It's Always Been You

by Jessica Scott

  An olive branch. A tentative peace offering extended after a shitty night.

  “Thanks,” he said softly. “Me, too.”

  The sun rose over Fort Hood as Ben sat in the cab of his truck with Sorren. Neither of them broke the silence, each lost in his own thoughts.

  “He broke restriction, sir.”

  “That doesn’t mean he’s in there using,” Ben said. “Maybe there’s a really good reason for this?” His hands shook from lack of sleep and not nearly enough adrenaline. Ben shook his head and felt the powerlessness rise up inside him. The most powerful position in the army and he couldn’t do a damn thing to help a friend.

  Perfect.

  “Well, the way I see it, we have two options,” Sorren said after several seconds. “We can let the police arrest him.”

  “Or?”

  “Or we go in and see what the hell is going on. And if there’s even the slightest chance that you’re right, we give the kid a second chance.”

  “And if I’m wrong?”

  “Then he gets arrested and we deal with the consequences.”

  Ben looked at the shitty duplex. There were bars on the windows. A plastic chair with three legs was propped up against the dirty wall. “It might not really be a crack house, right?”

  Sorren looked over at him. “Sure. I’ll play your silly game.”

  “You and this unexpected sense of humor,” Ben said. He sucked in a deep breath. “Well, here’s hoping we don’t get shot.”

  Sorren shot him a wry look and climbed out of the truck.

  It was a long slow walk to the front door. There was no noise coming from the apartment.

  Ben knocked on the door.

  The sun slid a little higher in the sky. There was a muffled noise in the silence.

  A lock clicked in the door.

  The chain rattled and slid free.

  Foster opened the door.

  He was tired and worn out. But he didn’t look high. “I don’t suppose you want to hear a really good explanation for all this?” he said by way of greeting.

  Ben folded his arms over his chest. “You better be one hell of a good storyteller.”

  “Monica was having a bad trip. She didn’t have anyone else to call.” Foster shrugged sheepishly. “I should have called you first but I didn’t know what else to do.”

  “Is she okay?” Sorren asked.

  “She is now,” Foster said. He dragged his hands through his hair. “I’m in a lot of trouble, aren’t I?”

  Ben squeezed his shoulder. “Not nearly as much as you could be,” Ben said. “I think this is about as good as this situation could possibly have ended.”

  An hour later, he pinched the bridge of his nose again as he walked into the headquarters. LTC Gilliad stood by the conference table in his office and was in the middle of strapping his reflective belt around his waist when Ben knocked on the door.

  His gaze flickered down over Ben’s civilian clothes. “Oh, I can’t wait to hear this one,” Gilliad said. “If you can beat Assassin Six’s story, I’ll give you the morning off.”

  Ben briefly wondered if his commander had been drinking. “Well, that depends on what Assassin Six’s story was, sir.”

  Assassin Six was Alpha company’s commander, Captain Brint Martini.

  Gilliad’s expression was grim. “He spent the night running down the daughter of one of his sergeants. They found her down on Rancier in a hotel room, prostituting herself for heroin.”

  “Jesus, sir, I hope no one can beat that. Is the daughter okay?”

  “They’re at the hospital with her now. Getting her checked out for all the standard Really Bad Shit.” Gilliad leaned against his table. “So what’s your story?”

  “I too spent the night on Rancier, getting one of my guys who broke restriction out of a crack house. But he didn’t get arrested and he wasn’t high when we found him. He was sitting with a friend who’d had a bad trip.”

  “I really wish I didn’t know what any of that stuff was.” Gilliad rubbed his hand over his jaw absently. Finally he released a heavy sigh. “I want a health and welfare before the weekend is over. I want the barracks cleared out, vehicles searched. The whole nine yards. We’ve got a goddamned drug problem in this battalion.”

  Ben frowned. “Sir, don’t you need to talk to Major Hale about that?”

  “I don’t want anyone knowing about this but my commanders and my sergeant major. I want this kept quiet.”

  Ben considered his next words carefully before he spoke. “Sir, if we do the health and welfare and find anything, we’re not going to be able to prosecute. We’ll be stuck knowing we’ve got these guys in our formation and not be able to do anything to them.” He breathed out slowly. “I recommend you talk to Major Hale before we do this. We need to do this right, sir.”

  Gilliad’s eyes were sharp when he met Ben’s gaze. “Are you trying to tell me how to run my battalion, Teague?”

  “No sir. Just trying to make sure we’re doing things the right way so we can clean it up.” Ben straightened. “Major Hale’s advice has been rock solid, sir. I trust her judgment.”

  Gilliad tugged on his bottom lip. “Major Denis doesn’t think much of her legal work. Says she’s behind on almost everything.”

  Ben thought about parsing his words then said to hell with it. He wasn’t exactly known for his tact. Why start now? “Sir, she’s un-fucking what six of your previous commanders failed to do. I think she should have at least a month on the job before we stone her for incompetence.”

  Gilliad chuckled quietly. “Go get the damn lawyer.” He jammed a finger in Ben’s direction. “But keep this quiet. If we’ve got a drug problem in our formation, I want to catch the little fuckers and throw their asses out of the army.”

  “Roger, sir. I’ll send her your way. I won’t be at PT. I’m heading home to shower and change.”

  “Understood.” Gilliad straightened, pausing near the door to place his hand on Ben’s shoulder. “You’re doing good work, Ben. Keep it up.”

  Ben looked down, unable to let the praise sink in. It didn’t feel like he was doing a good job. It felt like he was barely keeping his head above water and that if he stopped and rested for even a minute, he was going to sink beneath the waves.

  Ben glanced at his watch. “Sir, I’ve only been on the job two weeks, officially less than twenty-four hours. I recommend giving me at least a month on the job before we start assuming I’m capable of anything other than knock knock jokes.”

  The commander grinned and shoved him out the door. Ben stuffed his hands in his pockets and headed down the hall, planning on ducking into Olivia’s office and letting her know the boss needed to see her.

  But she wasn’t in yet. She might still be at the gym. He shot her a quick text message, then tucked his phone back in his pocket.

  He’d call her later if she didn’t answer his text. He’d find her today and check on her. And see if maybe, just maybe, he could repair some of the strain in their relationship.

  He did not expect to see Olivia sitting in front of his house.

  * * *

  She was nervous. Of all the ways she could have checked on him today, this was the most stupid. But she couldn’t get the sound of his voice out of her head after he’d hung up the phone earlier and she didn’t want to do this at the office in case it went horribly, horribly wrong.

  Ben hesitated when he climbed out of his truck. “Am I in trouble?” he asked lightly.

  Jokes. Jokes were a good sign.

  “No. Not in trouble,” she said. She wanted desperately to repair the damage between them before she brought Escoberra back between them. One thing at a time, though. And she wouldn’t bring Escoberra up until Emily had checked something out for her first. If the school nurse was right…

  Maybe it was wrong of her but she desperately wanted to rebuild the peace between them. Because if she was right about Escoberra, it was going to destroy Ben.

  And she wanted to be st
anding with him when he found out.

  Right now, though, she was worried about him and nothing more. He licked his lips, leaning against his truck. Not approaching. Not attempting to span the chasm between them.

  “I wanted to see you,” she said simply when she couldn’t stand the silence anymore.

  The muscles in his neck tightened as the quiet stretched on. “You could have seen me at work.”

  “I know.” She breathed out deeply. “I wanted to check on you. You sounded like last night was a rough one.”

  “It was.” It felt so good to just see him. Even the tired lines on his face, the weary sag of his shoulders—even broken down with fatigue he was compelling. “Did anyone get arrested?”

  “Worried you’d have to come visit me in prison? Prison sex is supposedly a new fad.”

  She coughed, grabbing her ribs as the laugh tore free. “There’s something wrong with you,” she said when she could speak.

  “What? You didn’t see it on Dateline?”

  She lifted her face to look up at him and found his eyes warm and welcoming. Tired, but no longer cold and filled with unspoken hurt.

  “Thanks, Ben,” she said softly. “I needed a laugh.”

  “We all do now and again,” he said. He didn’t look away and she had the strongest urge to cross the space between them.

  “You okay now?”

  He nodded, folding his arms over his chest where he leaned against his truck. “Have to be, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  She studied him then, her eyes warm and no longer red. “That doesn’t actually make this any easier.”

  “I know.” He sighed heavily “There are worse things than jail,” he said quietly.

  Finally, Olivia crossed the space between them. Olivia rested her hand over his heart, unable to resist touching him. “I know this is hard, what we do. But we’ve got to have limits on what we allow.”

  “But I’ve never gotten hemmed up for half the shit I’ve done. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten drunk downtown and gotten into fights. Shit, Iaconelli and I were on a six-week streak at one point.”

  She could easily picture him and Reza getting buck wild. Easily. “And what happened?”

  “Sarn’t Major threatened to court-martial Iaconelli and the colonel told me if I didn’t get my act together, he was going to put me on orders to Siberia.”

  Olivia traced her fingers over the muscles of his chest. “Do we have a base in Siberia?”

  “Siberia, Alaska, same thing,” Ben mumbled. He lowered his arms, his fingers dancing over her hips.

  “Maybe you should have gotten in trouble. But you didn’t. You recovered from this stuff. Maybe some of these guys can, too. That’s what you want, right?”

  “Yeah. I need them to get their heads out of their asses.” The echo of Sarn’t Major Giles ripping into Reza with Ben standing right next to him rang clearly in Ben’s memory.

  “Then hopefully, they will.”

  He folded his hand over hers. Her fingers were strong and soft beneath his. He caressed her knuckles with his thumb and then unexpectedly, lowered his forehead to hers. “I hate what this job is doing to me,” he whispered.

  She lifted her fingers to cup his face. He nuzzled her palm with his cheek. “You’re still a good man, Ben.”

  “That’s the crux of it, isn’t it? How to wield this power and stay a good man.”

  “You’re doing just fine, Ben.” She brushed her lips against his. It was meant to offer comfort but it quickly turned sensual. “Command is hard because you care. Your soldiers are lucky to have you.”

  “Thanks for checking on me,” he whispered.

  “That’s what people do when they care about each other,” she said.

  His hands slipped around her neck, dancing beneath the knot of hair at the base of her skull. She lifted her mouth, meeting him halfway in a kiss that was both urgent and needy. The fatigue, the worry—all of it evaporated, taking the fear and the strain with it. “Can I see you tonight?” he whispered against her mouth.

  “I’d like that. I have no food, though.”

  “I’m not interested in food.”

  She smiled. “I didn’t think you would be.” She braced her palms against his chest. “But we need to talk shop before you head in to work.”

  “Let’s get naked while you talk to me about legal packets,” he said, his mouth curving into a wicked grin.

  “Tempting,” she said, nuzzling his top lip with hers. God, but it felt so good to touch him again.

  “Had to try,” he said with a warm smile. “What have you got for me?”

  “You’re not going to like this,” she said quietly. “Major Denis hauled me into his office last night and asked for an update on the legal packets in every company. He singled out Zittoro’s and wanted to know what was taking so long on getting it processed.”

  Ben glanced at his watch. “Just a few more days before Zittoro meets his thirty-six month mark. Brief him that I’ve got the packet. Tell him I’m dragging my feet.”

  She frowned. “But—”

  He leaned forward, bracing his hands on either side of her against the car. His body was warm and hard against hers and she thought long and hard about reconsidering his plan for doing naked legal work. “I asked you not to tell the battalion commander. Telling Denis gives him the opportunity to take a shot at me and gets him off your back.”

  She tipped her chin and studied him quietly. “Okay.”

  He shrugged. “No reason to make his job easy,” Ben said. “I damn sure hope I’m around to see karma stick it to him.”

  “One of these days you’re going to have to tell me why you hate him so much,” she said quietly. She stroked her fingers over his sides, well aware that they were still standing in his driveway as the sun crept over the hills into the early morning sky.

  She had no desire to move. No desire to bring the real world crashing in between them. She didn’t have any official information from the school nurse. Not yet.

  She could wait before she brought Escoberra between them again.

  Ben breathed out deeply and she realized he was almost falling asleep where he leaned with her. “Can I see you tonight?”

  “I thought we answered that question already.”

  “Just making sure.” He brushed his lips against hers. “I missed you,” he whispered.

  Olivia smiled before she lost herself in his kiss. “Don’t work too late,” she said against his mouth.

  “I wouldn’t dream of it,” he said.

  * * *

  “Are you still at work?” He called her at exactly six-oh-one. “Never mind, don’t answer that. What’s really important is what you’re wearing.”

  Her laugh eased some of the ache around Ben’s heart. He was dead on his feet but he wasn’t going to skip a chance to see Olivia. “Dog tags and a smile?”

  Ben froze, his body tightening instantly. “Really?”

  “You’ll have to find out. Don’t get any speeding tickets.”

  The line went dead and it took Ben a moment to realize that he was standing in the middle of the parking lot, staring at his phone like a madman.

  Ben dropped his phone back into his pocket and climbed into his truck, heading off post toward Olivia’s house.

  He’d survived the day. Barely. But he’d managed to get Foster’s paperwork started for rehab so he had to take the win where he could. He rolled through a stop sign before turning down the road to Olivia’s house

  He pulled into her driveway and sat for a long moment.

  Maybe things weren’t terrible. Foster was going to get help. Zittoro was going to get his college benefits.

  Maybe this was why he was a commander. Maybe these few things were the only way to make a difference.

  Maybe if he could do these few good things, command would be worth it.

  He killed the truck’s engine and walked to the front door. He was bone tired but every ounce of that fatigue dissipa
ted when Olivia opened the door. Ben’s gaze flicked down her body when she opened the door then darkened with disappointment when she answered in yoga pants and a bright orange tank top. He could see the outline of every curve in the tight-fitting clothing and he very much suddenly had the urge to see how flexible she might be.

  “You didn’t honestly expect me in dog tags and a smile, did you?” she said.

  “A man could hope.” He captured her against his body as soon as the door closed behind them.

  * * *

  She expected him to devour her, to crush her against him with a fierce desire that would end up with them naked on her living room floor.

  Instead, Ben kissed her gently. Slowly. Nudged her lips apart. Coaxed a soft sigh from her throat as he made love to her mouth.

  She leaned into him, enjoying the slow, subtle way his mouth relaxed her. His hands rested gently on her hips. One thumb stroked her hip bone beneath the soft cotton of her tank top.

  It was a gentle kiss. Filled with desire, raw and hungry, that she could taste.

  He nibbled on the corner of her lips before kissing the spot gently. “Hi,” he murmured against her mouth.

  “Hi.”

  He lowered his forehead to hers with a quiet sigh. “I’m so tired,” he admitted.

  “Yeah.”

  They stood that way for a long moment. She didn’t want to move away from his embrace. The strength of his presence.

  She wanted to stand there with him, holding him up, feeling his body against hers. Right there, in that moment, the world was steady. Stable.

  Ben’s lips brushed against her cheek. “You’re thinking too hard,” he whispered.

  She closed her eyes, sliding her nose against his. “I’ve been trying to stop all day,” she said.

  “I know.” His fingers tensed around her hips.

  Then his fingers slid up the small of her back. She shivered, arching away from the gentle caress in a sensitive spot. “You’re ticklish?”

  She swallowed. “Maybe.”

  He smiled, a lazy, seductive smile that reminded her of warm caramel on a hot summer day. “Oh, now this is interesting,” he murmured against her lips.

  She narrowed her eyes and tried to slip from his grasp. His fingers tightened. “Let me rub your back.”