The Crushes

by Pamela Wells

  “She did a hurtful thing.”

  He glanced over his shoulder. “Don’t blame Kelly. I went after her, not the other way around.”

  Sydney swallowed down the heat rising in her throat.

  Drew had chased after Kelly?

  “How long have you liked her?”

  He straightened and draped his arms over the back of the bench. “I don’t like her.”

  Sydney frowned.

  “I love her,” he finished.

  “What?”

  “I’ve loved her for a while, Syd, I just never realized it.”

  The blood seemed to freeze in Sydney’s veins. Her chest felt hollow. “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah.”

  “So…you’ve loved her…what, for months? Years?”

  He licked his lips, turned those intense blue eyes on her. “Does it really matter now? I loved you when we were together. I was your boyfriend one hundred percent, Syd.”

  It did matter, but Drew had a point. Knowing now would only ruin what they’d had and they had had a good relationship.

  “But why Kelly?” she asked. “Couldn’t you have found someone else?”

  Drew shrugged. “Maybe eventually, but I wanted her. I wish it wasn’t her. I wish it was someone else, because I knew how much it’d hurt you. But…” He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. It stuck up in the wake of his fingers. “I don’t know. I just…I love her. I can’t stop thinking about her. I can’t stay away from her, even when she pushed me away.”

  Sydney arched a brow. “She pushed you away?”

  “I admitted I was in love with her, like, a month ago and she didn’t talk to me for, like, a week. And then when we did talk, she told me we couldn’t be friends.”

  “Really?”

  He nodded.

  But a month ago…Sydney and Drew had still been together. And Kelly had done the right thing by pushing Drew away.

  Maybe Sydney had crossed the line by saying all those hurtful things to Kelly. At least Kelly had tried to be a good friend. At least she hadn’t hooked up with Drew while Sydney and Drew were still together.

  “When were you going to tell me you were in love with someone else?” she asked now that she knew the truth.

  “I don’t know. I guess I was hoping that things would work themselves out. You know me, I always have a plan, but this time…I was kinda lost.”

  Sydney smirked. “Love is like that, I guess.”

  “Yeah.”

  The two girls in the clearing laughed as their dad did a victory dance after catching a high Frisbee toss. The mom snapped another picture. Sydney clung to her own camera, her finger itching to snap some shots.

  “So that’s it, then,” she said, looking over at Drew now. “I mean, I guess we’re saying goodbye to ‘us.’ ”

  Drew nodded. “We’ve been done for a while anyway, haven’t we? I heard you…well, I mean…it’s water under the bridge now.”

  “What is?”

  He took in a breath and trained his eyes on her. “You and that guy Quin.”

  Sydney went wide-eyed. With all the drama going on, she’d forgotten about that run-in with Drew and Quin at Bershetti’s.

  “Oh? What did you hear?”

  “That you were hooking up with him.”

  Sydney laughed and shook her head. “No, it’s not like that. We’re friends. He’s leaving soon for school again anyway.”

  “Oh. Well, if you were together, that’d be cool, you know. He seemed like a cool guy.”

  Sydney smiled to herself. “Yeah, he is.”

  The Frisbee family clustered into a small, tight-knit group and headed for the bike trail. The girls chatted animatedly about the lake and the canoe they were going to rent next weekend.

  Sydney and Drew watched the family disappear.

  “I guess I should go.” Drew stood and Sydney got up with him.

  “Friends?” he said.

  “Friends.” She hugged him, and he squeezed her tightly.

  This was the official end to their two-year relationship, and this time, Sydney was okay with saying good-bye.

  Sydney shut the front door and heard jazz music playing from the den. That usually meant her mother was home. Her dad hated jazz. He was more into classical.

  Sydney had finally settled things with Drew and she was at least content with the situation with Kelly, but the issue with her mother was a loose end and there was a lot Sydney wanted to say.

  She went to the den and poked her head around the door. Her mother was there on her laptop, her fingers clicking the keys. She didn’t even notice Sydney.

  Sydney cleared her throat and her mother looked up. She smiled, but it was strained. “Hi, sweetie. Come on in.”

  Sweetie?

  Sydney’s stomach knotted. Her mother used to call her sweetie or honey but hadn’t much in the last year or two. Her mother used to do a lot of things before her promotion at work.

  “Sit down,” her mother said, gesturing at the leather wingback chair in front of the desk. “Let’s talk.”

  Sydney went inside but hovered by the chair, her arms crossed over her chest. “I’d rather stand.”

  The smile fell from her mother’s face. “Okay. Do you still want to talk?”

  “Yeah.”

  There were so many things Sydney wanted to say, but she didn’t know where to start.

  Maybe there was no perfect lead-in to this conversation. This was her mother and yet she felt so distant from the woman sitting in front of her. Like they weren’t even on the same planet anymore, let alone in the same family.

  Was it possible to fall out of love with your own mother? She’d hurt Sydney so many times that Sydney wasn’t sure if she could trust her mother. And without trust, what kind of a relationship could they have?

  Sydney took a deep breath. She just wanted to set the record straight.

  “When you left for Italy, I was angry and upset.”

  “I know,” Mrs. Howard said, “and I never meant…”

  Sydney held up her hand. “Wait.” She knew if she let her mother talk that she’d twist everything around, and before Sydney knew it, she’d be forgiving her mother and they’d hug and make up.

  As good as that sounded, Sydney knew the bliss would be fleeting.

  “I know you’re probably sorry about what happened and maybe you had a lot of things going through your mind, but I’m your daughter. You never should have left the way you did.

  “And it was just a few months ago that you promised me you’d be around more, that you’d cut back your hours at work and we’d be a family again. I’m tired of you breaking promises, Mom. I’m tired of being disappointed, and I’m tired of dealing with your drama. I’ve accepted the fact that you’ve changed, that you’ve become a businesswoman more than a mother. I’m okay with that, but I think you should leave. I think you should pack up and leave and stop stringing me and Dad along.”

  Mrs. Howard sat there staring at Sydney like she wasn’t sure if she’d heard her daughter right. Finally, she blinked, inhaled deeply. “Wow. Well…I’ll take what you said into consideration, but this is an issue your father and I have to discuss, and we’ll make the final decision. I know you’re angry, Sydney, but please know I never meant to hurt you or your father. It was all on my part. It had nothing to do with you. I’m considering going to therapy. I’ve got a lot going on in my head.”

  Sydney wanted to believe her mother. Therapy could work…but it only worked if you made an effort, and Sydney didn’t see her mother sticking with it.

  “That’s nice,” she said, backtracking for the door. “But I still think you should leave. The longer you stick around, the worse it’ll be the next time you leave. And you’ll leave again, because it’s what you’re good at, Mom.

  “If you really love us, you’ll go.”

  With that, Sydney turned and walked away.

  FIFTY-ONE

  Alexia leaned back in the passenger seat of Ben’s Jeep and l
ooked through the open roof to the sunny sky. It was hard to believe summer was over and Ben was leaving. His fingers lightly stroked the inside of her palm and she closed her eyes, liking the warmth of the sun on her face and the feel of Ben so near.

  The state park on the other side of Garver Lake was quiet for a Friday afternoon. It was perfect for today.

  “Do you really have to go?” Alexia asked Ben.

  “Yeah. Besides, having the title ‘college freshman’ makes me automatically ten times hotter. All the girls will be jealous of you.”

  “College,” she mumbled to herself. Just a few short months ago, Ben had been a high school student—her boyfriend. “College freshman” sounded so…official, like he was becoming an adult far too quickly.

  Why couldn’t they just stay here like this forever?

  “It’s only like ten weeks before Thanksgiving break.”

  Alexia bit the inside of her cheek when she felt the sting of tears behind her eyes. She looked away from the sky and glanced at Ben. “What’s going to happen to us?”

  Ben stopped rubbing her hand. “I’d like to think nothing would happen. I don’t want to break up, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  He was so serious right now, it was almost scary. Ben hardly ever did “serious.”

  “You think we can make a long-distance relationship work?”

  “Are you kidding?” Ben wove his fingers through hers. “If anyone can do long distance, we can.”

  Alexia nodded, but she knew to expect the unexpected. There were a hundred what-ifs to consider. What if Ben found another girl at Pepperdine. California was the land of skinny blond women, after all. Or what if he spent months away from her and fell out of love? What if she fell out of love?

  The idea made her ill because she loved Ben that much. He was her first of everything. Her first boyfriend. Her first intimate relationship. She might have regretted losing her virginity the way she had, but she didn’t regret losing it with Ben. He was the best possible guy to share that memory with.

  Could their relationship survive the distance? The tears bit again at her eyes.

  “Lexy?” Ben said.

  “What if we grow apart?”

  “We won’t.”

  “But you don’t know that. And you can’t promise it.” Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she caught them before they rolled off her chin. “It’s so much, you know. I just love you so much.”

  He reached over the console and took her in his arms. He ran his hand over her hair. “I love you, too.”

  They sat there like that for a long time, or what felt like a long time. Alexia didn’t want to let him go, but she knew he had to leave soon.

  “I should go,” she said. She got out of the Jeep. She’d driven her car to the park and met Ben there. He got out, too.

  “So this is it,” she said.

  “No, this is the beginning.”

  Alexia frowned. “To what?”

  “To the next step of Ben’s Four Step Relationship Program. First comes love, then comes separation, then comes marriage and babies. I have it all figured out.”

  She giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’m so going to miss you.”

  He hugged her back. “Me, too. Promise you’ll Email me often.”

  “I will.”

  He kissed her softly at first, then tightened his arms around her and leaned her back in a dip.

  “Ben!”

  “I can’t help it. You make me want to tango.”

  “Stop!”

  He pulled her up. “I should go.”

  “Yeah.”

  He kissed her again. “I love you, Lexy.”

  “I love you, too.”

  They waved good-bye and climbed into their vehicles. Ben was the first one to pull out of the parking lot, his Jeep disappearing around a bend in the road. Alexia stared after him, wishing he’d come back, wishing he’d change his mind and stay with her.

  Anxious butterflies filled her stomach.

  He wasn’t coming back—that she knew—but it wouldn’t stop her from hoping.

  September

  FIFTY-TWO

  Rule 38: Carry yourself like you are the stuff! Any guy is lucky to have you!

  The next weekend, the girls all met at Bershetti’s to lay The Crush Code to rest.

  Sydney hadn’t wanted to go. It’d only been two weeks since Kelly’s birthday bash and that wasn’t nearly enough time to heal the hurt. Also, this was Sydney’s last weekend with Quin for a while. He was flying out the next day to go back to school at the Brooks Institute in California.

  He looked at her now and smiled. “What would your friends say if I came in with you?”

  “They’d probably kick you out. It’s girls only.”

  He took off his fedora and brushed back several locks of hair that had escaped his ponytail. “Fine. But call me as soon as you’re done. I want to get in one more photo session before I have to take off.”

  “I’ll call, you can bet on it.”

  Quin was easily the best thing that had happened to her this summer.

  Then again, the things one might consider as bad—her relationship deteriorating, her mother leaving—those had been good things, too. At least in the end they were.

  Sydney waved as Quin drove off.

  Inside Bershetti’s, the air-conditioning blazed, driving off the September heat. Sydney was thankful for the white gauzy long-sleeve shirt she’d slipped on over her cami.

  “Hey, Syd,” Jordan greeted her at the host podium. “Everyone’s already here. Follow me.”

  Jordan led the way to the round table where Alexia, Raven, and Kelly all sat. There were six chairs total around the table. Sydney made sure to take the chair next to Alexia and far away from Kelly.

  Kelly avoided eye contact. She fidgeted with her napkin, folding the corner over and then flattening it. They were all here technically for her. The new Crush Code had been designed for her, after all.

  “Can I get you guys anything to drink?” Jordan asked.

  They all ordered and Jordan disappeared in the back.

  “So,” Alexia said, “here we all are.”

  Sydney looked from Alexia to Raven and then to Kelly, catching quick eye contact. Kelly flushed and glanced down.

  “Here we all are,” Raven said. “And here”—she reached beneath the table and into her bag, pulling out a familiar shoe box—“is the Code Casket.”

  She set it on the table among the glasses of ice water and rolled silverware. She flipped open the lid.

  Sydney peered inside. A copy of the Breakup Code lay in the bottom along with four four-leaf-clover bracelets and a picture of all four girls. They hadn’t opened that box in months. It seemed so long ago that Sydney had used the Breakup Code for Drew. And at the time, when she got Drew back, she figured they’d be together for eternity. It was amazing how one summer could change so much.

  Alexia lost It (which Sydney had found out way too late!). Sydney broke up with Drew, had an amazing summer at the hospital where she found Quin. Kelly…well, Kelly was in love. Sydney couldn’t deny that. And Raven…

  “Hey, Ray?” Sydney said. “Did you ever hear on that singing contest?”

  “Oh yeah. I was going to show you guys the letter I got yesterday.” She dug in her bag again and brought out the letter. “Kay-J wrote it. Here’s what she said:

  ‘Dear Raven,

  ‘I think you have a tremendous talent for singing. Your voice is awesome and your style is unique. You rocked that song you sang for me. I got chills up and down my arms.

  ‘The only thing I can suggest is to watch your rhythm and pitch.

  ‘Unfortunately’— Raven wrinkled her nose and continued —‘you didn’t make it to the next round of auditions, but let me explain why. I don’t think you’re right for the competition. I don’t think you should be singing backup. I think you should be singing with a band like Blake said you were. Focus on that because you have all the right eleme
nts of a total rocker chick.

  ‘If you ever need anything, let me know. I’d be happy to help.

  ‘XOXO

  ‘Kay-J.’ ”

  “Oh my god,” Kelly said. “That’s so cool, Raven!” A smile graced her lips for the first time since Sydney had arrived.

  “Despite the fact that I didn’t make it,” Raven said, “I’m not that upset.”

  “You shouldn’t be,” Sydney replied. “That letter wasn’t a rejection, it was all praise.”

  They chatted about the band October for a few minutes and how Raven and Horace were planning a Halloween party with a huge show. It was going to be a blast, and Sydney couldn’t wait to see Raven sing her heart out.

  Alexia cleared her throat. “So, you guys want to get down to business?”

  They all went silent.

  “We’re here today to lay The Crush Code to rest. Do you guys all agree?”

  “I agree,” Raven said.

  Kelly nodded. “Me, too.”

  Sydney looked across the table at Kelly. Had she used The Crush Code on Drew instead of her friend Adam?

  Does it really matter? Sydney thought. No. It didn’t. Not now anyway.

  “I’m ready to lay it to rest,” Sydney said.

  Maybe the Code hadn’t been designed for her specifically, but Sydney had gotten some use out of it. Now that they were laying the Code to rest, she was going to repeat one rule to herself and use it like a mantra. This was for the new and improved Sydney, the Sydney that was going to focus more on herself and stop trying to control the things that were out of her hands.

  Rule 38: Carry yourself like you are the stuff!

  “Jordan?” Raven said, stopping her little sister as she walked past. “Could you take a picture of us?”

  “Sure.” Jordan took the digital camera from Raven.

  The girls leaned into one another. Raven put her arm around Kelly. Sydney smiled as Alexia leaned closer to her. There was an obvious divide between the girls, especially between Sydney and Kelly, but at least they were together. That’s what mattered most to Sydney. Maybe eventually they’d be one big happy group again. She didn’t hate Kelly, she just needed time to heal the rift.