Thomas, are you busy? Can I stop by?”

  He clears his throat and an awkward silence ensues. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

  “Oh, well that’s too bad, because I’m sitting in your office.”

  He sighs into the phone and his door opens. Our eyes connect and he waves me in. The receptionist eyes me like a predator, waiting to attack at the first sign of weakness.

  “Have a seat.”

  Thomas’s office is on the tenth floor of a newer building on Main Street. A wall of windows overlooks the harbor. There are filing folders on one side of the room and bookcases on the other, lined with folders and thick textbooks.

  I sink into one of the leather seats in front of his desk.

  Mr. Thomas doesn’t sit; he leans against his desk, not far from where I’m sitting. He looks at me like my father would, like he’s trying to figure out what I’m thinking. He says nothing. I guess I’m running this show.

  “Jason won’t talk to the DA.”

  He nods. “It was a long shot.”

  “He wouldn’t even tell me what he said to Sawyer to make him go off the rails.”

  “It really doesn’t help his case, anyway. He caused bodily harm. He had no right to put his hands on Jason. Sawyer’s only chance is a plea bargain, but he won’t take it.”

  “What is it?”

  “Six months. Two years' probation.”

  “No. We can’t let that happen.”

  “He’s guilty, Molly. He knows he’s guilty but he’s stubborn and wants to go to trial. Somehow he thinks he’ll get off.”

  “Like before?”

  Mr. Thomas’ Adam’s apple bobs and his jaw widens as he grits his teeth.

  “What happened? Please tell me.”

  “You know I can’t. Client-lawyer privilege.”

  “He won’t even see me.” I take a breath to stop myself from crying. “I need to fix this somehow and I don’t even know where to begin.”

  “You can’t fix this. You can’t fix him. I’ve known him a long time and I’m not sure he even has it in him. If you can break through then all the power to you, but I don’t know that it’s possible.”

  “I can’t do nothing!”

  He pushes off his desk and moves some folders around. His eyes are on me when he opens a file and lays it dead centre in the middle of his desk.

  “Will you excuse me for a minute?”

  I nod. “Of course.”

  “I don’t need to remind you that everything in here is confidential? That you’re not to go through any of my files.” He taps on the papers in front of him.

  “No. Of course not.”

  His eyes flash up to me and back to the open folder. Did we need to do this song and dance? When he walks out he shuts the door behind him, I stare at the door, nibbling on my lower lip. I shouldn’t do this. Sawyer would be so mad. But not knowing is far worse.

  Slowly, I stand and walk around the desk. My eyes keep to the door until the file is directly below me. I scan through the page until I see what I need to see.

  Client states, “The fucker just waited for her to leave and then he was in my face, telling me I didn’t deserve her, how he fucked her the week before when she went out to dinner with him and his clients. Said she was trying to make him jealous…”

  “Oh no,” I whisper. How could Jason lie like that? And how could Sawyer believe him?

  Twenty

  DESPERATE TIMES CALL for desperate measures.

  “You sure about this?” Amy and Megan say as I adjust my blonde wig.

  “Never been more sure about anything in my life.”

  I throw on a pair of jeans, some black pumps and a trench coat. The final touch is a pair of over-sized black sunglasses.

  “I think it’s a little too obvious,” Amy says with a smirk.

  “I think she looks amazing. Is this the first time we’ve gone undercover?” Megan says.

  “She’s not going undercover,” Amy says. “She’s trying to get past the fucking doorman.”

  “Of course she is. But she’s incognito. That’s kind of undercover.”

  Amy rolls her eyes.

  “Thanks for the makeup—and for the wig.” I nod to Megan. She has a ton of them. Part of the perks of being a makeup artist.

  “Molly…” Amy says quietly.

  “Yeah?”

  “What if….what if he’s just done? I mean…what if he believes you and he still doesn’t want to be in a relationship?”

  “I don’t know. I mean, I hope that’s not the case. But I’ll always wonder if I don’t try…I have to try.”

  “Of course you do. We’ll be there for you, no matter how it turns out.”

  I know they will, and it helps. They’ve been so great and so helpful. I feel like I haven’t invested as much of my time in their lives as they have in mine and it makes me feel guilty. I make a point of telling myself to have a day with them soon where we only talk about them. They’re probably as sick of my problems as I am.

  “Thanks, guys.”

  I give them a quick group hug and leave.

  At the hotel I park out front. I watch the front doormen closely, waiting for them to be distracted by a guest. When a car pulls up, one of the men gather the luggage before the other drives off for valet. I hurry up the walkway and slide in through the front doors while he puts the luggage on the cart. Maybe I didn’t need the costume after all.

  I walk quickly, but not too quickly. I don’t want to bring attention to myself. I slip through the door to the staircase and trudge myself up to Sawyer’s floor, taking my heels off halfway up. They’re already killing me. The climb is a little easier now. At Sawyer’s floor I open the door and peek my head into the hallway, glancing back and forth. Not a single guest or staff person. Score.

  I run the hallway to Sawyer’s room and knock on the door before noticing the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on his doorknob. I knock harder. And harder still. He’s not getting rid of me so easily. I refuse to leave until he lets me talk to him.

  The door flies open and Sawyer is on the other side, a bottle of whiskey in one hand. His face is flushed and his eyes are glazed over. God help me, he’s not wearing a shirt, but I won’t be distracted.

  “What are you doing here? In a wig?”

  I rip off the wig and run my hands through my hair to smooth it down. “We need to talk.”

  He turns around and walks into the room, stopping by the bar to fill a glass from his bottle. He takes a long drink. I close the distance between us until I’m not a foot behind him. I can smell his booze-tinged sweat. It almost overpowers me.

  “Sawyer, this isn’t good for your training.”

  He chuckles. “Fuck it. I have more than enough money. My coach already dropped me, anyhow.”

  “Why?”

  “That’s what happens when you miss training.” Another drink.

  I sigh. “I know what Jason said to you. I know why you hit him.”

  “Really? I hit him because he’s a dick.” He turns to meet my gaze. “You really spent six years with that jackass?”

  “I did.” I nod. “I never saw him for what he was. And what he said to you? That was a lie. What I told you was the truth. I left early. I couldn’t stand being around him and his clients. I knew then that I didn’t love him anymore.
That I was falling for you.”

  He sets his glass down and takes a step toward me. His hands are on my chin. With a single hand, he rubs my cheek with the back of his hand. “You’re so beautiful,” he says quietly. “Perfect.”

  “I’m far from perfect.” I glance to the floor, feeling heat in my neck and cheeks.

  Sawyer leans forward, his lips inches from mine. His breath is on me and I don’t mind the alcohol. I need him so badly and that’s all I can focus on. I cup his neck and pull him in closer. First, his kisses are first slow and soft, then harder, more urgent. In a fury, we’re ripping at our clothes. By the time we’ve kissed our way to the bed, we’re completely naked. I take him in my hand, sliding down his shaft. He groans into my mouth and his tongue encircles mine.

  “I want you, Sawyer.”

  He pushes me onto the bed and crawls on all fours to meet me, but I crawl back, teasing. He grips my ankles and tugs me to meet him. His eyes are hooded and as he stares down at me, I think he might be the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. I touch his face, my thumb rubbing along his lips and he takes it in his mouth, sucking it and driving me absolutely crazy. When he releases my thumb he stills and we stare at each other, our faces serious. I love him but I’m afraid to say it. Afraid I’ll push him away again. I need him so bad, I feel as if I’ll literally die if he doesn’t enter me this second.

  He trails sweet kisses down my neck and chest, taking his time at my breasts. With my nipple between his teeth, he flicks his tongue and breathes as I writhe beneath him, begging. “Sawyer, please. I want you now. Please.”

  But he’s not done. He’s running this show and he’s taking his time. He makes his way down my stomach, his tongue skimming along my thighs and stops between my legs, kissing, sucking, tasting…I almost come right then.

  And I think he does too because he shoots back up and dips inside me with a grunt and a groan. Then over and over he slides in and out, fast and furious like he can’t drive into me hard enough. I gasp and call out his name. “Sawyer. Oh, Sawyer. I’m going to come.”