Our eternal curse II

by Simon Rumney

  Julii cast her mind back to the blood on his sword on the day she found him by the waterhole. 'How much blood was on his sword that day?' 'One man's blood?' 'Two men's blood?' 'Ten?' 'How many men had Robert murdered on the day she found him?' 'Or even, in his whole life?'

  'Robert had been alive for at least twenty years.' 'If he killed one man a day since the age of, let's say, fifteen…' 'Is fifteen the age when white men start murdering?' 'Could he have started even younger?'

  Her shiny pink-white man had never spoken about what happened to him on the day they met. She asked him but he became sad and said nothing. Now she knew why he said nothing.

  She also knew that he loved his big strong horse. He had never said so but she could see it in the way Robert treated him. Even so, he was killing him. Robert had never said that he loved her either, and even worse, he had never treated her with the love he treated his horse. 'Was she about to die too?'

  Robert slowed then stopped the horse. He said nothing and Julii's mind became a turmoil of fear and panic and sadness and loss. 'Is this the end?' 'Am I going to die now?' 'Will the big shiny sword hurt?'

  Julii thought briefly about running away as Robert dismounted and led the horse into a concentrated thicket of trees. 'This was a good place to kill someone.' 'This is where she would choose to kill someone if she could choose to kill someone.'

  So dense were the bushes among the trees Robert had to force his way through. Julii felt as though she were being led to somewhere bad, somewhere evil. 'Was he going to all this trouble and effort because he wanted no-one to witness her murder?'

  After tethering the horse to a branch, he turned, looked up at Julii on top of his loved and exhausted horse, and held out his hand.

  Julii simply stared at it. 'Should she kick the horse and ride away to save her life?' 'Would those hide things called reins come free from the branch?' 'Would life without her shiny pink-white man be worth living?' 'She could take the horse and ride for home, but then what?' 'A life within her old boundary would seem so small now and Robert would not be there.'

  'No, she must be with Robert whatever the consequence.' Taking her chances, she took his hand, looped her leg over the top of the saddle and slid to the ground next to him.

  Julii stood silent and still and watched Roberts's hands for telltale signs of movement. She wanted to be ready for the moment he reached for his sword or did something that was intended to hurt her. She braced herself, but he simply walked back to the edge of the thicket to look in the direction they had come from.

  'Was she going to live?' 'What was Robert looking for?' 'Was he making sure that there were no witnesses to see what he was about to do to her?' 'He had not smiled or shown any sign of warmth while lowering her from the horse.'

  Then it dawned on Julii. 'Robert was looking for the blue men from the place he called Shiloh?' 'He wanted to know if the blue men were following.'

  Julii's fear turned to panic. The blue men must be very angry at Robert. It seemed like another world ago but her Robert had murdered one of their tribe for no apparent reason. 'What would they do to him if they found him?' 'What would they do to her if they found them together?'

  Julii was no longer able to predict even the most basic of events because everything was new and odd. She had no idea what was going to happen to her. She could not predict what even the next moment would bring or even the behavior of the man she loved.

  The man who had once been so predictable was now a completely unknown quantity. The man who lay on the floor of her father's tipi with a broken leg, or sat by the water hole talking, had disappeared. Outside the boundary of her world, Robert had become irrational and worse, he had become brutal, callous and violent.

  Robert return from the edge of the thicket looking worried. He seemed angry, confused and irritated and would not look at Julii. She started taking slow, fearful and thought-filled steps backwards, away from Robert, as he walked to the horse and stroked its back tenderly.

  'There it was again.' 'Robert always showed great affection to his horse but not for her.' 'She had made a mistake.' 'Leaving with Robert was a mistake, and now she was trapped!'

  Distracted, Robert turned to look at Julii. Her terrified expression seemed to take him by surprise. He looked confused. He took a gentle, controlled, step in her direction, just as he would towards a skittish horse. He held out his hand.

  Julii stared at the outstretched hand. She wanted to take it but held herself back. 'Was his expression the one he used on skittish horses, or someone he wanted to bring closer in order to harm them?'

  Ordinarily she would have fled when faced with such danger. She was a fast runner, faster even than Ringwind, and more nimble than Robert. She could easily beat him through this kind of undergrowth. 'But without her pink-white man, what would be the point?'

  Robert's face showed genuine sorrow, guilt and sympathy. She felt terrible about hurting her Robert, but she could not stop walking backwards.

  'Where was she going?' Julii knew that she would be unable to leave. She would have to die here if that is what Robert wanted, but even so, she still felt sorry for the hurt on his face. She hated upsetting her Robert, but her feet would not stop moving her away from him.

  Julii suddenly fell backwards into the thick foliage. Something behind her had caught the back of her ankles, taking her off balance and tripping her.

  'Now it was all over.' 'Now she was completely at Robert's mercy.'

  Confusing and contradictory emotions pulsed through Julii's body. She wanted to rise. 'She must get to her feet.' She wanted to be standing when he did it. 'She had to be standing!'

  Julii really wanted to look him in the eye. She wanted to smell his breath. She wanted to feel his touch one last time but, before she had time to stand, a huge brown man leapt to his feet from the place she had tripped.

  He was tall, well-muscled and angry. His white teeth shone in contrast to his dark lips and he moved on Robert with the motion and speed of a powerful wolf.

  Frozen on the ground, she watched Robert draw his sword and stop the brown man by holding its tip to his throat. 'Was Robert going to harm him to save her, or harm him then her?'

  A woman's cry of agony near Julii's ear made her turn so fast she hit her head on the base of a large tree. Seeing bright flashes of light, Julii was close to passing out. Her thoughts were spinning. She tried hard to clear her mind.

  Shaking her head Julii fought to regain focus until there in front of her was a beautiful brown woman lying on the dead foliage writhing in agony. Julii immediately understood why.

  Everything that had been occupying her mind was now replaced by the need to begin a cool and efficient routine. There was something about to happen that no one or nothing in the world could stop.

  'Something must be done and thoughts of dying would have to wait until later.' Without hesitation, Julii crawled closer to the woman and comforted her with a gentle touch to her forehead.

  Julii had seen her mother do this five times before, and Julii knew exactly what to do next. Moving down the woman's body, Julii saw what she pretty much knew would be there. The top of the baby's head was pushing its way out.

  "Water!" Julii's order was so sharp, so knowing, that Robert and the big brown man stopped and just stood and watched in astonishment.

  Robert still held this sword to the big brown man's throat, but his attention was locked on Julii and the brown woman.

  The big brown man seemed to have forgotten that there was a long sharp blade pressing in to the thin flesh protecting his wind pipe.

  "Water! Now!" Julii raised her voice to get attention, but she was in total control. She was the voice of authority and this time Robert did not stand gawking like a man in shock.

  He lowered his sword, sheathed it and then retrieved the deer skin water sack attached to his saddle. Walking to Julii, he offered her the flopping container.

  With a matter-of-fact nod of her head, Julii made it clear the water was not for her.<
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  Robert obediently knelt down next to the brown woman and offered her a drink. She gulped at the water taking desperate mouthfuls. Her need for water replacing fear, panic and writhing agony for just a moment.

  Julii now used the seriousness of her glare to get the big brown man involved. He understood immediately. He was supposed to kneel down on the other side of his woman and help.

  As soon as the baby girl hit the air outside, her lungs filled and her healthy cries began. Julii held the beautiful little one in her arms and looked at the most peculiar scene she had ever witnessed.

  Robert, the man who moments before she feared, held the water skin tenderly to the brown woman's lips while his own mouth and eyes hung wide open in wonder.

  The brown woman let the spout of the water skin lay between her lips, no longer drinking, while her eyes poured tears and stared at the tiny human being that she had made.

  The big brown man stared at his daughter and cried just as hard as the brown woman. The sight of such a powerful man crying was an extraordinary and beautiful image for Julii. Such overwhelming surrender, love, adoration and pride for the thing he loved completely made him the strongest man Julii had ever seen.

  After a long silent pause, Julii got back to the job in hand. She placed the cord, which joined the baby to its mother, between her teeth and bit down hard; just as she had seen her mother, and other mothers in her tribe do.

  It was an act of separation but it joined the baby, the mother and the father to her. Julii felt somehow part of their family. She looked at Robert and smiled. She wanted him to be the fifth member of her tiny tribe, but he no longer wanted to touch the mother. 'He seemed shocked and disgusted by his own actions.'

  Julii passed the baby to the big brown man. His eyes met hers in thanks. His eyes then turned to his woman and they connected in a way Julii had never seen two people connect before.

  For a fleeting moment they were one person. He, she and the baby were one entity and Julii was the outsider.

  The depth of Robert's prejudice

  Julii completed the last task of the birthing process with ease. She had paid attention while five mothers did it for their exhausted daughters.

  On each of those occasions, the final act had brought a wonderful sense of calm and achievement. Here, amongst the trees, the bloody red sack falling gently from the brown woman provoked memories of Robert's violence.

  Julii looked from the bloody mass in her hands to Robert. 'Was he still dangerous?' 'No, his face was serene.' For some reason he was displeased with the mother, but he stared at the beautiful and perfect new baby with a pure expression.

  Julii had seen that expression on men's faces before. Even men who were not the father of the new child found something about new life remarkable, and her Robert was no exception. Then Julii suddenly found herself experiencing irrational feelings of jealousy toward the child; 'Robert had never looked at her with such raw emotion, she would have remembered that.'

  When Robert turned from the baby to look at Julii, his serene expression changed to confusion then something that could have been interpreted as pain or anger. The act of birth, which somehow bonded them, was broken. All four of the adults now returned to their previously fearful and confused state.

  Julii stood and walked away from Robert.

  Robert stood and walked towards Julii.

  Julii turned to run and Robert grabbed her by the arm.

  Julii screamed and the big brown man was upon Robert in an instant.

  Fighting on the ground, Robert kept shouting in a ferocious voice: "Get your hands off me, nigger!" "I'm gonna kill you, nigger!"

  Julii had grown to like the way Robert called her “red nigger”. She had believed it to be a term of endearment, but now she felt betrayed and angry.

  It was a kind of anger she had never felt before. A kind of anger she had never imagined herself capable of feeling.

  Falling to her knees, Julii slapped Robert's face over and over again. Her actions were so surprising that both men stopped to stare at her.

  The brown man was the first to overcome his surprise, and using the distraction to his advantage, he stood up, picked up the discard sword and stood over Robert.

  The sword moved rapidly upwards in the brown man's hand and Julii could see that he intended to kill her Robert.

  As the sword began its devastating downward swing, Julii dived across Roberts's upper body. 'His face, neck and chest would be protected.' This was all she could think about. It was spontaneous. No rational consideration had been applied to the situation. 'Robert was in danger and she loved him.'

  Julii squeezed her Robert so hard she feared crushing him, but she knew her shiny pink-white man was strong enough to survive any amount of pressure that her body could apply. 'Would she feel the blow of the sword?' 'Would she die instantly or would there be a long painful death?'

  Julii imagined the damage the sword would do to her back. Her experiences while hunting told her that if the sword struck flesh she may recover but if it hit the spine she would not. 'Where is the blow?' 'It is taking too long.'

  Looking up, Julii saw the brown woman holding her baby in one arm and the big brown man's sword arm in the other. The brown woman had used the last of her strength to stand. She had given her very last strength to save Julii and Robert from death at the hands of her angry man.

  The big brown man could have easily shaken off a one armed woman; particularly a woman as weak as his. He could have continued the blade’s downward thrust without any problem, even with the weight of her and his new baby attached to his arm, but he had understood and reacted to her wishes absolutely.

  The brown woman immediately fell to the ground completely spent, and the big brown man simply dropped the sword and followed her down. Cradling her head, he spoke gentle, loving, caring words into her ear.

  Once again, Julii was jealous. Robert had never said such purely instinctive, gentle, words of love and care in her ear. She smiled at the brown couple. She could not help herself. These brown people, who clearly had nothing, had everything Julii wanted.

  Then, remembering her situation, Julii turned back to Robert and raised herself rapidly from over his face. 'What would happen now?' 'She had hit him very hard.' 'She had seen him kill a man for no reason, and now he had several reasons to kill her.' 'Would he kill her?' 'Should she run?'

  He looked strange. No tears were falling from his eyes but he was in unbearable agony. 'Had the sword struck his lower body?' 'Had the brown man struck in a place where she did not feel it?' 'Robert's body had not recoiled like someone who had been struck, surely she would have felt that?'

  Julii looked for signs of bleeding but there were none. 'How could her Robert be in so much pain?' 'It could not be her slaps.' 'She had seen him bite down on a piece of hide while her father re-set his broken leg.' 'He did not look close to crying then, and he must have been in much worse pain than now.'

  Julii took another look at Robert's body but there were definitely no cuts. She had to know. She had to ask. "What is it?" "Where are you hurt?"

  "You're an Injun, for God's sake." Robert turned away unable to even look at Julii. Raising himself up onto his feet, he fought something deep inside himself as he walked over to stroke his horse.

  Julii wondered what an “Injun” was. She looked at the brown couple, and their sad expression told her that they knew what an Injun was. She asked for clarity with her expression, but the brown couple were reluctant to say. The brown woman just looked at her man and showed him what to do with a motion of her eyes. The brown man understood and bent down to help Julii stand.

  Thanking the brown man for his kindness, Julii walked over to comfort Robert, but his body tensed and angry words cascaded from his mouth: "Get your goddamn Injun hands off of me!"

  Something about Robert's tone made no sense. Something was making him angry, but his voice quivered like someone on the verge of tears. It was filled with pain, confusion and fear. He was clearly fa
cing demons that she could not comprehend and he could not easily shake off.

  Julii did not know how to help her Robert. He seemed to need a shoulder to cry on while pushing hers away. Right at that emotion-charged moment, a strange man's voice shouted from outside the thicket. "We know you're in there, Johnny-Reb! Now you come on out of there, you hear?"

  Julii, Robert, the big brown man and the brown woman froze. Each looked at the other for understanding, but none of them offered an answer.

  Another voice shouted from outside the thicket: "We know you're in there, you murdering bastard. You best come out, and bring the squaw with ya."

  This second voice carried more authority than the first.

  Robert lifted his sword and took a resigned step towards the voices outside the thicket but, before he could complete a single step, the big brown man grasped his arm to stop him. This time Robert did not recoil from the brown man's touch. He watched the brown man press his finger to his lips in a way that asked for silence.

  The big brown man then effortlessly, and gently, lifted his brown woman and child lovingly into his arms and walked from the thicket. When he broke free of the foliage, Julii and Robert heard him say: "What you mean, bring the squaw with me, boss?"

  Then they heard the first voice say: "It's another one of them runaway niggers, sir."

  The second voice asked: "You seen a rebel captain and an Injun squaw riding a bay, boy?"

  "Don't know nothing about no cracker captain riding no bay, boss. Just me, my woman and my baby in there, boss."

  The second voice sounded suspicious. "Sounded like a bigger commotion in there than just a couple a niggers, boy."

  "You ain't never seen no commotion till you seen a baby born, boss."

  The second voice sounded surprised. "Your woman just given birth?"

  Then there was a pause, followed by: "Jesus Christ! Will you look at that, boys? This here nigger woman just spat that pickaninny out right there in the bushes."