Heart So Reckless

by K. C. Mills

  “But if you’re not trying to be with her, then why not?”

  I dragged my hand down my face and just stared her way at a loss. Why was this shit so complicated for her? When she realized I wasn’t going to give in, she headed my way.

  “Red, please.”

  I sucked in a deep breath and peeled her hands from my body, so I could leave. Truthfully, I wasn’t built to treat women with no respect, and the way I had been rocking with Sasha lately was damn close. I wasn’t feeling it, and it fucked with conscience. I knew I was wrong for keeping her on my roster, but it was easy, and I was just being selfish. Sasha provided an easy solution for a need, and that was all that mattered. However, I had to cut the cord and let her do her.

  “Aye, please don’t make this worse. You gonna be good. Just give it a minute.” I kissed Sasha on the forehead and then stepped around her.

  She didn’t move, but the second the door closed behind me, I heard glass shatter multiple times. It wasn’t going to do me any good to go back, so I kept it moving. I needed run a few moves before heading home anyway.

  As soon as I made it to my bike, I pulled up the cameras at my house. I checked Reid’s room first and smiled when I found Peyson in the rocker with Reid propped up on her chest. My little greedy ass baby was always eating. It made me a little jealous of their bond from time to time because I didn’t like being in the position to not do things for Reid, but that was one thing I couldn’t compete with. I just made sure to get my time in other ways, which actually worked out.

  Peys was up and moving around, but she was still struggling after the surgery, so me doing damn near everything for Reid helped her out. I was up in the middle of the night changing diapers, talking to her, and handing her off to Peyson to feed baby girl. I left the two of them long enough for Pesyon to do her thing, and then Reid was right back with me. Peyson didn’t like it much because she wanted to be hands on, but she didn’t have a choice.

  One thing I quickly learned was that neither of us knew a damn thing about raising a baby, but we were doing a good fucking job. Reid was happy, healthy, and always smiling.

  Unfortunately, her mama wasn’t. I knew a lot of that was my fault, and it fucked with me, but I had a lot of shit that I had to work through with her. I wasn’t giving Peyson a hard time, but I’m wasn’t the kindest either. I didn’t really say much to her; in fact, if it wasn’t about Reid’s wellbeing, we didn’t talk at all. She had been in my home for the past three weeks, and I couldn’t really recall one conversation that we actually had. I made sure she and Reid both had what they needed, and I even helped Peyson care for herself with eating, showers, and shit like that. I just didn’t have any words for her right now.

  Walking in on her with her ex, while he was begging her to help raise my baby had me so fucking hot that I almost lost it. The only thing that kept me from beating that nigga until he was no longer breathing was my baby girl. I just got her, and I wasn’t about to fuck that up by doing a bid. I knew him being there wasn’t necessarily Peyson’s fault, but it still rubbed me the wrong way. So much so that I shut down any communication with her. She tried to explain, but I wasn’t hearing it. I killed the subject until I was ready to deal. That was going to happen sooner than later because she was miserable, and so was I.

  I missed her. Having Peyson that close to me with the tension between us was hard as fuck, but I was stuck in my ways and not easily moved. I had work on it. Right now, I had one more stop before I was free to head home, so I lifted my helmet, pulled it down over my head, and was on my way.

  “What we looking like around here?” I walked up to Boyce and leaned against the wall where he was standing.

  A few feet away from us were ten workers who were separating pills from the massive piles in front of them and bagging them up into miniature sized red bags. Pills were big business, and I was running one of the biggest operations in Atlanta. We damn near owned the market on it. Fuck coke, heroin, or weed. I made more from pills in one week than most collected in a month.

  “Shits moving. Numbers are up since we moved a little further north. Damn near doubled. The colleges are big business for us.”

  Nodding slowly, I looked around. “We have the right people out there?”

  “Yeah, they fit right in and don’t draw attention. They probably pass for students.”

  “What’s good, Red? I see your ass done came out of hiding.” Lobo grinned and dapped me before he posted up on my other side, putting me between him and Boyce. “That baby must be kicking your ass, fam. How’s that working out for you?”

  “I’m chilling. She little as fuck, so she doesn’t require much. That’s not what’s keeping me away. It’s time for me to move the timeline up a little.”

  Understanding dawned on his face before a cocky smile claimed his lips. “You’ve been saying that for a minute, but this is all you know, Red. You really think you’re ready to let this shit go?”

  “I’ve been ready. I was just trying to get as much as I could before the walk. I’m a father now. I can’t rest easy knowing that this potentially brings harm to Reid and her mother. I’m stepping back for now. Y’all run this shit better than I do anyway. I just need to stack a little more before I completely hand it over.”

  “Yeah, right. Neither of those are happening.” Lobo grinned and then lifted his shoulder in a half shrug. “This is your shit, Red. This is your life. We been down for a while now, and I can’t picture you doing anything but this. Not to say that you can’t, it just won’t feel right being in this without you.”

  “This nigga is getting all sentimental and shit.” Boyce choked back a laugh, causing Lobo to remove his gun and aim it in Boyce’s direction.

  “Suck my sentimental dick, nigga.”

  I knocked the gun away since he had to cross me to reach Boyce. Neither of us were moved by the motion because it wasn’t meant as a real threat or sign of aggression.

  “I feel you, but I’mma have to switch it up. You know I’ve made a few moves, but I can’t really do anything big until I can account for the money. I have to be more than this, though. Shit, we all need to be.”

  “Nah, not me. Live by the sword, die by the sword. The same streets that raised me are gonna bury me too.” Boyce drew a finger across his throat, mocking a knife.

  “You say that now. In time, shit will change. You’re still young, bruh. When you grow up, you’re gonna wanna be like Red. Shit, I wanna be like this nigga now.” He pushed his tongue inside his cheek, a habit that he picked up after the bullet wound that was there healed. “But I feel you, though. Get out when you can. I’m giving it a few more years too, and then all this shit will be yours, Boyce.”

  “That’s what the fuck I’m talking about. Generational wealth.” His stupid ass grinned, nodding at the same time.

  “This isn’t generational wealth, nigga. What we do with our money to make it grow so that we can pass it down to our kids and then grandkids and their kids is generational wealth.”

  “Exactly. I’m gonna keep this shit moving until I can hook my kids up and then their kids.” Boyce shrugged before pulling his body from the wall. “Aye, do you need to see me?” he barked, causing a few of the workers to jump.

  One in particular nervously shook his head before leaning down and lifting a pill from his lap.

  “No sir, it was an accident.”

  He was young, barely eighteen if I had to guess, and scared as shit about being called out. That was the part I hated, but it was necessary. Anyone who assumed that they could get over would damn sure try, so we offered no leeway.

  “You drop something, you pick that shit up quick. Otherwise, I have to assume you’re trying to steal from us.” Boyce was now standing over him with a scowl that had the rest of the young guy’s eyes anywhere but on him.

  Boyce was tough but fair. You work, keep your head low, and you didn’t have problems. You fuck up, and it flipped a switch in him that unleashed his crazy.

  “Yo, he
about to shoot that kid over one pill.” Lobo grinned and dropped his chin, briefly lowering his eyes to the floor before he looked up again and had his focus on the situation.

  I chuckled and raked my hand over my head, reminding myself that I needed a cut. My entire schedule was off since Peyson and Reid had been at my spot. I didn’t want to miss anything with Reid, so my moves weren’t as calculated as they normally would have been.

  “Nah, not on a first slip up, but if he does it again…” My eyes met Lobo’s who nodded with understanding. “Aye, but I’m out. You got the money ready?”

  “Yeah, we counted down. It’s all there,” he stated before yelling over to Boyce. “Aye, go get the money and stop scaring that damn kid. He’s about to piss in his damn jeans. I ain’t trying to have the room smelling like piss.”

  Boyce smirked, exposing his grill. “Aight, hold up.”

  I removed my phone from my pocket while Boyce headed to the back. After glancing at the text from Sasha, I cleared it from my screen.

  “Baby mama drama? Your face tight as fuck.”

  “Nah, not her. Sasha.”

  “The fuck she wants?”

  “Something she can’t have.” I gave him a sideways glance, and Lobo laughed under his breath.

  “You still fucking her, aren’t you?”

  “Why you care?”

  “I don’t, but you should. That damn girl is crazy and not just normal crazy. She’s the kind of crazy that will have you catching a case. She the type that have them crazy eyes, and you need to watch your back around her. I been told you that. You have a kid now. Don’t let her be an issue.”

  “She won’t be.”

  “What about old girl? Y’all working shit out?” With spiked brows he peered my way and waited.

  “Nah, not really. We ain’t really talked since she been there.”

  “We or you?” This time he offered a one sided smile. If anyone knew me, Lobo did.

  “Me, but don’t say shit. She hid a whole fucking kid from me. I have the right to be upset about it.”

  “Look, I know how you move. When you have your mind set about something, ain’t no changing it. If I have to guess, you trying to make her suffer. You want her to be uneasy. Shit, you moved her into your spot, and you ain’t talking to her. That’s some cold shit. She just had a baby, Red. She’s at your place away from her family, and you aren’t rocking with her. You either gonna be over it or you’re not, but if you’re not, be a father and leave the other shit alone.”

  “Nigga, don’t try to school me. I know what I’m doing.”

  “Do you? What I think is that you have feelings and you’re trying to punish her because she doesn’t.”

  I clenched my teeth at the reminder that Lobo was the only person who really knew what went down that night. I had run things by him once when I was deciding whether to reach out to Peyson a few months after that night. I hadn’t heard from her and was considering hitting her up. Lobo was about the only friend I really had, so let him know what the deal was. After clowning the shit out of me, he told me to hit her up, but it never happened.

  Right after the conversation we had, two of our guys got hit that same night while we were all chilling at a club, and me and Lobo were both inches shy of it having been us. There was no point in me trying to deal with a woman like Peyson until I had my shit together, and back then, it was anything but, so I left it alone. Hell, it still wasn’t together now, but I had stepped back a little, so I fell under the radar a lot more.

  “She has feelings. Trust me.”

  “But you just now finding out about your kid and had to kidnap her ass to have time with her?” The look he gave only pissed me off more.

  “She can leave, but she hasn’t, so fuck all that kidnapping shit. She’s at my spot because she wants to be.”

  “Damn, it’s worse than I thought.”

  “Here you go, Boss.” Boyce approached, handed over the backpack, and I pulled it up over both my shoulders.

  “’Preciate it. I’m out. I’ll check in next week.”

  “Aight, Boss.” Boyce walked off, leaving me with Lobo.

  “I’m out.” I dapped him, and he chuckled.

  “Yeah, take your love-sick ass home. One night with that chick, and she got you acting up. You’re ready to beat my ass for calling you on your shit. I’mma sit on the sidelines and watch how this plays out.”

  This time, it was me chuckling. “Fuck you. Just keep making this money because I have a baby to feed now.”

  I walked off but heard him behind me. “It’s a good look for you, Red. The whole family vibe. You’re about to make me go bust a nut in good girl so I can kidnap her ass like you did your baby mama.”

  Shaking my head as I left the room, I didn’t respond. Business was done. I was going home to my baby. I missed her little ass more than I imagined I would, but everything about me was changing because of Reid.

  By the time I walked in my door, Pree was approaching me to head out. Being that she was Peyson’s sister, she was there a lot, but I didn’t mind. She had a cool vibe with her, and as far as I was concerned, she was down for me more than he sister was since she was the one who handed over my number to the nurse who called me about the birth of my daughter. Without her, I probably still wouldn’t know about Reid.

  When she reached the space where I was standing, I offered a loose hug which she accepted before stepping back slightly. A skeptical frown pulled at her lips, and a question lingered in her eyes.

  “What’s up? They okay up there?”

  “Reid is perfect. My sister is frustrated and exhausted.”

  This time, I was the one with questions. “What’s up? Baby girl giving her a hard time today, or she didn’t sleep good last night?”

  “No, she slept just fine. She’s not physically exhausted, she’s mentally exhausted. You’re draining all her energy. She wanted to leave a few days after being here, but she didn’t. You know why?”

  A teasing smile surfaced before I answered. “Because she knew I wasn’t going for that shit.”

  Her eyes settled on mine with a hint of concern but more so annoyance. She and Peyson had a lot of the same features and reactions, so it damn near felt like I was looking at her. “No, she didn’t leave because she feels bad about keeping Reid from you. She’s not a horrible person no matter what you think. I love my sister, and if you’re going to continue holding her hostage and punishing her for one bad decision then she’s leaving if I have to roll up in here and move her myself. I’m not about to play about my sister. Not with you or anyone else. Stop being an asshole and just talk to her.”

  A hint of anger danced in her features, which I found amusing. “You’re right, and I’m about to go fix that now.”

  With one brow piqued, she stared at me momentarily before she eased into a lopsided grin. “Well, that was easy and didn’t require any violence.”

  “Damn, who do you think I am? I don’t rock like that.”

  Again, her brows hiked, and she housed a pointed look on her face, causing me to offer her a hard stare. Maybe Peyson mentioned me carrying a gun, or maybe she just assumed shit based on my life, but she had me all wrong.

  “I think you’re a man who is really into my sister but upset with her because she messed up once. Just give her a chance to make it right and stop walking around here like she doesn’t exist.”

  A slow smile inched across my face based on her calling me out. She was right, but I damn sure wasn’t about to admit it. I learned early to never give a woman power to know that you messed up. They would run with that shit and never let it rest.

  “I said I’mma fix it. Stop coming for me, shorty.”

  “I’m not coming for you. If I was, you would know.” She peered at me like that meant something before she continued her attempt to boss me around. “Now you can get to work on making my sister feel welcome here.”

  “Only because I had already made up my mind before this speech. Your little gangster
act didn’t do shit to sway me.” I winked at her, and she rolled her eyes, ending in a cocky grin.

  “Whatever. Just stop being mean to my sister. Tell Peys that I’ll call her later.”

  “Aight.” With a head nod, I moved behind her as she neared the door.

  Pree paused once it was open and glared at me. “Oh, and wash that bitch off of you before you touch my niece or be around my sister.”

  I felt my expression harden as I looked her over. However, her position didn’t change. It was firm and unrelenting.

  “Whoever she is, she must know about my sister. Her perfume is all over your jacket. It was intentional. She had to have sprayed it. I’m surprised you can’t smell it. I sure can, and I know it’s not my sisters because that’s not what Peyson wears.”

  A rush of anger flooded me at the fact that Sasha would pull some slick shit like that, but then again, I wasn’t surprised.

  “I got you.”

  “Red, I like you from what little I know about you. If you have no intention of doing right by my sister, then give her space. You two can co-parent, but she wants more than just a schedule of drop off dates and times for Reid. If that’s not what you’re after, please don’t blur the lines. It’s not fair to either of you, but especially not to her. She’s here, so she’s trying. Give her some credit for that.”

  “I’m not gonna fuck her over. I don’t know what I want yet, but I also won’t lead her on. Right now, my priority is Reid.”

  “I hear you. I just hope you hear me,” she warned with narrowed eyes that had me chuckling as she left.

  Her little ass didn’t scare anybody, and especially not me, but she had a valid point. I needed to figure out where I was going with this Peyson thing.

  Peyson.

  “She asleep?”

  I finished adjusting the numbers on the statement that I was revising before I gave Red my attention. Reid was cradled in her circular pillow next to me while I sat Indian style centered in the bed with my laptop in front of me. Because of my job, I had the luxury of working from anywhere. Since all I had was time and no one to talk to other than Reid, who couldn’t answer back, or Pree when she dropped by, I decided to focus my energy on work.