Cross Me

by Geneva Lee

  “Ultrasound machines have gotten much smaller,” I said darkly.

  “We weren’t able to get the sonogram. This will help us find the baby’s heartbeat. No need to worry if it’s hard to find at first. There’s a lot of factors at this early stage. How far along do you think you are, Clara?”

  Clara bit her lip, daring a quick glance in my direction. “My period’s been irregular since Elizabeth.”

  “That’s quite normal,” the doctor reassured her. “How many have you had?”

  Clara filled him in on the details of her cycle. This wasn’t news to me. It had become a bit of a running joke actually. Every month I would tease her that I hoped her period wouldn’t come.

  “The last one was probably two or three months ago,” she told him.

  “Then it’s still quite early, but this should work.”

  The nurse covered Clara’s hips with a blanket and helped her shimmy the hospital gown up to reveal her tiny bump.

  “I kind of thought”–she gestured to the swell–“that I might be further along. I seem to be starting to show already. And there was the issue with the placenta last time.”

  “There’s no greater chance of placenta previa in a second pregnancy. Obviously, it could account for bleeding if you thought you had experienced your period. However, most women show much more quickly in subsequent pregnancies.” The look he leveled at her stomach was meaningful.

  I translated it as we’d better tell everyone sooner rather than later. It was getting quite obvious.

  After today, I would tell the world and then no one would blame me if I locked her up in the palace. I pressed my lips together to keep these thoughts to myself. Clara pretended to watch him but her gaze kept skipping in my direction. The doctor applied a sticky gel to her bump and then used what looked like a small microphone, moving it around as he adjusted knobs on the attached device. After a moment a soft swishing noise began.

  “There we go,” he said with a smile. “Hold on.”

  He moved a dial and there underneath the swishing of amniotic fluid was a rapid, perfect heartbeat.

  He beamed at us. For a doctor, it must be nice to give good news for a change. “Everything sounds in order. I’d like to see you soon though. Can we make an appointment?”

  “She has an appointment,” I realized how stupid it was when I said it. If Clara had had an appointment the doctor would have known about it. The doctor would not have been surprised when I’d asked for an ultrasound. The Queen of England coming in to confirm her pregnancy wasn’t likely to slip his mind. I turned to her. “You told me you had an appointment.”

  “I forgot,” she said sheepishly. “I knew they’d get me in right away and I meant to do it. I’m sorry.”

  She sounded defeated, and my heart sank. I was punishing her. After what she’d been through, I was being a dick. Maybe I was angry with her for trying to make a statement this morning—angry that she’d pushed back—and feeling sickeningly self-righteous over the fact that something had happened. But it hadn’t been her fault that something had actually happened. She must know that. Everyone must know that.

  Everyone but me.

  “We’ll leave you two alone. Clara, you can get dressed. Everything looks fine. If you can wait a few moments, we will see to those lab results.” The doctor gestured for the nurse to follow him, clearly aware that we needed privacy.

  And I needed to apologize. Anyone could see that.

  Clara began to strip the gown off, not bothering to wait for me to turn away. Perhaps, she sensed that this time I wouldn’t—this time, I couldn’t. But she didn’t make a show of it. Her movements were deliberate but cautious as though I was the real threat. I hated myself for making her feel that way. I hated myself for knowing what I was willing to do to keep her safe.

  I caught her in my arms before she could finish slipping her second stocking on. By some miracle—and her body was so perfect it was a miracle—I was hardly aware of her bare flesh. I ignored the insistent twitch in my groin. There was something more important. Cradling her face in my hands, I looked into her grey eyes and told her the two things she needed to hear. “I love you, and I am so, so sorry.”

  I didn’t clarify why I was sorry. The list was too long. There were the obvious reasons. I’d been a first class knob head since I’d reached her. Others I couldn’t bring myself to say out loud. Because I had failed her. I had promised her a life—I promised her protection—and I had failed to keep her safe. I might have been able to forgive myself if it were the first time. But danger seemed to follow me. I had known that and I’d selfishly fallen in love with her. I had sold her lies as promises, afraid that if I faced the truth that she would have run.

  “I love you, X.” And then she did the last thing I deserved. Her face tilted toward mine, offering her mouth.

  I couldn’t resist. I could never resist her.

  I swallowed a groan of relief as our lips met, her soft body molding against the hardness of mine. Clara’s palms pressed to my chest, pausing over my heart. Her touch sent a jolt of awareness through me as if she’d reset its rhythm, freeing it from the racing panic I’d felt since Norris had come to me this morning. But though it soothed me, the calm was momentary as her hands descended lower, tracing the scars she knew lay hidden beneath my shirt. Finally, they found my belt and unlatched it with practiced ease. She slid past my slacks, her movements growing more urgent, and closed her fingers around my cock.

  I still held her face, unwilling to let it go or to stop kissing her. Slipping one hand to hold her neck—to keep her where I needed her to be—the other fumbled with the button she hadn’t bothered to undo. It popped open and I shoved my pants down, freeing my erection. I didn’t bother to step out of my pants. “Thank God, you’re naked,” I murmured against her lips, finally relinquishing her mouth, so that my arms were free to scoop her up.

  Pausing a fraction of a second, my eyes met hers, waiting for a signal. After what had happened, I needed to know she needed this as much as I did. Clara pressed her forehead to mine, our skin already damp and heated. Her legs wrapped around my waist.

  “Yes, please.” It was a sigh. It was permission. It was everything.

  I slid into her slowly, savoring the slow union. But with each inch, I lost more control. Clara seemed to sense this and she locked her arms over my shoulders.

  “I’m sorry,” I repeated, somehow torn between the numb terror that had driven my day and the feverish want building inside me now. My thoughts drifted to the horrible moment when I’d heard the first explosion. My own life—a life without her—had flashed before my eyes. “I could have lost you.”

  “I’m here, X.” She kissed me swiftly to prove it, drawing me from the shadows and back to her. “Take me. Take what you need.”

  With those words, she released me from the caution holding me back. I thrust into her, giving in to the raw emotions I’d held at bay. She turned her face to my shoulder, sinking her teeth into its flesh to stifle her cries. I couldn’t tell if the muffled sounds were from pain or pleasure. Later, I would make sure she was okay. I would check that I hadn’t hurt her. Now, I would take what she had given me. I would take everything.

  “Say it,” I groaned as the pressure built in my groin. I needed to hear those words. The words that had set me free once.

  I came violently as she followed my command, her own pleasure tightening around my cock. The words spilled from her lips, soaked in a moan, and shackled me to her. They built a new prison which we’d never escape.

  “I love you.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  ALEXANDER

  The test results showed what we already knew: Clara was pregnant. They also confirmed she was further along than we thought. Once the baby was born, I was going to have to institute monthly pregnancy tests. This was the second surprise baby we’d been blessed with, and, in the future, I wanted to worship for every second of her pregnancy. I’d already lost out on three months. She had enough to wor
ry about without keeping track of her cycle.

  Clara looked near the point of collapse as I led her inside the palace an hour later. The day’s events had caught up with us rapidly. As soon as we reached our private quarters, I lifted her into my arms. She curled into me, her eyes drooping even as she tried to stay awake. When we reached our bedroom, she jolted fully awake.

  “Elizabeth.” The one word explanation was enough. I wanted my wife to rest, but we both needed to see our daughter.

  Turning, I took the few steps to the nursery and placed Clara carefully on her feet. She swayed a little, but caught herself on the door. Elizabeth had only recently moved full-time to her own bedroom, a transition we’d found difficult. With a new baby coming and a tired mum-to-be, it had been a necessity. I wondered if that new arrangement would last.

  We entered quietly, afraid to disturb a nap. The curtains were drawn, filtering the fading afternoon light. It fell across the room, not casting shadows, but rather making the delicate furniture and creamy fabrics glow. In the middle of the ethereal space, a tea party was taking place.

  Penny, the part-time nanny, scrambled to her feet, abandoning the tea party she was having with Elizabeth. Her red hair was pulled back in a tight knot, revealing that her fair skin was red and splotchy.

  “You’re back! No one would tell me anything,” Penny kept her voice low as she glanced over her shoulder repeatedly to check on her charge.

  “Did she hear anything?” Clara had a frantic edge to her, even after our life-affirming interlude. She had soothed me, but I’d failed to give her the same comfort.

  “No. I’ve kept her busy all day.”

  I didn’t bother reminding my wife Elizabeth was too young to understand even if she did hear.

  Elizabeth toddled over and Clara scooped her up, showering her with kisses. Then she paused to examine her fingers and toes like she had discovered a tiny miracle. Elizabeth clung to her mother. I guessed it would be a long time before our daughter went on any public outings. If only her mother could be so easily ruled.

  Clara wasn’t a child and I couldn’t keep her here, but watching her with our daughter made me realize that, as much as I didn’t want to hurt them, I would do anything to keep them safe—even if they hated me for it.

  A call buzzed in my pocket. “Excuse me.” I silenced it and took a step towards the hall. “When I come back, you’re both taking a nap.”

  My mobile had been ringing for the last few hours. I hadn’t bothered to answer it since I’d found Clara. She had been more important, but I couldn’t ignore the outside world forever, especially since the outside world kept intruding in our private lives.

  I was relieved to discover it was Edward. I hoped it was a coincidence that he was calling, but I had little hope that even honeymoon bliss could keep news of this magnitude quiet.

  “I’ve been calling you for hours!”

  So much for letting him have his honeymoon. I decided to bypass the whole update and give him the highlights. “Everything’s fine. She’s fine.”

  I nearly told him the baby was too before I remembered that he didn’t know about that yet.

  “She’s fine?” His voice peaked on the final word like I’d lost my mind. In all fairness, I probably had.

  I pinched the bridge of my nose. I supposed I deserved my own lecture after starting in on Clara. “Hang on, how did you find out?”

  In my head, I said a hopeless prayer that Norris or a security team member had called him.

  “It’s all over the news.” He was shouting now and I suspected it had nothing to do with trying to be heard from the Seychelles.

  I’d dropped the ball once again. I should have called him before he’d heard it that way. It seemed my inability to protect my family was matched only by my miscommunication with them. “The news is probably exaggerating.”

  “I don’t care if someone lit a match near her,” Edward exploded. “I want to hear about it from you.”

  “You will. I wasn’t thinking. Listen”—I glanced up and down the hall to make certain no one could overhear us—“can you come home? I need your help.”

  There was a pause, which lasted long enough for me to regret my request. He’d just gotten married. The last thing he wanted was to come home and help me run the country.

  “We’ll be there,” he said at last. He hung up without saying goodbye.

  * * *

  It took a concerted effort to coax Clara from the nursery. Finally, with Penny’s help, Elizabeth was in her crib and I’d taken Clara to bed. She climbed in with her clothes on, mumbling sleepily as I began to undress her.

  “Come on, Poppet.” I tugged the dress over her head. Throwing it on the ground, I rolled off a stocking. Without thinking, my lips went to the creamy skin it revealed. Clara sighed as I slowly repeated the action with the other, trailing kisses down her leg.

  When I finally tore myself away, she reached out, her languid eyes widening. “I don’t want to fall asleep.”

  I understood what she meant. Dreams awaited her on the other side of closing her eyes. I also knew that she couldn’t avoid nightmares forever. Once, I had suffered from night terrors, reliving the car accident that claimed my sister’s life. The dreams had faded when I’d fallen for Clara and she had come to my bed. Tonight, I would protect her from the horrors she’d seen.

  “Let me help you,” I suggested. I stayed where she could see me, taking off my clothes quickly. Clara’s gaze didn’t stray, it saw through the mask of strength I’d worn all day. It laid me bare. Only she could see what I so carefully hid from everyone else. My scars. My fears. I could only face them—face myself—with the strength she gave me.

  Now I needed to take that strength. Take her. But not tonight. Not after what she’d experienced. Still, we needed more than quick and raw. Taking her at the hospital had held me, but I realized now that what we both needed was skin on skin.

  “Alexander,” she began as my body lowered over hers, “I know that you think I need”—

  “Not now,” I said gently, stopping her mouth with a kiss. There would be fighting later. We both knew that. It was inevitable. Right now, though, we needed this. My hand slipped under her back and unhooked her bra. She shimmied in my embrace, until it was gone and there was nothing between us.

  I began a slow descent, pausing to pay homage to my favorite spots: the freckles on her shoulders, the hollow of her collar bone. When my mouth closed over her nipple, I sucked it gently between my teeth, relishing the satin-soft skin and her breathy cry. My tongue traced a line down until I reached the apex of her thighs. My arms curved around her hips, my hands pressing her legs open. Clara flowered before me and I drank in her perfume before my tongue found a new, more delicate spot to tease.

  Her hands fisted in the sheets as her body arched in greeting. I wanted to stay here and let the world fade away. Drive her wild with my mouth and make her come again and again. More than that, though, I needed to feel her body clench possessively on my cock once more. She was soft and wet and I needed to bury myself there and watch her fall apart.

  There was a moan of protest when I pulled away, her hips writhing at the loss of contact. When I replaced my mouth with the crown of my cock, she opened in welcome. Entering her felt like coming home. I drew her body against mine and our lips met in deep, hungry kisses, our teeth and tongues nipping and sucking. I wanted to consume her, make her such a part of me that we were never separate. Her fingers found the scars I kept from everyone but her and lingered there.

  We claimed each other with thrusts and moans, giving and taking, until there was no her. No me. Only us.

  She met me at the first shattering pulse of my cock, her channel rippling over me as she melted in waves in my arms. We rolled in a sweaty heap onto our sides, not breaking contact.

  Clara’s eyes were heavier and if she minded that I’d fucked her to sleep, she didn’t show it. I whispered that she was safe and loved and home until her breathing slowed to a soft, re
gular rhythm.

  I didn’t want to leave her. It felt like ripping my heart out to untangle my body from hers, but there were matters to attend to, especially if I was going to see that she was safe. I dressed quickly and quietly, planted a kiss on her forehead, and hoped I’d chased the nightmares away.

  Leaving our bedroom, I blinked against the bright lights of the hallway. It was early evening, the world outside had fallen to the early night of winter, but the household and the offices were still running.

  No one questioned where I had been when I strode into my office and found Norris, Brexton, and a few others waiting there. Under normal circumstances, Brex might make a few insinuations about what I’d been up to. He might wink. Today, he couldn’t muster so much as a smile. That made two of us.

  “Sir, I’m sorry,” he began instead. “I went—”

  “You left her,” I cut him off. “I don’t need an explanation. Norris, I want to speak with you privately.”

  The other men left the room without protest. Brex followed without a word. I recognized the self-loathing written across his face. I knew the feeling well.

  When they were gone, Norris spoke first. “It’s not his fault. Clara refused to leave. Georgia had the Queen’s safety in hand.”

  “It was not her responsibility,” I roared. My fist slammed into the oak desktop. I didn’t even remember taking my seat behind the desk. Norris took the chair opposite, a well-worn expression of patience taking over his features. There were times when he looked so much like my father—or what my father might have looked like if he’d had a soul. This was one of those times.

  “It was mine,” Norris said after a moment. “The blame lies with me.”

  “Brex was with her.”

  “Because I allowed him to take my place. If you’re going to blame someone for following Clara’s wishes, the blame belongs on me.” Norris folded his hands in his lap as if awaiting his punishment.