by Syd Parker
She allowed Lex her moment to grieve, to let go of yesterday. She slipped her hand into hers and felt a tingle at the touch of her palm. She pulled her to the door, opened it, and they stepped through it into a better future.
Ginny looked up at the sound of footsteps. Her eyes flicked between the two women, and she smothered a smile. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but something between them had changed. She saw Aspen’s red—rimmed eyes and bit her tongue. In this world, tears were necessary. They were part of the healing process. If Aspen was truly going to move on and begin to heal, she needed to strip herself of the old memories that haunted her and kept the wounds fresh. She had to allow them to rend completely so they could be repaired and heal. For the first time since she had arrived, Ginny saw in her something that hinted at tomorrow. She turned her head and hid her smile.
“It smells great in here, Aunt Ginny.” Aspen plopped down in an empty chair and swiped Lex’s glass of lemonade. She took a healthy gulp before Lex could even stop her.
“Hey.” Lex spouted.
“Hay is for horses.” Aspen smirked mischievously. She motioned to the fridge, and Lex pulled the pitcher of lemonade out and refilled the glass. “We can share anyway.”
Ginny listened to the banter and smiled again. The only time she had seen Aspen truly happy was when she was in the studio and when she was with Lex. Aside from those times, she always felt like something was missing. “You girls behave. There’s plenty for both of you, and Lex? Get another glass out of the cupboard. There’s no sense in you girls sharing when there’s plenty to go around.”
Lex stuck her tongue out at Aspen and grabbed a glass off the shelf.
“Promises, promises.” Aspen whispered, so that her Aunt wouldn’t hear. “So, Aunt Ginny, what creation do you have for us tonight that smells so divine?”
“Ham and taleggio grilled cheese and a parsley—leek vegetable soup.” She sat steaming bowls of soup in front of the women and a plate of sandwich quarters in the middle of the table. She set a bowl in front of herself and sat down with an expectant smile. “Well, dig in. Don’t stand on ceremony with me.”
Lex and Aspen hesitated only briefly before diving into the hot soup and devouring the grilled sandwiches. Between mouthfuls of food, they raved about Ginny’s cooking and how much they missed it.
“Well eat up. There’s plenty more soup and I have a blueberry cobbler for dessert.”
Lex groaned loudly. “At this rate, I’m going to have to take more assignments, or I’ll end up weighing three hundred pounds.”
“Don’t worry.” Aspen grinned evilly. “I’ll let you muck the stables full-time and burn the extra calories off.”
Lex’s eyes widened. She may have gotten used to horse duty, but used to and loving were two very different things. She waggled her finger at Aspen. “Just remember, paybacks are hell.”
Ginny laughed out loud. “It’s good to see you two getting along. When Aspen first mentioned this whole idea, I have to admit I was a little worried how it would turn out. I should have known you two would figure out a way to like each other again.”
Aspen’s hand stilled, her drink paused at her lips. She met Lex’s gaze over the rim of the glass. “Yeah, Aunt Ginny, I think you’re right. Besides it is nice to have someone else on manure duty.”
Lex shot her a glare then started to snicker. “Just remember. Paybacks.”
“I’m not worried.” Aspen shook her head. “You’re all talk, and besides, you will do anything I ask, if we cook for you.”
“True. True.” Lex admitted begrudgingly.
Ginny saw the look that passed between the two women and wondered if given the right circumstances, the passion that burned just below the surface might be allowed to bubble up. Don’t push, Ginny. If it’s meant to be for those two, they will figure it out. For now, she contented herself with their company and being thankful for the tentative beginning of their new friendship.
Chapter 8
“Come here, girl.” Aspen whistled and smiled as Lacey trotted over to her. She fed her the apple and stroked the star on her nose. “What do you think, girl? Think you’re up for a ride?” Lacey whinnied and pawed at the ground.
Aspen patted her neck and led her to the gate. “I know. I’ve been bad about taking you out.” Lacey snorted loudly. Aspen snorted in response. She had always loved coming to her aunt and uncle’s ranch to ride, and she usually spent most of her summer with them. When Ginny had decided to retire and had sold the majority of the horses, she had let Aspen pick her favorite three. Well, two technically, but when Aspen hadn’t been able to let go of her favorite three, her aunt had given in.
She listened to the muted clopping sound as Lacey followed her into the barn. “I wish Lex were here. I really need to take your sister out, and I’d rather do it with company. You can’t be the only one that gets special treatment.”
Lacey responded with a short whinny and a sigh. “No, Aunt Ginny can’t go either. There is some chili cookout at the church.” Aspen cocked her head and regarded Lacey thoughtfully. “Yep, it’s official. I have lost my mind. I’m having a conversation with a horse.” She snorted derisively.
Aspen saddled Lacey up and was just about to bridle her when she heard a car approaching up the long gravel driveway. She poked her head out of the door, and a smile broke out on her face. Lex was home. She shook her head at how quickly they had slid into this being their home. She conveniently forgot that Lex had a whole life waiting for her when this was over. She mentally ticked off the months. Three gone. Which meant only three were left, and they would start the divorce proceedings.
Shaking it off, she finished putting Lacey’s bridle on, pushing her thoughts of Lex to the back of her mind.
“Hey!” Lex’s cheerful voice caught her by surprise. “Are you finishing up?”
Aspen shook her head and smiled. “I still have Reba after this.”
“You want company?” Lex’s smile was genuine. She was glad to be off the road and even more excited to be back at the ranch. She didn’t kid herself into believing it was more relaxing than the city or that she had a much easier time getting her articles done. No, she wasn’t foolish enough to believe it was anything but Aspen that made her want to come back.
“You don’t mind?” Aspen cocked her brow. “Don’t feel like you have too.”
“I want to.” Lex met Aspen’s gaze and held her blue eyes. “I could use the break. I’m tired of being stuck inside.” They were well into November, but the temperatures were unseasonably warm and the sun and the cool fall air was calling to her.
Aspen’s face lit up, and she handed Lex her reins. “Give me a sec, I’m going to saddle up Reba.” She walked back towards the barn and stopped short of the door. She looked over her shoulder and found Lex’s eyes on hers. “Thank you.”
Lex shrugged as if it were no big deal, but her heart was pounding out of her chest. She felt herself being pulled into those blue eyes. It would be so simple to let herself fall all over again. With effort, she broke the connection. She rubbed Lacey’s nose and patted her neck. “Between you and me, three months better get here quick, or I’m going to be in a heap of trouble.”
Lacey snorted in response, all too happy to oblige another one—sided conversation. “Let’s just say, Cass is getting a little tired of me being gone.” Another whinny.
Lex heard footsteps behind her, and she jumped.
“Sorry.” Aspen walked up beside her and let Reba's reins dangle in her hand. “You ready?”
“Yep.” Aspen mounted Reba and waited while Lex pulled herself up on Lacey. “Aunt Ginny wants us to check the back fence and make sure there aren’t any holes.” She pointed at a bag she had attached to her saddle containing the repair tools. “I was going to do it by myself, but since you’re here, you get to be my fence whore.”
Lex feigned shock.. “I knew you were just using me.”
“Yes, yes I am.” Aspen smiled wickedly. “I rigged this whole
thing just so you would come to the ranch and ride the fence with me.”
“Figures.” Lex nudged Lacey’s sides and caught up to Aspen. “So, what are we checking for?”
“Just checking the barbwire to see if there are any breaks in it. If there are, we fix them.”
“Sounds fun.” Lex said sarcastically.
“And that is why you are coming along, fence whore.” Aspen teased.
“And I thought you just wanted me along for my sparking wit and sizzling good looks.” Lex cocked her head and waited for Aspen’s reaction. Silence wasn’t what she expected as her first reaction, but when Aspen didn’t answer, Lex decided not to push.
She pulled up on Lacey’s reins and fell behind Aspen by several lengths. Lex wasn’t sure what was going on in her head, and maybe it was better that she didn’t. If her thoughts were similar to what Lex’s were, it could be dangerous to be so close to her. And if she wasn’t thinking the same thing, Lex preferred not to know.
Aspen surprised her when she slowed enough to let her catch up. “So, how was the trip?”
“Good.” Lex felt Lacey slow down. She clucked her tongue. “Come on, girl.” Lex clucked her tongue again and nudged her heals softly into Lacey’s flanks. She felt Lacey’s muscles ripple against her legs as she cantered to catch up.
When Lex caught up, Aspen smiled apologetically. “Guess I should have told you I gave you the spacey one. Lacey here is a bit curious. She’s pretty good usually, but if she gets too interested in nosing around, just give her a little nudge.”
“Figures you would give me the broken horse.” Lex chuckled softly. “Slow horse. Fence whore. If I didn’t know any better, I would say you are trying to tell me something.”
Aspen laughed out loud. “Maybe. Or maybe, you’re just getting lucky today.” She tried to smile suggestively. Instead, she pinned Lex with a searing gaze that sent shivers down her spine.
It was Lex’s turn to smirk. That answered her question as to whether Aspen was struggling with her feelings as much as she was. She felt warmth effuse her body. She was forced to acknowledge again that the next three months were going to be nearly impossible. She wasn’t exactly using her time to get over her relationship with Aspen. Instead, she did nothing but concentrate on it, second guess herself, let it haunt her late at night. Yes, they had unfinished business, mostly because of her, but she wasn’t sure how she could move on when she wasn’t even certain she wanted to. She finally met Aspen’s eyes and smiled. “I consider myself lucky just to have your company.”
Aspen blushed and looked down quickly. When she looked up again, she had schooled her face, and it no longer revealed the naked heat she felt pulsing beneath her skin. “So, it was Nashville?”
Lex picked up on the change in conversation. She didn’t care to talk about her trip, but it was obvious that Aspen wasn’t ready to talk yet. She may never be. “Yeah. The Titans.”
“Was it a good trip?” Aspen cleared her throat. It shouldn’t be this difficult to have a simple conversation. Most of the time, she was fine. She pushed old emotions to the back of her mind. However, today, there was a subtle shift in her feelings. She felt a little tug in her chest, and she struggled to push it back down.
“It was okay.” Lex pulled up alongside her. “Why don’t we talk about what’s really on our minds?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” Aspen said quietly.
Lex reached over and rested her palm on Aspen’s arm. “Don’t you?”
Aspen stared into her brown eyes, and her breath caught in her chest. “Lex, there’s nothing…” She tried to nudge Reba forward, but Lex stopped her.
“There is something, at least for me.” Lex’s voice was strained, and Aspen couldn’t ignore the painful tremble in her tone. “I know that I came here to end things. It was supposed to be easy to do this and walk away. It’s not easy anymore.”
Aspen’s lip trembled. She waited five years to hear those words. For Lex to find her and tell her that she was still in love with her. Five long years of recrimination, trying to figure out what she could have done to fix it. And now, now when she was finally getting the chance to say good-bye and move on, Lex decided to lay her cards on the table. If only she had said something earlier. “Lex, I don’t think we should be talking about this.”
“Why?” Lex’s heart ached in her chest. The pain was so acute she knew without a doubt what it must feel like when someone died of a broken heart.
“It’s too late, Lex. You have Cassidy. I’ve moved on.” Aspen pulled the reins to the side and tried to steer away from Lex. “Let’s just do what we came here to do, and then we can both get on with our lives.”
“What if I don’t want to get on with my life?” Lex nudged Lacey again and pulled up next to Aspen, this time taking Reba’s reins from her. She ignored the short whinny. “Will you just stop and talk to me about this?”
Aspen shook her head. “Can I have that back?”
“Only if you promise not to run.” Lex studied her face and when she was content she would stay, she handed the reins back to Aspen. “Can you honestly tell me that you feel nothing?”
Aspen lowered her gaze. She could say whatever she wanted, but she knew Lex would see everything in her eyes, and it would give up her bravado. She felt Lex’s eyes on hers. “Lex, please don’t ask me that.”
Lex leaned over and lifted her chin, forcing her to meet her eyes. “I need to know. If you tell me you feel nothing, I’ll forget this and move on. But if I know you feel even the slightest bit for me, I would give up everything for a chance to be with you.”
Aspen’s heart soared and just as quickly, it sank. She couldn’t allow herself to believe that there was any more to Lex’s admission than sentimentality. They had been together for ten years, and although they had broken up five years ago, there was still that little bit that held them together. That piece of paper that let the world know they belonged to each other. Lex was obviously just feeling separation anxiety. She wasn’t sure where she got the strength, but Aspen plastered a smile on her face. “Lex, that was a long time ago. We’ve moved on. You’re getting married. I understand you are feeling a little sentimental. But don’t fool yourself into thinking it is more than that.”
“I don’t believe you.” Lex’s voice dropped an octave. She leaned closer forcing Aspen to meet her gaze. “You never could lie to me.”
Aspen felt herself slipping into her eyes, and she tried to pull away. “Lex, please.”
But Lex didn’t pull away. She leaned in closer, her scent wafting on the breeze and making Aspen’s stomach jump. “Tell me you don’t still love me.”
Aspen swallowed the lump in her throat. Her thoughts screamed in her ears. Just tell her it is over. Her heart pounded in response. The war waged inside her body, and she knew she needed to get control. She balled her hands into fists and sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry, Lex. I just don’t love you that way anymore.”
Lex almost bought it until she saw the tears brimming in Aspen's eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, and Aspen shook her head. Before Lex could even blink, Aspen swung Reba around and nudged her into a run. Lex watched her hair whip behind her, and she knew there was no point in trying to catch her now.
She nudged Lacey, but didn’t make her run. She needed time to think. Time to wrap her head around where her heart was. Perhaps Aspen was right. Maybe she was holding onto the relationship they had and the feelings that came with it. But maybe she was right, and she really was still in love with Aspen. Either way, her heart felt like someone had ripped it out. She knew she needed to find a way to make it through the last three months without having a meltdown.
Lacey whinnied beneath her, and she shook her head. “Let’s get you back home.”
No sooner had she said the words then she was reminded that being here at the farm with Aspen for three months felt more like home than the years she had spent with Cassidy. It was going to be a long three months.
Chapt
er 9
Aspen stood back and surveyed the firewood she had stacked neatly on the porch. She would have taken some to her aunt, but she was back home visiting with Aspen’s mom and wouldn’t be home for at least a week. Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she jumped at the sound. She pulled it out of her pocket and hit accept. “Hello?”
“Hey, it’s me.” Lex’s voice announced.
“What’s up, me?” Aspen teased.
“I called to tell you I was heading back today. I cut my trip short. There’s a big storm heading east over Michigan, and I didn’t want to get stranded in Detroit, so I cut out early.”
“Oh yeah, true.” She had been through the Detroit airport once, and it was not a place she wanted to return to, much less be stuck in on the chance they shut down the airport. Aspen could hear her rustling with paper in the background. “What are you doing?”
“I was going to run by the store and pick up a few things. I figured I would cook for you tonight. We can have Aunt Ginny over too.”
Aspen could hear the smile in her voice. It wasn’t often that Lex offered to cook, but when she did Aspen ran with it. There was only a handful of dishes that Lex could make well, and Aspen secretly hoped it was going to be filets. “Hopefully, you’re okay settling with just me. Aunt Ginny is at Mom’s for the week.”
“I can work with that. Steak’s okay?”
“Yes, perfect.” Aspen’s face broke into a smile. “I never could resist your meat.” She heard Lex’s intake of breath and knew she was blushing. “Could you pick up some butter? I want to make a pie for dessert.”
Lex chuckled softly. “Of course, you know I could never resist your pie.”
Aspen felt the color rise in her cheeks. “Hush, you. Just get my butter.”
“Yes, ma’am. Anything else?”
“Nope, that should be it. I’ve got stuff for salad, if you want, and a couple of bottles of wine, so we should be good.” Aspen got off the phone and slid it into her pocket. She figured she could get several more loads of firewood and shower before Lex made it back. She glanced at her wristwatch. She would be cutting it close, but she should be able to at least have the filling for the pie done too.