Even If It Breaks Me

by Dominique Laura

  I broke the connection just as we walked out of the pizza place. The cool night air was a welcome comfort. When the comfort faded and the coolness sobered my system, the reality of what just happened hit me like a bucket of bricks. At full force, it was almost impossible to ignore any longer.

  My chest tightened and a pain, one I chose to ignore in the past, spread throughout my heart. How could he still affect me this way? After all these years? I was strong. I knew I was. But why did he make me feel so weak?

  You’re stronger than this.

  I shook my head, squeezing best friend’s fingers as she held onto me.

  “Oh, gosh, Becca.” My words were covered in pain. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the frog that had caught in my throat, making it impossible to speak.

  “It’s okay, Jade.” Her arms tightened around me. “It’s going to be okay. Just let it out, okay? Let it out.”

  I nodded, unable to speak. Tears leaked from my eyes, and I let them.

  “You’re okay now. He’s just a boy, Jade. He’s just a boy,” she whispered against my cheek. Her voice was fierce and full of determination.

  I nodded again. It was all I could do to keep from completely breaking down. It was all I could do to ensure that the final pieces of my heart remained intact. I had already given the majority of my heart to him, and I wouldn’t do that again. These final pieces were mine to save and mine to keep. They were also Dylan’s. He loved me. He loved me the way someone should love.

  I laid in bed, a headache piercing through every nerve in my head. This was exactly why tequila was dangerous. Well, that, and the fact that my memory was foggy. It kept coming back in flashes but not enough to piece together the whole picture. The last thing I remembered was dancing with Becca and after that, nothing. Just blankness.

  Ugh, this definitely wasn’t good. Add to that the dream I had last night? The tugging feeling around my heart as a result and the pain in my head from drinking were not a good combination.

  The empty spot on my bed bounced beside me and I flinched from the motion of it.

  “Rise and shine, beauty queen.” Becca announced, way too cheery after the night we had.

  “Don’t you mean Queen Jade?” I grumbled in response.

  “Eh, it’s all the same. Now, will you please open your eyes and look at me? This conversation requires your full attention.”

  “And what conversation would that be?”

  “The one about Tian.”

  My eyes flew open at the mention of his name. We used it on very rare occasions, which was closer to never. This was the second day in a row we were talking about him. We needed new rules.

  My eyes squinted against the harsh light streaming in through the open window. Did I wake up in the middle of the night and tell her about my dream or was she some kind of mind reader? That was the only reason I could think of for her to be using his name on the day of a hangover. But I knew that was impossible because I had just woken up from my sleep and she most certainly was not a mind reader.

  “Ow.” I covered my eyes with my forearm. “First, why is it so bright? And second, why are you saying his name like it’s something we do all the time?”

  A set of fingers pulled my arm from my face and I was met with the kind, bright eyes of my best friend. She looked sympathetic and I knew whatever she had to tell me wasn’t going to be good. I sat up in the bed, never blinking as she cautiously stared at me. I realized she wasn’t going to share the news until I asked, so that’s what I did.

  “Why are you looking at me like that? Just say it.” Fear laced my voice and I knew she could hear it because she placed her hand over mine and gently squeezed, giving me support.

  “How much do you remember from last night?”

  “Not much.” I squinted at nothing, hoping to regain some memory. “I remember drinking, dancing, and that’s it.”

  “That’s all you remember?”

  “Yes, I just said that.”

  “Okay. Well, don’t freak out.” She gave my hand another squeeze.

  “Too late,” I said, a little too strong.

  She huffed in annoyance at the harshness in my tone, giving me a small glare. “You had a run in with Tian.”

  “I’m pretty sure I’d remember that.” Wait, maybe I did tell her about my dream. That had to be. How drunk was I? “Besides, just because it happened in my dream doesn’t mean it happened in real life.”

  “What are you talking about?” She asked, clearly confused.

  “You’re talking about my dream, right?” She continued to stare at me, unwavering. “The one I had about Tian last night. The one I told you about?”

  “Jade.” Her voice had softened again. “That wasn’t a dream.”

  The pain around my heart grew stronger with each beat and I had to catch my breath in order to speak again. “What are you talking about?”

  “We were dancing,” she said.

  “I remember that.”

  “And we spotted Dylan walk in with Erin when you tripped and almost fell.”

  I felt my brows pull together in confusion. I opened my mouth to respond but nothing came out. I felt like I was going into shock. At least my heart was, based on the speed it was beating at. “And then?” I choked out.

  “And then he caught you before it could happen.”

  “He caught me?” I shook my head, confused. “Wait. He was there?”

  “Yeah. He was there.”

  “Tian? The same Tian who ripped my heart out when I was a teenager? That Tian?” I took a few deep breaths. “Please tell me I didn’t make a fool out of myself?”

  “From what I could tell you didn’t say anything. And I got you out of there before you broke down in front of him. He didn’t deserve to see that.”

  I nodded, my body sinking with relief.

  “But, Jade?”

  “Yes?”

  There was a determination in her eyes as she moved to lay beside me. “You need to tell Dylan the truth.”

  “The truth about what?”

  “About you and Tian.”

  My heart skipped. “I have told him.”

  “I mean the whole truth. He witnessed your run-in last night, and I can only imagine what must be going through his mind.”

  “I don’t want to lose him, Becca.”

  “And you think that if you let him into your heart, he’ll leave? He’s not that type of guy, Jade. You should give him more credit than that.”

  “I know, you’re right. And I will. I’ll give him a call later.”

  “I figured you’d say that, which is why I covered for you last night and told him you’d call him when you were ready.”

  “Did he seem mad?”

  “Dylan? No. He was understanding like he always is.” She smiled. “He’s amazing, and you’re amazing together. So just be honest with him, okay? I’m sure Tian isn’t ever going to show his face again, but in case he does, you don’t want to blindside him.”

  “Yeah, I know. I will.” I promised, more to myself than her.

  “What happened, Jade?” Dylan asked, holding me against his chest while we laid in bed.

  I traced circles on his bare stomach, my fingers slightly trembling with worry. “I never thought I’d see him again. It still feels like a dream, ya know? It happened so fast. But he looked just as surprised as I did, so I really don’t think we have to worry about me running into him again. I don’t even know what he was doing here.”

  Dylan’s arms flexed around me, his chin resting more firmly on the top of my head. “Who is he?”

  “An ex from high school,” I breathed out. “We ended things a few months before college.”

  “Is he in school?”

  “I don’t think so.” I snuggled up closer to Dylan’s body. The Tian talk making my skin itch and heart pound—not in a good way. “He was a few years older than me. He should be,” I paused to count. “Twenty-three now, I think. Yeah, that sounds right.”

  “Was he i
mportant to you?” He asked, his fingers gently tapping against my shoulder.

  “Yeah,” I said softly. “He was the first person I ever loved. But he lied to me about almost everything. He took what I gave but never gave anything in return. It was exhausting and painful, so I walked away from him.”

  “Is that why you were a little guarded when we first met?” He asked, sounding more curious than anything.

  “Probably.” I laughed lightly. “I was a mess, but it was the greatest decision I ever made for myself. I guess I was just nervous about jumping into a rebound so soon after.”

  “A rebound, huh?”

  I could sense his smile without even looking. “Yeah, well, we both know you’re anything but that. Far from it, actually. I used to think that he was the love of my life, and maybe he was, but Dylan?”

  “Yeah, Jade?”

  I sat up, reluctantly removing myself from his embrace. The loss of contact made me feel cold and anxious, so I placed my knees on either side of his body and sat on his waist. His hands immediately moved to my thighs, giving them a gentle squeeze.

  “Sorry, as I was saying.” I blew a loose strand of hair from my face. “He may have been the love of my life, but you’re my soulmate. That much I’m sure of. My heart beats for you, Dylan. It has for a long time. You are exactly who I needed. You’re who fate got right.”

  “I love it when you talk sweet to me.” He smirked, his fingers grazing my skin, skimming just below the hem of my sleep shorts. “Come here.”

  I rolled my eyes at his playfulness and leaned down, pressing my hands against his chest to hold myself up. He met me halfway, his lips connecting with mine in a slow, sensual dance. I sighed against him, a smile spreading my lips.

  “I hope this never gets old, Dylan.”

  “It won’t, even when we do,” he said with a goofy smile. “About this dude. Do you think he’ll be a problem, Jade?”

  “No,” I said, zero hesitation in my voice. “He’s my past. I’m not sure why he popped up last night after two years of silence, but I don’t plan on finding out.”

  “Okay.” He nodded, pressing a chaste kiss to my lips. “I trust you.”

  “Besides, if the situation were reversed, I’d be pissed.” I bent further down, peppering soft kisses along his collarbone. “So, make sure it doesn’t happen, yeah?”

  “No worries, Jade.” His hands trailed upward, my skin sizzling along the way. “I’ll make sure no exes pop up.”

  “You’re too good to me.” I laughed, pressing my chest flat against his. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

  “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Jade Young.”

  “Ditto, Dylan Conrad. Ditto.”

  Graduation day. Here I was again. A couple more years spent being with Dylan, college finished, and days spent living my best life. I thought about Tian from time to time, despite my determination not to. He hadn’t reached out since seeing me tipsy, and I hadn’t either—not that I’d know how to get in contact with him even if I wanted to. Which I didn’t. Obviously.

  “You look gorgeous, Jade.” Becca whistled her approval, her hands clapping together in excitement.

  “Yeah, well, if we’re going to have a joint graduation party, I figured I should look my best. I wouldn’t want to embarrass you or anything,” I joked, my hands brushing against the lace of my black fitted dress.

  “Oh? So, you chose to upstage me instead?” She asked, eyes rolling. “You’re lucky I love you.”

  “You swear like you don’t look like a freaking goddess right now.”

  “I do, don’t I?” She twirled in her white dress.

  “I love that we decided on a black and white theme. Everything looks so classy.”

  “That’s because we’re classy, duh.” She smiled and wrapped her arms around me in a quick, tight hug. “We did it. We’re college graduates with bright futures ahead of us and I couldn’t be more proud of the people we’ve become.”

  “It’s crazy to think of how much has changed and stayed the same throughout these last few years,” I said, shaking my head. “Life is unpredictable.”

  “Yeah, but in the best of ways, right?”

  “Right.” I agreed.

  “Great, now let’s go celebrate.”

  “Dylan Conrad, I didn’t think I’d see you here,” I said, pressing my body against his and my lips against his neck, tilting my head back. “I missed you this week.”

  Dylan had texted to let me know that he was on his way, so I left the chaos of the party to wait for him out front.

  “I missed you too.” His hands held either side of my face and his thumbs gently brushed against my skin. “I know we’ve both been busy this week and that we haven’t had much time together. It sucked. I hated it.”

  “I love it when you’re open with me.” I smiled sweetly. “Tell me more about how much you hated being away from me.”

  He shook his head, a chuckle vibrating through his chest. “I love you, Jade Young.”

  “I love you, too, Dylan.” I pulled back a little. “You healed my heart. I didn’t know that love could be this good, but you proved me wrong. You still do. Every day.”

  “Yeah?” His lips quirked up in a small smile.

  I nodded, biting on my bottom lip.

  “Good, because I have something to ask you.” His hands traveled along my shoulders and down my arms until he reached my hands. He gave them a gentle squeeze. I raised a curious brow, not sure what he was getting at.

  “Jade?”

  “Dylan?” I asked back, tilting my head.

  A nervous laugh left him as he slowly knelt down on one knee in front of me.

  Thump, thump, thump, was all I heard. My heart ricocheted in my chest, excitement blooming.

  He looked so vulnerable in this position. His midnight eyes held my chocolate ones, and I could barely hold back the tears clogging my throat and burning behind my eyes. A mixture of fear and exhilaration took route as I prepared myself for what I knew would shortly follow.

  “You said that I healed your heart, but you healed me. Before you, I always figured I’d have fun, play the field. I never expected to fall in love with someone at eighteen, during my first year of college. But I did. I fell in love with you, and when I think that love can’t get any deeper or stronger, it does. Every single day, you do something that makes me fall even harder.”

  “Dylan,” I choked out, tears falling slowly from my eyes.

  His own eyes shined. “Jade, you are who I want to spend the rest of my days with. You are the brightest light in my life and without you, I don’t know where I’d be. My heart and everything I am belong to you. They always will. So, like I said, I have a question to ask you.”

  “Oh gosh,” I said with a giggle.

  “Jade Young,” he paused, for dramatic effect I’m sure. I narrowed my eyes, willing him to get on with it. My body was buzzing, impatiently waiting to answer the question I knew was coming. “Will you spend the rest of your life with me? Jade Conrad has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

  He pulled a red velvet box from his coat pocket, slowly unveiling the ring to me. It was simple and elegant and perfect for me.

  “I will, of course I will.” I blinked away some tears. “Of course, I will. There’s no one else I want to spend my life with. You’re it for me, Dylan. So freaking it.”

  Dylan slid the ring on its designated finger and stood up, wrapping his arms around me and pressing his lips against mine. “Life’s just getting started for us. I’m so effing happy right now, you have no idea.”

  My cheeks hurt from the smiling I was doing. “I can’t believe we went from meeting in a stairwell to this.”

  “I can,” he said smugly. “I always knew I’d end up with you.”

  I laughed out loud, I couldn’t help it. “Sure, let’s go with that.”

  He went to tickle my sides when Becca jumped from the side of the bushes, her phone’s camera light shining on u
s.

  “You two are so freaking cute, I cannot. I just can’t,” Becca said, her phone still poised on where Dylan and I stood.

  “Were you there the whole time?” I asked, laughing at her dramatics.

  “Well, yeah, someone needed to document this moment, and I really didn’t think you wanted the whole family to witness this moment.” She shrugged. “Now, pose and show off that ring of yours. I got the video but now we need a photo, so go on and get all gross like you two always do.”

  “I’ve told you, Becca, when you’re ready, I have a few friends available,” Dylan offered.

  Becca stuck her tongue out at him. “No, thanks, I think I’m loving the single life, but as soon as I’m not, I’ll let you know.”

  Dylan laid his hand on my waist and I placed my palm against his chest, the diamond ring glittering beneath the lights. Becca snapped a few pictures, her face a mixture of awe and pride.

  “Hey, Becca? Before Dylan changes his mind, do you want to be my maid of honor?”

  She squealed, opened and closed her mouth, and nodded her head happily. “Will I? That isn’t even a question, Jade Young, or soon-to-be Mrs. Conrad.”

  My stomach fluttered, happiness taking root. “So, that’s a yes, right?”

  “That’s a hell yes, best friend of mine,” she replied, running up to me and Dylan, pushing him out of the way so that she could squeeze me half to death.

  I laughed, hugging her back just as fiercely.

  “You’re going to be the most beautiful bride, you know that?” She pulled away, tears pooling in her eyes. “I’m so happy. You deserve this, after everything you’ve been through, you deserve your happily ever after, and I’ve known since day one that Dylan was it for you.”

  I looked over at Dylan, whose deep blue eyes refused to leave my face. His smile lit up his face, and his hand reached out, cupping the side of my cheek.