[Measure of Devotion 01.0] Measure of Devotion

by Caethes Faron

  Marge had packed them a lunch, and they settled under a giant oak. Jason brought a novel he was reading, and Kale his sketchpad and charcoal. Their spot was perfect. The shade from the tree provided a haven from the sun’s heat, but rays of sunlight filtered through the branches and leaves, making a beautiful dancing pattern on the grass. After they had eaten, Kale settled on his back to try to draw the canopy of the tree while Jason read.

  In the cool grass, Kale felt at peace. For him, nature was home. He knew that any place he lived would never belong to him, but this—the raw earth—was as much his as anyone’s. After drawing the tree, he sat up and looked around. Jason appeared to still be absorbed in his book, so Kale looked for another subject. Right outside of the tree’s shade, a single flower grew. Actually, it was a weed. It appeared that the city gardeners were not keeping up on their work, or maybe they thought it looked too pretty and noble standing by itself to pull it. Funny how one of the most beautiful things in the park was deemed a weed simply because it wasn’t planned or planted.

  Kale lay down on his stomach with his body still shaded by the tree, and began to draw. The flower was beautiful from a distance, but up close he could see its texture and smell the sweet fragrance. If he was especially quiet and still, holding his breath, he could almost imagine that he saw it growing.

  As he drew, he heard Jason mumble in irritation. Looking back to make sure he wasn’t needed, Kale saw Jason swat furiously at a bee. It was hard not to laugh, but Kale didn’t want to draw attention to himself. He settled for rolling his eyes. Turning back to the flower, he continued to sketch. A little while later, a bee buzzed by, probably the same bee that bothered Jason. It hovered over the flower, landed for a short time, and took off, heavy with pollen. Barely even realizing it, Kale had drawn the bee into his picture.

  As Kale was putting the finishing touches on the flower, he heard Jason shut his book and walk over. This time Kale didn’t look back, knowing Jason just came to watch. It was annoying the way Jason liked hovering over his shoulder while he drew. It made Kale aware of everything, even his own breathing. All his life he could breathe just fine, but when Jason peered over his shoulder, it was as if Kale needed to pay attention to make sure his breaths came at the right intervals.

  Jason sat cross-legged by Kale’s side and asked, “Why are you drawing that weed?”

  “It’s pretty.” Kale answered without looking up.

  “But it’s a weed.”

  Kale sighed. This boy was incorrigible. Instead of answering, he looked up at the skyline. They were right at the edge of the park, and the street was less than a hundred yards away. Kale began to fill the background of his picture with the nearby buildings. Quick, almost angry, strokes formed the smoke coming out of kitchen chimneys. Though the sketching was rough, he included such details as the sewage on the side of the road, the broken window shutters, laundry hanging between buildings. In front of this dreary background, the quiet flower sat, small and simple, shaming what the wealth of Perdana had built around her.

  Kale turned to Jason, who still stared at the picture, his mouth slightly open and his eyes roaming over the page. “That’s why I draw the weed, Master.”

  Jason closed his mouth. Kale held his breath, wondering if he was out of line. Holding out his hand, Jason asked, “May I see it?”

  Kale relaxed. He knew that he would eventually ruin the good fortune of being in his master’s favor, but apparently today was not that day. Silently, he handed over the sketchbook and watched Jason turn the page to look at the picture of the tree. Jason pondered it for a moment, making no indication of what he thought. Then he flipped back to the picture of the flower. Back and forth he went a few times. Finally, he sighed and looked at Kale.

  “How is it that you see things I don’t? I’ve come to this park often enough, but it’s never looked as beautiful as you make it out to be in your drawings.”

  “We just notice different things, I suppose.” Kale shrugged. He didn’t know if he would ever get used to receiving praise, no matter how much he enjoyed it. He knew he couldn’t really be that good, but it still felt nice to hear what Jason had to say. The look that came over Jason when he saw one of Kale’s drawings delighted Kale.

  When they got back to the house, Jason took the picture of the flower and ripped it from the sketchbook. Apparently he hadn’t liked it that much. Even though Kale knew that his drawings weren’t good enough for anything more than burning, he still had let a little part of himself believe Jason’s praise. He felt foolish for ever letting himself think he was better than he was. Jason was just being nice and overcompensating for the way he had treated Kale in the past.

  Jason handed Kale back the sketchbook, and Kale just wanted to burn the whole thing. He threw it on the table as he strode to the sofa. It hit the wood with a resounding thud.

  “What’s wrong?” Jason asked.

  Kale turned to see Jason watching him with a concerned look in his eyes beneath a brow drawn in confusion. Behind him was Kale’s drawing, propped up against some books on Jason’s desk. When Kale saw it, his eyes widened, and he looked back at Jason, who smiled. “I know it should be framed, but that’ll have to wait. I was going to ask you first, but then you would have given me one of your ‘do what you want, I can’t stop you’ responses, and I just didn’t want to deal with that right now.”

  Kale didn’t know what to say.

  Weeks later, Kale knelt by Jason’s side in his astronomy class. The professor described a meteor shower that would be occurring that night. It was supposed to be the biggest in a century. Immediately, Jason’s hand came down to Kale’s shoulder and squeezed. Jason’s face glowed with excitement, and Kale knew where they’d be later.

  Sure enough, several hours after class, they were riding two horses out of town. They found a hill several miles from the city lights and made camp.

  “I didn’t think you were the camping type, Master.” Kale was at the tree line building a makeshift lean-to. Jason didn’t have any camping supplies, but Marge had helped Kale put together two bedrolls that would be sufficient, and he had found a hatchet and some rope in the garden shed. Jason set up his telescope in the clearing several yards away.

  “There’s usually nothing interesting enough to make me want to go camping. My father always tried to get me to go, but what’s the point? This camping trip has a point.”

  “For some people, camping is the point.” Kale joined Jason in the clearing, and they sat around the campfire Kale had built when they arrived.

  “I never saw the appeal. I used to wish I had a little brother that my father could take out camping and fishing and all those things I never had any interest in. That way he could have just left me alone.”

  “Trust me, you wouldn’t have liked a younger brother running around the house, being loud, playing pranks. And if you think it was hard turning down your father, you’ve got no idea. A little brother would have been far more persistent, and there’s no way you could have seen him looking up at you and not given him whatever he wanted. At least that’s how it was with me and my brother.”

  “You have a brother?”

  “Yeah, kid had me wrapped around his little finger, and he knew it.”

  “What happened to him?”

  “I got sold to the Cartwrights. Never saw him or my mother after that.”

  “Wait, you weren’t born to the Cartwrights?”

  “No, I was sold to them when I was fourteen.” Kale tossed a few more sticks onto the fire and watched as the flames danced across Jason’s face.

  “I never thought of you having a family. It must have been dreadful having to leave them.”

  “What, you thought the stork dropped me in?” Kale smiled. Things were getting a little serious, and he wanted to lighten it up before he said anything too personal.

  “No, I guess I just never thought about it.”

  “Yeah, well, you don’t think about a lot of things, including why we’re out here. Isn
’t this meteor shower supposed to start soon?” It was a stab in the dark, but fortunately his timing wasn’t too far off, and it started almost immediately. They sat cross-legged, leaning back on their hands and peering into the sky.

  It was an astonishing sight. It appeared as if a wave of stars fell from the heavens. From the astronomy lectures Kale had attended, he knew these were meteors passing on their way through space, but he couldn’t help thinking of what his mother used to tell him when they saw shooting stars. As a child, he would listen to her weave stories of messengers who flew around on stars doing the business of the gods. Higher class people tended to put more emphasis on the saints than the gods. Their religion was much more dour, and they believed it sacrilegious to talk about heavenly beings. Kale didn’t put much stock in religion one way or the other, but as he watched a spray of diamonds blow across the sky, he couldn’t help believing that his mother’s stories were closer to the truth, and Kale was happy Jason had brought him to see it.

  Eventually he couldn’t help noticing that Jason glanced his way every few minutes with a look of curiosity and concern on his face. Kale knew his master was itching to talk more about his family, and he wasn’t going to let himself be sucked into it again. Family was off limits. Jason didn’t have a right to that, and it wasn’t something Kale wanted to discuss with the man who owned him.

  When the meteor shower ended, before Jason could say a word, Kale got to his feet and went to his bedroll, murmuring about being tired. By the time Jason put away the telescope and joined him, Kale was under the blankets feigning sleep.

  The next morning they made it home without any more personal questions, and Kale thought that was the end of it.

  It was beginning to get too cool for comfort, so on the rare days when the weather was nice, Jason would sit in the back garden with Kale. Kale had a strong suspicion that this was a kind gesture toward him. Jason rarely chose to be outdoors. For Kale, it was an especially relaxing time, and he was grateful to Jason for making the effort, even though Jason often used these times for awkward conversation.

  “Would you ever run away, Kale?” Where did this boy come up with these questions? They were in their usual position, side by side on their backs, eyes closed, trying to absorb as much heat from the sun as they could.

  “No.”

  “Are you just saying that because I’m the one asking?”

  Kale kept his eyes closed, but he smiled. “It is a dangerous question.”

  “No it’s not. I can understand why you’d feel that way, but I’m just curious. It’s hard to imagine what it’s like to be you. If I was in your position, I think I’d try to run away.”

  “No, you wouldn’t. You had parents who love you. The first thing they would teach you if you were a slave is that hoping for freedom is the quickest way to get yourself killed. Focus on what you can change, on what you can control—which is precious little—and don’t let yourself worry about the rest.”

  “Your mother teach you that?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What else did she teach you?”

  Kale opened his eyes and looked at Jason. All his life he had kept his personal thoughts secret. Why was it so easy to surrender them to Jason? He tried to summon the healthy apprehension that kept him safe, the instinct that told him to keep his mouth shut. It was nowhere to be found. He wanted to share with Jason. “To act more like a gentleman than a slave. She wanted me to be a valet from the start.”

  “What did your dad want?”

  Kale turned his face back to the sky and closed his eyes. “Never met him.”

  “What?”

  “Most slaves don’t know who their fathers are. It’s hard enough keeping a mother and child together; no use making it harder on a kid by introducing a father they’ll hardly ever see and will most likely be separated from.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. That’s the point: I can’t feel bad over something I never had.”

  “Still, no one should have to go through that. Especially a child.”

  Kale could feel the intensity of Jason’s stare. Opening his eyes, he met his gaze. “Thank you. I appreciate your concern, really, but don’t worry about it.” Kale knew Jason did worry about it, and it baffled him. “Believe me when I say I never think of it.”

  “What about your mother? And your brother?”

  The familiar pinprick hit his heart, and he pushed the feeling away before a similar pricking hit his eyes. Any other time, Kale would have immediately withdrawn, but that was before he saw the sincerity in Jason’s face. This was not idle talk. Jason was reaching out to him, and a part of Kale that he had thought buried with his childhood wanted desperately to cling to what Jason offered.

  “I miss them. The worst part is not knowing whether they’re even alive, not knowing what work they put my brother to. But that’s one of the things I can’t control, so I don’t think about them much.”

  Jason reached over and grasped Kale’s hand. Before he even realized it, Kale squeezed back. The silence between them was peaceful, but Kale didn’t like the way his personal thoughts lingered in the air. He wanted the conversation to turn back to Jason. “What about you? Do you ever think of your mother?”

  “Yes, all the time. The woman was pure love. The way she acted with me, you would have thought everything I said was genius. I always knew I could tell her anything, and she would understand. She’d get as excited as I was about whatever idea or story I told her. I often wonder what she would think of me now.”

  “She’d be proud.”

  A few moments passed as Jason pondered something. Then he focused back on Kale. “Thanks, I hope so.”

  When the chilly air chased them back inside, their hands were still warmly interlocked.

  A week before Holy Saints’ Day, Kale sat in the kitchen helping Marge. It wasn’t often that Jason went places without him now, but when he did, Kale came to the kitchen. He claimed it was because the kitchen was the warmest spot in the house, but really he felt most comfortable there. It was odd to go back to the slave quarters when he never slept there anymore.

  As Kale sliced potatoes, Charlie came whistling into the kitchen. “Well, look who we have here. I’m sorry, sir, but do I know you?”

  Kale looked up. “Stop it. I’m here all the time.”

  Charlie grabbed a piece of bread and sat next to Kale. “Really? All the time? It’s been over a week since I’ve seen you. Of course, some of us keep busy doing actual work.”

  “Hey, I work too.”

  Charlie snorted. “Yeah, I wish my master considered fucking me enough work on my part for the day.”

  “I’m cutting potatoes, aren’t I?”

  “That’s different. You don’t have to, and you’re only doing it so Marge will give you a treat. Which reminds me: you are looking a little pudgy. I hear your master’s feeding you like a free man.”

  “Pay him no mind, Kale. I think someone’s just jealous.” Marge shot Charlie a stern look.

  “Jealous? Not on my life, Marge. Everyone knows I love everything you fix.”

  Kale knew Charlie was joking, but he had noticed lately that he wasn’t as firm as he once had been. A little padding had appeared on his abdomen, but he wasn’t pudgy, was he? “That’s what happens when you’re a good slave, Charlie, you get rewarded.”

  “A good slave? You? No, this is what happens when your master falls in love with you.”

  Kale stopped cold and dropped his knife. He looked up at Charlie and saw his usual smile. Did the other slaves think the same way Charlie did? “He’s not in love with me.”

  “All right.”

  “He’s not. You don’t think he is, do you, Marge?”

  “I’m staying out of this one. It’s none of my business.”

  Charlie chuckled. “Are you blind? Or just stupid? He’s got it for you worse than he did for Eric.”

  “No, he doesn’t. He just feels guilty for what he did while they were dating, a
nd he’s overcompensating. I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts.”

  Charlie sobered. “You don’t really believe that, do you? Kale, that boy is completely in love with you. He’d probably buy you a pony if you asked for one.”

  “Charlie, you really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “I don’t? I guess you’re right. I would have thought it would have been easy for you to spot the signs since you’re in love with him, too.”

  All of a sudden, it was hard for Kale to breathe. How had Charlie gotten that idea? More importantly, if Charlie thought that, then did the others too? “I’m not in love with him.”

  “Really? So why haven’t you had sex with anyone else since you started sleeping with him?”

  “Because I’m sleeping with him, Charlie. When the hell am I supposed to have sex with someone else?”

  “I can think of dozens of times we’ve had sex in the middle of the day. Do you want to have a go now?”

  Kale didn’t have to think about it; the immediate answer was no.

  “Come on, you can top. I doubt he’s been letting you.” There was a glint of mischief in Charlie’s eyes.

  It was true. Kale had never topped with Jason. But that didn’t change his answer. “No thanks, Charlie.”

  “Why?”

  “Because. He fancies we’re lovers. If I were to sleep with someone else, he would see it as cheating. I’m not about to throw away this cushy life just to plow into your scrawny ass.”

  “My scrawny ass was fine before you started sleeping with him. But you’re right. It doesn’t sound like you two are in love, not at all.” Charlie gave Kale an incredulous look that matched his sarcastic tone.

  Kale decided not to rise to the bait, and they lapsed into silence as Charlie finished eating his bread, and Kale continued to cut potatoes. The steady mindless work was easy to get lost in, and Kale could let his mind go blank.