What was I thinking? I knew she wasn’t ready for anything more than friendship; shit I didn’t even think she was ready for friends with benefits at this point. She didn’t know how to deal with her emotions, and I kept putting myself out there, piece by piece and kept losing each time.
Instead of dwelling on the turn of events, I decided to go straight to bed and try to forget about everything.
I wasn’t expecting to hear from Easton, but I woke to a text from her that she’d sent late last night that just said hey. I guess since I didn’t respond she decided to leave it at that.
I warred with myself as to what to say but decided friend zone was the best bet and leave shit in her court, so I replied with a simple hey.
Work had been monotonous over the next few days, I had some contact with Easton, but she must have mistaken my short responses for lack of interest because she’d been pretty quiet. I just wish she’d make some effort. Things had seemed great; I just didn’t understand where it all went wrong. One person sees us holding hands and it just went to shit.
Guys’ night was in a few hours and I just prayed that Easton wasn’t working because, of course, they had to choose Barangas, not that there was much of a choice in this small town.
Walking into the bar I didn’t see Easton, so I breathed a big sigh of relief. As much as I missed her, I wasn’t ready to see her just yet.
Carson waved me over and poured me a beer from one of the two pitchers in the middle of the table.
“What’s up man, you look like shit.” Spencer didn’t mince words.
“Thanks, dick. I’ve just been working a lot and super tired, tonight was definitely needed.” I took a sip of my beer and nodded. “You’ve got quite the bags under your eyes, not so pretty yourself, are ya?”
The smirk that graced his face told me all I needed to know. “Man, this chick’s been keeping me up all night. She can’t get enough of this dick.”
“Fuck off, Spence. I don’t need to hear more shit about her. She’s one of my best friends, dude.”
My eyes bugged out of my head. “Who are we talking about here?”
Carson pointed at Spencer. “This fucker is doing Rhian.” He made a gagging noise, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I didn’t see that one coming. When did this start?”
“A few weeks ago.” He shrugged like it was no big deal.
“Wow. Well, congrats. She’s a pretty cool chick.” I was surprised it’d been so long as they really didn’t seem like they were together whenever we hung out but to each their own.
“Yeah, she is. We weren’t telling anyone, but this dipshit decided to let the cat out of the bag. Just don’t say anything to East. I don’t want Rhian to freak out on me.”
“You don’t have to worry about that. We aren’t really talking much these days.”
Their faces scrunched up and Spencer leaned forward. “What the fuck? Rhian told me things were decent with you two. What happened?”
“Nothing really. Things were good until they weren’t. I just don’t think she’s ever going to want me that way so friend zone it is.” I tried to play it off like it was no big deal.
“Women.” Carson chimed in and Spencer snorted.
“What the fuck would you know about women? When’s the last time you had a date never mind touched one?”
“I have a date this weekend, so shut the fuck up.” Carson seemed a little pissed, and I was sure Spencer was kidding, at least a little bit.
“Me too.” I don’t know what made me say it, but I didn’t want to seem like a pussy.
They both whipped their heads toward me. “You have a date?” Carson seemed surprised.
“Yeah tomorrow.” I shrugged. “No biggie, I figure I should get out there.” God, I felt like a dick for lying, but I couldn’t go back now.
“You need a refill?”
I nearly fell out of my seat at the sound of Easton’s voice, fuck I hope she didn’t hear me talk about my date. I chanced a look up at her. Man, she was beautiful, even with the icy stare she directed at me. I wasn’t sure if that was because of my lack of communication lately or if she’d heard me talk about my date, but either way, she did not look happy.
“Hey Easton, how have you been?” I tried the nice approach, but I got nowhere, she gave me a curt smile and grabbed the empty pitcher and took off.
“Day-um.” Spencer drew out the word as he bit on his knuckle. “She was cold as fuck, bro.”
“Yeah, thanks, I didn’t notice.” I dropped my head onto the table. I really fucked up this time. “I may have been kicked out of the friend zone all together.”
“Fuck, that sucks.” Carson slapped me on the back.
“Tell me about it.” I wanted to smash my fist through a wall, but I refrained. I couldn’t make her want me, so I just hoped that one day we could be friends, I would rather her as a friend than nothing at all.
When she came back, she nearly dropped the pitcher on the table. “Anything else?” She didn’t wait for a response before she walked away.
“Dude, I love Easton like a sister, but honestly, she’s probably the hardest chick I’ve ever met. Her heart’s locked up tighter than a virgin’s pussy. Probably better this way.” Spencer poured another beer and handed it to me.
Good thing I could walk home because I was going to need a ton of these tonight.
Twenty-One
Date Crasher
Easton
I’d been pacing my bedroom for a good thirty minutes now. I’d been fuming since last night. Hearing Tanner say that he had a date tonight had pissed me off more than when I saw that bitch’s hand run up his thigh. I wasn’t even sure why it bothered me so much. I had drawn a line in the sand at the mall. I wasn’t ready for that, but fuck, I couldn’t believe he was dating someone.
“Ugh!” What is wrong with me?
I picked up my phone. “Fuck it.” If he’s going to date someone, he should be man enough to tell me, right?
Me: Hey you
Canadia: Hey
Me: How are you?
Canadia: Good, what you up to?
Me: Nothing, what are you up to tonight?
Canadia: Nothing, was probably going to chill in my sweats and pick a shitty movie with some pizza.
Wow, was he seriously bullshitting? I guessed he was leaving out the part about the second person that will be there with him.
Me: Alone?
Canadia: Yeah LOL
All right, two can play this game.
Me: Want some company?
Canadia: Yeah?
Me: Why not?
Canadia: I don’t know. I haven’t heard from you much, so I wasn’t sure we were cool.
Me: Of course, we are.
Canadia: All right, come over whenever. I’ll be here.
I stared at my phone in confusion. Maybe he was going to cancel with her just so he didn’t have to tell me. Well, I guessed I was hanging with Tanner tonight.
Me: Sounds good. See you soon.
Canadia: K
I threw on my sweats and a tank and slipped into my flip flops. I was a little excited to see him, but I was definitely going to ask him about his date. He needed to know that I knew.
I knocked, and he told me to come in. Opening the door, I found Tanner sprawled out on the sofa in nothing but a pair of grey sweats. Fuck, he was hot.
I looked him up and down shamelessly. “No clean laundry?”
“Is this making you uncomfortable, Easton? I can go get a shirt if it is.” The bastard had a smirk plastered on his face that I wanted to smack off.
“Nah, I’m good, just wanted to check.” I sat down on the sofa with him. “So, why the lazy Saturday night? No special plans?”
“Nope, I didn’t feel like going out. Pizza without a shirt sounded like a much better plan, and now that you’re here, it’s even better.” He smiled over at me. “I’ve missed hanging out with you.”
“Me, too. So, what happened to your date?”
His brows scrunched together in confusion. “Date?”
“Yeah, your date that was tonight. Did she cancel on your ass because you don’t have a shirt?” I laughed at my lame joke.
Recognition flashed across his face. “So, you did hear me tell the guys I had a date?”
“Yup.”
He cocked a brow as he crossed his arms across his broad chest. “Wait, you texted me tonight to crash my date?”
“Well, no. I just wanted to see if you’d tell me.” I shrugged.
“So, you were going to crash my date? That would not be cool.” His eyes narrowed, and a smug grimace shifted his lips.
“Shut the fuck up, Tanner. Why didn’t you tell me you had a date?”
“Because I didn’t really have a date.” He shrugged and acted like none of this was a big deal. “The guys were talking about dating and shit, and I felt like a loser, so I told them I did, too.”
It was most definitely a big deal. I got up on my knees and smacked him on the shoulder. “You dick!”
He rubbed his shoulder. “What was that for?”
“You had me thinking you had some hot date tonight and that you were keeping it from me.”
“First of all, why would I have a reason to keep that from you? We’re just friends, right? And why would you even give a shit?” He waited for an answer.
I sat back in my seat and looked away. “Change of subject?”
“Not this time, Easton. What the hell is going on with you?”
“Nothing jeez. I just thought that you were keeping shit from me.”
“Mmhmm. Pick a movie, and I’ll order the pizza.”
I wanted to wipe my brow for dodging that bullet. I wasn’t about to tell him that I’d been fuming since I’d heard the words leave his mouth last night. “Sounds good.” So instead, I’d let him form his own opinions while I played it cool—well, relatively since I’d kind of just given myself away. I moved over to grab the remote and found Super Troopers in his Amazon library and queued it up.
“Pizza said they’d only be twenty minutes. Want a drink?”
“Sure, thanks.” I could really use one or five right now.
He came back and sat on the sofa, brushing up against me. I didn’t move, keeping our thighs touching. He handed me my cooler and then threw his arm over the back of the sofa. The urge to lean in and cuddle up to him was strong, but I refrained.
The pizza arrived right on time, and we mowed down on it while continuing to watch the movie. I was now on cooler number three and feeling a little buzzed. When we finished eating, we went back to watching the movie, but this time, I curled into him. At first, Tanner stiffened, most likely not sure how to react since I’ve been so up and down with my signals. I wish shit didn’t have to be so complicated. I wanted him but was scared of all the shit that came with it.
I finally threw caution to the wind and turned my head to look up at him. He stared down his nose at me, his eyes darting between mine and my lips, so I went for it. Our lips touched, and a fire ignited inside of me. I didn’t hesitate before positioning myself to straddle his lap. I moaned into his mouth, and his hands gripped my ass as I ground against his stiffening cock. He let me rock back and force, driving us both crazy with his hands on my hips, encouraging me. But as things began to progress, Tanner halted my movements and pulled back, leaving me panting.
“I can’t,” he breathed out.
I sat back and stared at him. “What?”
“I’m sorry.” He shook his head and encouraged me off his lap. “I can’t keep doing this with you. For every step we take forward, we take ten steps back. I get it, you’re not ready. I’m cool with that, but I am, so I need to keep my heart intact until you figure out what you want.”
“You’re kidding?” I stood and snatched my flip flops off the floor. “Un-fucking-believable.” I took off toward the door.
Twenty-Two
Just Let Her Go, Man
Tanner
“Fuck.” I caught up to her just before she reached for the knob and got between her and the door. “Please don’t leave like this.”
“What’s the point?” She threw her hands into the air. She was hurt, but I couldn’t keep putting myself out there just to be shut down.
I ran my fingers through my hair as I huffed out in frustration before looking back down at her. “Look, I really like you, and I think we could have something special. But until you realize it, we need to stick to friends without benefits. I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t keep going in circles. You’re making me dizzy, Easton.”
“Works for me.” She crossed her arms over her chest and jutted out her hip. “Now, can you please get out of my way so I can leave?”
“If that’s really what you want, then I’ll let you leave, but for the record, I would prefer you stayed.”
She pursed her lips. “That’s what I want.”
I stepped aside without another word and opened the door. I wanted nothing more than to grab her and hold her, but I needed to let her go. Easton didn’t so much as glance back over her shoulder. I closed the door and sank to the floor against it, dropping my head into my hands. You did the right thing. I just hoped that I didn’t lose her for good.
I wasn’t sure how a perfect night of just hanging out had turned so bad. Maybe it was inevitable that we’d got here at some point. I just prayed that she would come to her senses sooner rather than later. I went to bed and hoped to forget about the whole situation, but no such luck. I tossed and turned all night and woke up with feeling like a bag of shit.
Me: I might be late.
Spencer: Dude, get your ass out of bed and get down here.
Ugh, I groaned. I’d promised to meet up with the guys at the beach, but I so wasn’t in the mood.
Carson: You are not bailing.
I rolled out of bed, skipped a shower, and grabbed some shorts and sunglasses. I’d grab a coffee on the way.
Me: Fine. I’m coming.
I figured I could use a distraction, and although I wasn’t very good at this whole surfing thing, it’d definitely hold my attention when I wiped out every couple minutes.
“There’s the pussy. Did your date keep you up all night?” Spencer shouted from down the beach.
I flipped him the bird and continued toward them.
“So, how was it?” Carson asked.
Fuck it, why bullshit? “So, I didn’t have a date. I was completely full of shit.”
They both laughed.
“Shut the fuck up. I actually slept like shit, thanks to Easton.”
“Oooh,” Spencer said as he bit on his fist. “Damn.”
“Yeah, not in a good way. She came over, and we had a great night, just chilled with pizza and a movie. She kissed me, but I stopped it before it got too hot and heavy.” I bowed my head, shaking it back and forth. “She got pissed and left.”
Cason smacked my shoulder. “Oh, fuck. Why did you stop that shit, man? I thought you wanted her ass?”
“I do, but I want all of her. Not just her ass.” I chuckled. “I’m not that guy. I need more, and she just can’t seem to give it to me, even though she wants to. Something keeps holding her back.”
Spencer shook his head. “I bet I’m going to hear about this shit from Rhian. How’d you leave it?”
“I told her how I felt. Well sort of, and I told her that I knew she wasn’t ready and that we should just be friends if she can’t give me more.”
Spencer gripped my shoulder. “That’s fair enough. I totally get it, man. You can’t keep putting yourself out there if she’s going to keep shutting you down. Maybe if you play hard to get, she’ll come around.”
“I’m not playing games with her, but I think it’ll be best if I avoid Easton for a bit.”
Carson looked behind me. “Well, you may want to take off then.”
I closed my eyes, not ready to see her. I didn’t hesitate; I walked away.
“Tanner, come on. Don’t go,” Spencer shou
ted after me.
I waved over my shoulder. “I’ll catch you guys later.” It was childish, but I needed space. I needed to give her space as well.
I’d been avoiding Easton like the plague. It wasn’t hard, but seeing as my only friends were hers, I had quite a boring life for the time being. I was dying for her to reach out and holding strong by not contacting her. I’d opened a new text to her countless times but was able to close it without firing off a message. I needed to stick to my guns, no matter how much I missed her.
It had been a whole week since I’d seen or heard from her, and it was killing me. I was binging on Chinese food and watching Shameless—basically feeling sorry for myself on the couch all night. I felt like a complete loser, but what could I do?
I was just about to head to bed when my phone chimed on the table.
Beaver Dammed: Hey, baby.
Me: Umm hey?
Beaver Dammed: What are you doing?
Me: Nothing
Beaver Dammed: What are you wearing?
Me: Are you okay?
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