Unstoppable

by Bankes, Liz

  Dear Marnie,

  One more letter. And then I will let you go. I need to start making friends who are a bit less dead.

  But someone needs to hear the end of the story. At the moment you are still the only person I can tell everything to. I think that will change – I think there are people I can start talking to now. But it takes time. And I can’t tell it to the cat.

  His room was the one at the end of the corridor, next to the window.

  ‘Couldn’t keep away?’ he said when he opened the door.

  I told him I slept-walked and took a wrong turn. And he stepped outside and pulled the door shut, so as not to wake a sleeping (snoring) Cal.

  We stood opposite each other. The shadows cast shapes on his face so I couldn’t see him properly.

  I asked him if it reminded him of the night the lights went out.

  ‘Yeah,’ he said, ‘and we never really talked about that.’

  We both took a step closer.

  ‘Dan?’ I said. I could hear both our hearts beating, but I couldn’t tell whose was whose.

  He said, ‘Yes, Cleo?’

  And I said it. Those three little words. ‘Let’s be friends?’

  He reached for my hand. ‘I thought you’d never ask.’

  I couldn’t look at him while I spoke, so I looked down at his hand and said, ‘I know you hate it that girls always say you’re lovely and funny and they want to be friends with you, but I’ve never had a best friend. And it turns out you are lovely and funny. So I could do a lot worse.’

  He nodded and said, ‘I know,’ in a mock-arrogant tone.

  I told him it would be ages before I could even think about being more than friends with anyone. And he said ‘I know’ again and he pulled me towards him.

  I asked him what he was doing and he replied that he was giving me a hug so I’ll stop babbling. I let him hug me and I rested my head on his shoulder. For a while we just stood like that and I felt his chest go up and down.

  ‘Perhaps there are upsides to losing out to the bad boy,’ Dan said.

  I turned my head towards him. ‘There never was a bad boy.’

  Next on the list, Mia and Jamie.

  I’d had the urge to bang their heads together and tell them to sort it out since Mia came and talked to me.

  All this time I thought she never got what she did wrong when she stole Jamie. I thought an apology would be empty, because if she had the chance she’d do it all again. But she did understand. I’d thought for one stupid moment over that summer that she and I could be friends, before she went off with him. And she knew that. She said she dealt with it by telling herself I was a bitch.

  When she started going on about going to Australia on her own I knew it was time to act. I knew where he’d be. I’m not totally sure I was supposed to go up the turret with all the scaffolding there, but the builders had gone home and I thought if he could manage it so could I.

  The wooden Wendy house was the only thing not covered in plastic sheeting. It’s the place that Jamie and his sister always used to come to get away from their douchebag dad. Jamie must have told the builders not to touch it, which is typical him.

  I put my head round the door and there he was. Sitting against the wall with his chin resting on his fist. I told him for God’s sake enough with the brooding. Bad boys aren’t hot any more.

  He looked up and laughed. Then he patted the cushion next to him.

  Then he said as I sat down that he had well and truly screwed this up.

  ‘Don’t be so dramatic,’ I said. ‘Just tell her the truth.’

  He took a while to convince and kept saying how he’d been lying to her for weeks and surely he couldn’t come back from that. I said he should try. That it was better than giving up. I really should consider life coaching. First Rosie with her career, now Jamie with his love life. Except life coaches probably aren’t supposed to say, ‘Stop being a whiny little bitch.’

  Which I said to Jamie, rather than Rosie, obviously.

  Finally I dragged him out of the Wendy house and onto the turret. The day was becoming a warm summer evening and the sun was glinting through the trees.

  Jamie changed the subject and told me he couldn’t believe I was ‘dating the pot washer’. I told him Dan and I are just friends. He said he thought I didn’t do friends, so I shot back that I didn’t think he did falling in love. He nodded and said, ‘Touché.’

  Then he lit a cigarette and held one out to me. I shook my head and told him I promised Dan I’d quit.

  ‘Bloody hell,’ he said and took a drag.

  ‘Oh, fuck it. I’ll have one last one. No one will know.’

  Jamie laughed and handed me the box.

  As we came down the tower stairs Jamie asked me where Mia was and I told him she was probably still in the bathroom. Jamie looked at me and asked why.

  I said, ‘Gabi shut her in. She was being difficult. Then the lock jammed.’

  Jamie looked impressed and said he would remember that. ‘If she takes me back.’ Then he dusted his hands together and strode off into the courtyard. In completely the opposite direction to the door that led inside.

  I called after him as he reached the wall. Then I realised what he was doing and I yelled that I wasn’t sure it was a particularly good idea.

  That part of the wall was clear of scaffolding, so he started clambering, very unsteadily, up a wooden trellis that led up to the bathroom window. As he reached up to the windowsill one of his feet slipped and he yelled out, ‘Bugger!’

  Mia, obviously hearing the commotion, appeared at the window and was looking around with a confused expression.

  I waved at her and she looked even more confused, which was fair enough.

  I pointed to the wall in front of the window and tried to mouth ‘Jamie’ as clearly as possible. But Mia peered out of the window and shook her head.

  I shouted, ‘Ja-mie!’ and pointed at the wall.

  But Mia shook her head and I could see her saying, ‘I can’t hear you.’ And then I saw her hand move upwards and I realised she was about to open the window, just as Jamie had put both of his hands on the windowsill.

  I waved my arms frantically and called out to her to stop, but it was too late. The two halves of the window swung out. One of Jamie’s hands was knocked off the sill and his feet flailed around as he tried to get a grip on the trellis again. Somehow he’d managed to keep his other hand on the sill. It was the only thing keeping him up there.

  Mia leaned out and yelled, ‘Jamie?’

  ‘Hello, darling!’ said Jamie.

  Once I could see that most of Jamie was inside the window I left them to it while I went to find the others, who were still outside the bathroom door. I explained the real story.

  Jamie’s on an internship for a literary agency. Or as he put it, ‘Turns out I’m good at reading.’ It happened when he got talking to a customer at the restaurant he was working in. But the job pays next to nothing, so he knew that by taking it he wouldn’t be able to save for the trip. He kept trying to tell Mia but chickening out, and just hoped that something would happen to sort it out, ‘like one of my rich uncles dying’.

  Then the agent suggested he apply to uni through clearing. He phoned up and got in. He’s due to start an English degree in September.

  As I finished telling them, there was a sudden crash and the door swung open, juddering with the shock, and Jamie and Mia fell into the hallway in a heap.

  Mia mumbled that she’d ‘put her foot in the bin’, while blushing bright red, scrambling to her feet and smoothing down her skirt.

  Jamie sat up and said, ‘I have that effect on women.’

  So Mia’s still going to Australia and Jamie’s going to uni, but they’re going to try the long distance thing. You could see them clinging to each other that little bit more. Making the most of now. Well, the next few months, as Mia is delaying leaving until after Gabi’s birthday.

  I hope it works out for them. Really. If you’ve
got it, you should cling on to it with all you’ve got, because you never know when it could be gone.

  I’m disgustingly soppy these days, didn’t anyone tell you?

  Then there’s Rosie and Cal. I don’t know what I can do there. But if either of them has any sense, they’ll realise how in love they are.

  Thank you for showing me what it’s like.

  I don’t know how to end this. I don’t want to say goodbye to you. I never did.

  Love you always.

  Cleo x

  Chapter 45

  ‘Where is the champagne?’ Gabi demands. ‘Jamie and Mia went to get it ages ago. They better not be drinking it all. Or “doing it”!’

  ‘Chill, baby,’ says Max and she stops. Almost instinctively I meet Cal’s eye and we share a look that says ‘Wow, things have changed.’ I draw out the excuse to look at him.

  And then Jamie and Mia return and Max takes a champagne bottle from the ice bucket. He starts trying to pour it out, spills some and Gabi grabs it off him, calling him a ‘lumbering ape’ and the universe returns to normal.

  Mia taps her nail against the glass. ‘Toast! Everyone grab your booze. So I just wanted to say, happy birthday, Rosie!’ Everyone echoes this and lifts their glasses. ‘And I know Rosie hates speeches, but she wanted Gabi to know that this is all perfect – thanks so much, Gabz.’

  Gabi, who is standing next to me, grabs me and gives me a big kiss on the cheek.

  ‘Also, this weekend has been awesome,’ Mia continues. ‘Well, apart from Jamie nearly dying. And Gabi locking me in a toilet.’

  Gabi nods proudly. ‘Won’t try running away again, will you?’

  Mia grins at her and then shares a look with Jamie. One of those looks where you are completely in sync with each other. Like Cal and I used to have. Like we could have again?

  ‘So I think we should promise to do this every year. All of us. Even the uninvited plus-ones.’ Mia gives me a smile.

  ‘Hear, hear!’ says Jamie.

  Everyone goes to drink, but we are interrupted by a shout from Gabi.

  ‘Wait! I want to do one, too.’

  She totters to the front of the group in her massive heels. Then she clears her throat. ‘Oh, what’s this?’ Gabi opens her bag and pulls out a card. ‘Why, it’s another truth or dare card! Who wants to read it? Max?’

  Max looks startled and confused. ‘Um, okay.’ He takes it from her. ‘It says, Gabi, what are you doing next year?.’

  Heads turn back to Gabi. From the expressions on everyone’s faces it is clear that she’s the only one who has any idea what’s going on.

  ‘That’s an interesting question. Thank you, Max. Well, the thing is . . .’ Gabi takes a deep breath in. Her eyebrows knit together in a worried frown and she’s fidgeting with her fingers. I think she is actually nervous. ‘Max, I’ve arranged to move to Leeds and I didn’t tell you!’

  Max stares at her. And then he goes to speak.

  But Gabi interrupts him. ‘I’m doing TV Production at Leeds Met and I move next week.’

  Max goes to speak again.

  ‘I’m living down the road from you!’ she blurts quickly before he can start talking.

  Max’s eyes are wide. We watch him, trying to process the last few minutes and wondering how he’s going to react.

  ‘Cool,’ he says.

  Gabi’s eyes are wide. ‘Is it?’

  ‘Course!’ Max shrugs. ‘Why wouldn’t it be?’

  ‘Because, you know. We’re sort of half-couple, half-friends and everyone thinks we’re weird.’

  ‘I don’t know what we are.’ Max smiles. ‘But whatever it is, I like it.’

  ‘Oh, okay,’ Gabi says. ‘Because I thought it would be really cool – I’ll be learning all about how to make TV programmes and there’s a really good TV society and I thought you could do the music for the programmes I make.’ She’s talking at a million miles an hour and her face keeps breaking out into a smile.

  ‘I’d like that,’ says Max.

  The group dissolves into chatting again. Except when I look over at Cal I see that he isn’t talking. He was watching Max and Gabi for a while. Then he looked down at the floor.

  Things start flashing through my brain. Cal taking my hand and getting me to stand up in the rickshaw. Telling me he loved me when I was under all that exam stress and needed to hear it. Telling me again in front of everyone at the members’ club without caring what they thought. And the way he looked like he didn’t believe me when I said he could do anything.

  ‘Wait!’

  Everyone looks around to see who’s shouted this time.

  It’s me.

  I look at Cal, who is watching me with a surprised expression. But when our eyes meet he does that smile where it looks like he’s trying not to smile too much.

  My heart is thumping, but I hold his gaze.

  ‘I’ve got something to say as well.’

  Chapter 46

  I hear a shuffling behind me. I turn round to see Leon, frowning and fiddling with the frayed sleeve of his school jumper.

  ‘I finished Matilda,’ he says. ‘It was, like . . . good.

  ‘That’s great, Leon,’ I say. ‘It was my favourite when I was your age, too.’

  He nods and fiddles with his sleeve again.

  ‘You know I’m going to be with Year Six next term?’ I say as I’m putting on my coat and scarf. ‘You’ll have to put up with me every day instead of once a week.’

  He looks up sharply. ‘Are you still doing my reading lessons?’

  I nod. ‘Yeah! I’ve got some really good ones lined up. And The Witches for you to take home over Christmas if you want.’

  He shrugs. ‘Okay.’

  Then he gets a crumpled envelope out of his pocket.

  ‘My mum made me do you a card. Bye.’ He puts the card on the table and then turns and runs out of the door.

  I open it. On the front is a penguin in a Christmas hat and inside he’s drawn me and him at a table with an open book in front of us. On the book pages it says, Thanks for your help with my reading. Behind us is a bookshelf where he’s written the titles of the books we’ve been reading. There’s Wimpy Kid and Matilda and The Subtle Knife, which we haven’t read, but I told him it was my favourite.

  He’s drawn some other cartoons too – a ‘super death shark’ and Santa holding a gun. I put the card in my bag because it’s made me feel emotional and I don’t want any of the teachers to see me cry. Again. Last week it was the Year Five play and before that it was Celia’s creative writing work about ‘The Pig Who Lost His Mum’. Apparently by the time I’m teaching on the course I’ll be immune to it all, but not just yet.

  I ding the bell for the Queen’s Lane stop and stand up. The bus lurches to a halt. I run over the road in a gap in the traffic and head towards the archway into the garden. We haven’t been able to come here in the last few weeks because it shuts early in winter, but school finished at one today. I reach the second garden and he’s there – on Will and Lyra’s bench.

  ‘Did you cry again today?’ he says as I sit down.

  ‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘Leon gave me a Christmas card.’

  I take it out and show him and he admires Leon’s artistic skills (although we both agree that I should tell Mrs Roberts about the gun-toting Santa).

  Then I notice a hamper next to the bench.

  ‘I thought you might have time for a chilly picnic before house Christmas drinks,’ he says.

  ‘I’ve always got time for a chilly picnic,’ I say.

  ‘Do I need to bring anything to the house?’ he asks as we start to unpack the hamper, which is tricky with gloves on. ‘I’ve made my spectacular mince pies.’

  ‘That will be fine – you don’t have to worry about impressing them any more. They love you!’

  It’s hilarious how nervous Cal was when he first met my housemates. I guess it’s because he knows how important they can be.

  ‘I thought of another thing I could do today,’
says Cal.

  ‘Oh yeah?’ I say, looking through the food selection. He’s made me a salmon bagel. Cal texts me jokey ideas for his future career most days. This week it was Mud Wrestler, Butler in the Buff and Space Cowboy.

  ‘Sports agent,’ he says.

  I look up. That’s a real one.

  ‘Well, I’m going to look into it anyway.’

  He starts looking for something in the hamper and doesn’t meet my eye so I just tell him to let me know if he needs any help with looking up stuff and he says that would be cool.

  I pick up a can of Coke and try to open it, which again is tricky while wearing gloves. Cal opens his and we tap them together.

  ‘Cheers!’ we both say and then laugh.

  ‘Can you make another speech?’ he says, grinning.

  ‘No – you’re never getting one out of me again,’ I say. ‘One heartfelt, rambling, slightly snotty speech should be enough.’

  ‘The snot was the best bit,’ says Cal. ‘But I do agree with Mia that you shouldn’t have opened with the bit about kissing the guy called Paedo.’

  I’m about to reach into the hamper for the salmon bagel when I feel his arm around me. I lean my head on him and we sit there. And, for once, I don’t think I have anything to worry about.

  My Top 5 Acknowledgements

  1. Everyone at Piccadilly Press, because you are awesome and you always think of the readers you know so well. Brenda, because this all began with you. Melissa, because you always understand what I’m on about and send me miming videos. Shane, because your editorial comments made me rethink a lot of things (except the one about absinthe being nice – it is rank).

  2. Anne Clark, because you are the best agent in the world.

  3. Catnip people, past and present (listen up, Non, Pip and Robert). Because all the things you’ve taught me about children’s books and publishing have blown my tiny mind. And you don’t complain when I have been up late writing and I turn up to work looking a bit like I’ve died.

  4. Suzy, because you are my fabby pally and will be in all the books. Hazel (yeaaaaahh), Edd, Ruth, the Man, the Bone, Laura, Lorna, Lizzie, Claire, Tanye, Haslet, Tess, Anna, Celia and Ryan. Because these books are really about having best friends.