The Crushes

by Pamela Wells

  He was cool like that. And Sydney, for the most part, tried to remain calm and collected, despite her mother’s presence in the house. Quin’s laid-back attitude really helped keep Sydney above water.

  He was a great friend. A lot different from anyone she’d ever known, but maybe that was a good thing. He’d opened her eyes to new things.

  “I want to call,” Sydney said.

  “Then I’ll be waiting.”

  Sydney said good-bye to Quin just as her cell rang with a new picture message. She parked near Kenny’s truck and shut the car off.

  She checked the sender: Craig Theriot.

  “Great,” she muttered. It was probably a picture of his butt or something. He was notorious for sending stupid picture texts.

  Sydney hit the OK button and the picture popped up.

  She froze. The breath stalled in her throat. Her jaw slowly dropped open.

  Was she seeing what she thought she was seeing?

  Her eyes instantly stung with angry tears.

  Was that really Drew and Kelly kissing?

  Sydney got out of her car and stomped down the gravel drive. Music thudded through several speakers, reverberating through her chest. People greeted Sydney as she passed, but she couldn’t even manage to nod.

  She scanned the faces, looking for Kelly or Drew. It didn’t really matter which one because she’d find both of them eventually.

  At the pavilion, Sydney wove through the picnic tables and spotted Alexia near the back corner with Ben. His arms were wrapped around her and they were whispering to each other.

  Sydney tapped Alexia on the shoulder. “Where is Kelly?”

  “Um…” Alexia pulled away from Ben. “I just saw her and Raven going into the bathrooms.”

  Sydney whirled around. She went past the bonfire, the fire crackling in the pit, throwing heat out in a twenty-foot radius.

  How could Kelly do that? And how long had they been going behind Sydney’s back? Had they been hooking up ever since open-mike night?

  Nausea rolled in Sydney’s gut.

  Or maybe they’d been seeing each other long before that. Maybe that was why Drew had broken up with Sydney in January.

  Oh god, she thought as she neared the white brick bathroom building. That long? Could they possibly have gone behind Sydney’s back for over half a year?

  How could she be so stupid? And how could Kelly and Drew be so cruel?

  “Sydney, what is going on?” Alexia asked, running after her.

  Sydney clenched her hands into fists. She pushed open the green metal door on the girls’ bathroom and it slammed against the wall behind it. Kelly and Raven both looked up.

  Kelly leaned against the sink counter while Raven stood, arms crossed over her chest.

  “How could you?” Sydney screamed. She crossed the bathroom, grabbed Kelly by the shoulders and shook. “How could you do that!”

  Tears streaked down her cheeks, blurred her vision.

  “Sydney!” Raven yelled.

  “How long, Kelly?” Sydney said, getting right in her face. “How long have you been seeing him? Since open-mike night? Longer? I was right all along, wasn’t I? You two were seeing each other the whole time!”

  Sydney’s fingers were like claws now, twisting the material of Kelly’s T-shirt in her grip. She let go, swiped her eyes. Kelly froze, horrified, her eyes glossy.

  “I…I…”

  Sydney gave Kelly a shove, and she slammed against the sinks.

  Raven stepped in between them, blocking Kelly from view.

  “What is going on?” she said.

  The music of the party was a distant noise outside the bathrooms. Someone whistled, another guy shouted.

  Sydney took in several measured breaths.

  “Sydney?” Alexia said.

  Kelly was sobbing now, her face buried in her hands.

  Good, Sydney thought. I hope she feels terrible. I hope she feels guilty and ashamed.

  “Sydney?” Raven said.

  Sydney blinked, focused on Raven’s face.

  “What is going on?” she said again more slowly.

  Sydney pulled out her cell and scrolled to the new picture message. She brought up the picture, heat rising in her throat as she looked at it again.

  Drew. Her Drew.

  It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

  Why had she ever broken up with him in the first place? What was she thinking? What was he thinking hooking up with Kelly?

  “Look,” Sydney said, thrusting the phone into Raven’s hands.

  Raven looked at the picture, frowned, and glanced over her shoulder at Kelly. “Kel? Is this really you and Drew?”

  Kelly didn’t say anything. She only cried harder.

  “How could you be such a bitch?” Sydney said, the anger taking over every other emotion. It burned through her veins, made her heart thump harder. Sydney wanted Kelly to hurt the way she hurt.

  “And why the hell is he with you anyway?” Sydney went on. “How could he like you? You’re a ditz!”

  “That’s enough,” Raven said.

  Sydney gritted her teeth. “You’re such a slut,” she said to Kelly.

  Kelly’s knees almost gave out. She slumped against the counter, and Alexia went to her, holding her up.

  “That’s not true, Sydney,” Alexia said. “And you know it.”

  “She’s going out with my boyfriend!”

  “Ex-boyfriend,” Alexia reminded her.

  Raven stepped aside, shifting her weight to one foot. “Kelly, can you tell us what happened?”

  Kelly wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to catch her breath. “I never meant to…” She sucked in a breath. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “How about you start with how long you and Drew have been seeing each other?” Raven asked.

  “Not long.” She shook her head. “We just…just the last few weeks. We never did anything.” She looked at Sydney. “I swear it, Sydney. We never even kissed or anything when you guys were together.”

  “So you waited until I broke up with him and saw your chance?”

  “No! I didn’t want to hurt you! But…”

  Sydney narrowed her eyes. “But what?”

  Kelly took in a shaky breath. “I…I love him,” she said.

  Alexia and Raven both stilled. Sydney’s heart was a rampant drumming in her head. She just wanted to get out of this bathroom, away from this party, away from everything. Everything felt like it was falling apart.

  She straightened her back, clenched her hands at her sides. She looked at Kelly and said, “No friend would ever, ever go out with another’s ex-boyfriend. You can have Drew, Kelly, but we’re not friends, and we’ll never be friends again.”

  She whirled around and whipped the door open as Kelly erupted into sobs.

  FORTY-EIGHT

  Rule 41: Do not crush on a boy who has a girlfriend!

  Alexia sat on the edge of her bed. Raven sat next to her. They’d left Kelly’s birthday party thirty minutes ago. After that fight with Sydney and Kelly, Alexia didn’t feel much like partying.

  Raven dialed Sydney’s cell again and must have gotten the voice mail. “Sydney,” she said, “we’re at Alexia’s. If you need us, come over here, please.”

  “If she’s not at home,” Alexia muttered, “where did she go?”

  “Somewhere to cool off, I’m sure.” Raven tossed her cell on the bed, where it bounced once and lay at rest.

  “Kelly said she saw Sydney with a guy the other day at Bershetti’s,” Alexia said.

  “Really?”

  Alexia nodded.

  “She hasn’t said anything to me about a new guy.”

  “Yeah, me neither.”

  The door opened in the front of the house and slammed shut a second later.

  “Is that your parents?” Raven said.

  Her parents were supposed to be out to dinner with some friends of theirs and usually they were out late, but maybe they’d come home early? />
  “Hello?” someone called.

  Alexia shot upright when she recognized Sydney’s voice.

  “We’re in the bedroom,” Raven yelled.

  Sydney poked her head in a second later. Her eyes were bloodshot, her hair twisted up into a messy ponytail. Mascara was smudged in the corners of her eyes.

  Alexia rarely saw her friend in such a bedraggled state. Raven got off the bed and went over to Sydney, wrapping her arms around her. As soon as Sydney lay her head against Raven’s shoulders, she started bawling. Alexia joined the girls in a group hug. They remained there for several long minutes, letting Sydney get it all out.

  When she pulled away, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands, she took in a long breath and then laughed.

  “I must look like hell.”

  “You’ve had a rough day,” Alexia said. But so had Kelly. Alexia was trying not to side with anyone, but the things Sydney had said to Kelly’s face…poor Kelly. She’d left her own birthday party bawling. Everyone was talking about it.

  At least she’d left with Drew. As soon as he found out what had happened, he came to her side and never left her.

  Alexia had to admit, Drew seemed to love Kelly, but she’d never tell Sydney that.

  Of course, maybe Sydney already knew.

  “So,” Alexia said, “how are you doing?”

  Sydney leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, rubbing at the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know what I am, to be honest.”

  “It was wrong what she did,” Raven said. “I totally agree with that, but do you really hate her?”

  Sydney shrugged. “Maybe.”

  “Come on, Syd,” Alexia said, “that’s not true. Kelly and Drew, they’ve been friends longer than they’ve known us and…”

  “So that makes it okay?” Sydney interrupted. “I’m just supposed to forgive them because they’ve known each other longer than they’ve known me?”

  “Well, no.”

  “I just can’t believe they’d do that to me. I mean, seriously. Hooking up behind my back? How would you feel, Raven, if you and Horace broke up and I hooked up with him?”

  Raven licked her lips. “I’d probably be pretty pissed.”

  “Exactly. And with everything else going on with my parents…” She shook her head. “I just don’t want to deal. It’s so screwed up that thinking about it gives me a headache.”

  “Just consider forgiving her,” Alexia said. “Please? For all of us?”

  Sydney bit her lip, but didn’t say anything.

  Their group was broken right now, and Alexia wasn’t sure how to get them back together. The Breakup Code had brought them together at the beginning of this year and The Crush Code was supposed to give them something else to bind them, but it’d torn them apart.

  Alexia suspected Kelly had been using the Crush Code on Drew. Maybe Alexia should have paid more attention to the rule about boyfriends.

  Rule 41: Do not crush on a boy who has a girlfriend!

  FORTY-NINE

  It’d been a week since Kelly’s birthday party. A week since Sydney found out her ex-boyfriend was seeing her supposed best friend, and Sydney was still steaming about it.

  But could anyone really blame her?

  Kelly and Drew had gone behind Sydney’s back. That was the worst kind of betrayal. Right up there with having your mother take off across the sea.

  Why was Sydney’s life so screwed up right now?

  Because the people in her life were screwed up. That was why. And she couldn’t control their actions. She could only control what she did and how she behaved.

  So when Kelly knocked on Sydney’s front door, Sydney seriously considered not answering. After all, ignoring Kelly would be a whole lot easier than confronting her, but school was starting next week and Sydney would have to face her eventually.

  Maybe it was better to get it over with.

  Sydney pulled the front door open and crossed her arms over her chest.

  Kelly wrung her hands. “Hi,” she said.

  Sydney didn’t say anything.

  “Umm…I just wanted to come over to talk to you. You don’t have to say anything, but please give me the chance to explain.”

  Sydney arched a brow. Did Kelly really deserve the chance to explain? And did Sydney even care what she had to say?

  Kelly had said she and Drew didn’t get together until after Sydney broke up with him, but there had to have been something else going on long before that. Maybe they’d been into each other and just hadn’t touched.

  That made Sydney feel like an idiot. She was embarrassed that she hadn’t noticed something between Drew and Kelly sooner. How could she be so oblivious?

  “I just wanted you to know,” Kelly began, “that I never meant to hurt you.”

  Sydney snorted.

  Kelly hesitated before taking a deep breath and surging on. “I didn’t want to like Drew, and I certainly didn’t plan for this to happen…” She swallowed and looked down at the porch floor, wiggling her toes in her flip-flops.

  “I just don’t want you to hate me,” Kelly said. “Can you forgive me? Someday maybe? I don’t expect you to forgive me now or next week or next month, but…someday?”

  Sydney parted her lips to say no, but the word wouldn’t come out. She flashed back to Haley in Birch Falls Children’s Hospital, to her frail frame in that hospital bed, her room void of balloons and parents.

  Haley had even less than Sydney had and she didn’t let any of it get to her.

  “You can’t let the bad things get to you,” she’d said. “Bad things must happen to you in life. There can be no rainbows without rain.”

  Was it easier to forgive than it was to hate? Haley didn’t seem to hate her parents and they’d barely visited her in the hospital.

  But maybe Sydney was asking the wrong question. Maybe it wasn’t about forgiving or hating…maybe it was about acceptance.

  Accepting what you couldn’t control.

  Sydney couldn’t control Drew or Kelly or what they did. She couldn’t control her parents and make them okay, nor make the divorce go away.

  What Sydney could do was not let the bad things get to her.

  She took in a breath and uncrossed her arms. “What you did was wrong,” she said to Kelly. “I trusted you, and you went behind my back. I really don’t want to talk to you for a while. I don’t know how long, but a while. So I just ask that you give me some space. Maybe someday we can be friends again. But not any day soon and maybe never. All I can do is try.”

  Kelly nodded fervently. “I completely understand.” Tears welled beneath her lids. She sniffed, trying to hide them. “Thanks, Syd.”

  Sydney nodded and shut the door.

  FIFTY

  Sydney plopped down on the bench near the fountain in the middle of Eagle Park.

  A family played in the open field off to Sydney’s left. The dad threw a Frisbee and the oldest daughter caught it, tossing it quickly to her little sister. The mother snapped a picture. The sprinklers had shut off a few minutes ago and the grass glistened in the sunlight.

  That picture would be perfect when developed.

  Sometimes Sydney wished her family had more moments like that, moments to capture on film. They weren’t together enough to take pictures.

  After Kelly left, Sydney hadn’t felt much like sitting at home in her empty house. She’d grabbed her camera and come to the park.

  She snapped a few pictures of the sun-dappled grass and then a few more of a squirrel bouncing from tree to tree. The squirrel brought back the memory of her and Drew breaking up the first time so many months ago. Sydney was devastated back then, as she was now, but for an entirely different reason.

  Kelly’s visit had been a surprise to Sydney. Kelly wasn’t very forward. It’d probably taken her the entire day to work up the courage to come over, and maybe a tiny part of Sydney respected her for the effort.

  But the fact remained: Kelly had gone behind Sydney’s back.
And if she’d lied about Drew, what else had she lied about?

  It was the deception that hurt worse than the act itself.

  Sydney and Drew had been over for a while; they just hadn’t realized it yet. So the fact that he’d found someone else wasn’t that big a deal to Sydney. It was who he’d hooked up with and how they’d hooked up.

  Sydney couldn’t stop wondering why he’d picked Kelly out of all the girls in Birch Falls.

  Footsteps pounded the paved bike trail off to Sydney’s right. She readied her camera, thinking she’d snap a few shots of the jogger as he or she passed, but when she saw who it was, she froze.

  It was Drew.

  When he saw her, he stopped running, setting his hands on his hips, his shoulders rising and falling with quickened breath. He hesitated on the trail as if trying to decide whether he should approach.

  Finally, he walked over the freshly cut grass, his black tennis shoes wet at the toes from the wet grass.

  Sydney’s heart jumped just once seeing him. They had such a long history together. He was her best friend, no matter what they’d gone through or how they would be in the future. She would always consider him her first love and that was an intense kind of relationship. She wouldn’t ever be able to let go of Drew completely.

  “Hi.” Drew plopped down beside her, wiping sweat from his forehead with the sleeve of his T-shirt.

  “Hey.”

  They sat there in silence for a minute as each collected their thoughts.

  Drew was the first to speak, his voice low. “How are you?”

  “The truth?”

  He nodded.

  “I’m…okay.”

  “Okay in general or okay with me and Kelly?”

  Me and Kelly.

  They were “Drew and Kelly” now?

  Sydney suppressed a shudder. Drew had always been hers. It’d always been “me and Sydney.” Now he was replacing her. It was enough to make Sydney explode.

  But no, she wasn’t letting it get to her.

  “I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay with you and Kelly,” she said. “But I’m okay in general.”

  Drew hunched forward, propping his elbows on his knees. He watched the family in the clearing toss their Frisbee around. “You said some hurtful things to her, Syd.”