Who Do I Run To?

by Black, Anna

  “Isaiah, listen, I need to talk to K.P. right now, all right?” she said nervously.

  “No, that is not all right,” he said mad as hell.

  “Listen, Janiece, go back over there with your date and pretend we didn’t see each other,” K.P. said, and it hurt Janiece so bad. Tears were burning her eyes.

  “K.P., you can’t talk to me?” she asked and Shawnee was standing there shaking and Isaiah was ready to leave her right there if that’s what she wanted.

  “Janiece, let’s go,” Isaiah said.

  “K.P.—” she began again, standing there looking at him with tears in her eyes, but he didn’t even look at her.

  “Janiece,” Isaiah said, his voice firmer, and she stood there waiting for K.P. to say something.

  “K.P., please … you can’t talk to me after what we had?” she said standing there with a face full of tears. K.P. simply didn’t respond, and she stood still waiting for him to turn to her and say something, but he didn’t. He acted as if she weren’t there, and that tore her heart into a million pieces. “Okay, fine, then,” she said and stomped away.

  Isaiah gave him a look that K.P. didn’t bother to challenge. K.P. knew then, at that moment, when Isaiah walked up, that he was the reason why Janiece didn’t want to come to Nevada, so he turned his back on Isaiah and began to talk to Shawnee.

  Isaiah looked through the crowd searching for Janiece, but she was nowhere to be found. He went over to their table. Her jacket was still there. He grabbed it and headed for the door. When he got outside, she was standing in the cold, crying. He didn’t say anything. He just put her coat on her shoulders and walked her to the car.

  They drove back to 95th Street in silence. When they got upstairs, he came in and didn’t ask her any questions. She showered while he sat on the sofa waiting for her to come out. She was surprised when she saw him still sitting there, because she thought for sure he would be gone when she came out. She went into the kitchen and got a glass of water.

  Then she went back into the living room and sat on the sofa. They sat there in silence for a while, and finally, he stood to leave.

  “Listen, I’ll catch you later,” he said. He didn’t want to leave, but things were just not right.

  “I know you think I’m pathetic,” she said not looking at him.

  “No, I just think you got a lot to work out.”

  “Why does it have to be so complicated, Isaiah? I don’t love him anymore, so why does it hurt?”

  “Well, Janiece, I can’t say that I believe that you don’t love him anymore, and I know you thought you wanted me too, but maybe you’re not ready for me. You need time, and I don’t want to be in the middle like this anymore. I don’t want to watch you go through the motions. I thought I could handle this, but after tonight …” he said and walked away.

  “Isaiah, don’t leave, please. I don’t want you to go,” she said getting up.

  “Jai, you need some time. I really think it’s best for us if you and I just chill out.”

  “No, Isaiah, come on. I’m sorry I acted that way. I am sorry for causing a scene. It just pissed me off to see him with that bitch Shawnee. I can’t stand her, Isaiah, and when I saw them together …, she said sobbing. “Please, baby, stay. You don’t have long to be here, and I don’t want you to go.”

  “Look, I’ll see you tomorrow. You get some rest, and I will see you tomorrow,” he said and pulled away. He didn’t want to leave her, but he knew he had to. Janiece was not ready for his love. He wanted her to be ready, but he knew she wasn’t.

  Once she heard the door shut, she fell back onto the sofa. She cried and sobbed so hard she thought she would hyperventilate. She finally calmed herself and got up to lock the door. Then despondently, she went into her bedroom and climbed into bed. She looked at the clock. It was a little after two.

  She cringed at the thought of K.P. holding Shawnee in his arms. She was jealous and mad at him for getting with her. Of all the women in Chicago, he chose her. She would have felt better if it had been Kimberly, not Shawnee. How was she going to show her face at work after that?

  She sobbed a little more until she finally fell asleep. She woke up the next morning telling herself that it was time to let go and move on. She got up and brushed her teeth and wondered how she was going to get Isaiah back and how she was going to convince him that he was the one.

  She prayed that he would talk to her again, and she also hoped that K.P. wouldn’t ever come around her again. After seeing him with Shawnee, she had no respect for him, and the way he treated her, she knew that if she saw him again, she’d be tempted to slap the shit out of him.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  After Janiece put all of K.P.’s things in trash bags, she cleaned her condo from top to bottom. Then she shampooed and blow dried her hair while thinking what she was going to say to Isaiah. How was she going to get him to see that she wanted him and she was done with K.P.?

  She dressed and when her phone rang she just knew Isaiah missed her and wanted to talk to her, but when she saw private, an unlisted number, she got nervous.

  “Hello,” she said.

  “Put him on the phone,” Kimberly demanded.

  “Listen, ‘‘Crazy’,’ I told you not to call my house again for your husband. He doesn’t live here. Now please, with all due respect, Mrs. Paxton, leave me the fuck alone,” Janiece said and hung up. ‘‘Crazy’’ called her right back.

  “Listen, you slut, as I told you before, I don’t enjoy calling your funky-ass apartment looking for him, but when I can’t get in touch with my husband, you are my last resort, so please, with all due respect, you trifling bitch, put him on the phone,” Kimberly spat.

  “Look, K.P. is not here. We are not together, and he doesn’t live here, now, if you can’t reach him, that’s your problem, but please leave me alone. I ain’t done shit to you for you to keep calling my house.”

  “You really think you’re innocent, Janiece? You’ve been fucking my husband for years, and you haven’t done anything? I can’t sleep at night because of you. My husband is gone … moved to an entirely different state because of you, and you don’t think you’re responsible?”

  “Kimberly, K.P. is a man. He goes and comes as he pleases; he fucks whomever he wants as he pleases; so for crying out loud, stop acting like you are the victim.”

  “You stank bitch, how dare you!”

  “How dare I what? Point out the obvious? It’s women like you that allow men to do what K.P. did to you and instead of saying no, I’m better than this, and leave. You put up with it, and now you’re blaming me. You said it yourself, I’ve fucked your husband for five years, and you know what? You’re right, but you allowed him to continue fucking me for five years, so, you, my dear, are not a victim, so don’t call my house no more.

  “Whether you believe it or not, I’m over him, and we are not together, and wherever he is and whomever he is doing, I hope that’s what he wants, because Janiece wants more for herself, and if you would wise up and stop running behind his two-timing ass, you’d stop fucking with me,” Janiece said, and Kimberly was stomped and angrier than she was when she first called.

  “Well, well, well, I see you are just like me. You love him, and you know it. You’re right, I was never the victim, Janiece. I stayed with Kerry because I wanted to, and, yes, I allowed him to carry on a relationship with you for over five years, and you know what? I stayed. I could have walked, but I didn’t.

  “You can say what you want and try to throw me off with this ‘we’re not together and I don’t want him’ bullshit, but I know how much K.P. loves you, and for that, my dear, you will pay for what you did. Now, when you see my husband, you lying bitch, tell him he needs to come and get his children,” she said and slammed the phone down.

  Janiece was in total disbelief that Kimberly still had it in for her even though she and K.P. weren’t together anymore. She hung up and sat down for a moment or two before calling Isaiah. She didn’t let Kimberly�
�s threats interfere with her day. She had other things she had to handle, and Kimberly didn’t have that kind of power over Janiece. Janiece was not the type to be bullied by anyone. She called Isaiah and crossed her fingers, hoping he’d pick up.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  “You’ve got to help me,” Kimberly told Rodney, but he still refused her. She wanted him to assist in doing something bad to Janiece, and he wasn’t going for that. He was too classy to even think of something so repugnant. He just looked at her as if she had lost her mind, and she knew she had to get someone from around the way to do the job for her.

  She played it off and told Rodney she was only joking and she would never stoop to such a level for anyone, and she laughed it off. She enjoyed her apple martinis with him and let him devour her body again. She felt like a love goddess when she was with him and wondered why she even had any type of sexual attraction to K.P., because the truth is, he didn’t come close to Rodney.

  The way he put it on her made her glad at times that she didn’t have to get up in the middle of the night to creep home. She loved the single life and now that everyone knew that she was separated and on the threshold of divorce, her whole lifestyle had changed.

  Of course, she lied to everyone about the reason K.P. had left her. She never let a soul besides Rodney know that her husband had fallen in love with a low-class, dick-sucking, evil bitch. No way. She was too embarrassed to let her country club friends know something like that, so she told them that he wanted to relocate and she refused to move.

  She dared anyone to challenge her explanation about their breakup. There were rumors, of course, but no one was brave enough to say it to Kimberly’s face. Even though she was a pint-sized woman, most women were intimated by her, but not Janiece and that pissed her off more.

  No one had ever stood up to her before, and after she took a punch in the nose from Janiece, she knew she would have to get somebody to handle the bitch for her.

  She, of course, called Chelsea, and, of course, Chelsea, being the hot thang she was, had had a couple of roughnecks in her life. The kind Kimberly refused to let come within five feet of her. She knew Chelsea could get her to someone that knew someone who wouldn’t mind beating a bitch to the floor for some quick dough.

  After a few calls, Kimberly had found her man. A dude that was down on his luck that she told she’d pay five grand to him if he just roughed Janiece up. All she had to do was come up with the when and where. Now that posed a problem because she knew K.P. was in town and for the most part, she thought K.P. would be with Janiece since she no longer had a car.

  So she told the guy she’d be in touch. She walked around numb and coldhearted and didn’t feel one ounce of sympathy for Janiece. If she could hire someone to kill her, she would have, but she definitely couldn’t afford for a murder to come back on her, so she settled for a beat down.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Janiece tried and tried to get a hold of Isaiah, but he wasn’t answering her calls. She finally went across the hall, but he wasn’t there, Iyeshia told her. She asked her if she knew when he’d be back, but Iyeshia said she had no idea. Janiece was frustrated and angry, but she smiled and told Iyeshia to just ask him to call her.

  She went back inside and sat on the sofa and turned on the tube, watching it until she dozed off. When she woke up, it was after ten, and she was disappointed to see that Isaiah hadn’t attempted to call. She went into the kitchen to get something to drink and heard voices outside her door.

  Janiece pulled the curtain back. It was Isaiah and a guy talking. She closed the curtain quickly and ran to wash her face and brush her teeth. She wanted so desperately to talk to him so she was going to ask him if he could step in for a moment. As she opened the door, he looked at her and so did his friend.

  “Hi,” she said and both Isaiah and his friend said hello. “Isaiah, when you’re done, do you have a moment?” she asked nervously.

  “Naw, me and my boy ’bout to roll out.”

  “Okay, well, when you get back then?” she asked, sounding pitiful. She wanted to talk to him, and she knew he was leaving soon.

  “I … I … don’t know. It’ll probably be late,” he said, not even looking at her.

  “Isaiah, look at me,” she pleaded. He hesitated before turning in her direction. “Listen, I made a mistake, okay? And I’m so sorry. I need to talk to you,” she said, and his friend looked at him like, Do you need to handle this?

  “Quentin, man, can you give me a sec? I’ll be right down.”

  “Sure, man, I’ll be in the truck,” he replied and went down the steps.

  “Janiece, I have to be honest with you, and please don’t take this the wrong way. I don’t think that we need to talk anymore, so no, I can’t come by tonight or any other night,” he said being honest.

  “Isaiah …, you can’t mean that. You can’t just cut me off like that.”

  “I’m not trying to just cut you off, and, yes, I do mean that we can’t see each other anymore. Last night, you made me realize that no matter what I do, I’m not the guy. You want him so much, Janiece, so why don’t you just take dude up on his offer and move to Vegas? I mean, that’s what you really want.”

  “No, Isaiah, no, that’s not true,” Janiece said stepping out on the porch with no coat on, and it was cold as hell. “Come on, we got to talk. I need you.”

  “No, you don’t, and I can’t keep holding on hoping you’ll cut this cat loose. I want what’s best for you, Janiece, believe me I do, but I know what’s best for me.”

  “Isaiah, no, you’re what’s best for me. I made a mistake, okay? I was stupid, but that will never happen again. I’m done with K.P.. I’m not going anywhere. I want to be here, with you. I want to wait right here for you to come home,” she said walking closer to him. She wanted him to hold her, but he just walked off.

  “Listen, Janiece, I gotta go. Take care,” he said and walked down the steps.

  “Isaiah … Isaiah … Isaiah, don’t do this!” she yelled after him. He didn’t turn around. He just proceeded to his friend’s truck and got into the passenger side. Janiece stood there in the cold and watched the Denali drive off. She was numb from the cold, but she couldn’t move.

  The tears were warm rolling down her cheeks, so she finally went inside. She was hurting, and she didn’t understand how she had let this happen. Why did she have to confront K.P. last night? Why did she have to go and do that? She wished she could take it back because she was in love with Isaiah, and now she had lost him too and didn’t know how she was going to get him back.

  He didn’t want to even talk to her, like it was just nothing for him to walk on by—like he didn’t give a damn. She gave up trying to figure it all out; she crawled into bed and cried herself the sleep.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  “Jai, baby, come on. I’m sorry,” K.P. said, and she just looked at him. After four days, he finally showed up to her condo to talk.

  “K.P., you can save your apologies and your words. There’s nothing left for you to say to me, and there’s nothing left for me to say to you. It’s over, and I want to be done with you, your wife, and this drama.”

  “Jai, come on, you know I love you and I don’t want to be with Shawnee. She kept calling me, I swear, and I finally gave in to her because she said she had these tickets. Since you and I had a falling out, Jai, I went, and that was that. You know damn well I don’t want that woman.”

  “Well, K.P., the way you were all up on her the other night and the way you looked at me like get the fuck out of my face was enough for me to know that I’m not important to you. So just get your shit and go. I don’t want you, K.P.. I’m over you and this relationship, and you can fuck Shawnee, Kimberly, or whomever else you choose to. I don’t care,” she said and walked away, and he was right behind her.

  “Jai, you don’t mean that, baby. I know you don’t. And come to think of it, you were out with that cat Isaiah anyway, so what was that, huh?”

&n
bsp; “It was none of your damn business. I don’t have to explain anything to you about my personal life, K.P.. I should have let you go a long time ago, and now, I may have messed things up with Isaiah trying to hold on to you,” she said and went into the kitchen.

  “Because you still love me,” he said walking up and grabbing her from behind.

  “K.P., you know what? Truth is, I don’t. I don’t love you anymore. I stopped loving you the day I met Isaiah. I have been walking around here lying to myself, and the truth is I love Isaiah,” she said, and he backed up.

  “You what? You gon’ stand here in my face and tell me that bullshit!” he yelled.

  “It’s not bullshit. It’s the truth. So I’m telling you again, K.P., get your things and get outta of my life. I don’t ever want to see you again. I held on and held up my life for too long for you, and now it’s my time to be honest with myself and you. I don’t love you anymore, K.P., and I never thought it would be this easy to say it, but I love Isaiah, and he deserves all of me.

  “I see now exactly what he meant, because I was doing to him exactly what I let you do to me. And like me, he deserves better. I wish you well, now see your way out,” she said and walked away. Janiece went into the living room and sat on the sofa and waited to hear the door shut.

  K.P. was so outdone with Janiece he didn’t argue; he grabbed the black velvet ring box from the counter and got his things and left. He walked down the steps heartbroken because he’d lost. He lost his family and the woman he loved. He hated Shawnee for putting all that bullshit about Janiece in his ear. She had schemed and talked about Janiece so badly, he actually had a dumb moment and believed her. That is how he ended up going out with her.

  He didn’t like her because she was a fake, and after they left the club, he took her ass home and dropped her off and was sure to tell her to never call him again. After that, he chilled out and hung out with his kids. He knew he was leaving, and he knew he had time to work on his relationship with Janiece, but now he knew that he was wrong.