Heart So Reckless

by K. C. Mills

  Just like today, Red would come and go as if I didn’t exist. He had been home for about half an hour, but this was the first time he bothered to check in on us. Most days, the second he walked through the door, he came to get Reid and barely acknowledged me, but the routine today was different and had my heart sinking. I had a feeling he had been with another woman. His appearance was a dead giveaway. The jeans he wore were different from what he left in, and he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Not only that, I could smell the clean scent from his body wash and cologne. He showered as soon as he got here instead of checking in on us.

  An uneasy feeling settled in when I finally made eye contact with Red who was watching me with a strange expression on his face. One that I hadn’t been privy to lately. Unless I was reading him wrong, he actually looked happy to see me. Lately, Red had been polite but not very friendly. For the past three weeks, the two of us had maneuvered around each other without saying much. He was attentive to both Reid and I, but his demeanor wasn’t very welcoming in the least.

  Truthfully, I had planned to have a conversation with him about leaving plenty of times, but Pree always talked me out of it. She told me to be patient and to give him time. Red was a stubborn soul and all man. There was no give unless he allowed there to be. I knew this for certain. He wasn’t the type who could be moved before he was ready to move, and Red damn sure wasn’t the type to be told what to do. Either way, my patience was wearing thin. I was miserable but owed it to my daughter to allow her time with her father.

  The only joy I had was Reid. Between Red’s cold shoulder and my parents pressing me about a family dinner to see Reid, I was stressed. The only saving grace that I had with dodging them was the fact that they were opening a new branch in New York and would be there for a few more weeks longer than expected due to contract issues. Pree convinced them that I was in her very capable and loving hands, so they didn’t fly home. Family dinner meant Linus because, as far as they knew, he was Reid’s father. At some point, I would have to come clean and introduce them to Red, but I needed us to at least be on good terms before that happened. So, for now, I was here and trying to do my part.

  “No, she’s not asleep. You can get her if you want.”

  “Nah, actually I was wondering how you were feeling.”

  I was positive the shock I felt, was displayed on my face. I damn sure wasn’t expecting that.

  “Uh, okay I guess.”

  Understanding crept through his demeanor by way of a smile. It only made matters worse because I wasn’t used to him being concerned about my wellbeing. It wasn’t that I didn’t think he cared, he just hadn’t taken the time to ask.

  “You feel up to going out. If not, then—”

  “Out? Like the three of us?”

  A teasing smirk stretched across his handsome face while amusement danced in his eyes. “Yeah out, and yes, the three of us. I want to take her to meet my grandmother. She’s been on my ass about it, but I was trying to give you time to heal first. You seem like you’re still in a little pain, but she wants to meet you and Reid. If you don’t feel up to it, I can go get her and bring her here. She’s just not a fan of leaving the house. I damn near have to threaten her to make her most days. It was like a whole movement for me to get her to help me buy all the stuff I needed for Reid.”

  “For Reid?” bolted from my mouth so quickly that you would have sworn I had a severe case of verbal diarrhea.

  All this time, I assumed he had another woman shopping for my baby. Half the clothes and things in her room, I never even touched for that reason. I made Pree bring me all the things from my house to use instead. I just couldn’t get away with not allowing her to sleep in her crib or use the swing that was here.

  I could see the cockiness surfacing before he even opened his mouth, and I regretted make the statement, but it was too late. Red could not only see the jealousy that I claimed I didn’t have, but he was about to throw it right back in my face.

  “You really think I’m that disrespectful?” The smug grin on his face was not helping at all.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking ’bout.” Lies, all lies.

  “Word, so you’re really going to pretend like all this time you didn’t think I had another woman shopping for my daughter?”

  “Well, you did, didn’t you?” I shrugged, still holding firm to the fact that I was unbothered.

  Red wasn’t buying it, which was clear by the muffled laugh he released before that damn smile appeared again.

  “I’m not that type, Peyson. You would know that had you given me the last nine months. It would be disrespectful as fuck for me to allow another woman to make decisions about our daughter. Even for simple shit like where she sleeps or what she wears. That’s not me.”

  And there was the knife, pushing into my chest again and spiraling to dig deeper.

  “But…” He paused and offered a softer expression. “I can understand why you would feel that way. I haven’t shown you much of who I am since you’ve been here. That’s on me. I do want you to meet my grandmother, though. She’s pretty much all I have, and it would mean a lot to her.”

  “No, I don’t mind. We can go to her.”

  “Aight, bet. You’ve been stuck in this house for the past few weeks. I don’t want you to think I’m holding you hostage, even though that’s what your sister seems to think.”

  His smile relaxed me a little, but the moment I thought about Pree, my tension was back.

  “Oh God, what did she say?”

  “Nothing that didn’t need to be said. She’s just looking out, and I respect that.” He moved into the room and stopped at the foot of the bed. My eyes took him in from head to toe. This man was effortlessly sexy. The worst part was that he wasn’t trying. It was just him, and standing in front of me in jeans that hung low enough to expose the waistband of his boxers, bare chest putting all of his muscles and tattoos on display, my entire body was on fire. Memories of that night flooded my brain, causing a flood to happen in another place.

  “Look, we’re kinda in a weird space, and that’s mostly my fault—”

  “I know that you’re angry with me about Linus showing up that day, but—”

  “It’s not even really about that. It pissed me off, but I heard what you said to him. It’s not like you were into what he was offering. Just the fact that he was even there rubbed me the wrong way. It was disrespectful as fuck, but I’m not blaming you for it. I assume you didn’t call him there.”

  My head was shaking to say no before the words came out. I didn’t want there to be any confusion about that situation.

  “Absolutely not. My assistant told him after he pressed her for information. I haven’t been in touch with him at all.”

  “He wants to try and fix things with you.” Red lifted his chin defiantly, waiting while a line etched between his brows. He was testing me to see if I was really over Linus.

  “What he wants doesn’t matter. There’s no room in my life for him. He already knows that.” My stare briefly landed on Reid, who smiled at me. When I lifted my eyes to Red again, he was looking at her instead of me.

  “You can be with whoever you want to be with, Peyson. You’re just not about to have my kid around another nigga. At least not now. She’s too little, and I’m not going to be comfortable with that until she’s old enough to tell me what’s going on in her life. Dudes be on some shit, and I’m not risking that with her. But you’re grown, so your life is your business.” His expression morphed into a frown which etched one on my face as well.

  “I don’t want to be with anyone else… I mean, I’m just focused on her right now. She’s my priority, and well… work.”

  The muscles in Red’s jaw relaxed a little before he actually spoke.

  “Just Reid and work?” His left brow inched up slightly while he waited.

  And you. My eyes moved south.

  And that. When the pulsing began, I shook the thought.

  “Yes. Just work and Rei
d.”

  Red stared at me for a long moment before he chuckled. “Aight, if you say so.”

  “It’s the truth. You don’t have to worry.”

  Red’s head tilted down as his eyes connected with mine. A sinister grin that was backed by confidence appeared just before his words.

  “I’m not worried.” His arrogance didn’t falter in the slightest as he eased around the bed and lifted Reid into his arms. The spicy scent of his cologne tickled my nose, causing my skin to prickle and my mind to wander until his voice snapped me back to reality. “I’ll take her while you get dressed. We can grab some food on the way and eat at the house with Nan if you’re cool with that.”

  I bit my lip, attempting to halt my heart from racing before I managed to get out, “I’m good with that.”

  Red left me there, and I my lip again, watching him from behind as he exited the room. His body, his walk, the rich color of his skin. This had to be considered corporal punishment. I was definitely being tortured by his existence. For the first time since my entire world turned upside down, I actually felt like the Red I knew was back. I didn’t want to read too much into it, but in the same right, I said a silent prayer. A prayer that ended with him in my bed and Reid sleeping through the night.

  After the two of them left my room, I saved my file before closing my laptop and climbing off the bed. My body ached a little, but I wasn’t in as much pain as I had been. I was still, however, a few pounds heavier than I expected to be. I had read so many stories about women who snapped back, and in my mind, I was going to fall in that number. Unfortunately, of the twenty-two pounds that I had gained while carrying Reid, twelve of them were still hanging in there with me.

  Once I was done scanning my closet that Pree set up for me after a few runs back and forth between my house, I released an irritated sigh and decided on black leggings and a jean shirt. I could clean that up a little with my brown, suede ankle boots. For some reason, I felt the need to step my game up, being that I was going to be seen with Red. Everything about him was a turn on, and the last thing I wanted was for women to be eyeing us with that ‘how the hell did she get him?’ thing.

  Now, don’t me wrong, I still had it. Aside from a little extra weight, I was nice on the eyes. My skin was flawless, and I had a natural beauty that seemed to glow more now than before I had Reid. I embraced it, but Red was just Red, and he knew pre-baby Peyson. That was the body he explored and the one that he got lost in.

  Releasing a dramatic sigh, I dressed and then hurried to the bathroom to check out the finished product. After snatching the loose ponytail from my hair, I brushed it up into a neat, tight bun on top of my head before brushing my teeth, applying a thick coat of lip gloss, and a little mascara.

  Smiling at results, I winked at my image. “Looking good, sexy,” I said to the person staring back at me before following up with, “Hopefully, he notices.”

  Anxious about the possibility of spending time with Red, I traveled through my room, lifting my purse and phone then closing the door behind me. The sound of Red’s voice drew me across the hall to his master suite. His home still felt foreign to me, being that I spent most of my time in my room or Reid’s. This was his personal space and truly a man’s home. No details, just the basics when it came to décor. The house wasn’t overly huge, a little over three thousand square feet, but it was comfortable and nice. I could tell that it was new construction because everything in it was updated and barely used.

  Stopping at the door, I listened to him talking to Reid since his back was to me, and he hadn’t realized I was there. Watching the two of them together warmed my heart. It also made me feel horrible about the time he missed. Red was a good father. He was attentive to our daughter’s needs and never complained about anything that came with taking care of her.

  There were many nights that she had thrown up on him, had explosive diapers, or refused to sleep, and he was right there through it all. It was a blessing to me because delivering Reid the way I had limited my ability move around as much. I felt exhausted all the time, and my stress levels were through the roof. Truthfully, had it not been for him, I wasn’t sure how we would have made it this far.

  “You’re getting fat, little girl. Every time I turn around your mama has you on her chest.”

  “She’s on a schedule.”

  Red turned slowly to face me. His posture was relaxed and open, but the blankness in his expression threw me a little. He stared for a minute with his eyes roaming my body until they positioned on my face. The moment felt awkward, so I focused on Reid.

  “You ready?” His deep baritone cut through the tension that I felt and warmed my body just a bit.

  “Yes, do you want me to get her, so you can finish dressing?”

  This time, I was the one exploring as I went right to his shirtless upper body, but Red followed my lead. Once more, his eyes roamed my body, causing me to push out another question.

  “What’s wrong? You keep looking at me weird.” I couldn’t prevent my brows from dipping in or the pursing of my lips. The motion, however, caused the corners of his mouth to slightly rise. It was a barely noticeable smile, but it was there, and the first sign of attraction that he had shown me since I had been there.

  “Nothing.” Red moved closer and passed Reid over to me. “Give me a minute, and I’ll meet you downstairs.”

  Still frowning, I kissed the top of my daughter’s head and moved toward the bedroom door, stopping only when I heard Red’s voice from behind me.

  “You look good today, that’s why I keep looking at you like that.”

  “Today?”

  I glanced at him over my shoulder with a slight frown. He chuckled and brushed his hand down his face. “Every day, but this is the first time I’ve seen you in real clothes since you’ve been here. Your pajamas are cute, but they look like the shit my grandmother wears. I like this look better.”

  He winked at me and my cheeks warmed. Instead of pushing the issue, I decided to leave the room. For the first time since I had been there, I felt like there was a chance for us to mend the divide that was there.

  “Nan, we’re here,” Red belted out as soon as we stepped inside the quaint little home that belonged to his grandmother. It was cute and reminded me of his, just slightly smaller.

  “I’m right here.”

  When she appeared a few feet away, I took in the small frame and huge smile of the woman who had to be Nana, or Nan, as Red called her. She was cute in a sense with her tiny body and big personality. I hadn’t even shared one conversation with her yet but could feel her energy.

  “Took you long enough. You know it’s getting late,” she fussed as she neared me with open arms. I delivered a firm hug that matched hers. “Peyson, right?” She offered me her attention, and I nodded.

  “I see now why he’s carrying that baby. You’re a pretty little thing.”

  “Come on, Nan, don’t do that.”

  “What? She is. I told you I’m old not dead. You barely know the girl, but y’all have a baby.”

  Choosing to ignore that, Red groaned and addressed her initial comment. “It’s barely even seven. How is that late?”

  “I just told you how. I’m old, that’s how it’s late. Now let me see that baby. Bring her on in here.” She waved her hand and started back in the direction that she had come from.

  Red chuckled from behind me, balancing pizza in one hand and Reid’s carrier in the other, refusing my help when I offered.

  When we reached the kitchen, he placed her seat on the floor, and Nan slipped into the chair at the table and leaned forward to take her in for a minute before she lifted her eyes to me.

  “Get her out of there so I can hold this baby. She’s a pretty little thing, just like you. This is definitely your baby, Redmon. She looks just like you did after your mama brought you home and then ran out the door.”

  I frowned a little as I leaned down to unstrap Reid. I wondered if he expressed concerns about her not being
his. Given the circumstances, I couldn’t really be upset if he had moments of uncertainty, but it did have me processing the thought of a paternity test. I didn’t want there to be any doubts in his mind, ever. She was his.

  After lifting Reid into my arms, I kissed her cheeks and then gently placed her in his grandmother’s arms. My eyes shot up to Red who was watching the exchange, but his focus was on me. The energy around us was weird until I heard his voice.

  “I know she’s mine. I already told you that.” Red’s eyes never left mine when he made the statement.

  I knew that the affirmation was more for me than Nan, and I appreciated the sentiment, but I needed there to be absolutely no doubt.

  “I know you did, baby. I was just saying. She’s a miniature version of you.” Nan grinned at Reid who had her eyes wide open as if she was studying the stranger who was holding her. After a few moments, my baby girl smiled like she approved and felt the love that was given.

  “She has a little of you in her too, but mostly Red. She’s gonna have her daddy stressed out with those big old round eyes and that perfect little smile.” Nan grinned harder before she ran her hand over Reid’s hair. “You are gonna run your stubborn old daddy, aren’t you?”

  Hel… Heck no. I’m in charge. She’s gonna know what’s up.” Red peered at them both before a smile broke through. Nan chuckled and shook her head. “You keep thinking that. This precious little thing is officially the boss of both of you.”

  She and I both gave him the same look, knowing full well that Reid was already running things. There was no point in me trying to deny it. Reid was in charge. Red simply released a muffled laugh under his breath before he left us there and began to collect the plates we needed to eat.