W.H.O. Files: Potions in the Pizza

by Mikey Brooks

  The next morning, as they drove to school, Ethan decided he needed to bring Jax in on his plan. With his best friend on his side, maybe he’d actually get time to read the W.H.O. handbook.

  Mama J waved goodbye out the window and the minivan disappeared in the crowd of cars. Emmy found her friends, and soon Jax and Ethan were alone outside the school.

  Ethan pulled on Jax’s arm and whispered in his ear. “I’m going to vanquish the lunch ladies.”

  “You’re what?”

  “I’m going to take down the witches.”

  “Dude, you and Emmy said you were going to leave all this alone until your parents got back.”

  “I think we can take them,” Ethan said enthusiastically.

  Jax raised his eyebrows. “Dude, you don’t know the first thing about witches. Didn’t you have a look at that stuff we found? It’s not like the storybooks say. They don’t have pointy hats and boiling cauldrons.”

  “I know—I know. But I have this.” Ethan pulled out the W.H.O. handbook. Jax sighed. Ethan narrowed his eyebrows. “Why do you always breathe like that when I have an idea? It’s annoying, you know?”

  “I breathe like that because I know you’re about to get us into trouble. Did you already forget about the experiment exploding in our faces? We’re dealing with stuff we don’t have a clue about.”

  “Yeah, but, Jax, we have all the answers right here. You saw it yourself. There’s a whole section on how to vanquish them. We’re going to take them down, and I’m going to prove to my parents I’m not the family baby.”

  Ethan and Jax heard snickering. Then the hulking form of Robbie Maser stepped out from behind a bush. He dropped a candy bar wrapper on the ground and smashed it with his ogre-sized foot. “Man, I had it right. Even your parents think you’re lame.”

  “Shut it, Maser,” Jax spat.

  Robbie sneered, the remains of chocolate and caramel coating his lips. “Why don’t you come here and make me, Washington?”

  “Man, you’re not worth the energy.” Jax pulled Ethan and they started moving toward the doors. A few other kids ran in past them. Ethan tried to ignore the cold glare from Robbie.

  “I still owe your sister, Orion,” Robbie shouted up the school steps. “Tell her to watch out.”

  ***

  Emmy was once again lost in a dream as Miss LeBeau described the art she had seen in the Musée du Louvre, the famous museum, while living in Paris. Emmy envisioned everything as if she too had been there. Emmy could clearly see the wonders of Leonardo da Vinci, the colorful kaleidoscopes of Vincent van Gogh, and the marble carvings from the ancient sculptors.

  “You mean they have Egyptian art there, too?” Zachary asked.

  “Oh, oui! They have an entire exhibit dedicated to Egyptian art. You can look at paintings on papyrus, stone, wood, even on terracotta. The museum changes exhibits all the time, so you never know what you will find.”

  “What was the coolest thing you saw in the Egyptian exhibit?” Tyler asked, seemingly excited. Miss LeBeau had a way of sharing things that made the class want to know more. They were learning and didn’t even know it.

  “The most fascinating thing I saw was a collection of hieroglyphs.”

  “What’s so great about that?” Madison asked. “It’s just writing, right?”

  Miss LeBeau smiled, her white teeth gleaming. “Ah, you see, the Egyptians believed that writing was invented by the gods. It was a gift given by the god of wisdom, Thoth. Anything put in writing was considered sacred and of most importance. The collection of hieroglyphs I beheld was written on papyrus, an ancient form of paper. It contained the account of the Witch Queen of Egypt, Cleopatra.”

  “Whoa! Cleopatra was a witch?!” several kids blurted.

  Emmy straightened out of her daydream. The word “witch” sparked several unwelcome feelings. Emmy pushed all thoughts of her parents to the back of her mind. She didn’t need them and the family business spoiling her time at school.

  Miss LeBeau clapped her hands excitedly. “Oui, Cleopatra was one of the most powerful witches of ancient times. She was so powerful that when she took over as pharaoh, she claimed she was the reincarnated goddess, Isis.”

  “Wow, a witch queen, a pharaoh, and a goddess?” Abigail sighed. “No wonder everyone wants to be like her.”

  “Cleopatra has been one of the most revered women in all of history,” Miss LeBeau went on. “She was said to be both powerful and beautiful. She bent many leaders in ancient times to her will. As we say in France, ‘Jamais sous-estimer le puissance d’une sorcière,’ or ‘Never underestimate the power of a witch.’”

  The recess bell rang. The kids took their time getting up from their seats. Emmy always hated when recess came. She’d rather stay inside and listen to more stories. Some of the kids got excited when Miss LeBeau pulled her sweater off her seat and made her way to the door.

  “That’s right.” Miss LeBeau slipped on her sweater. “I am on duty this morning. But please go run and give yourselves some much needed exercise. We will continue our discussion when we come back inside. Comprenez—understand?”

  Emmy reluctantly made her way out to the soccer field with Madison and Abigail. Hannah followed behind, humming the song for their dance routine.

  “I think I want to be Cleopatra for Halloween. Wouldn’t it be cool to be the Queen of the Nile?” Madison said.

  “Well, we both can’t be Cleopatra!” Abigail whined.

  Madison laughed. “You can be one of my servants.”

  “Whatever,” Abigail snapped. “If anyone is Cleopatra around here, it’s me. I’m the only one with black hair. You’re a blonde, Maddie, so that wouldn’t look good.”

  “Most Egyptians wore wigs,” Hannah offered. Madison smiled, but Abigail glared at Hannah. “What? I was just trying to help. Why can’t you both be Cleopatra? I can be her, too. We’ll be like an army of Cleos!”

  “There can only be one Queen of the Nile!” Madison declared.

  “Come on, you guys, stop it,” Emmy shouted. “We should be practicing, not arguing about who’s going to be Cleopatra.”

  “She’s right,” Hannah confirmed. Emmy smiled at Hannah and they formed their first positions.

  Emmy wanted to try the complicated movement that she had seen in her book. It would make a terrific beginning to their performance at the talent show. She waited for Madison and Abigail to do their double pirouettes, and then she stepped forward. She arched her back and kicked her right leg forward. She performed a half-spin and something walloped into her eye.

  She twisted, and her ankle gave way, shooting pain into her calf. Crying out, she collapsed to the grass.

  “Emmy!” Hannah cried.

  Emmy felt like her eye was about to explode. Tears cascaded down her cheeks. Her ankle felt like it had been torn off. Her friends asked if she was all right, but she also heard someone laughing.

  “Robbie, that was not cool!” Hannah shouted. “You might have blinded her!”

  “Shut your face, Hannah, that witch had it coming to her and she knows it.”

  Emmy tried to open her eyes but they felt sealed shut. What did he throw at me? Am I bleeding? The pain in her ankle throbbed. She tried to push up off the ground, but her legs shook.

  “Don’t try to stand. Take it easy,” Abigail said.

  “You wanna come pull my hair now?” Robbie taunted. “Next time you mess with me, I’ll make you wish you’d never been born.”

  “I’m telling the teacher on duty,” Madison warned. “You’re going to be in so much trouble, Robbie.”

  “Whatever, thunder thighs, those teachers are too stupid to even bother.”

  “Stupidity is in the eyes of the beholder, Mr. Maser,” Miss LeBeau said.

  Emmy forced her right eye open. Robbie’s round face had turned scarlet. His Jell-O brain struggled to come up with an excuse. Miss LeBeau loomed over him like an angel sent from Heaven. The morning sun beamed beh
ind her, giving the impression that she might just be the beautiful harbinger of death—death for Robbie, anyway.

  Robbie shuffled his feet, then attempted to speak. “I was just—”

  “There is a saying when someone is under arrest: anything you say can and will be used against you.” Miss LeBeau pulled a long pencil from her hair and pointed the eraser side at his face. “I suggest not saying anything. I also suggest you follow me to Principal Fenwick’s office. I am sure he will be happy to hear why you felt the need to remove Miss Orion’s eye with a rubber band. Your actions were obviously premeditated and malicious. I’d start thinking of a plausible explanation now.”

  “Yes, M-ma’am.” Robbie stuttered.

  “Emmy.” Miss LeBeau switched her tone from terrifying to angelic. “Are you able to walk to the nurse, or would you like me to carry you?”

  “I think I can make it,” Emmy replied.

  “We can help her,” Hannah offered.

  “Hannah, if you and Abigail will please take Emmy. Madison, the bell will ring soon, I need you to tend the class while I see to Mr. Maser. Instruct the class to work on creating their own hieroglyphs to present to me later.”

  Emmy wiped the tears from her cheeks and tried to stand up without complaint. She didn’t want Miss LeBeau to see how bad she was hurt. She needed to show her she was strong. Hannah and Abigail lifted her arms and they walked slowly toward the school. Emmy could see the slack-faced bully being prodded toward the school with the aid of Miss LeBeau’s pencil. She wondered if this would be the end of Robbie’s time at Roosevelt Elementary.

  Chapter Eleven: A Looney Librarian and a Magic Spell

  When the recess bell rang, Ethan and Jax were the only kids who didn’t fly out the double doors leading to the school yard. Instead, they turned up the hall toward the most secluded spot in all of Roosevelt Elementary—the library. Most kids wouldn’t be caught dead in the small room dedicated to old, donated books and out-of-date encyclopedias. Jax had admitted to Ethan he’d visited a few times, but made him swear a vow of secrecy that he wouldn’t tell anybody.

  Kids avoided the library so they wouldn’t have to see the lonely hag who tended to the books like a crazed nursemaid. Ethan knew it wasn’t nice to call old people names, but Mrs. Warnock, the librarian, was about as close to a hag as you got. In fact, Ethan thought she resembled the classic description of a witch far better than the beautiful lunch ladies.

  The library welcomed them with the smell of dust and mildew. Maybe that’s the aroma of bookworms digesting pages? Ethan glared at Jax, wondering if this really was the best place to come.

  Jax smiled back. “Trust me.”

  “What can I do for you boys?” the raspy voice of Mrs. Warnock asked from the back corner. Ethan tried not to let his gaze linger on the quarter-sized wart bobbing up and down on her chin as she spoke. Maybe the smell belongs to her?

  “Uh-umm . . .” Ethan stammered, eyes fixed on the tuberous mass dancing about. Mrs. Warnock continued to move her lips but nothing came out. Maybe she’s trying to keep her dentures from falling out?

  “We just came to do some reading,” Jax said, stepping forward. Mrs. Warnock squinted through her half-moon glasses and then perked up.

  “Oh, Jaxson!” she oohed. “Welcome back! I’ve been keeping your chair right where you like it.”

  Ethan gave Jax another glare. His best friend blushed. Who would have thought Jax was a closet library goer? They crossed over to the far side of the library and sat down on two beanbags under a window. Despite the smell and the old lady, who continued to give them wrinkled smiles, the library seemed like a terrific place, free of any eavesdroppers. Also, the bean bags were comfy. Ethan pulled out the W.H.O. handbook and opened to the contents page.

  “Page 79,” Jax whispered. “‘How to Apprehend a Witch.’”

  Ethan flipped to the chapter and looked over the text. The first few paragraphs gave cautions on approaching witches.

  Never provoke or aggravate a witch, and never try to apprehend one alone. Always break the witch before attempting to take into custody. Always call a warden after the witch has been successfully broken.

  “Break her?” Ethan said, a little too loud. Mrs. Warnock looked up from her book and put a finger to her lips. Ethan mouthed a ‘sorry’ and turned to Jax. “What does that mean?” he whispered.

  Jax pointed down at the next paragraph. “Breaking a witch means taking away her main conductor of power—her wand. It says here that you must first snap the wand in half. Once the wand has been broken, the witch will be temporarily paralyzed and without magic. Use the given time to promptly secure her and await the arrival of the wardens.”

  “What’s a warden? Like a cop or something? I thought that’s what hunters were?”

  Jax flipped to the back of the book and searched the index. He found several pages discussing the topic of wardens. He flipped to a chapter entitled “The Witch Prison” and read quietly. “Although there are various witch prisons located throughout the world, the largest and most formidable is the Bimini Prison. The underwater compound is located near North Bimini Island in the Bahamas. The entrance to the prison can be found by following the Bimini Road.”

  “That sounds like we’re off to see the wizard stuff,” Ethan joked. Jax didn’t even smile and Ethan wondered why he even tried. “Okay, do you know where or what the Bimini Road is?”

  “You’ve heard of the Bermuda Triangle, right?”

  “You mean . . . ?”

  “Yeah! The Bimini Road is in the Bermuda Triangle! This is some freaky stuff! I wonder if the Witch’s Prison is the reason so many strange things happen there?”

  “This is awesome, Jax! We’ve just discovered why people go missing and why airplanes go down. It has nothing to do with aliens or stuff like that. It’s freaking witches!”

  “Shhh!” Mrs. Warnock slammed her book down on her desk. Ethan cringed a little. From a distance, the wart looked like a third eye staring at them from her chin.

  “Sorry,” Jax whispered, giving a friendly smile. Mrs. Warnock nodded her head but raised a warning finger.

  “What about the wardens?” Ethan asked again, turning back to the book.

  Jax skimmed the page with his finger until he came across something. “It says the wardens are the keepers of the prisons. They don’t apprehend, only secure the trial and captivity of every witch. I think they are part of the W.H.O., but they have their own division.”

  “So once we break the witches, we have to call the wardens? Does it say how to do that?”

  “I am afraid you boys will have to go somewhere else,” Mrs. Warnock said, standing up from her chair. “This is a library—not a social club. There are people trying to read.”

  Is she serious? Ethan looked around the library, trying to see where these “other people” might be hiding. “There’s only you and us,” he said, with a hint of irritation.

  “Sorry, Mrs. Warnock,” Jax said, getting to his feet.

  “You are both welcome back when you can be respectful of the other patrons in the library.”

  “Whatever,” Ethan said under his breath. He stuffed the W.H.O. handbook into his backpack and headed for the door.

  “Nah, eh, eh! All books need to either be checked out or remain in the library.”

  “What?” Ethan went to head for the door but in lightning speed Mrs. Warnock was charging toward them, a large rubber stamp in hand. Ethan stepped back and put up his hands in surrender. “I brought my own book.”

  “Really, we didn’t even look at the book shelves. Ethan brought his own from home.”

  “Shhhhhh!” Mrs. Warnock spat, wagging her wrinkly finger in front of her lips. “We are still in a library. I am surprised by your behavior, Jaxson Washington.”

  “Mrs. Warnock,” Jax began again, this time in a calm whisper. “The book we were reading isn’t the library’s book—it’s Ethan’s. He brought it from home.”

&n
bsp; “Now, now, I know as well as you do that you took that book off the shelf. Hand it over please, and I will let you check it out. If I recall it’s not April, it’s October, so you’ll have to try to fool me next year. Come on now, I am not getting any younger waiting.”

  Ethan rolled his eyes and pulled the W.H.O. handbook out of his backpack. He reluctantly handed it over. The Hag looked at the cover and her eyebrows lifted.

  “Such a complex book for two boys to be reading. Then again, I loved classics when I was a child.”

  Ethan was confused. Classics? How is the W.H.O. handbook a classic, and really, did they have classics when this lady was a child? Anything written that long ago had to be etched into stone tablets.

  Mrs. Warnock slowly walked to her desk and pulled a yellow card from her desk. She stamped the card and then placed it in the back flap of the book. She handed Ethan back the handbook.

  “There you go, Mr. Orion, now you can take the Complete Works of William Shakespeare home with you. I understand how exciting it is to read such things, but you must remember that we only borrow books from the library. This isn’t a free for all. Do come back when you can be respectful of the other patrons.”

  Mrs. Warnock sat back in her chair and returned to the book she was reading. Ethan was going to point out that her book was upside down, but thought better of it. He and Jax left the library.

  “That lady is a quack job!” Ethan said the moment the door closed behind them. “Seriously! The Complete Works of William Shakespeare? And who were all the ‘other patrons’ she was talking about?”

  “Whoa, whoa . . . shhh!” Jax put up a hand. It was not the time to try to be funny by shushing him. He’d gotten enough of that from Madam Wart-face. Ethan was about to say something when he heard the voices. Jax pointed down the hallway where it bent around a corner.