Down & Dirty

by Cheryl Dougls

  “She told me she hadn’t intended to go to art school,” Justin said, tipping back his drink. “Would have been a damn shame if she’d passed up on that opportunity. She’s so talented.”

  “You said you met her in college?”

  “Yeah, we went to art school together. But it turns out I liked the business end of things more so Olivia and I became partners when we graduated. She does her thing. I do mine. It works.”

  “Huh.” That meant if we did start seeing each other again I’d have to handle her working with her ex every day. Not ideal, but the alternative was not having her in my life at all. “So, you and Olivia were, uh, in a relationship?”

  “Nah, it was more of a casual thing. Back when we were young and stupid. Am I still attracted to her?” He raised an eyebrow. “Every time she walks into the room she takes my breath away. Have we acted on that attraction from time to time? Sure. But if one of us is in a relationship, all deals are off.”

  Which meant I could count on Olivia to be faithful. Not that I needed a stranger to tell me that. We’d been together two years and I’d never known anyone more honest or trustworthy. “I’ve spent a lot of years chasing my dream,” I said, tipping my beer back. “But it hasn’t been everything I thought it would be.”

  I knew I sounded like an ungrateful jerk. But that wasn’t the case. I loved my career more than anything, but during the off-season there was a gaping hole in my life nothing else could fill.

  “How so?” Justin asked, downing the rest of his drink. “You got what you wanted,” he said, his eyes lingering on my championship ring. “The big contract, the accolades, the championship. What more could you want?”

  “I want what I had with Olivia.” I knew it sounded crazy. We’d been together a lifetime ago. We were only kids then. Yet I’d never experienced that kind of chemistry or connection with anyone else before or since.

  Justin narrowed his eyes and held up one hand. “Hold up a minute. You want what you had with Olivia or you want Olivia back?”

  “Aren’t they one in the same?”

  He shook his head. “No. You could find what you had with her with someone else.”

  “I thought I could too, but after fifteen years of looking I’ve come to realize that’s not possible.” I’d dated dozens of women, but there was only one Olivia.

  “You can’t just walk back into her life after doing a number on her all those years ago and tell her…?” He curled his hand around his glass as he brought it to his lips. “What? That you want another chance?”

  “Maybe.” I wasn’t willing to show him all my cards yet. This was a conversation I needed to have with Olivia, not her… whatever.

  “That doesn’t make any sense. People just don’t—”

  “You!” Kelly appeared out of nowhere, shaking a finger in my face. “I swore to myself if you ever made her cry again I’d make you cry!” She raised her knee, but I managed to dodge it just in time.

  The Collier sisters had always been feisty and would go to the mat for each other. I was glad to see that hadn’t changed. “I didn’t mean to make her cry, Kel. You gotta believe me.” The fact that I had made me feel like shit, ‘cause I knew that girl had already shed way too many tears over me.

  “Why would I believe anything you say? You’re a worthless liar who—”

  “What did I lie about?”

  “Wanting to spend the rest of your life with my sister.” Some of the fight seemed to go out of her as she sagged against the bar. “I get that you were young and I know guys change their mind about stuff like that all the time, especially at that age, but—”

  “I didn’t change my mind. If I could have had Olivia, my dream, and given her a chance at her dream, I would have. No questions asked. But it wasn’t possible for us to have it all back then. Maybe it is now.”

  I could tell she wasn’t buying what I was selling, but that didn’t mean I’d stop trying. Getting the people Olivia loved and respected to believe me was half the battle. “Why do you think I’m not married yet?” I asked, holding up my bare left hand.

  “Maybe because you’re still a man-whore?” she suggested, crossing her arms.

  “That’s not fair. I was never a man-whore when I was with your sister. I was faithful to her and you know it.”

  “Yeah, ‘cause I would have castrated you if you hadn’t been.”

  I grinned. “That wasn’t the only reason. I loved her, Kel. Even though things went down the way they did, you know how much I loved her.”

  She looked back at Justin, who was standing behind her. “Are you buying any of this?”

  “I don’t know what to think,” he admitted. “I’ve been listening to him and he sounds sincere.”

  Kelly looked me up and down, as though she was considering her options. “Why’d you wait so long to see her if you felt this way?”

  I knew this question would come up and I was ready for it. “I wanted to give her a chance to fall in love with someone else.” I glanced at Justin. “I know my life’s not for everybody. Olivia obviously has a life that makes her happy, and I wouldn’t want to do anything to interfere with that. But I told myself if she was still single by this reunion, I’d tell her how I felt about her.”

  “How do you feel about her?” Kelly demanded.

  There were some things I was only willing to say to Olivia, without an audience. But I had to tell her twin enough that she’d be in my corner, or at the very least help me get a little face time with Olivia so I could plead my case.

  “I know it’s normal to think about your ex from time to time, but not as much as I do.” It was a painful, even embarrassing admission, but it was true. “She doesn’t just pop into my head every now and then. I’m tellin’ you, she set the bar for every other woman in my life. And none of them have even come close to reaching it.”

  “Why did you dump her if you loved her so much? I’m sure you could have found a way to make it work if you really wanted to.”

  “You may think so, but your parents didn’t.” Her eyes widened, just like I knew they would when I dropped my little bombshell. “So, they never told you they came to me, huh?”

  “Are you kidding?”

  “I wouldn’t kid about something like this.” A thousand times I’d asked myself if I’d been naïve to believe their claims, but since they loved Olivia as much as I did, I believed them when they said I’d be doing her a favor by ending the relationship so she could pursue her dream.

  “My parents suggested you dump my sister?” she asked, taking a step back. “No, they wouldn’t do that. They knew how much she loved you. She was crushed when you ended things. They wouldn’t have intentionally caused her that much pain.”

  It was a small consolation that I hadn’t been the only one to suffer that year. I almost lost everything, my scholarship, my football dreams, all because I couldn’t stop the emotional bleeding caused by the break-up that never stopped hurting.

  “I think they were doing what they thought was best for her. They wanted to see her go to art school in New York. They knew that was her dream and they wanted to see her fulfill it. And maybe they were right.” I shrugged. “She is happy now, right? And successful?”

  “Well yeah, sure,” Kelly said. “But still, they had no right to interfere in her life that way.”

  “I’m sure they thought they were doing the right thing.” I knew parents often went to great lengths to protect their children, so I couldn’t blame them for trying to force me out of their daughter’s life.

  “But it wasn’t up to them to decide,” Kelly said, sounding indignant on her sister’s behalf. “It was up to Olivia to decide which school she wanted to go to and whether she wanted to follow you or—”

  “This is all a moot point now, isn’t it? The past is the past, what I need to know is whether you think Olivia is open to at least talking to me about the present.”

  “The present?” Kelly asked, looking suspicious. “Hold up. Are you talking about a
one-night stand?”

  I sure as hell wouldn’t say no to having Olivia back in my bed, but one night would never be enough. “I’m talking about taking it one day at a time. I know she can’t make any promises. She doesn’t even know me anymore. I just want her to get to know me again. I hope when she does she’ll realize I haven’t changed all that much from the guy she used to know… and love.”

  “So you want her to fall in love with you all over again?” Kelly asked, glaring at me. “Then what? You break her heart?”

  “You really think I’d be here tonight, putting myself through all this if I wasn’t serious about seeing where this could go?” I sighed when she didn’t respond. “Look, I don’t want to hurt your sister. On the contrary. I want to make up for all the pain I caused.”

  “How do you plan to do that?” she asked, glancing at the phone in her hand when it buzzed.

  “By doing what I should have been man enough to do back then. Fighting for her.” I extracted a key card from my breast pocket and passed it to Kelly. “I’m in room 407. Please give this to her. I need to talk to her, in private.”

  “And if she won’t come up?”

  “I won’t give up. I can’t.”

  Chapter Three

  Olivia

  I turned the key card over and over in my hand, questioning whether I should just snap it in half and forget this night ever happened. But I knew I wouldn’t do that. Because he’d planted the seed of doubt when he told my sister that our parents were involved in our break-up. Just like he knew he would.

  “You think he was lying?” I asked, knocking back my fourth glass of wine. Landon had apparently left the party almost two hours ago, but I wanted to make him sweat. “You know, about Mom and Dad?”

  “You know how they are,” Kelly said, sighing. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they did something like this.”

  She was right, it wouldn’t be out of character for them. They still gave me advice on how to run my life, whether I asked for it or not. They tried to set me up with nice guys they met on the golf course or at some fundraiser. They tried to steer me toward office and studio space in a ‘better’ part of town. They’d even sent me links to houses and cars when I was in the market for a new one.

  “But I can’t believe Landon fell for it. He’s hardly the submissive type.” My parents may not have approved of our relationship, but that didn’t stop Landon from telling them he planned to marry me someday.

  Kelly snorted. “You can say that again. He’s just about the most dominant man I’ve ever met.”

  You have no idea, I thought, recalling just how assertive he could be between the sheets. I’d never been with another man who’d pulled my strings so masterfully, eliciting pleasure from me without breaking a sweat.

  “I know that look,” Kelly said, pointing at me with a saucy grin. “You’re thinking about how good he was in bed, aren’t you?”

  Kelly was more than my twin. She was my best friend, so naturally she knew Landon had rocked my world. “You can’t blame me,” I said, fanning my face with the small piece of plastic. “Seeing him again, dancing with him again…” I shuddered. “It was too much. I should have known this whole thing would blow up in my face. Coming here tonight was a bad idea.”

  “How can you say that? You wanted closure.” She gestured to the card. “This will give you closure.” She winked. “Plays your cards right and he might even give you a few toe-curling orgasms for old time’s sake.”

  “Sex with Landon isn’t just sex.” And I was crazy to think it could be. As soon as I stepped back into his arms all those old feelings came flooding back and I was eighteen again. In love for the first time, believing in forever. “It can’t be.”

  “I know,” Kelly said, softly. “But maybe it could be the start of something?”

  “Are you even listening to yourself right now?” I asked, wide-eyed. “That man didn’t just break my heart. He tore it out and stomped all over it.” My voice tapered off to a whisper as I acknowledged the truth. “He broke me.”

  I’d never been the same since. I had my guard up, was afraid to get hurt. I’d become the serial dater, the good-time girl. I dumped my boyfriend before he could dump me. More than a few guys called me a commitment-phobe, which was ironic, since deep down the one thing I wanted more than anything was to meet a man I could trust with my heart.

  I was thirty-three, and the days were ticking by. I wanted to find my soul mate, to find my other half, get married, and have babies. I wanted someone to grow old with. But Landon made that impossible because his betrayal caused me to build a wall. I didn’t even realize it was happening at first, but it was. Day by day, brick to brick, and now it was so strong it felt like no man could ever penetrate it.

  “But you pieced yourself back together,” she said, grasping my hand. “And you’re stronger now. He doesn’t have that kind of power over you anymore.”

  I wanted to believe that. But a few short minutes in his arms tonight and I was in tears again. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” I said, pressing a palm to my forehead. “Tonight was supposed to be about revenge. I wanted to show up looking hot with a sexy guy on my arm and make him eat his heart out. I wanted to make him grovel, to beg me to sleep with him. And I wanted to be able to laugh in his face.” Maybe after a few hot kisses.

  “I know that was the plan,” Kelly said, stroking my bare arm. “And it was a good one. But maybe talking to him, getting all this out in the open is an even better one.”

  “You really think so?”

  Justin walked up and put an arm around my shoulders. “How ya holdin’ up, hon?”

  He, of all people, knew how hard it was for me to see Landon again. I leaned in to him when he brushed his lips across my temple. I loved this man. Deeply. Endlessly. But not romantically. Why the hell couldn’t it be the kind of romantic love that would make me forget #47 existed?

  “I was debating the merits of using this,” I said, holding the key up. “If you really love me you’ll take this and break it in a dozen pieces. Take the decision out of my hands.”

  “You know I love you,” he said, squeezing my shoulders. “But I can’t do that, sweetheart. This has to be your decision.”

  I groaned, knowing he was going to say that. “What would you do if you were me?”

  He paused a beat before he said, “You have to go see him, Olivia. If you don’t, you’ll always wonder whether he might have said or done something that could have changed everything.”

  ***

  I rapped on the door instead of using the key card, even though it was after midnight and I suspected he might be sleeping. Landon had always been one of those early to bed, early to rise kind of guys. Except when he was busy exploring my body. That sometimes took all night.

  He opened it quickly, wearing tyro pants and a gray T-shirt with a logo and slogan on the front. Just Do It. If only it were that easy.

  My mouth felt dry and my palms were wet. But that wasn’t the only part of my body that was wet because my God… those biceps. There were no words.

  “I’m glad you could come,” he said, his eyes sweeping over me.

  When I thought of all the times this man has made me come…

  Focus, Olivia, focus. You’re here to talk, not take a touchy-feely trip down memory lane. “You didn’t give me much choice. Those things you said to my sister, about my parents. Are they true?”

  Something flashed across his handsome face, hurt maybe, before he said, “I wouldn’t lie about something like that.” He opened the door wider, stepping back. “But this isn’t a conversation for a hotel hallway. Come in.”

  Walking into a room that shared space with Landon Harris and a bed was a bad idea, but it’s not like I had a choice if I wanted answers. “Thank you.” I was trying to be cordial to make up for the way I’d gone off on him downstairs, not because I owed it to him but because I wanted to walk away from this evening with some of my pride still intact.

  “Would you
like a drink?”

  “I’ve already had four,” I admitted. “I probably shouldn’t.”

  His lips twitched as though he was trying to suppress a smile. “Still can’t hold your liquor, huh?”

  “I can hold my liquor just fine,” I lied. “A lot of things have changed since you knew me.” But one thing hadn’t changed. I still couldn’t stand in the same room with this man without wanting to lick every inch of his naked body.

  “I know. You’re a successful designer now. Congratulations.”

  “Thank you.” A flush of pride swept through me. I was mad at myself for allowing his praise to get to me, like his opinion still mattered. “And you…” I gestured to the ring on his right hand. “You did it. Made your dream come true.”

  “One of them,” he acknowledged, inclining his head. “It felt damn good, but at the end of the day, it’s just a moment in time, isn’t it?”

  “I don’t know about that,” I said, raising a shoulder. “You’ll always have the ring. The memories.”

  “The memories.” He took a step closer, cutting off my air supply with his spicy, achingly familiar scent. “That’s one thing no one can take away from us, isn’t it?”

  I had to close my eyes because it was becoming too much. The scent of him. The sound of his voice. The promise of his touch. The power of his words.

  “Tell me you still remember, Liv.” His callused hand moved softly, slowly down my arm, his hand finally linking with mine. “The way we made each other feel.”

  “What I remember,” I said, choking back a sob. “Was all the promises you never kept. When I think of you now that’s all I remember.”

  “I was a kid then,” he said, his voice deep and low. “I didn’t know shit about the way the world worked. I thought what we had came around all the time. I didn’t know then it was a once in a lifetime.”

  My eyes burned with tears again and I wanted to punish him for making me feel this way. “You don’t get to say that to me!” I felt myself falling apart again, in spite of the promises that I’d made to myself I wouldn’t. “You don’t get to hurt me anymore.”