Blood-Red Tear

by Donna Flynn

  *****

  Christmas Eve, many of our community came to celebrate with us. Mom had, as always, outdone herself. Every room had a tree decorated with a different theme. Poinsettias of every shape, size, and, color graced every table, and ribbons of gold, red, and green were entwined in boughs of fresh-smelling greenery throughout the house. It was picture perfect, everyone was in a festive mood, and I should have been happy with the fact my family and closes friends surrounded me, but the only person who truly mattered wasn’t there and it hurt so bad I thought my heart might break.

  Aidan had always come on Christmas Eve to stay through the New Year, but this year was different. This year he stayed away and all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and cry until the holiday was over.

  I put on a brave face, smiled when necessary, and greeted everyone with a false smile. I had gotten so good at pretending that no one seemed to sense my upset but my Mother. She knew. I could tell when she looked at me that she was aware of my feelings, but she said nothing. I was getting ready for bed shortly after midnight, when she knocked on my door.

  “Come in,” I called out, struggling to pull a tank top that matched my sleep shorts, over my arm.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, helping me get the shirt on.

  “I never thought Aidan wouldn’t come. He has never missed a Christmas with us and I know Dad would have let him see me. He may not be happy about us, but he would have let him come.” Tears ran down my cheeks and she took my hand, leading me to the bed.

  “Maybe he assumed you wouldn’t miss him now that you are seeing Orin so much,” she told me, handing me a tissue before tucking the blankets around me like she had done a million times in my life.

  “That couldn’t be further from the truth!” I cried out. “I miss him all the time, I’ve just gotten really good at hiding it. I do feel some kind of attraction toward Orin, but it’s not like what I feel when I am with Aidan. He makes my knees weak. I feel dizzy, my emotions go crazy, and I can’t catch my breath when I am around him. I love him, Mom, and no matter what Dad thinks that isn’t going to change. This separation is stupid. I don’t want anyone else. I know Aidan and I are meant to be together, I feel it in here.” I laid my hand over my heart and laid back against the pillows, tears streaming down my cheeks.

  “Honey, I hate to see you go through this, but it is for the best right now.” She leaned over and kissed me on the forehead before meeting my gaze. “Sleep now,” she said, staring into my eyes then walked out of the room where I heard my father’s hushed voice asking her if everything was all right. I wanted to scream that no it wasn’t, but compelled by her wishes I fell directly into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

  *****

  Christmas morning, everyone exchanged gifts and my parents handed out the ones left by “Santa” from under the tree. I made the appropriate noises of appreciation and thanked everyone, then went to stare out of the window, watching the snow swirl down from the sky, wondering where Aidan was and what he was doing.

  Deciding I needed a pick-me-up, I put on my heavy down jacket, a gift from Aidan the year before, and went outside into the wonderland of white that formed overnight. It was tranquil and serene, the new fallen snow so untouched and pure that I couldn’t help but feel at peace. I walked toward the garden, compelled to see the place that brought me so many happy memories of Aidan, and walked through the entrance, stopping to stare at the snow-covered gazebo that sat barren and empty. Tears splashed against my cheeks, freezing on contact, and I turned to go, only to run smack dap into a hard chest. I looked up and shook my head to make sure I was not dreaming, but Aidan was there still smiling down at me.

  “Merry Christmas,” he said softly, brushing his finger across my cold, trembling bottom lip. I stared up at his beautiful face and felt my body begin to shake. He pulled me to him and kissed me, his cool lips gently brushing mine, making my heartbeat faster and my body grow increasingly warm despite the frigid temperature outside. When he made to pull away, I pulled him closer, kissing him harder, unwilling to let him go and he met the demand, both of us trying getting as close as we could to one another.

  With a loud sigh, he finally broke away and stepped back, looking me over with a frown. “You look tired, have you been sick? Why did no one tell me about this?”

  I ignored the questions. “Where have you been?” I asked sounding like a lost child. “You have never missed Christmas with us before.” I tried to keep the hurt from my voice, but he flinched, so I knew it hadn’t worked.

  “I know,” he said sadly. “And I can’t stay but a few moments. But I couldn’t let Christmas pass without giving you a present.”

  “I don’t want a present! I want you to stay,” I pleaded.

  “I’m sorry. I know you are having a hard time with our separation, but it is for the best right now that we are not together. You need to experience human life, do all the things you would have done if I hadn’t kissed you that night, before you will be ready for us to be together.” He held out a gold-wrapped gift with a beautiful red bow. “Now open your gift.” When I made no move to take it, he took my good hand, turned it over, and placed the gift in my palm.

  “I don’t want this! The only thing I want is you!” I threw the gift at him and ran for the house, making it to my room before falling to the floor in a miserable, shaking, tear-filled lump. Aidan was not far behind. He lifted me from the floor cradling me against him, his arms the only thing stopping me from collapsing again. We stood like that for a long time and finally he took me to the lounge and sat down, holding me in his arms until I calmed down.

  “Katie, please, it kills me to see you like this,” he murmured.

  “I’m sorry…I…just miss you so much,” I told him in a quivering voice.

  “And I you,” he told me, hugging me close.

  When my tears stopped flowing, he sat me next to him and wiped my cheeks with a tissue.

  “Are you ready for your gift now?” He put the box back in my hand and helped me rip off the paper. When he snapped open the blue jewelry box, nestled inside was a platinum chain with a large teardrop diamond pendant hanging from its center. I sat speechless as he pulled it from the box, moved behind me, and placed it around my neck, clasping it into place.

  “When I saw it, I thought of all the tears you have cried for me, and it seemed somehow appropriate,” he said, so close to me his lips brushed the warm skin of my neck just below my ear, making me shiver in response.

  “It’s beautiful,” I murmured, taking the gem in my hand and reveling in the warmth I felt radiating from its facets.

  “I’m glad you like it.” He smiled and wrapped his hand around mine, both of us holding the diamond as one. The heat from the gemstone grew in intensity, as if responding to the chemistry between us, and I lay back against him, savoring the feeling of being in his arms once again. He placed a kiss to the nape of my neck and I shuddered. “I have to go,” he whispered huskily. “I promised your father I would not stay too long.” He stood abruptly, letting go of my hand. His jaw was clenched, his body tighter than a spring, and I knew he was anticipating my usual tantrum.

  “I won’t give you a hard time,” I said, watching relief fill his eyes. “Thank you for the necklace, I will never take it off. I miss you more than you know, and it gets harder everyday to be without you.” He lowered his head to kiss me and I wound my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He groaned as I pressed myself against him and devoured his mouth with my own. The kiss I bestowed upon him was not a soft gentle one but a more mature, soul-searing one that I hoped would make him remember me, even when we were apart.

  My tongue swept his mouth and he growled, pulling away with a fiery look of desire that let me know exactly how my kiss had affected him. “You are going to be dangerous when we are finally together,” he acknowledged.

  “Practice makes perfect,” I quipped, but the hurt expression that crossed his face made me immediately want to take my word
s back. “I’m sorry. I should not have said that.” I turned away, ashamed of my thoughtless remark and the pain I saw in his eyes.

  Carefully he turned me around. “I told you to live, and experience all of the things other girls your age are doing. I am not stupid enough to believe that kissing other males is not one of those things,” he told me, lifting my chin with his finger so I was looking up at him.

  “It is you I long to be with,” I assured him. “No one has ever made me feel the way you do,” I whispered.

  He smiled. “I know, but I have to consider your age and what your parents want, so for now it is goodbye once again.” He cradled my face between his large hands and kissed me again. “Goodbye my Amado Uno.” In a blink he was gone, and the ache in my heart that always came when he left began. This time, though, I shook off the depression I felt and went to find the one responsible for Aidan’s visit. I trudged up the stairs to the next floor and walked to my parent’s room. My mother opened the door immediately, and I knew she had heard me coming.

  “Can I talk to Dad?”

  Before she could answer he was beside her, looking concerned. “Is everything okay?” he asked.

  I threw myself at him and hugged him tightly. “Thank you. Seeing Aidan was the best gift you could have given me for Christmas.”

  “Honey, all I ever want is for you to be happy,” he told me, hugging me tightly.

  I knew how much it had cost him to allow Aidan to come see me, so I didn’t tell him that only being with Aidan would ensure that.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  It snowed heavily the week between Christmas and New Years, so I decided not to go out and celebrate. I told everyone I just wanted to stay home and rest my arm but, in reality, I was missing Aidan and couldn’t bring myself to muster up a festive mood like everyone else. My parents hesitantly left for a few hours to attend a fundraiser my mother’s charity held every year, and Paul was in his suite of rooms with Beth celebrating a quiet New Years Eve together.

  I was alone in the game room, sleeping through an old movie, when I felt something cool against my cheek and opened my eyes to find Aidan kneeling on the floor next to the sofa, his fingers brushing my cheek, looking like a dream come to life.

  “Happy New Year,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss me. Automatically I twined my arms around his neck and he picked me up, then sat on the sofa with me draped across his lap. He stared at me intently, like a starving man in a dinner, and I couldn’t help but wish I had on some make-up and something more than a T-shirt and shorts.

  “You’re beautiful,” he said softly, hearing my unguarded thoughts.

  “I’m a mess,” I told him.

  “What am I going to do with you?” he said, shaking his head with a smile.

  “Just stay with me,” I whispered, laying my head on his shoulder.

  He sighed. “Why are you home tonight? I spoke to Paul and he told me you were here at the house, and I was worried. You should be out with your friends having fun, not here by yourself.”

  “It’s snowing, and I didn’t really feel like celebrating without you,” I told him honestly.

  “Katie, you need to experience life as you would have if you had never met me. I swear I will wait for you. Nothing you could ever do will change how I feel about you,” he told me.

  I was so tired of hearing everyone tell me what I needed. “I am not a child anymore, Aidan, I want you! It has not and will not change. You and my father need to realize that.”

  “Your father wants you to have more time, and I promised him I would give it to you. I respect him too much to dishonor my vow.” He brushed his fingers through my hair, looking distraught. “Please try, okay?”

  “I try every day, but when you are not here it is as if a piece of me is missing,” I told him, wrapping my arms around his waist and leaning in to feather his neck with kisses

  “I know how you feel,” he whispered, his words catching in his throat as I nibbled his earlobe. He leaned into the curve of my neck, his cool lips brushing against my warm skin, making me tremble. I waited with bated breathe for his next move. His teeth brushed the exposed flesh of my neck and he whispered, “You are getting way to good at this. I think your Dad should lock you up. I have to go.”

  He moved away suddenly but I grabbed his hand. “Don’t go yet,” I pleaded.

  “I must, the temptation of being here with you is too much.” The meaning of his words dawned on me, and my hand went to my throat. “I see you finally understand.” He chuckled but it was not a happy sound.

  “Is it always difficult?” It was probably a dumb question but I had to know.

  “When things get…” he paused, looking for the right word, “intense, it gets very hard to resist. Lately your desires are making it harder for me to resist more than just your blood.” He watched me closely as I absorbed what he said, then snorted with disbelief when I made no comment. “You should run or scream. I just told you I wanted your blood and your body, yet you stand there looking at me with nothing but trust.”

  I moved close and leaned into him, nibbling his bottom lip. “You won’t ever hurt me,” I assured him. He pulled me to him, his demanding lips moving over mine, his tongue prying my lips apart and plunging inside my warm, willing mouth. Heat built low in my belly and instinctively my body moved against his, rubbing, my hands touching, my mind filling with lustful thoughts I had never before felt. Those thoughts shocked even my own senses and I pulled back suddenly, startled by my own desires. I wanted things with him I had never entertained doing with anyone else, and he looked as startled as I felt as he read my mind like an open book.

  “I need to go now!” He pulled away, staring down on me with onyx eyes, and I knew things had gone too far. “Happy New Year,” he bit out then was gone.

  I placed a finger to my lips and stared at myself in the large mirror in the wall, taking in my flushed cheeks and mussed hair with wide eyes. I knew all about the birds and the bees, and that my desires were quite normal, but I was shocked by the intensity of need I felt for him. Terrified, for the first time, that he was right, that in a moment of temptation I would give him exactly what he craved. Myself: body and soul.

  *****

  “I just got in; do you want to go to Kelly’s or something?” Orin asked when he called the next morning.

  I knew he had just gotten home and was eager to see me, but I was still too caught up in missing Aidan to want to spend time with another guy. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I lied. “I’m not feeling well; do you think we could go another day?”

  “Oh, yeah, that’s okay,” he answered, but I knew he didn’t really feel that way; I could hear it in his voice.

  “I’ll see you at school on Monday, alright?”

  “Oh… yeah, see you later.” He hung up the phone, and I fell back asleep until my mother knocked on my door a short time later and woke me.

  “Katie, you have company.”

  “Who is it?” I asked as she opened the door.

  “It’s Orin, he seems rather upset. I think you should see him.”

  I really didn’t want to, but I knew I needed to tell him what was going on: that I loved someone else. And that, although I cared for him, I couldn’t be more than a friend. So I got up, dressed, and walked downstairs, dreading the conversation to come.

  Orin was standing in the foyer, his body tense, his eyes darting around the area nervously as I stepped down from the stairs and walked to his side. “Do you think we can go for a drive so we can talk?” he asked.

  I nodded, knowing I owed him at least that. We did not talk as he drove through town. He pulled into the lot in front of the local park and we sat in silence, both of us unsure how to start the conversation. Orin, though, found the words first.

  “Look, Katie, let’s get to the point. I know there’s someone else.” I couldn’t have been more startled and I suppose it showed, because he rushed to explain. “I can see the look you get sometimes when you think about hi
m, and after you’ve seen him you are sad for days and you lock yourself away from everyone.” I started to protest but he stopped me. “I know you think you hide it well, but it’s easy for me to see.”

  “I’m so sorry, Orin. I really do like you, but he is...” I laid my head back on the seat, closing my eyes, unable to explain exactly how it was Aidan affected me.

  “Do not misunderstand my intentions; I’m not giving up on you. I still want to see you. I just can’t bear to see you try so hard to hide what you are feeling. I just wanted you to know that I am aware of him. That way we can be honest about why you don’t want to be with me when you’re sad.” He reached over and took my hand in his, leaning closer.

  “I don’t want to hurt you and I know how this will in the end, so it’s better to finish this now.” I turned my face from him so he would not see the tears in my eyes, but he reached out and turned it back so he was staring into my eyes.

  “Hey, I’m a big boy. I know what I’m getting into, but it’s a chance I want to take.”

  “You do not understand. I will never get over him, I belong with him,” I said, trying to make him see reason, but he just smiled.

  “It’s my life. Maybe he is what you want now, but give me a chance. You never know what can happen.” He brushed my lips with his own and squeezed my hand. “Only a fool would leave you unattended, but if he is willing to take that risk, then I will fight for you. Just say you’ll give me a chance to change your mind.”

  “It isn’t fair to you,” I told him, but he played a card I had not anticipated he would use.

  “You at least owe me a chance for not telling me sooner,” he said, using my guilt to get what he wanted.

  I caved despite my reservations. “That was dirty, but I will still see you.”