Bella

by D. J. Barrett

  All our love mother and father

  I couldn’t believe what I was reading. All I could think about was all the years I had loved my brother Simon, given birth to his child and the anguish we had gone through with the blackmail from Marco

  At the bottom of the letter there was more.

  Obviously you will find the other letters enclosed one written to you Bella. And one for Ben the son I never got to know.

  What letters? Of course this wasn’t the original. They were burnt in the fire.

  I had to find the other letters. I knew one thing, I couldn’t tell Simon now. He had not long got over a breakdown. I had to keep this to myself. I went to Roy’s bungalow and told him there was something important I needed. I hoped that it was still in the filing cabinet.

  Roy told me to sit down, have a coffee, and tell him what the problem was. How could I just blurt out everything I knew...? I told him that there was something very important I needed.

  I finished my coffee, and began frantically searching for the missing letters, surely if this letter was a rough copy, then surely I would find copies of the others. I eventually found them and decided to read them there and then.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  To our Darling daughter Bella

  Obviously you know by now that Lizzie and Simon are not your real brother and sister, and you have also discovered that you have a half-brother Ben. I have never been good at saying what I want to say face to face. I found writing you this letter more appropriate. I love all of you with all my heart and hopefully will get to meet my long lost son. You are the apple of my eye Bella; as soon as you were born I felt this overwhelming love for you. Please don’t be angry with me, your mother has passed away, she wanted you to know years ago, and so did I.

  When we could see how close you were to Simon, we knew you had a different kind of love for each other, not like a brother and sister should. As I’m getting married again, it’s time for you to know the truth. Also, you are not too old to decide what you want to do with your life; you know what I’m talking about Bella. I know Simon loves you too and whatever you both decide I’m with you all the way. Your mother would have wanted you to be happy, the same as I.

  Your Father

  I decided not to read the letter to Ben, after all it was personal. I felt guilty enough that I had read Simon and Lizzie’s letter.

  After I went to sit with Roy and find out if he knew something. I wasn’t sure if maybe Tammy had told him things.

  He made me some coffee, and gave me some toast. But I couldn’t stomach anything.

  “Do you know anything?” I asked Roy.

  Scratching his head he sat down next to me and began telling me.

  “Bella there are so many things you don’t know and believe me I'm not sure you are ready to know everything.”

  Somehow I knew there were more hidden skeletons in the closet. But was I ready to find out.

  Roy gave me a hug and told me to go and have a lie down. He called Claudio to say where I was. I knew he must have been frantic with worry.

  I was shattered but somehow I felt at peace.

  The news wasn’t exactly what I had expected but I knew that at least Simon and I hadn’t committed any sins and the feelings we’d both had were normal.

  I felt much better when I woke up. Roy made me something to eat. I must admit I was feeling rather hungry as I munched on my cheese on toast.

  Back at home later that evening I couldn’t shake off what Roy had said. What other news could there possibly be? I thought.

  I decided to tell Victoria that I had read the letter, and that it hadn’t changed anything.

  Simon was away visiting friends so when Lizzie came in with Victoria she looked at me and guessed something was up.

  “What’s up Bella? I know that look.”

  I sat down.

  “I have read the letter from dad Lizzie.”

  Victoria’s face reddened.

  I began reading it to Lizzie. I didn’t want to look at her reaction. What if she doesn’t want to know me anymore? I was thinking. After all we are not related. Lizzie must have known what I was thinking.

  “Don’t look so worried Bella, this news means nothing to me, apart from the fact I have another set of parents out there.” Lizzie laughed and then went on to say. “Well at least Ben wasn’t my brother when I was dating him all those years back after all. That makes me feel much better.

  I was wondering whether it was the right time to talk to Lizzie about Simon and me. But in the end I decided it was best kept unknown for the moment.

  “Would Simon want to know the truth?” I asked Lizzie.

  “To be honest Bella he should know the truth. You told me Bella. I think Simon would accept the news the same as me.”

  I then asked Lizzie if she thought less of mother and father for not telling them all those years ago.

  “I love mother and father for giving us a loving family home and a loving sister.”

  Victoria said she didn’t think it was a good idea to tell Simon, but I knew her reasons why.

  “If you tell Simon, I think the news could push him over the edge.”

  She was probably right and I didn't want to upset Simon more than I had to.

  Roy phoned and told us all to go over the next day because he thought it was time we all heard the truth about everything.

  Sitting in his living room, I felt nervous. I didn’t want any more earth shattering news.

  Roy sat down opposite me and Claudio; Lizzie sat on the sofa by the window. Simon was still away visiting friends.

  I decided that day I was going to tell Simon. Lizzie said it was better to give him the letter to read and take the news in himself.

  Roy looked at each of us, and said,

  “Basically the news I have is more about you Bella. But what I am going to tell you might shock you. When I met Tammy, it wasn’t a coincidence. I came for a reason, and the reason was you.”

  “Why me, I don't understand?” Roy took my hand.

  “Many years ago, I knew your mother Sarah. Your father was working for me. I got on well with them both. But I fell in love with your mother. Your father left her alone a lot with Simon and Lizzie when they were little. Back then your father liked a drink, especially a whisky after work. One day I went over to your house, and I could hear raised voices. I remember walking away, but then I heard Sarah scream. I had to knock the door and interrupt them. Sarah had a big bruise on her arm.

  Ted was very stressed at work; but he had no excuse for hitting your mother. She told Ted to move out for a few weeks. I popped in sometimes to see if she was ok and if she needed anything. I often kept her company.

  One day, she and I both had a little too much to drink. I’m not going to go through too many details. You can probably all guess what happened after. Anyway to cut a long story short she took your father back and told me to stay away. I decided to change companies where I worked. I was offered a higher post in America. That’s where I became very successful in my own right.

  Years later I came back to England and bumped into Sarah. You were nine years old. When I looked into your eyes and face Bella, I could see myself. I never said anything to Sarah. But eventually I had to ask her if I was your father. I knew I was. She told me that Ted had always believed you were his and I thought it was best left that way. Your father had a low sperm count and they were told it was unlikely he could father a child. Your Father, Ted loved you very much Bella. So I decided to walk away. For a few years I wrote to your mother and she sent pictures of you. I never got news of her death, and when the letters stopped I suppose I gave in. But many years later curiosity got the better of me. I found out that both your mother and father were dead. That’s how I met Tammy. I told her everything Bella. She thought it was best not to tell you anything. That you had enough trauma to cope with, especially losing your parents.”

  I really couldn’t take the news in. As I was listening, all I could think about
was my father. The lies my mother had told him, letting him believe I was his.

  I really couldn’t listen to anymore. I just had to run, where I didn’t know. I felt as if my whole life had been a lie. To find out that Simon and Lizzie were not my siblings, and now to find out my father who I’d loved dearly was not my father.

  I went back to the house, packed my things, got the children and left. I didn’t know where I was driving. I eventually decided to go to Scotland. Not a place I had ever been to or ever dreamed I would end up going to.

  It was early morning when we arrived. I was shattered. I found a nice little bed and breakfast and settled Bella to sleep. Violet and Robert went exploring their new surroundings, oblivious to what was going on. They just thought we were on some sort of adventure. I wasn’t going to tell them at this stage that Roy was their real grandfather. I knew I had to tell them some time but not then. I only wished that I had heard the truth about everything years ago, especially about Simon and Lizzie.

  Now I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. I felt like I didn’t know my family anymore. My whole life felt like one big lie. I couldn’t let my kids go through their lives the same. I was exhausted from the long drive so I slept for a few hours.

  Bella woke me up hungry. I took the children out to get some food. I had to admit I hadn’t eaten the day before and most of that day.

  Over the next few days I didn’t answer my phone.

  I knew I was being selfish to Claudio and my family but I just couldn’t be around anyone at that time.. I had sent them a letter telling them I was all right and not to worry. I needed to sort my head out.

  The days turned into weeks, I still never felt the need to go home. I rented a small cottage near Edinburgh; I hadn’t intended on staying there forever.

  I thought it was time to call Claudio.

  “Where are you Bella? I’ve been going out of my mind with worry, just come home, I know everything.”

  “What do you know Claudio?”

  “That Roy is your Father.” I knew at this stage he didn’t know about Simon and Lizzie. Maybe I would never tell him.

  I asked Claudio to drive up to see us. When he arrived I was so happy to see him. I had missed him so much.

  Over the next few days I showed him around. I settled Violet and Robert into a school and put Bella into nursery.

  “You do know we can’t stay here forever Bella? We have to go home sometime.”

  I knew I wasn’t ready and wasn’t sure if I would ever be.

  Claudio told me that Roy was beside himself with worry and blamed himself for me running away like I had. But I think the reason was more down to Simon. Knowing I could never truly have him.

  The anguish of not telling Simon we had a son and letting Robert think Simon was his uncle. What a mess.

  The main reason I couldn’t tell Simon that he wasn’t my brother was because I knew the truth would have to come out about Robert.

  Summer soon came and went. I had found myself a job in a small café. My life no longer seemed complicated. All the lies and deceit were out. I was finally at peace with myself. Claudio told me he had to go back. As I waved him goodbye, I felt like my heart was going to break.

  He came up most weekends. One Saturday when he was driving up, I took the children out for something to eat. Robert wasn’t feeling his normal self. I decided, given his past medical history not to take chances and took him to the emergency doctor. The doctor decided to take Robert into hospital to be on the safe side. At this time I realised how much I missed my family. Blood didn’t matter. I loved them and they loved me.

  As soon as Claudio arrived I cried in his arms. When Robert was given the all clear we travelled back to Lighthouse Cove.

  Lizzie came running out of the house as soon as we arrived.

  “I have cleaned your house and there is a pot of Coffee on and I’ve made a casserole.”

  I gave her a hug;

  “I have missed you so much.” I said.

  Lizzie told me Simon and Victoria were back in New York.

  I didn’t ask many questions about them because I felt jealous. Victoria was with the man I loved.

  Violets birthday arrived. We decided to have a party; she was no longer a child, but a teenager. She had a lot of friends over and there were plenty of snacks to choose from. For some reason Claudio seemed very distant since we arrived back.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked him.

  “I feel I have always been second best Bella, I am not stupid I know the attraction you and Simon once had.”

  “My whole life has been a lie Claudio. I love you and I always will.” I told him. Claudio gave me a hug.

  'You know Bella I am so happy to hear you say that.”

  Autumn was exceptionally warm and we were able to have a barbecue. We invited Lizzie and Roy. I thought it was the best way to clear the air with the family, especially Roy. If he was my father then I needed to get to know him as my father and not as Tammy’s husband.

  The day of the barbecue came. Roy came over and brought us some lovely steaks to cook.

  Lizzie called to say Simon had just arrived from New York out of the blue.

  “I thought he wasn’t coming until Christmas?” I said sounding very surprised.

  “He wasn’t but Simon and Victoria aren’t getting on apparently, she is giving him a hard time. She told him that if he wanted to find out why, then he had better ask you.”

  I knew that I would have to tell him. It wasn’t fair Victoria giving him a hard time and he didn’t exactly know why.

  I hadn't had any romantic contact with Simon for many years. He arrived just as we were lighting the barbecue.

  “You couldn’t have timed in any better.” I joked.

  He seemed extremely agitated and tired. He sat down and put his hands through his hair.

  “I really can’t cope with everything anymore. Victoria has told me to ask you why she is being so difficult.”

  Talk about being put on the spot. I wasn’t sure if it was such a good idea to reveal everything to him at that moment

  I told Simon to get a shower and clean himself up. Then later we would go for a walk.

  The barbecue was lovely. The weather had been warm all afternoon but then dark clouds started looming over the sea. We quickly started cleaning up. After we had eaten, Simon reminded me of our walk and chat.

  We were silent as we headed for the cliff top. I was terrified about telling him that we were not brother and sister, wondering how he would react to such news.

  We sat on the same bench we always used to sit on many years ago. Simon’s hands were shaking and I could see he was as nervous as I was.

  I looked at him.

  “I have something I must tell you; this is not easy for me. I should have told you last Christmas when I knew but I needed to come to terms with the news myself. Then I was told some more news and I just had to get away.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  I told Simon to listen to what I had to say. I could feel my mouth getting dryer.

  He listened and didn’t interrupt me once. I found myself in a very awkward situation and found it hard to get the words out that I needed to say. I mentioned the letter and Victoria finding it.

  “I am going to read the letter to you.” I only got half way through the letter when I could hear Simon sigh.

  His face was full of anguish and sadness.

  “So the parents who let me call them mother and father, were not my parents?”

  “Yes, but they adopted you and Lizzie. They loved you both very much and gave you a loving home.”

  “All that time and they never told us. They knew how we felt about each other all those years ago. And now to find out Roy is your Father.”

  “Simon it doesn’t matter who our parents are, we were loved and had a good upbringing. Surely that’s all that matters. “

  “Bella all those years of loving you and thinking how wrong it was, but it fact it wasn’t.”
/>   “I know, believe me, I was very angry myself at first but there is nothing we can do. We can’t turn back the clock. We have to try and live with the news and move on.”

  Simon sat there quietly, trying to take everything in.

  “So I have a mother and father out there somewhere that I have never met?”

  “Yes!”

  “I can’t help but feel angry and somehow cheated. Mother and father knew we had chemistry and absolutely nothing like a brother and sister should have had.”

  “I agree, but they only did what they thought was best.”

  Simon stood up and looked at me.

  “Bella I can’t take this news in.”

  He stood up and walked away leaving me sitting there. It started to rain heavily. I put my hat on and just sat there. I didn’t care how wet I got.

  I’m not sure how long I stayed there, but I was soaked through to the skin.

  I wish I hadn’t told Simon. I thought. But it was too late.

  I walked back home hoping he would be there. However, he had gone.

  “If anything happens to him, I will never forgive myself.” I muttered to myself.

  Lizzie heard my words and guessed that I had told Simon. She could sense he hadn’t taken the news very well.

  “It’s not your fault.” she said. “He has to be adult about this. He isn’t a child anymore.”

  “But you don’t know everything Lizzie, and believe me you don’t want too.”

  “Why? What more could you possibly have to tell me Bella?”

  “Lizzie, I would love to tell you, but somehow I don’t think you would understand. You would certainly judge Simon and me.”

  “Judge who! You and Simon? Why would I do that?” She said looking confused.

  Ok, here goes nothing. I thought. Worrying about how she would react. I inhaled deeply before continuing.