Indelible

by Shae Scott

  “Thanks for putting up with me. I know I’ve been a mess for awhile. You’re kind of amazing,” I smiled.

  “I know. It can’t be helped,” she teased, not wanting to take my praise.

  Later that week I had found my rhythm again. I finished my meeting downtown and was feeling pretty good about how it had gone. I’d increased the annual budget that my client was spending and I was excited about the campaign that we’d discussed. It was a high and I was feeling really good. This was the part of my job that I loved the most. It was taking all of the research and ideas that I’d had and making them pay off. I loved the excitement that the clients got when we discussed their creative campaign and I loved how even though they didn’t really understand it, that I’d make sure that the right people saw it. It was nerdy, but I didn’t care.

  I glanced down at my watch and saw that it was nearing one. I was so close to my favorite deli that I figured I’d stop and grab a sandwich and head back to the office. I needed to get the ball rolling on my plans, but I was hungry and ready to splurge on Maggie’s famous chicken salad. I pulled into a spot along the street and headed in.

  It was still crowded. Being in the heart of downtown Nashville, it was a favorite lunch spot for many. I took my place in line and read the menu written in chalk that ran along the wall. I already knew what I wanted…but I still read it. I always told myself that I would try something else, but every time I got here I always went back to the chicken salad. It was that good.

  “You gonna venture off into new territory today? I hear the club is amazing.” His voice made me jump in surprise, right before it wrapped around me and made my heart thump.

  “Owen, what are you doing here?” That was a stupid question.

  He smiled at me, “Lunch,” he said, stating the obvious.

  I laughed at myself. “Right. I meant, hi.”

  He laughed. “I actually work around here. I come here a lot. Thought I’d grab a quick bite. What are you doing on this side of town?” he asked as the long line moved up a little.

  “I had a meeting. I thought I’d splurge and take lunch back with me.”

  “Chicken salad?” he mused. He knew me well.

  “Guilty,” I shrugged.

  “So, you’re feeling better then?” he asked.

  “I am. Much better. Thank you again for helping me out,” I smiled. It still made me blush to think about it. I tried not to. It tended to take me down dangerous roads.

  “My pleasure,” he smiled, his eyes flashing something that I chose to ignore. “Do you have to head back to work right away? We could get a table on the patio and eat together,” he suggested. His eyes held mine, daring me to deny him.

  I thought about it for a moment. Part of me wanted to say no, because being with him like this, casual and friendly, was dangerous. But he’d been so good to me when I was sick and if I was ever going to co-exist with him without feeling like my heart was being ripped away from me I’d have to get used to being around him. I’d given up thinking that he would fade away and I’d never see him again. Even if I never saw him around town, I’d still feel him and that was enough to drive me crazy. Maybe I just needed to get used to seeing him differently. He needed a new role in my life. If I could manage that maybe I could let him go. Ignoring him hadn’t done much good.

  I saw his mouth quirk up and I knew that he knew I was running a monologue in my head. He knew that he just had to wait and I’d get there. Sometimes I hated it that he still knew me so well. “Okay,” I agreed.

  His smile grew, “Good.” The line moved up and it was our turn to order. Before I could tell the lady what I wanted Owen was ordering for both of us. I watched him, mouth slightly ajar as he not only ordered me the chicken salad sandwich but paired it with tea and a side of the tomato basil soup. As he was paying he looked over at me and noticed my eyebrows furrowed. “Is soup okay? You usually get soup when it’s chilly out. I can change it,” he said.

  “No. Soup is good. Thanks.” These were the moments that made my heart ache. The familiar and intimate knowledge that we had for each other. It clouded reality.

  We took our little plastic number and Owen led me out to the little patio that they had created between two buildings. He pulled out my chair and I sat down smoothing my skirt. I watched as he lowered himself into the seat across from me. He was in a suit, dark charcoal. He shrugged off his jacket, hanging it across his chair. He wore a fitted gray shirt with a deep purple tie. The pop of color drew my eye, causing my gaze to linger on his well defined chest. Not that I could see all of the details beneath, but I already knew them by heart. I swallowed hard and found his eyes instead.

  “I’m glad we ran into each other. I was thinking about you. Wondering if you were feeling like yourself again,” he said. I wondered if he was talking about me feeling healthy or if he was referring to my lack of judgment asking him to hold me in my sleep. That had definitely gone against my new rules. Maybe he was trying to figure out where we stood now. I wish I knew the answer to that myself.

  I decided to go with safe, “I am. I haven’t been that sick in a very long time,” I laughed it off.

  A silence fell between us, and while it wasn’t uncomfortable, I had no idea how to fill it. I was too busy trying to figure out how we fit together now. I needed rules, guidelines and it was a little confusing. Especially when I was having a hard time concentrating on anything except how sexy he looked in that stupid suit.

  “So, you had a meeting? How did it go?” he asked, breaking through my random thoughts.

  Work questions. He was distracting me from the monologue. He knew me so well. I smiled as the waitress brought us our food, pausing before answering the question.

  “It went really well. I kind of love my job,” I admitted. He smiled, a big genuine, I-am-so-happy-to-be-around-you smile. And it made my heart flutter. I pushed on with my story before I could think too much about that reaction. I told him about the campaign and the meeting and how my clients had latched onto the idea so completely.

  “It’s the rush isn’t it? When you are presenting it and you see it click for them? I used to get that too,” he smiled.

  “Yeah. I love it. What about you? Do you like your new job?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “Yeah, it’s good. I’ve met some good people and it pays the bills. But it’s not my focus anymore. I mean, I still want to be successful at it, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t let it own me anymore. Life’s too short. There are more important things.” He said it so calmly. Not at all like he was saying words that I’d longed to hear for so long. Words that didn’t matter anymore.

  “That’s good,” I said quietly. I didn’t want to dwell, but his new philosophy hurt, because it came too late.

  “I learned a lot of hard lessons when it came to losing you. I plan on learning from them,” he said. He held my eyes and while I wanted to look away from the intensity that I saw there, I couldn’t. He held me captive, like he always had.

  “Well, I’m glad you have a balance now. And it gives you more time to spend with Gran,” I said, working to lighten the mood and brush off his admission.

  “It gives me time to see you. To prove to you that I’ve changed,” he said simply. The words took my breath away and I had to take a drink of my tea just to try and keep the truth from showing on my face. He seemed to realize that he was making me uncomfortable, so he dropped his gaze and resumed eating.

  “Anyway, it’s a good thing. I was way too wrapped up in climbing that corporate ladder. It’s time I take time to enjoy the important things. And being close to Gran has been amazing. Did I tell you that I’ve been working on some of Granddad’s cars?” I appreciated his turn in the conversation and I released the tension that had started to seize me.

  “No. That’s great. He’d love that you were doing that? Which one are you working on?”

  And just like that we were back in more comfortable territory. We fell into easy conversation, volleying stories of the trivi
al parts of life. It was a nice break from the heaviness and always thinking about what was going on here. He read me so well. He knew when to push and when to pull back. And for that I was grateful.

  We’d finished our lunch and I soon realized that we’d talked long into the afternoon. “I have to go. I have tons of work to do at the office. I can’t believe we sat here so long,” I said getting up. Owen followed suit and grabbed his jacket.

  “Thank you for having lunch with me. It was nice,” he smiled. I loved the way it hit his eyes. It made me feel like I was the only thing in his world. And the fact that it was the middle of a busy work day made me feel like maybe I was.

  He followed me to my car and as I turned to thank him again for lunch he leaned in to hug me. He wrapped his arms around me and I could smell the heady scent that always made me ache for him. It was comfort and sex at the same time. He kissed my cheek and pulled back, smiling down at me. “I’ll see you soon. Congrats on the big win today,” he said.

  “Thank you,” I smiled. I felt a little shy and awkward. Being this close to him again was still new for me and it would take getting used to. “See ya later.”

  I quickly got into the car, needing a minute to gather my thoughts. But he didn’t walk away. He stood there on the curb, hands in his pockets watching me. Reluctantly, I pulled out into the traffic leaving him behind, in my rear view mirror. I knew I’d have that image in my head for the rest of the day.

  17

  Ally

  I made it back to the house after my morning run and was surprised to see the familiar truck in my driveway. I slowed to a walk and worked at slowing my breath. He was leaned against the cab, hands in his pockets and a ball cap shading his eyes. He looked so casual and so sexy that I was glad I had an excuse for why my breathing was a bit ragged.

  “Hey. What are you doing here?” I asked, stopping in front of him. He gave me a big smile.

  “I came to pick you up,” he said.

  I furrowed my brow confused. “Did we have plans?” I asked.

  “No, but we do now,” he said.

  I wasn’t so sure about this. We were on better terms than we had been, but that didn’t mean I wanted to spend my Saturday with him.

  “What kind of plans?” I asked cautiously.

  “I need your help with something. Now, go shower and get dressed,” he suggested. When I didn’t make a move he stood up straighter and gave me a gentle push towards the door, “Chop Chop.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at him. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me where we’re going,” I said.

  “And ruin the surprise?” he asked, feigning annoyance.

  “A surprise that requires my help? This sounds suspicious.”

  “You shower and change and let me worry about the details. I’ll tell you all about it on the way. Promise.” He gave me that boyish smile that usually won him his way. I couldn’t help it, I was curious.

  “Fine,” I admitted. But you tell me first thing. I can still change my mind,” I warned.

  “Yes you can. You can always change your mind,” he said. The way he said it sent a shiver across my skin, as if his words meant something more.

  Owen followed me into the house and grabbed the remote and then plopped down on the sofa like he owned the place. I stared at him. He glanced over at me and waved his hand away in encouragement. “Shower,” he said turning his attention back to the TV. After a beat I left, but not before seeing the smile tug at the corner of his lips.

  I showered quickly and threw on a pair of jeans and a black hooded sweatshirt, taking my cue from Owen. I had no idea what he had planned, but I didn’t want him to think I was dressing up for him. I left my hair down, wavy and untouched.

  When I made my way back to the living room, Owen was watching Sports Center and lounged back with his feet on the coffee table. It was a scene I had witnessed so many times in the past that the normalcy of it caught me off guard. He was here. It was something I’d thought I’d lost. Something I had lost, but something that kept trying to find it’s way back in.

  “I’m ready,” I said. My voice came out staccato. Seeing him relaxed in my space had rattled me. He looked over and smiled at me and it crinkled his eyes.

  “You look adorable,” he said. Then, as if it had just registered what he said, he shook his head, “Sorry. But you do.” He turned off the television and stood up.

  “Let’s go,” he said.

  “Are you going to tell me where we’re going now?” I asked.

  “In the truck. I said I’d tell you on the way. It will be harder for you to back out then,” he teased. He had a valid point. He opened the passenger door and went to help me in. I ignored the pressure of his hand on my back and climbed up into the cab of the truck. “Buckle up,” he smiled, shutting the door.

  We’d been on the road for ten minutes before I asked about our destination again.

  “I want you to help me pick out my new puppy,” he smiled, glancing over at me to catch my reaction. That was not what I’d been expecting.

  “You’re getting a puppy?” I asked.

  “I am. I have all that land now, it will be perfect for a dog. Plus, I get lonely out there,” he admitted.

  “A puppy,” I repeated. I loved puppies, but the idea of going with my ex boyfriend, love of my life, to pick out his puppy, felt weird.

  “A golden retriever,” he smiled. He knew my weakness for golden retrievers. I bit my lip to suppress the squeal that was threatening to bubble up. “Jealous?” he asked.

  “I love goldens,” I admitted, smiling. I couldn’t help it. Weird or not, he was taking me to a sea of cute and cuddly golden puppies. I wouldn’t complain.

  “I know. Why do you think I want your help?” he asked, settling into his seat, one hand thrown casually across his steering wheel.

  “What if I fall in love with your puppy and won’t give it back?” I questioned.

  He shrugged, “I’ll let you come visit any time you want,” he smiled.

  “Not the same. Maybe I should get my own puppy.”

  He laughed at me shaking his head.

  “So where is this puppy place anyway?” I asked, after we’d been driving for 20 minutes in a comfortable silence.

  “Oak Ridge,” he said simply.

  I looked over at him, eyes wide. “That’s like 2 1/2 hours away!” I said.

  “They have the best puppies,” he said confidently.

  “Owen!” He had successfully managed to kidnap me for the entire day. “What if I had something going on later? We’ll be gone all day!”

  “Do you?” he asked.

  I scowled at him. I didn’t, but that was beside the point. He smiled at my silent answer and patted my knee. “You’ll forgive me once you see all of the puppies.”

  “You’re impossible,” I mumbled. I should be mad, but I couldn’t quite latch onto the idea. Besides, being mad was exhausting and I needed a break from it. I had decided to make an effort, this was my chance.

  We rode in silence for awhile, listening to the radio, each of us humming along in contentment. I had always loved this kind of peace between us. We could easily ramble on about things for hours, or enjoy the quiet. It was a unique aspect of our relationship, and not something I found easily with many others.

  “Are you hungry?” Owen asked as he pulled off of the interstate and into a small town showcasing a gas station and a diner.

  “Um, I guess,” I admitted. I hadn’t given it much thought, lost in the drive. But now that he’d mentioned it I realized that my morning run had left me quite hungry. I straightened up and looked around. Owen pulled into the gravel parking lot of the old diner and threw me a smile.

  “I hear this place makes the very best pancakes in the state,” he smiled.

  “That’s a pretty big claim. I’m not sure I can take that on faith, I’m going to have to try it out,” I said.

  He gave me a nod, like he was agreeing that was very serious business. We made ou
r way into the diner and I instantly loved it. When we opened the door everyone inside turned to look at the two strangers walking in. I could tell instantly that this was the place to be in this tiny town. Everyone here was a regular. But instead of feeling unwanted we were greeted with big welcomed smiles and a bubbly waitress with bright red hair coming towards us.

  “Hi, ya’ll. How are you doin’ this morning?” Her nametag read, Tammy.

  “Doing good, Tammy,” Owen smiled at her. I watched her swoon a little, in spite of herself. His charm was hard to ignore. It made me smile to watch him dazzle strangers.

  Tammy led us to a booth towards the back, and beside the large window that ran along the side of the diner. “Can I get you some coffee? Juice?” she asked pulling out her order pad.

  “Coffee please,” I smiled.

  “Same,” Owen gave her a grin.

  “Coming right up.”

  I grabbed up the menu and took a glance over. Finding the section on pancakes I realized that they weren’t playing around. “Holy crap, they have like 20 different kinds of pancakes,” I said, realizing my decision wasn’t going to be that easy.

  “I know!” he raised his eyebrow at me as if he’d been holding the best secret ever.

  “Oh my God, they have peanut butter cup pancakes. Peanut butter and chocolate. Can I do that? That can’t be legal!” I was getting way too excited over breakfast food.

  “It’s only illegal if you get bacon on the side,” Owen said.

  I gave him a very serious look. “Oh I will be getting bacon. You might as well just bring out the cuffs now,” I said.

  He laughed and gave me a suggestive look. Probably not the best visual to serve up. I laughed with him as Tammy brought us our coffee. I ordered up an illegal dose of peanut butter cup pancakes and lots of crispy bacon and didn’t even care. I loved the amusement in Owen’s eyes. I knew he loved making me happy with such trivial things. He ordered the strawberry lovers version.

  Fruit.

  Amateur.

  “I’m glad you came with me today,” he said leaning back into the booth, natural and sexy. He looked so good, dressed casually, with the ball cap on his head. It was more than a little distracting.