Moving On Without You

by Kiarah Whitehead

  "I'm just playing. I would never date a girl."

  Keisha laughed hysterically while Tracy tried to catch her breath. She looked back at her friend trying to calm herself down, relieved that she had not found out about her little secret.

  Chapter 6

  The chalkboard filled with problems faster than Tracy could write them down. Mr. Shafer slid the boards, erasing old material and continued to the next topic. The formulas did not seem to add up to anything, but she copied them all down in her notebook. Her teacher paced across the front of the classroom, seemingly stumped on how to dumb down the idea of balancing ionic equations.

  Tracy glanced at her notebook which had turned into a bunch of pages with scribbles. She had never worked so hard at something only to find that she had not learned anything. The class looked up when a silhouette started knocking at the door. John walked in and found a seat next to Tracy.

  "What are we doing?" he asked.

  John was a guy that came to class religiously. He never said much or did anything to stand out from the crowd. Most of the time, he blended in with the crowd, not making many friends or any problems. During freshman year he spoke to Tracy once or twice in English class, but she did not know much about him. Today he had come in so late that his normal seat was taken which placed him next to her. Clueless to what was going on herself, she was hesitant to answer his question, but she did not want to ignore him.

  "Balancing equations," she said.

  "Can I copy your notes?"

  "I'm not sure it would help, but yeah."

  The teacher turned on a video to demonstrate the motion of atoms exchanging places inside of a liquid solvent. Tracy watched the structures move back and forth hoping her head would not explode. John scribbled the notes down faster than she had and passed the notebook back to her.

  "Can I ask you something?" he said.

  She kept her eyes focused on the video not wanting to miss the magic moment when everything Mr. Shafer had said would suddenly make sense.

  "Sure," she said.

  "Are you dating Mohammed?"

  She looked over at John suspiciously wondering how he had picked up on the flirting going on between her and MD. There were probably more people who had seen them talking and assumed they were together. Tracy worried her barely existent image was being tarnished by this guy before she even agreed to anything.

  "No," she said.

  "Good."

  "Why is that good?"

  "You could do better."

  Her eyes found MD sitting a couple rows forward. She knew she did not like him, but she felt bad for him and thought he might need a friend. John's words scared her though. She knew it wasn't wise to date someone out of pity, but something felt right about it. There was no one else that loved her or wanted her.

  "I just thought I should let you know."

  The words lingered in Tracy's mind longer than she wanted. Mr. Shafer turned the lights back on and initiated a discussion. Tracy wrote down each question and answer but did not have the courage to ask anything herself. The bell rang just in time to give her mind a much needed break. When the classroom was nearly empty, Tracy swung her bag up from the floor and met Mr. Shafer in the front.

  "Hello, Tracy. How'd you like the video?"

  "It was interesting."

  "Yeah?"

  The teacher stacked the glasses up at the sink.

  "I'm a little confused about the equations. They don't always balance and I'm not sure why, but I tend to lose an atom here or there."

  "I'm always here after school and during homebase, but first you should give tonight's homework a try. Reading it in your book may help. Then, we can go over it in the morning."

  Tracy frowned at the man. She knew she did not know what she was doing. Pushing the numbers around on a piece of line paper was not going to help. She shifted the heavy bag from one shoulder to the center of her spine and pressed back on her heels.

  "It may sound ridiculous, but sometimes reading the chapter makes it clearer for students. The book has examples and it may help to see it displayed in a different format," he said.

  She was getting more aggravated by the second. Everyone always told her to ask for help if she needed it, but the moment she asked the teacher discarded her efforts. If she had the knowledge to learn it on her own, why would she be in the course at all? She bit her lip thinking of a substantial response to the teacher.

  "Okay. I will try that and let you know," she said.

  She hurried out the door as the second bell rang. There were a few students wandering around the halls as she rushed toward the other side of the building. When she got to the steps heading to the third floor a voice yelled from behind her.

  "Hall Pass!"

  She froze for a few seconds, cringing from the sound of the words. Tracy spun around to see a tiny woman, a few inches shorter than herself, with her hair tucked in a tight librarian's bun. Her lips were taught and she looked stern.

  "Where is your hall pass?"

  "I don't have one. I just came from Mr. Shafer's class. He could tell you."

  "He should have written you a pass."

  "I know, but I wasn't thinking. I thought I could make it in time."

  Tracy tried to put on the most innocent face she could muster, but the sentry was not buying it. The woman stepped closer to the girl, gave her a once over and motioned for her to come down the stairs.

  "You have to go to detention. Follow me."

  "But I'll miss my whole English class."

  "You should have gotten a hall pass."

  "I forgot."

  "Maybe next time you will remember."

  Tracy peered at the top step. She thought she could run up the stairs much faster than the sentry and make it to English without being caught.

  "Come on. I don't have all day."

  The woman continued the motion trying to get her attention. Tracy felt defeated walking down those two steps and following the sentry down the next flight. She should have thought to get a hall pass, but it seemed like a waste of time for just one minute being late. The two of them walked past the trophy cases in the main corridor and entered the auditorium.

  It was dark inside the auditorium compared to the brightly lit corridors. Tracy could see a few students sitting in the seats. She followed the sentry up to the stage in the front of the room and signed a sheet with twenty two other names on it. The woman left her with another guard who was sitting on stage supervising the detention.

  "Please take a seat in the middle section. Don't sit in a row with anybody else. You have forty more minutes."

  Half of the kids in there were sleeping and the rest were staring at the walls. One girl was pretending to have her head down on the seat in front of her, but when Tracy got closer she realized she was texting. The lights on the chair handles illuminated the seat numbers as she walked up to the next empty row. She settled on 23C. The old chair creaked when she pulled the cushion down to rest on it. The sound seemed to echo through the entire room.

  It was a creepy place to be in alone, or nearly alone. There was one other time she had been in the room and that was for picture day. The students had been called class by class to line up in order by last name and take pictures. Their ID cards still had not come and Tracy's mother opted out of ordering the photos.

  Tracy was sure the picture was not flattering due to the fact that the photographer took it when she was not even looking forward. She had gotten distracted by some gum on the floor and looked up just in time to be caught by surprise. There was no time to take another photo and he insisted she looked fine. She hoped she looked somewhat normal, considering these were the same photos they filled the yearbook with. She had spent all that time flat-ironing her hair just to make a silly face and still end up looking like a dork.

  Here she was again, only this time there was nobody there to make her laugh or rush her through the line. She was stuck in this pointless detention for no reason at all. How exactl
y was missing a class going to teach her a lesson? If anything this was a much needed break.

  She tried to quietly unzip her bookbag, but it was making more noise than the chair had. The guard did not say a word. He was sitting at a desk on stage reading his own book. Tracy opened her chemistry book to read the chapter Mr. Shafer had recommended. Seeing the words displayed in a new way made a slight difference, but she was still confused. She read through the practice problems until the bell rang.

  All the students grabbed their things and lined up at the front of the auditorium. Tracy was not familiar with the process, but followed the others. She stood at the back of the line that crept slowly. Each student that passed her on their way out of the room had a slip in their hand. When she got to the front she took the paper and read through the message:

  Dear Sir/Madam, Your child has been kept in detention today due to their tardiness or failure to comply with the rules. Please acknowledge that you have received this letter by signing and dating the bottom. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact Mr. Johnson at X2901. Please turn this letter in to the main office within 3 days.

  Tracy couldn't believe she had to get her mother to sign the paper. The whole thing was juvenile. She had waited in line and now was late going to lunch. It wasn't a big deal considering she did not eat lunch most days anyway. When she made it to her table she found Chloe had not held her seat. There was not much space at all, but she managed to squeeze in on the other side of the table.

  The girls continued gossiping about all their life failures while Tracy tried to tell Chloe about her experience in detention.

  "I can't believe they held you in detention for that. I could see if you were like ten minutes late or something," Chloe said.

  "It's no big deal. Did I miss anything in English?"

  "I took the notes for you."

  Chloe reached down into her bag to take the notebook out for Tracy. Tracy struggled to get her bag from under the table because the girls were packed in the small table section so tightly. She bumped her elbow into Sharon when her bag finally broke free from below the table.

  "What the hell? You see me sitting here!" Sharon shouted.

  "You see me trying to get my bag!"

  "So what! You should have never sat here. You know it's no room."

  "You should have never gave my seat away! I sit here every day."

  The girl got up from the seat and stared Tracy in her face.

  "What you gonna do about it?"

  Tracy flipped her legs over the bench and got up from the table. She knew she was in enough trouble, but could not back down at this point. The whole table was watching and a few of the surrounding students had started to look over.

  The girls were standing eye to eye. Tracy knew she could take Sharon if it came to it. They were the same height with similar builds. She wanted to slap Sharon in the face, but knew she could not strike first. At Jefferson, whoever hit first was the person who got suspended and her mother would kill her if she got suspended.

  "You're lucky we're in this school and not anywhere else," Sharon spewed the words through her teeth.

  "Lucky? You don't know who you're dealing with."

  Tracy heard the words come out of her own mouth and they surprised her. It must have been the adrenaline talking. Chloe pulled Tracy's arm and brought her back toward the entrance, but Tracy could not keep her eyes off of Sharon.

  "Calm down. You can't get suspended," Chloe said.

  "Chloe, I don't want to hear it. You didn't even try to defend me."

  "It happened so fast. I didn't know—"

  "You knew. You just did not want to hurt your cheerleading buddy's feelings. I thought you were my friend?"

  "I am your friend, but I can't get into fights with people. I'd be kicked off the squad."

  "That's all you care about? The squad?"

  "Tracy, that's not fair."

  "No, it's not fair that I am always the one who is left out. That's not fair."

  Tracy looked up to see all the kids in the lunch room watching her. She barreled over to the table and pulled her bag from underneath it. She left the cafeteria alone.

  There weren't many places she could go which made her wish that Sean was there. She knew something like that would have never happened at Roosevelt. Sean would have stood up before she had, but Chloe was not like Sean. Chloe followed the crowd. She cared what people thought. Tracy knew that about her friend, but knowing how quickly things could go awry, she did not feel comfortable having Chloe at her side. There was no way to tell whose side Chloe would be on, but Tracy got the feeling it was not hers.

  Chapter 7

  The wind was stirring up the orange and red leaves, causing them to litter the sidewalk leading up to the school. Most of the trees were left with their bare branches exposed to the morning sky. The students moved sluggishly into the school.

  Tracy saw Chloe standing with Sharon and the other girls. She thought about whether she should walk past them into the building or stop to reconcile. Before she could make a decision Chloe had seen her and run over to meet her.

  "Hi," Chloe said.

  Tracy stared at her friend then looked over at Sharon who had stopped talking to the girls to focus on Tracy.

  "Hey," Tracy said.

  "Do you still need my notes?"

  Tracy looked at Chloe. She wanted to hate her so badly, but the pathetic apology on her face made Tracy want to forgive her. Being an individual wasn't Chloe's strong suit. Tracy knew that before she agreed to hang out her.

  "Yeah."

  "You should come to my homebase."

  "I have to meet Mr. Shafer. I told him I would come see him about the homework last night."

  And like that they had swept it all under the rug and become friends again. Tracy found it difficult to hold a grudge, but she did not trust Chloe like she had before. The disagreement had shown her where Chloe's loyalty lied, but Tracy preferred having at least one person to talk to. It did not seem smart to go through high school without an ally.

  "I guess I'll see you in Chem then?" Chloe said.

  "Yeah."

  The two friends walked into the school together behind Sharon and the other girls. Tracy left Chloe at the base of the stairs and went to the back hallway to her own homebase. Her teacher sat behind the desk grading papers when Tracy walked in to greet her.

  "Good morning, Tracy!"

  "Good morning. I need to go see Mr. Shafer for some help with my chemistry homework. Can you write me a pass?"

  "Sure! Let me just find my notebook."

  Mrs. Jones scrambled in the old desk for a pad of paper while the students came in. There weren't many kids in the class and most of them got passes to go to their friends' homebases each morning, which left the group that played checkers, a few kids that argued about video games, a guy who drew pictures in one corner, and normally Tracy in the other.

  Today Tracy was venturing out into another homebase, though. She knew if she couldn't get this chemistry material down at the beginning of October, she was sure to fail the rest of the year. She had been on good terms with her mother and she did not intend to screw it up.

  Janet had come into her room asking about classes already, but Tracy wanted to keep the conversation to a minimum. She just wanted to pass the classes, do her chores, and interact with her mother as infrequently as possible.

  "Tracy, I got a note from the office. You were in detention yesterday?" Mrs. Jones said.

  "Yes."

  "Oh, why didn't you tell me before you left yesterday afternoon?"

  Tracy looked at the teacher with one raised eyebrow. She wondered how it was any of Mrs. Jones' business. She had not been kept from her class.

  "I didn't know I was supposed to," Tracy said.

  "Yes, you have to keep me in the loop. Did you get your mother to sign the letter?"

  "Yes."

  She lied so easily these days.

  "Well, give it to me and I'll take it
when I go over the office today."

  Tracy paused and looked out the window behind Mrs. Jones. She still hadn't shown her mother the slip because she did not want her to know what had happened. It surprised her that the office actually contacted her homebase teacher to follow up on the incident.

  "I can just bring it on my way to Mr. Shafer's room. I'm going past the office anyway."

  "Okay, just don’t forget."

  She took the hall pass from Mrs. Jones and walked out of the room. Once she turned the corner she went inside the bathroom. The note was still in her bag, unsigned with yesterday's date on it. Tracy only had two more days to get it to the office and now she knew Mrs. Jones would be checking. She took a deep breath and found a blue pen in her bookbag. Tracy held the sheet over Chloe's English notebook and signed her mother's name the way she had seen Janet do it a million times before. It did not look like Janet's handwriting, but it was close enough.

  The hallway was clear of any sentries all the way down to the main office. Tracy pushed the office door open and waited for the receptionist to come assist her. A student helper came over to the desk to greet Tracy.

  "How can I help you?" the young girl asked.

  "I have a note from my detention yesterday—"

  "In the basket."

  The girl pointed at a small tray behind Tracy's head that sat beside the staff mailboxes. There was a large sign on top of it that said DETENTION.

  "Thanks."

  Tracy dropped the paper in the receptacle and walked out the door. She had already wasted the first ten minutes of homebase. It seemed pointless to go get help now, but she had already gotten the pass and was halfway there. On the second floor, she was shocked there was not one sentry in sight. Of course the guards were not watching when she actually had a pass.

  Mr. Shafer's homebase was empty, except for one student who sat in the corner doing homework. The teacher was in the back measuring powders into plastic cups. He didn't move when she first came in so she took a step back and knocked on the door. Mr. Shafer looked startled when he turned to see Tracy in the doorway with her chemistry book.