Between Sand and Stardust

by Tina Michele

  “Holy shit.” Haven was right. Just two hundred feet away stood an enormous elk bull with antlers that stretched at least three feet on either side of his head. “Look!” Willa said, pointing at several females making their way into the clearing.

  Haven was determined to get closer. She clasped Willa’s hand tighter and continued upward. They seemed to be on an intersecting route with the herd. Willa pulled back on Haven’s hand. “It’s okay. Just a little closer. You’ll never see something like this again,” Haven said.

  Willa knew that was true. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience and was already putting the entire rest of the week in second place. The excitement in Haven’s voice and on her face was also priceless. The haze of the early morning had been washed away, and she glowed with passion. She was beautiful. Willa didn’t protest. At that point, Haven could’ve led her over the side of a cliff to her ultimate death and she would’ve gone.

  The herd moved across the field toward them, oblivious of their presence until they froze in their tracks. The bull bugled loudly and snorted. “Stop. They smell us,” Haven said.

  “What’s that mean?” Willa had no idea if they should run or hide or both. “What do we do?”

  “Don’t move.” Haven backed into Willa and stood with their bodies pressed together. “Watch.”

  Willa did just that as the herd of females lunged forward and took off at a gallop toward the fence. The bull brought up the rear of the group as they jumped the fence twenty feet from where Willa and Haven stood. One after the other, they cleared the barbed wire and disappeared into the tree line. Willa felt Haven shiver so she wrapped her arms around her shoulders and pulled her against her chest. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

  “Amazing, isn’t it?”

  “Yes. But I think we’re going to miss the sunrise.”

  “Oh shit,” Haven said.

  They hadn’t even realized in the midst of watching the elk that the sun had begun to rise. Willa didn’t even care that they hadn’t made it to the ridgeline. She had seen many suns rise and set, but she had never seen anything like this before. “It’s okay. I think this is right where I want to be right now.” Willa held on to Haven, who made no attempt to move away. They stood together in the peaceful quiet as the sky transformed into a brilliant display of color and light. The low clouds reflected the yellow of the sun and mixed it into flames of pink and orange that streaked into the sky, pushing away the last of the darkness. Willa could feel her body heat from the light of the day and the warmth of Haven’s body against hers.

  “I’ll miss you, Willa. It’s a strange feeling, ya know. I know I missed you before, but now…now it’s different.”

  “How so?”

  “Because it’s a more permanent thing. Before, I always held on to that small glimmer of hope. This time it’s much more final, it seems.”

  Willa’s heart ached at the thought. She loosened her grip on Haven and turned her around. “It doesn’t have to be,” Willa said as she looked into Haven’s glistening eyes. “We could—”

  “We can’t, Willa. How can we be friends, knowing how I still feel about you? Not to mention the miles between us now, and…and…”

  “Bianca.”

  “It’s not fair to either of you, or me. I moved away so that I’d never have to do this, to feel this way, to—”

  Willa didn’t want to hear it. She couldn’t hear that Haven was choosing someone else, even if Willa had no right to be hurt after what she’d done to her. “Shh, my love. It’s okay. Another time and another place, it seems.”

  “I’m sorry,” Haven said as the tears streamed down her face.

  “No. Don’t you ever be sorry for being happy.” Willa could no longer hold back the tears that blinded her. “You’ve changed my life, Haven. This place has changed my life.” Willa brought her hands to Haven’s face and brushed her thumbs across her wet cheeks. Haven closed her eyes, and Willa was overcome by the need to kiss her one last time. She held Haven’s face in the palm of her hands, and Willa gently pressed her lips to hers. It was a soft, languid kiss filled with pain and sorrow. She kissed her for the years they had lost, for the pain she had caused, and the lives they would live without each other.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The ride back into the city was long and quiet. Haven had little to say about the week, and Wendy respected her desire not to discuss it. She and Willa had exchanged phone numbers and made the awkward obligatory promises to text and keep in touch. Haven had wanted to text Willa every moment since watching the black SUV pull away from the lodge that afternoon. She wanted to know if Willa missed her, if she had made it to the airport all right, if she had eaten lunch, anything to start a conversation. But she didn’t. Haven ignored every urge she had to start something she knew she wouldn’t be able to finish.

  She dropped Wendy off at her place and declined the invitation to come in for a drink. She just wanted to get home and maybe take a long, hot bath. A drink sounded like a perfect addition to a soak, so she swung by the store for a bottle of wine.

  Haven felt extra drained from the week. It was always both physically and emotionally exhausting, yet this time it was doubly so. She hefted her duffel onto her shoulder and decided to leave the rest of her gear in the car until the morning. She was going to have to make room for it in the closet anyway since she was finished with camp for the season. She stumbled into the house, dropped the bag in the foyer, and headed straight to the bathroom. Haven grabbed a wineglass and bottle opener from the kitchen on her way through.

  She started the tub, stripped down, and poured herself a full glass of wine. She dangled her feet over the edge into the water as it filled. The steam that rose from the bath reminded her of the night she had kissed in the hot tub. “What were you thinking? Ugh.” Haven could still feel Willa’s lips on hers as they stood on the hillside waiting for the breaking of the sun over the ridge. “That one wasn’t your fault. That was all her.” Albeit Haven had done nothing to stop it from happening. She even allowed herself to be wrapped up in Willa’s embrace well before it had happened. “Okay, maybe it was partly me.” Haven groaned and slunk down into the half-filled tub.

  Haven lost track of time. The water was cooling off and her bottle of wine was nearly gone. She decided it was best that she got out before she became another tub-drinking statistic. She patted dry but chose to forgo wrapping herself in a towel. Haven poured the last of her wine into the glass and sauntered down the hall to her studio.

  Several finished paintings lined the walls, two abandoned pieces were stacked on her desk, and one in-progress piece was propped on the easel in the center of the room. It was her third attempt to capture the same image, and it wasn’t faring any better than its predecessors. Haven stood before the painting stark naked, tilting her head back and forth, sipping from her glass. It had potential; she just couldn’t find the inspiration. She grabbed the corner of the piece and tossed it on top of the other two on her desk and set down her glass.

  Haven chose a larger canvas, already primed and ready for her brush strokes. She normally worked on smaller scale, but this one called to her. She laid out a variety of blues and greens, with several shades of red and orange onto her palette. Using a wide brush, she wiped and mixed the colors together, creating new blends and variations of those colors. When Haven achieved what she desired she began wildly placing strokes and sweeps across the white surface.

  A background began to appear around an empty space in the center of the canvas. Streaks of orange and red carved out an image reminiscent of the red rock walls of Glenwood Canyon towering over the rushing movement of the rapids below. In the center was the shape of a woman that Haven began to fill in with the smooth caresses of her brush. A bare back emerged from the canvas as Haven shaped the figure slowly. A wild mane of hair formed with the drips of paint that ran down onto the skin, mixing with the wet background.

  She stepped back from the piece and picked up her wineglass. Haven sipped
as she gazed at the piece she had just created. It was Willa. There was no doubt. It was a fast, wild, and passionate depiction of the woman she had loved all her life, in a place she adored. Haven caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and laughed at the sight. She was shit-faced, naked, and covered in paint. Any other time she would’ve thought that a particularly good evening. Haven dropped her brushes into the water bucket and tossed her palette onto the stool. She was done, and she needed to shower again.

  Once in the hallway, Haven heard her phone ring. Her stomach flipped with excitement. Had Willa been the first one to give in and make that phone call? She ran down the hallway still completely nude and rummaged through her bag for her phone. “Dammit. Hello? Hello?” she said after swiping the screen blindly.

  “There’s my beautiful baby, back from the wilderness.”

  A wave of disappointment washed through Haven. “Hey, hon,” she said, less than enthusiastically.

  “Ouch. Everything all right?”

  “Yeah. Sorry. Just a little tipsy. I added a bit too much wine in the bathtub.”

  “Added? You put wine in—”

  “Had. Had wine. While in the tub.”

  “Oh. Do you want me to come over?”

  “No.”

  “Ouch, again.”

  “Sorry, Bianca. I need to go. Dammit, I need to shower again and sleep. Maybe tomorrow or something.”

  “Um, okay then. I’ll call you?”

  “Okay. Night night,” she said before hanging up the phone. Haven scrolled through her contact list and stopped on Willa’s number. She contemplated for a few moments before clicking to start a new text. Haven began and deleted three different messages before giving up, dropping her phone onto the couch, and stumbling off toward the bathroom. She paused just for a moment in the doorway of her studio to take one more look at the painting on her easel.

  * * *

  The air was thick, hot, and heavy, a drastic change from the Colorado mountain air. Willa could almost breathe in her daily intake of water. The day before had been her longest one on record, and her internal clock was bonkers with the time change. Between a five-hour flight, two hours lost to time zones, and four for the drive time both here and there, Willa had lost an entire day to math. By the time Kyle had picked her up from the airport she was running on fumes without even the energy to run on about her week in Colorado. She most definitely didn’t have the energy for the inevitable barrage of questions she would get as soon as she mentioned Haven’s name. Part of her wanted to live with that secret a little while longer, anyhow.

  She sat on her front porch swing, just as she did every morning after feeding the flock and letting them out of their coop. She heard Kyle on the ATV coming up the path toward her house. Willa propped her feet up on a feed bucket and leaned back into the seat. She was going to need a few days to get back into the grind of farm life after her week at the ranch.

  “Mornin’,” Kyle hollered as he pulled up and hopped down off the four-wheeler. “On a break already?”

  “Eh. Can you call it a break if you haven’t technically started?” Annie came running over from where she’d been herding the sheep for entertainment.

  “Even Annie’s working harder than you are this morning,” Kyle said.

  “Yeah, yeah. It’s a facade. Besides, I had a very busy week that I need to recoup from.”

  He sat on the swing next to Willa and gave Annie a rub on her head. “Let’s see if I ever suggest sending her away again,” Kyle said to Annie. “So, how was it?”

  A thousand words flashed through Willa’s mind, one for each ever-changing minute that she’d spent in Colorado, but she said, “Interesting.”

  “Interesting? Not shitty or amazing or a damn nightmare? Just interesting.”

  Willa laughed. “Well, the trip was amazing. Life changing, actually. The Haven part, that was interesting. Not at fir—”

  “Wait, what? Haven? Like your ex, Haven?”

  “The one and only.” Willa couldn’t help but smile.

  “You’re shitting me. Where? How did you even run into her out there? Weren’t you on some ranch in the middle of nowhere?”

  “Believe it or not, she was a volunteer at the camp. It was her sixth one in a row or something.”

  “Wow. That’s shitty, man. I had no idea.”

  “Actually, it wasn’t bad. It was awkward more than anything. But after everything that happened, it turned out better than I’d have thought.” She touched her lips, recalling the sweet taste of Haven’s.

  “Does she know? That’s a stupid question; it’s a cancer camp.”

  “She knows everything.”

  “And you’re still in one piece, I see.”

  “It’s strange, Kyle. She’s a different person now. A pretty wild one, actually.” Willa’s mind flashed with the recent memories of her hair and clothes and how happy she’d been the moment they’d won the cornhole tournament, tutu and all.

  “Haven?”

  “Yes. She’s a whitewater kayaker with short, bleach-blond hair, tattoos, and she’s tough as shit.”

  “Well, I’ll be damned.”

  “Yeah.”

  “So, are y’all gonna start talking again?”

  Willa recalled the minutes she and Haven shared on the hillside as the sun rose on their last hours together. “Probably not. Even if she didn’t live out there now, she has a girlfriend. Not that I wouldn’t expect her to have one, I just don’t want to hear about it, or know all that much about it, actually.”

  “Makes sense. Man, I can’t believe she was there. I mean, what are the odds? Crazy shit.”

  When Willa’s phone buzzed on the bench beside them, she jumped. She looked at Kyle like a deer caught in headlights. There was no way. Haven wouldn’t possibly be calling her. Her heart thumped in her chest as she turned it over and looked at the screen. A small pang of disappointment struck her, yet she breathed a small sigh of relief when she saw that it was a video call from Corey. “Corey!” she hollered when the call connected.

  “Willa! I miss you, and it’s only been a day,” Corey said.

  “I know. I’ve been talking to my brother for thirty minutes trying to avoid returning to reality. Say hi.” Willa turned the camera toward Kyle, who now looked as stunned as she had moments earlier.

  “Hey,” he said.

  Willa laughed and panned back to her. “Man of many words, my bro.”

  “He’s cute. You didn’t tell me he also had that going for him.”

  “What? No. I mean, yeah. He’s all right, I suppose.”

  “Damn. Thanks, Will. I think,” he said as he fidgeted with the brim of his ball cap.

  “Oh, geez. Both of you, stop. This is getting weird,” Willa said.

  Corey laughed and Willa smiled. It was a great laugh. She did miss her. “How’s it going up there in North Carolina? Glad to be back?”

  “It’s good. Folks didn’t waste any time giving me listings to show now that I’m home. Good thing I like my job.”

  “You work for your parents? Why don’t I remember that part?” Willa asked.

  “Because, I probably didn’t mention it. I usually leave that part out so I don’t get the whole nepotism bullshit from people.”

  “Makes sense. What are you doing?” The angle of the camera had tilted, and Willa couldn’t make out what was going on.

  “Oh. Sorry. I’m getting ready for work and painting my eyebrows on. It’s a girl thing.”

  “Uh, I’m a girl,” Willa retorted.

  “Yeah, and you also have eyebrows.”

  Willa hadn’t even noticed before Corey had drawn them in darker, that they were thin and light without makeup. She preferred them in a more natural way, but now understood what Corey meant by it being a “girl thing.” “Looks like a whole lotta work to me.”

  Kyle popped his head into the video frame. “You know what else is a lot of work?”

  “Being that handsome?” Corey quickly replied.

 
“Um, no. Not exactly.” He blushed and rubbed at his chin.

  “Oh, good grief. What is happening?” Willa asked.

  Kyle cleared his throat and said, “I was gonna say running a farm by yourself.”

  “Well, that too, I suppose. Hey, Kyle. Willa, hand me to your brother.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Just do it.”

  Willa did as she was told, but with extreme hesitation. Kyle was equally hesitant to take the phone, but did. “Hey. What’s up?”

  “I love this woman. She is a diamond and means a lot to me. She’s been through a very stressful week in a hundred different ways. So go easy on her, or you will have to deal with me.”

  “Promise?” Kyle replied with the unexpected comeback. Willa and Corey both gasped in surprise.

  “Oh! You better believe it.”

  “Okay, okay, children. That’s enough of that. Say good-bye.” Willa took her phone back from Kyle. “What was that?”

  “Just looking out for you. One more thing, have you heard from you know—”

  “No,” Willa said without elaborating.

  “Well, I expect that you will soon enough.”

  “Unlikely. But anyway, I should get to work before Kyle’s head explodes or the goats start a revolt.”

  “Hopefully, not both. Okay. Miss you, bye.”

  Willa ended the call and slipped her phone into her shirt pocket. “That was Corey, my bunkmate at camp. She lives in North Carolina, and she’s six years younger than you. So don’t even think about it.”

  Kyle shrugged and smiled. “I ain’t gotta clue what you’re talkin’ about.” Willa knew better.

  * * *

  Haven’s phone rang again. It was the fifth time that day, and she promised that if it was Bianca again she was going lose her shit. She waited until it finally went to voice mail and focused her attention back on the blank canvas. Haven had been sitting in her studio for four days waiting and praying for inspiration. She hadn’t created a thing since her drunken session days before. Every image that came to her mind was of Willa. She wasn’t going to finish her required pieces for the exhibition if she couldn’t get her out of her mind. As stunning as it was, she couldn’t use that piece in the show even if she wanted to. It was so far from her signature style that it would stand out like a sore thumb at the gallery. Not to mention that Bianca would probably hate it.