Moving On Without You

by Kiarah Whitehead

  "I did the homework, but I still have a few questions."

  "Oh great! I love to see students excited about chemistry!"

  Tracy was not excited. She just did not want to fail which, in her house, was anything below a B. Tracy found a seat in the front row and opened her book up to the assignment she had been working on. Mr. Shafer sat in the chair beside her and glanced over her shoulder at the page. The expression on his face made him look like he was just as confused as she was. She began to think he would not be much help.

  "Which part don't you understand?"

  "All of it."

  He laughed for a minute, but straightened up when he saw the blank stare on Tracy's face. Here she was failing for the first time in her life and he thought it was hilarious.

  "Well, how far did you get on the homework?"

  She pulled out the page and showed him her results. He studied the sheet. She looked at the paper too trying to figure out if what she had come up with meant anything to him.

  "This isn't so bad. I can see where you mixed some things up though."

  He went over to the board and wrote out a few examples, making her go through each problem and tearing apart her thought process. The first bell rang before they could get through much, but Tracy felt confident that she had learned much more than the previous day. She took her things to the back and found her seat between Chloe and John.

  "Did it help?" Chloe asked.

  "Yeah."

  "Good. Now you can help me," Chloe said.

  "Chemistry is not hard. You should have asked me for help," John said.

  "Are you serious?" Tracy asked.

  "Yeah. It's not that bad."

  "What lunch period are you in?"

  "Yours."

  "Really? I never saw you in there."

  "I've seen you."

  Tracy wasn't sure if he was referring to the blow up the previous day or not, but she thought it was best not to bring up the subject considering her and Chloe had just put it behind them.

  "Okay! Well, I'll be sitting with you today."

  "Alright."

  Although Tracy had missed English class the previous day, there was not much to catch up on. She had missed a couple chapters of the reading, but planned to go through it after school. Chloe had highlighted the main points in her notebook. Tracy walked in the door confident that the class would be a breeze, but what she was not expecting was a pop quiz.

  She immediately began to hate Sharon all over again. If it weren't for her, she would have gotten Chloe's notebook the day before and read the required chapters last night, but now she was behind. Tracy hoped Chloe's highlights were enough to get her through the quiz, but she did not remember most of them. When she turned the paper in half of it was blank. She did not expect much mercy from her teacher.

  "Sorry I didn't know," Chloe said.

  "It's fine."

  Tracy just wanted to go home, but she had been the one that screwed it all up. She could not pout, scream, or show that any of it bothered her because everyone was watching. It felt like she had been set up by Mrs. Daniels. The woman was aware that Tracy had missed class the day before. Why would she schedule a pop quiz? Maybe Mrs. Daniels wanted her to fail.

  Her head wouldn't stop bouncing thoughts around about the whole conspiracy which made it a challenge to hear any new information. She knew she was falling further behind. Tracy needed a break to calm down. She needed to get away from everyone and just start over.

  After the class ended, Tracy and Chloe walked to the cafeteria together, but Tracy left her friend to go find John. She walked along the first line of tables until she saw him near the vending machine. She must have walked right past him so many times, but today he was as obvious as the red and blue logo on the wall.

  "Hey!" she said.

  "Hey."

  Tracy sat across from him at the table that he shared with three other people. One guy she knew from Earth Science the year before, but the other two she had never seen. She smiled at them and waved. They looked at her and then back at him before waving back.

  "I can't believe you really came over here," he said.

  "I told you I was."

  "Yeah, but I didn't think you actually would. You normally hang out with the cheerleaders."

  "I don't hang out with them."

  "You go everywhere with them."

  "Chloe is my friend. She is the cheerleader. Not me."

  "Yeah, but that is your crew."

  "No it's not. I just sit with Chloe and she brings them everywhere she goes, but I don't really know them like that."

  He looked over at her usual table of girls and then back at her.

  "What?" she said.

  "Nothing. I just assumed I guess."

  "Some of them are nice, but we are just different. I've known Chloe since middle school, but she met most of those girls once she got here."

  "I guess you don't really act like them."

  "I know. That's why I don't understand how you could think that."

  Tracy wondered how many other people had placed her in that box. It made sense, but she was surprised anyone could mistake her for being like any of the cheerleaders. Just one year before she was a loner hanging out with two gay guys and a mute, but now she was seen as some kin to the most popular girls in school. Most people would have been proud, but she was disgusted being associated with those girls.

  "Are you going to teach me or what?"

  "I'll try. What do you need to know?"

  She pulled out the chemistry textbook she had been lugging around all day to show him her work where she ended with Mr. Shafer. He had given her a one-day extension to catch up on the previous night's homework. Now she had two assignments to do, plus two nights of reading for English.

  It was loud in the cafeteria, but her classmate was proving to be a great teacher. She worked through the problems with him in half the time it took her to do them at home. She looked up a couple minutes before the bell and knew they wouldn't have time to do the second set. Tracy flipped the page in her notebook and pushed it over to John.

  "Here, give me your number and I'll call you tonight to finish the rest."

  He wrote his phone number down for her to take with her. The two of them packed up and walked to the main corridor together.

  "I'm going this way. Make sure you answer when I call you!" she screamed when they split in the hall. Tracy bumped into MD when she tried walking away.

  "Oops. I'm sorry," she said and left him speechless in the corridor.

  Tracy called John to work on the problems as soon as she got home. It took her about an hour to get through all of it. By the time she finished everything, it was time to eat dinner. Her mother had been sleeping for hours. So she heat up the food that was cooked the night before and sat in front of the television to watch prime time.

  As she ran through the channels, the phone started ringing. She went over to pick it up.

  "Hi, Sean."

  "Hey! What you doing?"

  "Nothing."

  "Why do you sound like that?"

  "I'm exhausted. You wouldn't believe the week I've been having."

  "Oh yes, this is why I called. Spill it!"

  "I almost fought this girl in lunch yesterday."

  "What? I've been missing everything. What happened?"

  "So one of Chloe's friends got mad because I elbowed her by accident. She jumped up from the table, so I jumped up too!"

  Sean howled. "And then what?"

  "It was so dumb. I guess she thought I was just gonna sit there and let her say anything. She caught me on the wrong day though."

  "Oh my god! You've changed!"

  "And I got detention."

  "What the hell? You used to be so nice and good. What is this school doing to you?"

  The two of them laughed. It felt nice to be making light of the situation. Everything had begun to feel so heavy, but Sean had a way of swooping in and saving the day.

  "So w
hat's new with you?" she asked.

  "Bryan left."

  "Oh yes, he called and told me he was moving."

  "Yes! Now, I am stuck with Dana's boring ass. I don't know what I'm going to do."

  "I'm sorry. I wish I could trade and have a boring day right now."

  "Please, I would kill for a little excitement over here. I saw Max."

  Tracy cringed when she heard his name. She was not sure why everyone insisted on telling her about Max.

  "God, I've been trying to forget about him, but he just won't go away," she said.

  "What are you talking about?"

  "I had a dream about him a few days ago. I just can't get him out of my head."

  "If that is love, I want no parts."

  "You're such an ass."

  The phone beeped and she turned it over to see an incoming call from Chloe.

  "As soon as I get on the phone it starts ringing," she said.

  "Miss Popular now I see."

  "Please, I'll call you back."

  "Okay, bye."

  She pressed the button to switch over to the incoming call.

  "Hello?" Tracy said.

  "Hey! Don't get mad!"

  "What?"

  "I know you didn't want me to give MD your number, but he wanted to ask you something. So I put him on three-way."

  "What?"

  "Hello," he said.

  Tracy sat quietly on the line listening to his voice. She could not believe Chloe had pulled this stunt. She was definitely trying to become Tracy's enemy.

  "Yes," Tracy said.

  "Is this a bad time?" he asked.

  Tracy could not imagine what would be a good time. She had rejected MD so many times she had lost count. What made him think this was a good idea?

  "No," she said.

  "I just wanted to ask you if you were dating John."

  "I'm not sure why that's your business."

  "So you are dating him?"

  Tracy pushed her fingernails into her palms and clenched her teeth. She took a deep breath and lied back on the sofa.

  "Why?"

  "I'm just wondering because you two seem to be getting pretty close. He sits with you in class and now lunch. I just want to know."

  "No. Some guys are just nice and don't mind helping a girl who isn't their girlfriend."

  "I could help you."

  Tracy was just beginning to think MD was a decent guy and now he was harassing her about someone she was not even interested in dating.

  "You're really taking stalking to a new level."

  "You got jokes?"

  "I'm just saying. I didn't think I needed permission to make a new friend."

  "Well, I was just curious. So can I have your number now?"

  "No."

  "Come on. We're already talking on the phone. You're single. I'm single. What is the issue?"

  "I'm not interested and just because I'm not dating John doesn't mean I'm single."

  "So you are in a relationship?"

  "Goodnight!"

  Tracy hung up the phone. She could not believe they ambushed her like that and she immediately felt dumb for forgiving Chloe. Her loyalty had fallen somewhere by the waste side. Tracy was tired of the drama at this school. It was worse than being home. She went from one issue to the other.

  When she finished her plate, she heard her mother in the kitchen rummaging through bowls.

  "Are you going to wash the dishes?"

  Chapter 8

  When Tracy walked into her Participation in Government class she saw the walls had been covered with Thanksgiving decorations. The homebases were competing for free prom tickets. Tracy's homebase scoffed at the idea, considering most of them were sophomores and had little potential for actually going to prom. This left Mrs. Jones with a disappointed face and a bag full of unused décor. She attempted to put some of it up on her own, but lost her motivation once she realized no one was going to join in.

  The class was mostly guys preoccupied with their game wars. Tracy was one of the few girls that actually showed up, but she never engaged. Seeing this homebase all decked out made her wish she had at least tried. She considered what it might be like to actually go to prom. The only guys she thought were attractive were the ones that looked right over her head. Many of them had joined up with cheerleaders, dancers, and the party girls. Max would have been the perfect date, but he wasn't around.

  Once everyone got settled, Mr. Chase passed out the grading rubric for their end of the marking period project.

  "This will be half of your grade. That is why I am telling you how I am grading it right now."

  The class let out groans. Tracy read through the sheet while her teacher went through the major grading points everyone should focus on.

  "You must work as partners and I am choosing the pairs for you."

  Tracy immediately sat up in her chair. She felt her mouth going dry thinking about working with another person in the class. She barely spoke to anyone. Chloe was in the class, but she knew the teacher would never allow them to work together. She bit her lip waiting for her teacher to finish his speech.

  "I think the best way to do this is to stick the names in a hat and I will let you choose. Someone has to write this down for me."

  Jessica jumped up and ran over to the chalkboard trying to beat an invisible competitor to it. The rest of the class looked around with anxious eyes waiting on their fate. It was silent in the class, other than Mr. Chase's shaking hat rustling the papers around inside of it.

  "Okay, lucky number one."

  He pushed the hat out to each student in the first row. He made it about halfway back before he stopped at MD's desk. Tracy said a silent prayer to prevent herself from being chosen.

  "Tracy," MD said to the teacher.

  "Mohammed and Tracy!"

  He was like a game show host shouting the names out for Jessica to write down on the board. Tracy cringed hearing their two names recited together. She had all of the rotten luck in the world. It was better than being paired with someone she did not know at all or the guy who chased coins and ate his own boogers in the front of the room. Chloe giggled to herself.

  "You two are made for each other," Chloe said.

  "What?" Tracy said.

  "You keep running into each other and now you're paired together for this project. It must be something to it."

  "This whole thing is rigged."

  "It's not that bad."

  "You're not the one who has to work with him."

  "He's pretty smart."

  Tracy put her head in her hands. The teacher made sure everyone had a partner before moving on to the rubric. The project was long, but Tracy knew she could do it alone. She just had to meet with MD a couple times. They could type it up alone and present it on the last day of class. It would be simple.

  Tracy and MD had three weeks to finish the written portion of the project. The oral presentations were scheduled for the last week of school. She wanted to be anywhere in the world except in the library with this guy, but they still had not chosen a topic.

  "What do you want to write about?" Tracy asked.

  "I don't know. Do people even use library books anymore?" MD said.

  "Yes."

  "We could find all this stuff online."

  "We just need to figure out what the topic should be to get some kind of direction."

  "I don't know. What do you think we should write about?"

  Tracy pressed her toes into the floor and dropped her head into her hands. She lifted her head to see MD's plain expression.

  "Maybe we could talk about gun laws."

  "No, that's no fun."

  "I don't think it has to be fun. There are plenty of examples we could use for gun laws."

  "It's boring."

  Tracy let out a deep breath and looked at the bookshelves lining the walls. She was not sure if MD was going to be any help at all. She could have started writing already if she was doing the paper alone.
<
br />   "What do you think about abortion?" she asked.

  "Nope, not falling for that one."

  She rolled her eyes and rapped her nails on the table.

  "Immigration?"

  "That's not bad."

  "Look, you don't have to like the topic. We just need to write it up with lots of details. No one cares what your stance is as long as the presentation is good."

  "How can I present something I don't believe in?"

  "It's politics. You just pick something."

  "Fine. Immigration laws could be interesting."

  She began searching for books on immigration laws while he watched her. After writing down reference numbers for three books, she went to the law section to go search for them. When she got back to the table, she found her partner web surfing. She knew he would not be much help.

  "I was thinking maybe gun laws was a good idea."

  She whipped her head around to face him, but bit her lip to keep from screaming on the quiet floor. He laughed.

  "I'm having fun watching you try to keep your cool. It's cute," he said.

  "This is what you find entertaining?"

  "Everything about you is entertaining."

  "Great."

  Seeing him laughing made her crack a smile.

  "You make me sick," she said.

  "Admit it. You like having me around."

  She tried to hide the smile from forming on her face, but could not keep it concealed for long.

  "I bet you really think that."

  "I know I'm not the only one that's happy to be here."

  "I'm here because I don't want to fail PIG."

  "And because you love me."

  She opened the musty book and scanned through the table of contents.

  "I think these are fine. You take two and I'll take two. Write up the highlights and email it to me."

  She wrote her email address down for him and tore the page. He folded the note and placed it in his pocket.

  "I just want you to know that you're the cutest partner I've ever had," he said.

  Tracy picked up the books and headed to the register to check out before the four o'clock bus left her on the wrong side of town. She could not stop herself from smiling even after she got home. This was the most male attention she had gotten in months and she could not help but enjoy it.