Even If It Breaks Me

by Dominique Laura

  Sebastian Hayes was my first love and he always would be, but Dylan Conrad was my last, the person I was always supposed to end up with. However, I needed to get through that first love to find him, and the pain, anguish, and betrayal it took to get to him? I’d go through it all again in a heartbeat if it meant the end result would stay the same.

  First loves were great and all, but true love? That was pure and indescribable. And I was going to fight like hell to ensure I never lost mine.

  I hadn’t called Dylan, not since the night he told me to find whatever closure I needed with Tian. It was something that needed to be talked about in person. Which is the reason I was biting on my fingernails and pacing in front of the front door, anxiously waiting for him to come home. He had texted, letting me know he was ten minutes away, and that’s when the pacing commenced.

  I heard a car pull up, some goodbyes exchanged, and then the front door was opening. As soon as he dropped his bag, I launched myself at him, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. His hands circled around my back, and I buried my face against his shoulder, breathing him in. Tears pricked the corners of my eyes.

  Dylan tightened his grip, squeezing me to him. “I missed you, gorgeous girl.”

  “Not as much as I missed you,” I breathed. “You have no idea.”

  “Did you find what you were looking for?” He asked, his fingers playing with the ends of my hair as he continued to hold me.

  “Yes, but Dylan, what I’ve been searching for has been with me the whole time,” I said, shaking my head. “I shouldn’t have doubted for even a millisecond that Tian could offer me anything other than goodbye. I was just caught off guard and confused. And for a small moment, I questioned whether I was good enough for you, whether I could be all that you need.”

  Dylan walked over to the couch, sitting down and keeping my body attached to his. He pulled back slowly, his hands moving from my back to my face, caressing my skin.

  “Jade Young, you’ve always been enough for me,” he whispered, blue eyes shining as they locked onto mine. “And you’ll always be what I need.”

  “I love you,” I said through a clogged throat. “So much.”

  “I love you too, soulmate,” he said, lips turning up in a smile. “Always.”

  “I really needed to hear that, you have no idea.”

  “I’m sorry about Erin being here the other night,” he said with a sigh, sounding regretful. “I didn’t actually go to her place to work on the project. It was petty, but I was upset over the Tian news, so I told a lie.”

  “Then where did you go that night? You were gone until sunrise,” I question, worry lacing my tone.

  He pressed his forehead against mine. “I was at Jake’s place.”

  “Jake’s?” I let my hands trail along his chest. “Dylan, you could have just told me that.”

  “I know, but,” he shrugged, eyes closing for briefly. “Like I said, it was petty. I know things have been rocky with you two since college, and I reacted. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. She and I work at the same company and we sometimes team up on projects, but she’s just a coworker. It’s messed up, but I’ve never really considered her a friend. She comes on a little strong. I mean, she isn’t a bad person, but I only have my eyes set on one person. You.”

  “Me?” My body melted against his, his words reaffirming what I already knew in my heart to be true. “Thank you for that, Dylan. I knew it was just for work, but I’ve never liked the way she not-so-subtly throws herself at you.”

  “Yeah, I could tell,” he laughed quietly. “You don’t exactly welcome her with open arms whenever you’re in the same room together.”

  I scrunched my nose. “It was that obvious huh?”

  “Yeah, but don’t worry, I get it,” he whispered against my temple, his breath fanning my skin. “I’d react the same if someone you worked with couldn’t take a hint.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him, pulling away slightly. “You know about her crush on you?”

  He scoffed. “Of course, and I’ve had a few conversations with her about my unreciprocated feelings.”

  “So why continue to work with her?”

  “Because she’s good at her job and harmless,” he said honestly. “If she weren’t, I’d be handling it differently.”

  I went back to snuggling against his chest, my lips trailing light kisses along his jawline. “Always the gentleman, Dylan Conrad. You’re who other men should strive to be like.”

  “Nah,” he shook his head. “Because then I’d have more competition when it came to you, and though I’d be more than willing, I’d rather avoid the caveman-like fighting.”

  I laughed, my chest swelling with pride at the type of person he was.

  It was ironic that my first experience with love was opposite and incomparable to what I had with Dylan. Fate had her ways, and even though, I cursed her at times, she had led me right where I belonged—to my soulmate, the person I was always supposed to end up with, even though it took a lot of heartache to get there.

  “Thank you for being the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” I said softly. “I love that I can be as cheesy and open with you as I want and that you’ll return my affection tenfold.”

  “I wasn’t like this before you, Jade. You bring out the best in me,” he said with a smile, blue eyes blazing with affection. “I’m better with you. That’s why if Tian would have swayed your heart somehow, then I would have fought like hell to keep you in my life. You were never going to lose me. If anything, I was afraid that you were going to leave me.”

  I blinked away the tears that blurred my vision, holding his gaze. “That was never a possibility. You’re stuck with me, for better or worse, in sickness and in health…”

  I paused, raising a playful brow his way. He laughed, shaking his head. “Practicing our vows, huh?”

  “No practice necessary.” I grinned. “Those words are ingrained in my soul, future husband of mine. In fact, I think I’ll repeat them every day for the rest of my life. Hm, maybe I’ll even canvas them and hang them up on our bedroom wall. What do you think?”

  “I think,” he said, a devious smile spreading across his handsome face. “That I love you, Jade Young, and you can put whatever you want, wherever you want, so long as you never leave me.”

  “Well, that’s one thing you never have to worry about.”

  I pressed my body flat against his, chest to chest, heart to heart, and pulled his lips toward mine, kissing him softly. Our lips moved slowly, and our touches grew frenzied. Dylan’s hands slid up my sides, pulling my shirt up the further he trailed, until it was discarded and forgotten somewhere on the floor.

  I giggled, his fingertips grazing my skin and causing goose bumps to form.

  “You. Make. Love. So easy,” I murmured against his lips. “So freaking easy.”

  He pulled at my bottom lip, our mouths resuming their dance. I sighed, giving into the need to be as close to him as humanly possible.

  He was the one. My one. And sometimes in order to find the one, you needed to go through a few bad non-ones first. I might not have seen it then, but the journey led me to the person I was meant to be with. It was one I would gladly go on again if it promised me the same future as the one I had now.

  Love might have broken me the first time around, but I’d gladly suffer through it again. In a heartbeat. No questions asked. I’d redo it and not change a thing.

  “I know I said I wouldn’t cry, but I don’t know if I can help it,” Becca said, her hand fanning her face to presumably cry out her tears.

  “I don’t remember you saying anything about that,” I replied, running my hands along the lace of my dress. It fit perfectly, even better than the last time I had tried it on. Huh. I guess all those fittings really did pay off.

  “I might have said it to myself, but still, Jade, you’re a freaking dream,” she exclaimed, beaming with pride. “I can’t believe you’re getting married today. It f
eels like just yesterday we were cheering for our high school football team and studying for tests ten minutes before class. We’ve come so far from the people we used to be, and I am so grateful that you’ve been my constant through thick and thin, through every trial and tribulation that life has to offer, and there’s no one else I would have rather had beside me. Thank you for being the greatest best friend of all time.”

  “Awe,” I cooed, blinking back tears and silently cursing myself for already having the urge to cry. I narrowed my eyes on Becca. “You’re going to make me cry and then we’ll have to spend another thirty minutes fixing the mess.”

  “Ugh, I don’t even care, I just really want a hug, so suck it up and let it happen, I promise to help fix your makeup and control my tears of joy, okay?” She didn’t give me a chance to respond before she was pulling me in for a tight hug.

  We stood like that for a few minutes, holding each other and sobbing into each other’s shoulders. Thank goodness my sleeves were off-the-shoulder and strapless, otherwise I’d have streaks offsetting the white of the dress.

  Becca pulled away, patting beneath her eyes to dry her tears. “Dylan is going to fall over when he catches sight of you.”

  I smiled, ready to walk down the aisle and exchange vows with my future husband. “I don’t even know how I’m going to walk on steady feet. I guarantee when I see him, I’m going to want to run straight to him and attack him with kisses.”

  “Yeah, well, try to control yourself from doing that, yeah?” She said, laughing. “Are you feeling better about the size of the wedding?”

  “I am.” I nodded, remembering the amount of work mine and Dylan’s mother had put into this day. “Intimate or grand, I only care about one thing and that’s marrying Dylan. So, as long as that happens, I’m good with anything, honestly.”

  “Good. Now let’s freshen you up because you have an aisle to walk down.”

  “Mrs. Conrad, I have a surprise for you,” Dylan said, grabbing my hand and lacing his fingers through mine.

  “Do you now?” I asked, curious. “And what surprise is that?”

  “Follow me.”

  We walked into the kitchen of the venue we were having our reception at and as soon as we got close enough, my heart swelled with happiness and my eyes widened, tears threatening to spill for the umpteenth time that night.

  “You did not,” I gasped, looking over at my husband. “How did you even pull this off?”

  “It was easy.” He shrugged like it was no big deal. “Just made a few phone calls and made it happen.”

  “Pizza from the first place we hung out,” I smiled, remembering the first night we had met. “Aside from the floor meeting, of course.”

  “Yeah, well, that was mandatory,” he said, blue eyes locking onto my brown ones. “The pizza place was something you did willingly, and if I had known then that you’d end up meaning what you do to me now, then…”

  “Then what?” I nudged.

  “Then nothing,” he said simply, pulling my hand toward his lips and grazing his lips against my knuckles. “I wouldn’t change a thing.”

  “Love shouldn’t be this easy, Dylan,” I said, in awe of the man standing beside me.

  “Shouldn’t it?” He questioned, head tilting slightly as he released my hand. “Life’s too short for it to be anything else, Mrs. Conrad.”

  “You and your lines,” I said, clutching my chest. “I’m not sure how much more my heart can take.”

  “Hopefully a lot because you have the rest of forever to hear them,” he said, grinning wide.

  “And there you go with another one.” I opened up one of the many boxes of pizza lining the counter and grabbed a slice, letting the scent invade my sense. “I can’t believe it. I don’t think I’ve been there since, like, graduation.”

  Dylan remained silent, watching me gawk over the food.

  “I needed this today,” I said through a mouthful of cheesy goodness. “It just feels like we’ve come full circle. I didn’t think this day could get any more complete, but clearly I was wrong.”

  Dylan walked over to me, his arms loosely wrapping around my body. “I love you, Jade Conrad. Thank you for taking a chance on me all those years ago.”

  I sighed, absorbing his words as I swallowed the pizza in my mouth. “We’re throwing out thank you’s right now? Well, in that case, thank you for taking a chance on me every single day since the day we met—–especially today.”

  “Jade, it’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done, I can tell you that.”

  I tossed the pizza onto the counter and wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing his mouth to mine, showing him in that kiss just how grateful I was for him.

  Love was something I had never fully understood until I experienced it with him. I used to remember thinking that I had loved Tian so much it hurt. Love shouldn’t cause pain, it should heal it. I needed to learn that, which was why I didn’t regret my time with Tian. He was part of my story—my journey.

  Dylan pulled away, lips stained coco from my lipstick.

  I reached up, wiping the smears from his skin.

  “Okay, I get that you two are newly married and super in love, but you need to entertain your guests,” Becca announced as she walked into the kitchen. “You two are being gross again, aren’t you?”

  “Usually,” Dylan said with a smug smile on his face.

  Becca rolled her eyes. “Disgusting and cute all at once, I’m not sure how you two do it. Also, that’s a nice color on you, Dylan. It really makes your eyes pop.”

  I barked out a laugh and his eyes narrowed, playfully pinching my sides.

  “Oh, is that pizza, from … ?” Her question faltered as she walked over to the boxes, eyeing the logo on top. “Oh my gosh, it is. I haven’t been to this place in forever. We totally have to revisit Flatts soon. Maybe you two can honeymoon there? Really relive the glory days.”

  I just shook my head and grabbed Dylan’s hand, leading him out of the room before he could say something equally as witty back. Those two could go back and forth for hours and we did not have that sort of time. But, I will admit, I questioned that decision when we were once again bombarded with questions from family and friends about what we planned to do now that we were married.

  I kept my hand locked in Dylan’s the entire time, using him as an anchor when conversations dulled. Most of these people I had met once, and some I had never met at all. Our mothers had invited every person they had ever met it seemed, but that just meant more presents for us to open later, so I was okay with that. Plus, it helped that they were nice and appeared to be genuinely happy for us.

  Towards the end of the night, I grabbed my phone to snap a selfie of the Dylan and I together when a number on the list of unread notifications caught my eye.

  I slid it open, curiosity getting the best of me. I smiled, reading the message.

  “What’s up, wife?” Dylan asked, glancing between my face and the phone. “Did someone post another unflattering picture of us from our husband-wife dance? We could always blame it on bad angles, you know.”

  “No, what?” I laughed. “That’s not what it is.”

  I held up the phone for him to see the message I had just finished reading.

  Tian: I promise this is the last you’ll hear from me. I just wanted to wish you a happy wedding day. You deserve this, Jade. Thank you for being part of my life. I’ll never forget you.

  I didn’t reply back. There was no need to.

  “Nice guy,” was all Dylan said.

  I smiled as his passiveness. He was rarely a man of few words, but I didn’t know what I expected him to say, if anything, at all.

  I held up my phone and snapped a picture of the two of us looking into the camera. His hand rested on my shoulder and my own hand was holding his. We were smiling, a little too wide, but we looked happy and in love. That picture perfectly depicted the state of bliss we were in, and I made a mental note to canvas it later on.

  “Love yo
u, soulmate slash wife of mine,” Dylan whispered against my cheek before pressing a light kiss there.

  “Love you right back, soulmate slash husband,” I repeated, giving him a kiss of my own.

  My, my, Jade Young—err, Conrad—look how far you’ve come.

  ONE YEAR LATER…

  Trying to decide what to get Dylan for our first wedding anniversary was harder than I thought it would be. I even started searching months in advance, and I thought of doing something creative and cute and relying on the internet for those ideas, but nothing seemed to fit.

  I was about to give up when the perfect gift popped up out of the blue—and I mean that literally. It definitely popped up with the addition of two straight blue lines.

  Hello, baby in my womb, so nice of you to show up. Your timing? Impeccable.

  I sat on the news for a few months, wanting to pass the twelve-week mark before I told anyone. Which was perfect because it was a few days before our anniversary date that I was in the clear.

  They say to be careful with who you tell during the first trimester since anything can happen, especially during those first few months. They were crucial. And sure, I probably should have told Dylan but I didn’t want to get his hopes up in case anything happened. That, and I also wanted to give him the most epic one-year gift ever.

  Selfish? Maybe. But it was so worth it.

  I had just finished setting up the display—yes, I was going all out and being a tad extra that I needed a literal display. Anyway, Dylan walked into the house, accidentally slamming the door as he did, per usual.

  “Jade?” He called out, his head popping in a few seconds later. “There you are, gorgeous girl.”

  “Yes, here I am,” I said, reaching my arms out as he made his way over to me.

  “I missed you today,” he said, pressing a kiss to my lips.