W.H.O. Files: Potions in the Pizza

by Mikey Brooks

  Emmy rolled her eyes and enthusiastically waved her pink slip in the air before depositing it into her desk.

  Chapter Two: The Family Business

  Why is it when things get a little bad they always turn worse? Ethan was mad at himself for even trying. It was just as he predicated; he’d try for a three-pointer and everyone would be around to witness his failure. Then he just couldn’t help it could he? Why didn’t he keep his mouth shut when Robbie missed? If he had, his face wouldn’t hurt, his twin sister wouldn’t have gone crazy, and he wouldn’t be the topic of everyone’s whispers.

  Oh yeah, Ethan knew they were talking about him. He was the kid that needed his big sister to fight his battles. Big sister—arriving three-and-a-half-minutes before me really doesn’t make her the oldest . . . right?

  The math test was a blur. His cheek hurt so bad that he couldn’t focus on the story problems. If Robbie hit you four times in the face at least fifteen times a month, how many times would you’ve been hit? No, that wasn’t the problem, but that’s all Ethan could think of. Robbie was good at making fun of people but he’d never resorted to actual violence before. Now, Ethan had something else to fear besides having to eat another school lunch: Robbie’s revenge. He knew it was coming. The jerk didn’t know how to back down.

  “How’d you do?” Jax asked as they walked to the corner of the schoolyard. Ethan shrugged. He didn’t want to admit he only got as far as writing his name. At least this would be one math test Jax scored higher on than him. It wasn’t the end of the world. Mrs. Burton would probably let him retake it if he asked. So far, Ethan had scored perfectly on every math test.

  “I think I did okay,” Jax said. “I like the art project Mrs. Burton assigned. What object are you going to make?”

  Ethan thought back to the latter part of class. Mrs. Burton had said something about creating mosaic art. They were to pick an object and create it by using hundreds of tiny pieces of colored paper. The only object in Ethan’s mind was Robbie’s fist flying toward his face. He guessed Mrs. Burton wouldn’t find that project creative enough.

  “Not sure. What about you?”

  “The Greeks had tons of mosaic art. They used a variety of shells and stones. I think I’m going to make a falcon. I saw a mosaic once at the museum of a bird. I think it was a falcon.”

  “That sounds cool . . .” Ethan sighed. Jax would be excited about an art project in which he could take tips from history.

  “Hey, Jax,” a voice called from behind them. Ethan turned to see Nick running from the building followed by his best friend Tyler. Nick held out Jax’s basketball. “You left this on the blacktop.”

  “Hey thanks,” Jax said, taking the ball. “I forgot all about it.”

  “Yeah. So that was a nice game.” Tyler chuckled. Ethan could see him trying to examine his cheek for any evidence of Robbie’s hand print. He knew Tyler didn’t mean anything by it, but it still made Ethan feel embarrassed.

  “It was a nice game until Robbie got involved,” Jax said.

  Nick let out a bark of a laugh. “Did you see the way Robbie cried? I swear he called out for his mommy.”

  Jax and Tyler laughed along, and Ethan gave his best attempt but his heart wasn’t in it.

  A horn honked and Nick turned toward the street. “Oh, got to go. See ya guys later.”

  Nick and Tyler raced toward the waiting minivan and Ethan let out a sigh.

  “Are you still worried about what happened with Robbie?” Jax had pinned the butt on the baboon. Ethan shrugged. No matter how Ethan tried, he couldn’t get the humiliation of it out of his head. “Dude, forget it. No one cares that Emmy jumped on Robbie.”

  “You kidding? I’m going to go down in history as the only fifth grader whose sister has to fight his battles.”

  “Dude, you’re going down in history as the only kid who laughed at Robbie Maser. ‘Air ball!’ Did you forget that?”

  Ethan shook his head. “Yeah, that was dumb. I should have kept my mouth shut.”

  “Dude, you were awesome! It takes guts to stand up to bullies.”

  Jax always seemed to have a way of cheering Ethan up. They sat down on the grass, waiting for Jax’s mom.

  Jackie Washington was one of the coolest moms out there. Everyday she’d pick them up after school. She didn’t work, so she was always home, and she loved to bake. No foreign blobs of goo here, folks. Mama J’s double chocolate chip cookies are the bomb! Ethan loved that his best friend lived next door. Sometimes, it was better at the Washington’s house than his own. He had everything there: his best friend, all the cookies he could eat, and—

  “Emmy, wait up!” a girl called.

  Ethan looked over his shoulder and sure enough, there was Emmy. Hannah and a couple of other girls were laughing about something. Emmy gave a few of them high fives and said something about practicing their routine tomorrow. The girls ran off to meet their parents, and Emmy turned toward him and Jax. He could see her eyeing his cheek.

  “You okay?” she asked, sitting next to him.

  “I don’t wanna talk about it,” he said. In reality Ethan did. He just didn’t want to get on Emmy’s bad side. If he told her what he really thought, like how she had ruined his life, she might want to pull out someone else’s hair. Emmy had a temper like that.

  “I know you’re mad at me. I can see it all over your face.” Emmy glanced over her shoulder and then back at him. “Look, if it makes you feel any better, the Barf Bag gave me a demerit for it.”

  Ethan gasped. “You got another pink slip?”

  “Why don’t you just announce it to the entire school?”

  “Mom and Dad are going to freak out. Emmy, it’s barely October and you’ve gotten two. Another one and you’ll—”

  “I know, I know. I tried to explain to Mr. Braffin that he wasn’t being fair, but he just ignored me. I tell you, the minute that guy gets replaced I think I’m going to wear underwear on my head for a whole day.”

  “I don’t see that ever happening,” Jax grinned. “But if it does, I’ll let you wear some of my tighty-whities.”

  Emmy rolled her eyes. “Boys are so gross.”

  Mama J pulled up to the curb in a green minivan. They jumped up from the grass. Jax opened the door and hopped into the back. Emmy grabbed Ethan’s arm before he got in.

  “Ethan, I’m sorry, okay? I know you’re still mad at me. I was just so angry with Robbie. He had no right to hit you. Twinroos?”

  Twinroos was the word Ethan and Emmy used that meant nothing could come between them. They were twins after all, and it was their duty to stick up for each other, whether it was in front of one person or the entire school.

  “Twinroos,” Ethan said, with a half-smile.

  “Your parents said they were going to be a little late again,” Mama J said as they drove down the street.

  “That’s new,” Emmy said, sarcastically.

  “Another terrorist to kill,” Jax whispered to Ethan.

  Ethan rolled his eyes. Jax was under the impression that Ethan’s parents were secret agent assassins. The guy did have a point. Nobody knew what David and Mary Orion did for a living. If anyone asked, they just said “the family business.” It was pretty dumb when career day came at school and Ethan’s dad pretended to be an accountant—seriously, an accountant. Ethan figured his dad was trying to play off Ethan’s love of numbers. It all kind of went south when Alex Wafer’s dad asked if he could help him do his business taxes.

  Ethan’s parents weren’t fooling him, though. They weren’t secret agents, or accountants, they were just plain old busy—too busy for their own kids. Always working long hours and going on trips. He saw more of Jax’s parents than his own.

  “Maybe they’re art thieves? I’m sure they travel a lot.” Jax wasn’t going to let it go.

  “Have you seen any art hanging up in my house?”

  “Dude, that’s it. Art thieves aren’t going to hang up what they
steal. They sell it.”

  “Jax, my parents aren’t art thieves. Look at our house. It’s no bigger than yours. Don’t you think we’d live in a huge mansion if they actually made a lot of money?”

  “Ethan has a point,” Emmy added. “Personally, I think they’re undertakers.”

  “Undertakers?” Ethan and Jax repeated.

  “Yeah. ‘The family business.’ Don’t you remember meeting Dad’s cousin or something? The one who ran the mortuary? He’s family, right? They’re all undertakers.”

  “Dude, your mom and dad do mess around with dead people!”

  The thought wasn’t comforting. Undertakers—just another occupation to add to the Orion family secret. One day, he was sure they’d learn what his mom and dad actually did for a living and it would turn out to be something really boring. Maybe they were the ones who went around seeing if anyone removed the labels off of mattresses. Now that had to be boring.

  “You kids going on about your parents’ job again?” Mama J asked. “I swear you kids don’t get bored coming up with stuff. But let me tell you this, Emmy. If your mama’s an undertaker, remind me never to eat her potato salad again. Anybody touching a dead body has no business touching food.”

  “I wish you could explain that to the lunch ladies at school,” Ethan said.

  Emmy snorted. Jax laughed.

  “Did Mary forget to pack you a lunch again?” Mama J shook her head. “Your parents are mighty busy people. Cut them some slack, okay? What they do is important work.”

  “Mama J,” Ethan said as they pulled into the driveway. She parked the car and turned around. “If you knew what our parents did, you’d tell us, right?”

  “Let’s not worry about that, sugar. Let’s go have some cookies. I made your favorite.” Mama J got out of the car.

  Ethan turned to Emmy and Jax. “She didn’t say she didn’t know.”

  ***

  “Emmaline Margaret Orion, I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.”

  Emmy hated it when her mom used her entire name. It only reminded her how much she hated it. It belonged to an old granny, not an up-and-coming dancer. When Emmy got famous, she’d just change her name to M. It would be easy to sign autographs, and she’d never have to hear Emmaline again.

  “Dad, she’s not even going to let me explain.”

  “This is your second demerit this year,” her mom went on. “You’re not going to make it to middle-school if you can’t learn to control that temper.”

  “How do you know it was my temper? That’s just an assumption. You don’t even know what happened!”

  “Emmy, calm down,” Dad said. “Mary, let her explain.”

  “Thank you! Someone has seen the light!”

  “Emmaline . . .” her dad warned.

  “Fine!” Emmy let out an exaggerated sigh. She straightened up and gave what she hoped was a sincere expression. “I was just trying to protect Ethan. There’s this bully at school who hit him.”

  “What? Ethan, baby, why didn’t you say so?” Mom’s attention went to mollycoddling her son. Emmy rolled her eyes and stared down at the pink slip. She wished they’d just sign the stupid thing so she could go up to her room and practice her routine.

  “I’m fine,” Ethan said, pushing his mom away. “It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

  “Who is this boy? I want to talk with his mother!”

  Right, that ought to make him stop. Please! What is it with parents thinking they could just call up a bully’s mom on the phone and say, “Hey, can you please tell Robbie to stop slugging my son? He doesn’t like it.”

  Emmy looked at her dad and motioned for him to steer the conversation off Ethan’s face and back to her pink slip. He opened his mouth to say something, but he was too slow.

  “Mom, I have a lot to do.”

  “Well, I am going to call Principal Fenwick and ask him why my son is getting beat up at school. Emmy, I’m not signing that slip. If you were sticking up for your brother, there is no reason for Mr. Braffin to have given it to you.”

  “Well . . .” Emmy slowly explained what happened after the fight. The more she told, the more her mom’s face turned red. She should have let it go. Her mom ended up signing the slip and she was sent to her room until dinner.

  “And no dancing, young lady. No reward is given for bad behavior.”

  Emmy stomped upstairs, slammed her bedroom door, and flung herself onto her bed. Being an Orion sucked! She’d rather go live at Hannah’s. Maybe they could adopt me? She thought about life as Emmy Ivy. The name did have kind of a ring to it. There wouldn’t be much she’d lose out on moving in with Hannah. Mom and Dad were hardly ever around. Hannah’s house was pretty big. She was sure she’d be given her own room. The only thing she’d miss would be Ethan.

  A knock sounded at the door.

  “Come in if you’re not Mom,” Emmy said through her pillow.

  Ethan opened the door and stepped into her room. “I told Mom she forgot our lunch again. Dad said something about you being hungry might have made you overreact.”

  “So Mom is taking the blame?”

  “She says you can dance if you want to.”

  “Why didn’t she come and tell me?”

  “Because you’d probably say something stupid and get yourself into trouble again.”

  Ethan had a point. Emmy made it a rule that when she got busted, she acted thoroughly unpleasant until the punishment was lifted. Had Mom come up, she probably wouldn’t be allowed to dance for a week.

  “Thanks for suggesting the whole hunger thing.” She gave a grateful smile. “I shared Hannah’s lunch so I wasn’t really that hungry. I just got mad. Robbie Maser is a jerk face for thinking he can pick on everybody.”

  “You know he’s not going to let you forget what you did.”

  “Yeah, he’ll probably try to do something to me . . . but I’m not scared. Robbie is just a bully and bullies are dorks.”

  “Especially bullies that cry like a baby.” Ethan reenacted Robbie’s pathetic whine. Emmy flopped back with laughter. She fell off the bed and crashed to the floor, still laughing.

  Dad knocked on the door. “Hey, you wild animals, Mom just called for pizza. Wanna come down and play some dominos before it gets here?”

  “Really?” Emmy looked at her dad, trying to see what was up.

  “You guys don’t have work?” Ethan asked.

  Her dad’s face revealed he was hiding something but he shook his head. “Nope.”

  “Okay, are you going to tell us now, or after dinner?” Emmy asked.

  Her dad raised one blond, caterpillar eyebrow.

  “Come on, Dad, you and Mom never want to eat pizza and play board games. Something’s up, isn’t it?”

  “Are you going to tell us that you’re undertakers?”

  “What? No. We just want to have a family night. Is that wrong?”

  “Your cousin owns a mortuary,” Ethan continued. “Is the family business undertaking? I really don’t want to grow up preparing dead people for burial. I’d rather work in label security and check everyone’s mattresses.”

  “Ethan, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Charlie is a cousin by marriage. He’s not an Orion. Your mom and I will tell you when we’re ready. Just come downstairs and play dominos.”

  Emmy followed her dad and brother down to the dining room where her mom had laid out the dominos. She was starting to get a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. Like her parents were buttering them up to announce they were having another baby, or maybe they were all moving to Antarctica.

  “Your mom thought that Mondays could be our declared night to spend time as a family.” Dad sat down at the table with a smile. Emmy exchanged a glance with Ethan, they both could tell it was fake.

  “Are you guys okay?” Ethan asked.

  “Yeah, you guys weren’t replaced by aliens or something?” Emmy added.

  “Emmaline, wh
at is wrong with wanting to have a family night?” Mom asked. “You know Jackson’s parents have a family night every Monday. Why can’t we?”

  Emmy looked at her mother, still skeptical. They were planning something, but Emmy would play along. She’d played Mexican Train before at Hannah’s and actually liked it. She shrugged and sat down next to Ethan, picking up a few dominos.

  “You get fifteen dominos each, right? Then we see who has the highest double to start.” Emmy selected a few pieces.

  “Is that how you play?” Dad teased. “I thought you just stacked them up and watched them fall over.”

  They played a couple rounds before the pizza arrived. Then they laughed over cheesy pepperoni and breadsticks. Emmy was actually enjoying herself. She couldn’t remember the last time they’d actually sat down to eat as a family. It was like Christmas in the Orion house. Ethan proved to be a slayer at Mexican Train, and beat everyone by a landslide. Emmy was enjoying her last piece of pizza when her mom sighed.

  Emmy saw the concerned expressions on both her parents’ faces. Oh great, here it comes. I knew this whole night was too good to be true. Emmy dropped her pizza and glared at her parents.

  “Out with it,” she said, a little too loud.

  “Emmy.” Dad gave her a warning glance.

  “What? I knew you guys were planning something. This was all a little too weird for me. Sure it was fun, but I knew there was some ulterior motive behind it. Let me guess, one of you has brain cancer—or you’re really not our parents, we were adopted!”

  “Emmaline Margaret Orion!” Mom sat straighter. “Please don’t spoil the evening.”

  “Me, spoil? You’re the ones who set this whole thing up. I knew the minute Dad said we were going to play games and have a ‘family night’ that something was up. This is not normal for our family. We’re moving, isn’t it? Oh, no, you guys are getting a divorce!”

  “No, I don’t want you guys to split up!” Ethan cried.

  “We are not getting a divorce,” Dad said flatly. “Emmy, give us a second to get a word in. We can’t tell you what’s going on if you keep jumping to conclusions.”