Who Do I Run To?

by Black, Anna

  “Well, right now, I’m not too sure, because I have to get some things in order with Paxton Mortgages. I can’t come home right now. I have a lot of work to do. I was hoping you’d come out here with me for a few weeks.”

  “K.P., you know I can’t take off work for that long.”

  “I know, Jai, so why don’t you just quit?”

  “I can’t just quit, K.P.. I haven’t made up my mind if I’m actually leaving yet, and I can’t quit my job.”

  “Something tells me, Jai, that you are not trying to be with me. Am I right?”

  “No, K.P., I never said that. I just said I need some time. Can you give me that? Moving is a big step, and again, in case you have forgotten, you’re still married. I’m not your wife, K.P..”

  “No, Jai, I haven’t forgotten. You seem to keep on reminding me.”

  “I remind you because it’s true. I would rather be your wife before I give up my life and moved to another city.”

  “Oh, so it’s like that, huh? I thought you loved me, Jai, and wanted to be with me? Why now you decide to have all of these conditions? I know you, and you know all I want is to be with you, and now you want to play me?”

  “No … K.P., what are you talking about? All I’m saying is I don’t feel comfortable with quitting my job and packing up to move to another state with a man that isn’t divorced yet. These are things that I’m thinking about.”

  “Okay, Janiece, fine. Since you need time, take your time. You know the number,” he said and hung up.

  Janiece sat there and contemplated whether she should call him back, but she decided not to. She waited a few moments and called Isaiah back, and when she did, he gave her attitude. She didn’t talk to him too long because he was so short and aggravated with her, and she didn’t want to deal with him either.

  She let him go, got into the shower and got into her bed and set her alarm for the next morning. She lay there and wondered what she was going to do. She loved K.P., but she wanted Isaiah. She didn’t want to hurt K.P., but the more she contemplated on her life, she saw herself being with Isaiah and not K.P..

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  It was holiday break for K.P.’s children, and K.P. was in town. He had been with Janiece and his kids, going back and forth, because Kimberly was refusing to let them go anywhere with him in fear of having them around Janiece. Janiece didn’t care one bit because she knew how Kimberly was feeling inside, and she didn’t blame her for hating her so much.

  K.P. was just about done with moving to Vegas, except he didn’t have Janiece. She kept avoiding the moving conversation and would always make up an excuse for pushing her moving date back. She was totally astounded at herself that she was no longer interested in living with K.P. for the rest of her life. Things were different now, and she didn’t want what he had to offer her anymore.

  Because she talked to Isaiah at least ten times a day, she had to change her cell phone plan, and add unlimited text because between him and K.P. living out of state, her phone was her only connection to them. She couldn’t figure it out, but she knew that she and K.P. didn’t have a future together. She just couldn’t bring herself to tell him that it was over.

  Instead, she walked around faking the funk like it was all good. She missed Isaiah and wanted his time to be up so he could come back to Chicago and for them to be together. She was so high at the thought of him, and she often dreamt about them and their brief time together. She had to catch herself sometimes to keep from calling K.P. Isaiah.

  There were moments that she sat in silence and tuned out everything K.P. would say to her because she was too busy thinking about Isaiah, like at that moment.

  “Do you want this?” K.P. asked her for the second time, trying to hand her a glass of wine.

  “Huh? What?” she said turning her attention to him. He stood over her with a glass of Chardonnay with his arm extended.

  “Do you still want this?” he asked her again.

  “Oh yes, thank you,” she said and took the glass.

  “What’s really going on, Jai?” he asked, taking a seat beside her.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know exactly what I mean. I’ve been asking you for weeks about coming to Vegas, and all you do is put me off. I try to talk to you about moving, but you evade the subject. Now I need to know, Janiece, what is going on?”

  “Nothing, baby, nothing. I just … you know … since my sister is pregnant. I just … kinda … don’t know if I should just up and leave.”

  “Jai, we’ve talked about this. We have our lives to live. Janelle is a grown woman, with a husband that will be here for her and their child. This is us. Why are you not considering what’s best for us?”

  “I dunno, K.P., maybe what I thought was best for us isn’t what’s best for me,” she finally said.

  “What?” he said and stood up. “What the hell does that mean, Jai? Forever and a day you’ve wanted this. You’ve said over and over again how you wanted us to start over, and now we have that opportunity and you want to back out?”

  “No, K.P., I’m not backing out. It’s just things are different now.”

  “How, Jai? Tell me how. I love you. That didn’t change. The only thing that changed is that I finally left my wife and took a leap of faith and started my own business. I’ve been living in a hotel, Jai, because I’ve been waiting on you to finally clear your busy schedule to come down and at least find a house, and now you trying to tell me some bullshit about your sister,” he said angrily.

  “No, K.P., please, you don’t understand. I love you. I loved you for so long and now things … you and I … things are … just different,” she hesitated to say and turned away.

  “Jai, tell me this, and I want you to be honest. Are you coming to Las Vegas?” he asked and stood there waiting for her to answer. After a few moments of silence he walked away. He didn’t want to face it, but he knew that she wasn’t.

  The excited Janiece that he expected wasn’t who he was looking at. He thought for sure she’d be on the first plane to Vegas, but she didn’t seem happy or excited about the thought, and the way she didn’t respond told him that there was more to it than what she was saying.

  “I’ll be back to get the rest of my things,” he told her as he went into the closet to get his coat.

  “K.P., where are you going? What do you mean?” she asked, scared that it was over. She wanted Isaiah, yes, but her future with K.P. was standing in front of her face. She had no clue if she and Isaiah had a future together, and she didn’t want K.P. to walk out on her.

  “You know what the hell I mean. I have a life and a dream to pursue, and if you don’t want to be a part of that, fine. I can’t wait forever for you.”

  “Oh, so you gon’ just walk out. I’ve waited for you and waited for you, K.P.. For over five years I’ve waited for you, and now you just gon’ walk out on me like I’m not worth the time. That goes to show how much you really love me,” she spat, and he turned to her and wanted to slap her.

  “You know what, Janiece? You’re right. You were my mistress for five years, and you knew what you had when you continued to let me come around here. So don’t give me that bullshit about you waiting, because even if I wouldn’t have left Kimberly, you’d still be my mistress,” he said and that stung. The truth hurts, and Janiece was feeling her truth this time.

  “Just know this, the reason I did any of what I did is because I wanted to show you how much I really do love you, and I see things have changed. Now I don’t know when you stopped loving me, but for the last few months, Janiece, I see that you’ve changed. You are not the same woman that you used to be. I feel it, and I see it. You act like I can’t touch you, so you don’t have to say it. I know, so do your thang and I wish you the best,” he said and walked away.

  Janiece was relieved in a way, but she was not sure if she was really ready to give K.P. up. She had loved him for so long, and she was really confused. She cared for Isaiah, yes, but would he be
the man she wanted him to be? In spite of it all, K.P. did love her, and in her heart she knew that.

  “K.P., wait, baby, please,” she said, and he turned to her.

  “Wait for what, Jai!” he yelled. She stood there and couldn’t come up with anything.

  “K.P., I love you, I do,” she tried to say.

  “Yeah, I’ll be by before I leave for Vegas to get the rest of my stuff,” he said, and it made her angry that he was leaving. She wasn’t ready for this reality check. The truth had come, and she wasn’t ready to own up to it.

  “So what you gon’ do now? Run back to Kimberly!” she yelled behind him.

  “You know something, Jai, as much as I love you and wanted us to be together I regret one thing,” he said and walked closer to her. “And you know what that is?” he asked but didn’t allow her to answer. “I regret setting up my future in a different state, away from my kids. I know that I’ll end up getting custody of them, but I live more than a phone call away from my kids right now because of my love and sacrifices for you, so if you think that I am just gon’ run back to Kimberly because you changed your mind about us, so be it. Think whatever you want to think,” he said and walked out the door.

  He got downstairs to his rental car and fought the tears. His heart was broken, and he couldn’t believe that Janiece would change on him. He cranked the engine and pulled out, and she watched him from the kitchen window. When he turned out of the parking lot, she began to cry.

  What had she done? Did she make the right decision? Was she really ready to give him up? She went into her bedroom and sat on the bed and the pain hit her. It was over. She had just let him walk out. How would she be able to be with K.P. if she didn’t move to Nevada?

  If she were to do that, that meant she’d never see Isaiah again, and she didn’t want that to be an option. No matter what she and K.P. had together, she had managed to fall in love with Isaiah, and it hurt her that she hurt K.P., but she wanted to be with one man, and the sad reality was that man was not K.P..

  She grabbed her pillow and sobbed in it ’til her head was hurting. Moments later, she got up and went into the kitchen and took an aspirin. Then she made sure her door was locked and the alarm was set. She turned out all the lights and went into her room and dressed for bed. She tried calling K.P., not knowing what she’d say, and she was a bit relieved when he didn’t answer her call.

  The next morning she got up and tried calling him again, but he still didn’t answer. She decided not to leave him a message. She called her sister and told her what happened, and Janelle told her that she was proud of her for doing what she knew in her heart was right.

  The next couple of days dragged, and she still hadn’t heard from K.P.. She called him several times, but nothing. She decided to stop calling and wait for him to call her. She knew he’d be in town until after the New Year, and if he wanted the rest of his things, he’d call sooner or later.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  It was New Year’s Eve, and Janiece was at home alone with no plans. She and K.P. had plans to go out, but now they were shot because they had broken up. She had talked to Isaiah several times the past few days, and he was elated that she had finally let K.P. go. She knew why he was happy, but he still didn’t say anything about them being any more than what they were.

  It was around seven o’clock and after Janiece attempted to call K.P. five hundred times, she had finally given up. She called Isaiah, but she only got his voice mail on every attempt, and that pissed her off. She knew he was probably down in Texas having a good ole time, waiting to bring the New Year in with another woman.

  She got up and walked into the kitchen to pour herself another drink when she heard a knock on the door. She looked at the clock and wondered who’d be knocking on her door without calling her. Maybe it was K.P., she thought, and she smiled. At least she wouldn’t be spending New Year’s Eve alone.

  She walked over to the door and to her pleasant surprise, it was Isaiah.

  “Oh my God, Isaiah, when did you get here?” she asked, hugging him, and they kissed.

  “About three hours ago. I wanted to surprise you.”

  “Oh, baby, I’m so happy to see you,” she said, and he squeezed her tightly.

  “I’m happy to see you too,” he said and kissed her passionately.

  “Oh my goodness, you should have called me. I would have been more presentable,” she said looking at the faded pajamas she was wearing.

  “No, baby, you look perfect,” he said as she shut the door. He was up on her like she was the last woman on earth. “Oh, baby, I’ve missed you,” he murmured, and they kissed some more.

  “I know me too,” she said, and they quickly moved to her room to take care of their sexual business. After they were done, Janiece felt so relaxed and was so happy he was home.

  “So how long are you here for?”

  “Till the fifth, not long.”

  “Damn, only five days,” she said whining.

  “I know, baby, but that was the best I could do. I’m lucky to get that. Trust me, it wasn’t easy. I just had to see you, though. I’m going crazy without you,” he said, and she knew exactly how he felt.

  “I know, babe. I can’t wait ’til you come home for good.”

  “It’s only a little while.”

  “Yes, but it seems like forever.”

  “I know, but don’t worry. It’ll be here before you know it.”

  “You promise?”

  “Yes, baby, I promise,” he said and kissed her. “Now, get up and get dressed, because we’re going out.”

  “This late …? Where are we gonna go to beat the countdown?” she asked looking at the clock. She needed at least thirty minutes to get dressed.

  “Don’t worry. As long as you hurry up we’ll make it. My sister hooked us up with these tickets to Jay’, and you know Vi, right? He’s performing there tonight.”

  “Really? He is?” she said sitting up. He was one of Chicago’s finest, and she loved him.

  “Yep,” he said, and she quickly hopped up.

  “Oh yes, let me get dressed,” she said. She turned on the light and went to the closet. Isaiah got up and grabbed his things and told her he’d go across to his sister’s to shower and dress to kill some time after she promised him she’d be ready in half an hour.

  Janiece dressed and smiled the entire time. She didn’t think about K.P. at all. They got to the club and were having a good time ’til the unbelievable happened. It was K.P., and he was not alone. Janiece’s stomach dropped when she saw him with his arms wrapped around a woman that wasn’t Kimberly.

  “I gotta go to the ladies’ room,” she told Isaiah, and he helped her down off of her stool.

  “Hurry, baby, the countdown is coming soon,” he said, looking at his watch.

  “Okay, I’ll be right back,” she said, and she moved quickly. She was hurt and confused. She was out with Isaiah, so why did it hurt her to see K.P. with another woman? She flushed the toilet although she didn’t tinkle, but since there was a line, she didn’t want to get cussed out for taking a stall if she didn’t have to go.

  Then she stood in front of the mirror and prayed that her mind was playing tricks and that it wasn’t him, but she knew what she saw. She washed her hands and hurried back over to the table and just like she thought, it was him. He and his lady friend were obviously having a very good time, because he was holding her close and planting kisses on her neck. The look of disappointment on Janiece’s face showed, and Isaiah could tell that something wasn’t right.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked concerned.

  “Nothing, I’m cool,” she said and took a drink of her vodka and cranberry. She tried to toughen up and not show any emotions, but it was burning her insides not to cry or walk over to him. She knew that wouldn’t be wise since she was out with Isaiah, but she couldn’t help it.

  She tried to focus on Isaiah as they got ready for the countdown, but then she noticed that the woman with
K.P. was a woman she knew. She almost passed out when she realized it was Shawnee, and before she could get her thoughts together, the countdown began. By the time they got to one, she was ready to explode.

  She and Isaiah kissed as Happy New Year rang through the club. A few seconds later, Vi was on and the crowd gravitated toward the stage. Janiece took a seat and tried to get herself together, and Isaiah went to get them another round of drinks. She couldn’t help but stare at Shawnee and K.P. and she wanted to fight.

  She looked over her shoulder. Isaiah was still in line, so she hopped off of her stool and marched right over to them.

  “What the fuck is this, K.P.? We break up and you go straight to this ho!” she yelled, catching K.P. off guard.

  “Jai,” he said surprised.

  “Yes, Jai,” she said with attitude.

  “Listen, Jai, don’t—” he tried to say.

  “Don’t what? Act a fool? How long have you been fucking this bitch?” she spat.

  “Hold the fuck up, Janiece,” Shawnee said, but Janiece didn’t back down. She was tough and strong, and she was ready to take the opportunity to kick Shawnee’s ass.

  “What, you tramp bitch?” Janiece said getting in Shawnee’s face, and Shawnee backed down like the coward Janiece knew she was. “You’ve wanted him from day one!” she yelled at Shawnee. “And as soon as we break up, K.P., you run after this?” she asked with attitude pointing at Shawnee. Shawnee was scared, so she eased behind K.P. so he could be between the two of them.

  “Listen, Janiece, you made it painfully obvious that we were done when you told me you was not coming to Nevada,” he said as Isaiah walked up. He had seen Janiece up in K.P.’s face when he came back to the table. He knew it was K.P. from the last time they met in the hallway of Janiece’s condo.

  “Because I asked you to wait and give me some time,” she said, and Isaiah heard her.

  “Time for what, Janiece?” Isaiah asked from behind her, and Janiece wished he had not overheard her say that.