Love untold

by Debbie Forester

Both old habits.

  You must leave them behind like last'm looked as he watched his daughters when the mantra was inevitable. If you do not start closing the doors of your past, you can not open yourself to a new life, full of love and meaning.

  Pussies' What are you talking about? You have been talking to Lucas? he asked annoyed by meddling in their affairs and knowing exactly where he was going.

  Think about it, Mike He paused giving him time to assimilate things-. All these scab and walls around you what you have left?

  -God. He rose abruptly, as if he had been pricked with a pin, he ran his hands over his head and glared at Bella. Already you're starting with your psychological analysis? What are you trying to accomplish? What forget everything?

  No, I do not mean that, I just want to accept the facts and pardons he said.

  And that is all out of hand, Mike with contorted face, gave a strong blow against one of the columns of the kiosk. Bella did not fear him, for her it was just a hurt and vulnerable child in a man's body.

  How do you ask me that? You were there, that woman lived locked up, cut the veins, are not valimos nickels for her.

  -Mike That woman, as you call it a derogatory manner, was our mother! I was sick! How can you judge? desgarrada- said the voice. He could not act otherwise. He could not act otherwise. His illness prevented him from having a relationship with us.

  And a horn, not that would put a lot on his part pointed hurt by the rain of feelings that those memories brought him.

  Bella went to her brother and hugged him with tears in his eyes, said:

  'Do you think that if she had been good, there would have been a mother to us?

  Oh, Bella was desgarrado- -Mike, please.

  'I keep the illusion that things would have been different if she had been fine, he insisted. I have faith in it, I know. said a fist over his heart while he was carrying. Sorry here.

  'You did not find her with open veins aggressive channel said.

  No, I did not find, but I was on my bed when you found Bella shook her head as if shooing images of his mind. I try to think good things about it. When a person suffers from the illness she was suffering, you can not maintain deep emotional ties with the people around them.

  'I can forgive -caminaba from side to side. That simple.

  Then, you'll never live, you can not enjoy your life, or a healthy relationship. Lori ... it -expresó convinced and sorry to see the stubbornness of his brother Bella.

  Lori 'What has all this? He looked furious.

  Everything, Mike, but you do not see it well, you rejected all she could offer you. Why Mike? Why is it so hard to open yourself to someone else? looked-what question.

  'Do you think what happened with Lori, is related to Mom? -the looked dumbfounded.

  -I'm sure.

  You're crazy, you have no idea what you're talking about.

  Yes, yes I have thought 'I replied fuertemente-. You think Patrick and I did not have that shade in our relationship.

  me-not come with nonsense.

  Well we had it, but thank God I have a smart husband and he loves me despite all smiled wistful. He helped me learn to forgive, to value it for the simple fact that gave me life, I learned to see it as it really was, a wounded human being with virtues and defects. It was not easy, but eventually I did it and have no regrets.

  Well, I congratulate you I answer sarcastically. You deserve a medal for your work.

  Bella looked at him with pity.

  Mike, Mike, let the taunts, walls do not need me, I know you well, your capacity for tenderness. As you are with my daughters, I glimpse the great father you'd be if you gave you the chance.

  Mike for the first time in his life wondered what it would be, how it would be up with the light soul, without the enormous weight he was carrying. It was not easy. It was not like change the chip that had governed his life and all of a sudden put in place a "happily ever after" life did not work well for more than her sister's intentions suggest the opposite.

  You must talk to mom with heart and try to get closer to Dad.

  Why him?

  Because he's old, tired and sick. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and both he and you are invited.

  The gesture defeated his brother, did you see Bella that his words had helped.

  Bella, Bella let out a resigned sigh and shook his head from side to side. You're asking the sun, moon and stars.

  -the Love for you brother, you deserve them.

  He smiled.

  I'll think about it, I promise.

  chapter XXII

  Lori bought in an Italian bakery in your neighborhood, coconut foot covered with a layer of meringue, to carry home the day of Thanksgiving. He arrived at the home of the Stuart in Pleasanton before noon. Adele was in the kitchen watching the turkey. The smell barged through the house, there was a cake of potatoes in an ovenproof ready to enter the oven. Lori kept standing in the refrigerator. Peter and his father watched a football game in the studio.

  That looks delicious dessert that your father did not see or when food only crumbs remain.

  Adele took the vegetables for a salad. Lori looked askance.

  Have you been sick?

  Lori did not want his mother to begin with your comments, if he did, would turn around and return to the city like a rocket.

  -Do not.

  Adele approached, took her face with both hands and looked at her. Lori shied away look.

  'You can dress your face with a smile, but your eyes do not lie.

  -Mom…

  'I'm not criticizing, daughter, come let's take a tea.

  Lori sat on a chair, he observed the harmonic movements of his mother and then the place, the kitchen had not changed much. bright colors, spice jars and some pans hanging from the ceiling, an idea that brought his mother from a kitchen that visited in France and the result was nice.

  -I've had a lot of work.

  Adele sat in front of her.

  I've thought a lot about our conversation to check out the restaurant.

  Mom, really am in no mood to ...

  Adele took her hand.

  -I do not want to bother you. I just want to say I apologize for hurting the way I did, it is not easy for me to realize that I have been far from being the perfect mother.

  Lori was surprised.

  You did a good job mom.

  Adele got up from the chair and told Lori to accompany her. They came to the door of a room that was used to store old stuff.

  Upon entering, Lori was surprised. He did not remember that the window facing the backyard which was strewn with flowers. But that was not what stunned her. The room showed a somewhat different from what he knew of his mother personality, but he knew that this small space, a painting studio, was his own world, clear and bright.

  -Mom! Is incredible.

  Lori walked around the place, had paint on a palette, the canvas on an easel, noon light coming through the pane screen, mint green walls and a couple of paintings in his canvases leaning against the wall.

  I -Volví to paint.

  I did not know you did this.

  BRIDGING years did not take a brush.

  Lori moved to paints already made.

  An arrangement of flowers on a table and the other a fruit in a bowl, were not professional, but betrayed an enormous talent in handling colors and play of light and shadows. A big smile excelled Lori's face, to the serious moment.

  I You've got a lot of talent, I congratulate Why did you stop painting?

  Adele sighed.

  I do not know, I dedicated myself to home, but now after our "conversation" -he emphasis, I realized I had a very big unsolved problem, I was away from my art and see you, with your talent and your accomplishments, do not know, forgive me for what I'll say, I had some envy, lived the life I had wanted and I realized that instead of criticizing your achievements, must fight for reliving mine. I'm still young to go after my dreams.

  Lori approached the painting was on th
e easel, was a seascape.

  I represent all you had to leave said while looking at the painting. Now I understand why you prefer to Peter, he's not a threat to you.

  Lori Oh, do not say that his frightened mother said.

  You and I can look the same, but are different because it must. Lori was inspired, something had to assert self-help books I read from time when-. The mistake many parents make is believing their peers children to them, when that's not true.

  I'm making me care of these feelings, Lori, but never think you do not love.

  -I know.

  They left the room and went to greet Lori Peter and his father. a beer with them was taken, as he made some cheers to the opposing team, earning the animosity of the two men. He returned to the kitchen. Her mother had arranged the table and seeing her decorate the salad said:

  You never left the art, it was always present in your life, as you wore the house, as we were helping you to Peter and me with our drawing tasks in all your community support when required. I remember when you had to fix the school auditorium for Christmas this work many years ago, people can see those simple and superficial things, but it's not, Mom, You put your heart in it and that's what counts.

  Thank daughter said -. Take the salad, I take the meat.

  The Stuart family gathered around the table and gave thanks for all the blessings they enjoyed a quiet dinner. Lori even though I tried, he just pecked some food, before the surprised look of his mother.

  The men volunteered to fix the kitchen. Lori went to a closet and pulled two blankets and invited his mother to sit with her on the porch while they sipped a coffee. Lori wrapped in the blanket and picked the feet under the body. Night stripped a day of sunlight and colors.

  What is it, Lori?

  Lori sighed and took a sip of coffee was already cold. He put aside.

  -Nothing.

  I know my kids, you've lost weight, otherwise you would laud, but with the hangdog you have, I can not.

  'I fell, it did not work. I'll be fine.

  I know you'll be fine.

  Lori hung a smile on his face which lacked the magic of his real laugh.

  They say there that if you laugh, your soul is convinced that you are happy.

  They say there that time heals everything.

  Lori tried to convince himself it was okay, but it was not and his mother was no fool. Before others thought he had it under control. Worked, she shared with friends and continued his routine, but when I got home and alone, the flood of memories that repressed during the day, fell sharply. Something had discovered his relationship with Mike, some things were good others not so much. He made an inventory of good: with him could be herself at all times, walked their imperfections and their way of being in the shared, not as self-sabotage, but time because it had already fulfilled its quota of wanting to project an image that was not, to the man who appealed to him. Fuck he was twenty-eight, if at that age you do not, you're screwed and not in the proper use of the word. With a glass of wine and I huddled on the couch at home, she forced herself to be honest with herself. Every relationship faced her like a chess game. Sometimes playing slow, some fast, in other desisted by physical boredom. All his plays had something in common, dressed queen, using the same maneuvers, against the great black king, the goal: reach, with ingenuity, resources and other game pieces. Even she had sacrificed herself. Win or checkmate. Not going to deny that Mike wanted to do at the beginning of the relationship, but something inside her said enough. No trapearía the floor with her anymore. It was a female caregiver by nature and had been a strong way of being hit, having renounced part with Mike when support had been important, but he did not want her at his side, gave him the opportunity and he refused. He does not beg, he had said enough. It hurt a lot, but knew he could stop playing, stop run, stop wanting to control and stop being one of those women who love too much at the expense of their own way of being.

  Mike decided to spend only Thanksgiving party. Consuelo and Joaquin had gone to San Diego to spend the holiday with her daughter. He went to work, traveled to Las Vegas and returned the next day. Nick came honeymoon this weekend. Monday would fly to San Francisco.

  He would have to continue working with her, how? Would give that job to Nick, I could not see her face anymore.

  Hello partner how you going? Mike Nick hugged warmly. You look great habértela past, although I notice something looks tired you gave good use ...

  'You Do not have any idea interrupted Nick. We are happy, the trip was spectacular. This morning Julia went to her check and the baby is fine.

  I'm glad Mike blurted suddenly serious.

  -What's wrong? Have dark circles and you've lost weight blurted Nick worried.

  He sat around the desk and Mike continued to stand before him, he reached into his pockets.

  Nick, I need to talk to someone.

  Speak Nick blurted, more than worried, surprised by the vulnerability in her friend.

  I've screwed to the bottom.

  -How?

  I -Volví to drink and had an affair with Lori.

  Nick was silent, he opened his eyes surprised.

  Mike told Nick what happened in his absence.

  Pussies What happened to you?

  'I out of control, what Althea affected me and Lori, because I could not be quiet dick in my pants She walked around the office with angry mood, while Nick watched him curiously. We walk from your marriage together, but it ended a few days ago.

  Three weeks was all it lasted about you and Lori Why do I get the impression that you care more about what happened to her that your relapse? His instincts were accurate, knew before the wedding that was something between the two.

  My relapse is controlled, you can rest assured Mike blurted something annoying.

  'I am, that's not the problem here. She decided to provoke him. For his relapse Nick did not care, I knew before what kind of man he was. Take it as it was an adventure and nothing else. Peter does not have to know.

  Lori is not a simple adventure, deserves more.

  Nick held his gaze for a few seconds, before concentrating on his computer and decided to press him to know how deep his feelings.

  Lori is not your type if you're thinking something serious. I can not imagine her as tender housewife is what you want as a life partner.

  "You have no idea, my friend" Mike mused, looking grim.

  I do not think likes children, it is not very maternal -siguió Nick pounding, and with a smile, seeing the murderous expression in the eyes of Mike.

  "It's lovely with my nieces."

  And this obsession with shoes, is not it strange?

  "I could live with those shoes every night around my neck or my waist."

  No, it does not seem strange angrily blurted. You have no right to talk like her, do not know her as I do.

  -I knew it! He said Nick satisfied.

  -What?

  -You love her! Nick gave a hard slap to the table his desk The love!

  And then Mike he knew not sounded trumpets, did not fall rays, not the ceiling opened and fell on him, the only thing that fell was its layer hardness, leaving him vulnerable, but something strange happened, harbored fear, accepted as a fait accompli in his life and he felt relief was enormous.

  He walked to the door carefully, as if trying not to step on the rubble that until then circled his soul.

  Excuse me, Nick, I want to be alone.

  -But to me…. -Mike And not listening, because this discovery was accompanied by something else.

  He arrived in trance to his office, he managed to whisper to Jane his secretary, who would not receive any calls and was not for anyone.

  -You're good? He asked the worried wife.

  Do not worry, just do not want to see anyone.

  -Okay.

  He sat in his chair, his fingers and thumbs through his eyes to discover tears, put both hands on her face and burst into tears. As a child he did not, wept for the loss of Lori, by the way sh
e offered her love and he shrugged it off with the arrogance with which he dressed to hide their fears. He cried because he knew a good person, but she who tolerate his outbursts, his evil genius, his selfishness. He was generous and brave, she thought sadly, "made me face when necessary, lowered my defenses, his love grabbed each of my fears, squeezed and pulled me, without even realizing it."

  "It's a generous woman with the world, discover the lack of affection, friend of beggars ago, has a gay friend who adores knew how to make happy my nieces, only God knew I needed, and I gave you? Evil geniuses, gifts worthless, heartbreak and finally my refusal. "

  -Oh, my God! Lori cried with his eyes open wide, entering Jack's house and meet Seth. the coat once kept in a closet for that finally took off. This man is divine, I want it for me.

  Jack just smiled, left the kitchen wiping her hands, kissed him on the cheek, as she received the bottle of wine that Lori had brought for the occasion. He was dressed in a black colored chino trousers and a gray sweater.

  I said referring to Seth Sweetie, I present the biggest pain in the ass that I have in life 'And then he turned to her. He had already told him about you and you are ready for anything.

  You could fall in love with me, 'said Lori giggly a handsome man, tall and thin of Oriental descent and light eyes, dark hair was caught in a ponytail that reached halfway back, radiating tranquility and Lori watched with a smile. He wore jeans and maroon sweater. It was all bombón-. I promise I'll make you happier than Jack.

  No mind him, 'said Jack; will break your heart, get it out of your chest and roasted in a bonfire.

  'Do not think you, I'm a sweet little lamb.

  You are a mercenary, I did not expect this meeting is well developed. I am repenting.

  -But you expect? I do not mind playing dirty.

  Lori spoke for an end to aludido-, sorry, but you're not my type.

  The man approached Jack and kissed him without penalty.

  -yâ Understood, and understood, although it will be difficult to resign myself 'I elbowed Jack.

  And he was surprised to find such a good mood that night or ways, life had to continue.

  Seth, do you put music while I finish with this?

  While readying the entrance, Jack watched and saw more subtle changes, such as shadows under her eyes and kept losing weight also wanted to be too jovial, knew, masked her grief behind a big smile, but surely I was tired of doing it with everyone because the mask and showed their cracks while talking music with Seth.