My Heart is Home

by Barbara Gee

  The shame and guilt began releasing its hold as I asked for forgiveness, then claimed it. As I knelt there, broken but wanting so desperately to heal, I felt peace creeping into my heart, finding a path through the maze of walls I’d spent years building, seeking to make them irrelevant. I felt so undeserving, and some of those walls were stubborn, but I had faith that in time even those would go down.

  I’d always been taught that Jesus died for our sins, past, present, and future, and I’d accepted Christ as my savior when I was thirteen. But I’d never felt that wonderful grace so deeply. Or needed it so badly.

  I gratefully accepted the gift—a new beginning in my spiritual walk to go with a new beginning with JP.

  By the time I slid between the sheets, my face was tight and swollen from crying so hard, and yet I’d never felt more confident that I could face whatever it was my future held.

  Because this time I wouldn’t turn from God. I’d run to Him.

  Chapter 14

  I

  woke up the next morning already impatient to see JP again. I went to church, then to my parents’ for lunch. When Mom invited me to stay and work on the jigsaw puzzle she’d gotten for Christmas, I immediately accepted. I knew it would take forever for seven-thirty to come, and a lazy afternoon with Mom would help pass the time.

  I got home at five and was ready by six-thirty. The last hour dragged by, but when JP finally arrived—right on time—he was worth every minute of the wait. He looked amazing in a black button-down shirt tucked into dark jeans, and I had a hard time believing I was the lucky girl who got to spend now until midnight with him. I felt as if I should have to buy a ticket or something for the privilege.

  His eyes skimmed over me from head to toe, and his smile told me he approved. Which was a relief because I’d gone a little outside the box with my own outfit. The black pants and boots had stayed in the closet in favor of silky wide-legged slacks in a shimmery dark-bronze color and a fuzzy, super-soft ivory sweater that nipped in at my waist.

  “You look beautiful, Myla,” he said, helping me into my coat. “It gets me every single time. I think I’m prepared, and then I see you and you just blow me away.”

  I smiled up at him. “I could say the exact same thing about you.”

  His brow creased and he cocked his head. “You think I’m beautiful?”

  I had to laugh at his uncertain expression. “Defintely, but in a very manly kind of way.”

  He drew my lapels together and held them there, standing close enough that I caught his intoxicating scent.

  “I’m glad you’re coming with me,” he said softly.

  “Me too.”

  “I’m not crazy about big parties, but it’ll be bearable with you there.”

  I fought the urge to lean in and hug him. “Thanks for inviting me. New Year’s Eve by myself wouldn’t have been much fun.”

  He raised a brow. “Well, that wasn’t going to happen. If you’d passed on the party, I would’ve just come here.”

  I bit my lip as I thought about that. “Hmm, that wouldn’t have been so bad. Maybe we should still stay in.”

  “Too late. I’ve RSVP’d,” he said with a grin. “Plus I hear there’ll be some really good food.”

  ***

  As it turned out, the party was festive and fun. Good food, good people, and best of all, JP. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to end the year.

  I didn’t know our hosts, as they’d only lived in the area for a couple of years, but it turned out I knew almost everyone else who was there. JP and I were greeted with a lot of surprised looks when we walked in, but no one made any awkward remarks. I knew there was some whispering going on, but hopefully it was only because people were curious, not because they thought we were crazy to be giving this another go.

  Ava waved at me from across the room and I smiled and waved back. I’d forgotten to call her last night when I got home, but I’d done it first thing this morning and we’d had a good talk. She was happy to hear about my budding relationship with JP and also my come-to-Jesus moment. I’d cut her off when she started talking about how cool it would be for us to be married to brothers, though. That was getting way ahead of ourselves and I didn’t want to jinx things.

  As midnight approached, I was sitting on a couch chatting with Whitney when she got a call from her babysitter and left to find a quieter place to take it. I smiled when JP lowered his long, lean body into the spot she’d vacated. Only closer. His thigh was welded to mine and our arms pressed together from shoulder to wrist.

  “Glad you came?” he asked.

  If he was affected by our closeness he was hiding it well. Me, on the other hand? I was hot and bothered and pretty sure he knew it.

  “Very glad. I haven’t seen a lot of these people since I moved back.”

  “I have to admit I’ve enjoyed it too. The only problem is staying up this late. I’ve been yawning for two hours.”

  I chuckled. “Getting to be an old man, JP?”

  He took my hand, weaving our fingers together. “Older and hopefully a lot wiser.”

  “Same.” I leaned my head against his shoulder and for a while we just sat there in our own little world. Not talking, just being. Together.

  Pretty soon our hosts, Cam and Taryn, tapped on their glasses to get everyone’s attention. Cam gave a great little speech about the joy of bringing in a brand-new year with close friends. He talked about loving the Lord and seeking to make Him an even bigger part of our lives in the year to come, not only in our own families, but also spreading His word and His love to those who didn’t yet know Him.

  Taryn added her own thanks to everyone for coming, with a special note of gratitude to their life group participants who had helped them through a devastating miscarriage early last year. Then, smiling through her tears, she announced that she was four months pregnant and the baby was healthy and due in May.

  That heartwarming news resulted in lots of hugs and congratulations, and then Cam took the floor again and reminded us it was only fifteen minutes until midnight and we needed to grab our drink of choice to be ready to toast the new year.

  JP passed up the champagne in favor of sparkling grape juice; alcohol wasn’t an option for him even in a place with trusted friends. I smiled inwardly and picked up my own glass of juice.

  We joined the others in front of the enormous TV, watching the Times Square countdown and cheering when the ball dropped. Toasts were made all around, and while most everyone else shared a celebratory kiss with their mate, JP simply pulled me close, cradled my head against his chest, and whispered, “Happy New Year, Myla.”

  “Happy New Year,” I responded, wrapping my arms around his waist and squeezing hard, so grateful for the privilege of sharing this moment with him.

  As I absorbed the comforting warmth of his body, I prayed for wisdom and guidance in our relationship. I was determined not to screw things up again. Second chances were rare—I didn’t even want to know the odds on third ones.

  The party broke up quickly after that. Ava gave me a big hug on our way out, and JP and I walked hand in hand to his truck. When we got to my house, he came around the truck to help me down, then kept his hand on my back as we walked up to the house.

  “If it wasn’t already after midnight and you weren’t so old and worn out, I’d ask you in,” I teased as I unlocked the door.

  “If it wasn’t after midnight and you asked, I’d accept,” he said with a laugh.

  I looked up at him, liking the fact that I had to do that even though I was wearing heels.

  “Thanks again for including me tonight.”

  “Thanks for saying yes.” He put his hands in his coat pockets and rocked back on his heels. “So, uh, what are you doing tomorrow?”

  “Going shopping.” I grinned and poked a finger into his chest. “With your credit card.”

  “Oh yeah?” His lips curved up. “Are you going to bring the stuff over to my place afterward?”

  “I thou
ght maybe I would.”

  “Perfect. Let me know when you’re an hour or so out so I’m sure to be home. I’m gonna help Jude cut a bunch of wood tomorrow.”

  “So much for a restful New Year’s holiday for you,” I said.

  “It’s all right. I actually like doing it and I told him he has to give me a pickup load for my trouble. My fireplace is close to being usable, so it’ll come in handy.”

  “Cool. I’ll see you tomorrow late afternoon or early evening then.”

  His eyes widened. “You mean you’re gonna be shopping all day?”

  “Um, probably?” I said, scrunching up my face. “Why, is there a limit on your credit card?”

  He chuckled. “I’m not worried about you spending all my money, I just can’t believe you can shop that long.”

  “I couldn’t if it was just for clothes and stuff, but shopping for home goods is different. Especially when I’m spending someone else’s money.” I poked him again for good measure. “I’ll try not to melt the credit card.”

  He caught my finger and moved my hand behind my back, holding it there as he pulled me closer. My heart did a big, slow-motion roll, but all he did was drop a kiss on the top of my head.

  “Good night, Myla. Have fun tomorrow and I’ll see you when you’re done. Don’t forget to let me know when you’re close.”

  “I won’t. Good night, and happy New Year again.”

  His smile was slow and sweet. “Yeah. I think it will be.”

  Chapter 15

  I

  drove an hour and a half to a town that had a Costco, Home Goods, TJ Maxx, Pier 1, and a few other go-to stores that carried good products at affordable prices. JP probably wouldn’t complain if I paid full price at the high-end stores, but why do that when I was willing to sniff out the bargains?

  I shopped until my car was packed and my feet were aching, so much so that it was actually a relief to be able to sit down for the long drive back to Mountain View. I stopped to get a coffee at the halfway point and sent JP a text telling him when I’d get there. He wrote right back and said he’d be waiting.

  When I pulled up to his house his truck was there. I parked beside it and grabbed some bags before walking up to the door. He swung it open just as I was about to ring the bell and took the bags from me.

  “Hey,” he said with a smile. “Come on in. I assume there’s more in the car?”

  “Oh my word, that is such an understatement,” I said with a laugh. “Don’t worry, I’ll gladly let you be the gentleman and carry it all in.”

  “Happy to,” he said, placing the bags on the counter and shrugging into a jacket. His hair was still damp from a shower and he looked beyond good in a long-sleeved black T-shirt and faded-to-soft jeans. “Be right back.”

  “Yes you will. Again and again and again,” I warned.

  I heard his soft chuckle as he went out the door. If he thought I was kidding he was in for a big surprise.

  “Eight trips,” he announced, putting a big box of carefully packed dishes on the last bit of empty real estate on the dining table. The counters were already full. “Did you melt my credit card after all?”

  I dug the card out of my pocket and held it up to prove it was still intact. “I got the best deals, I promise. And your cupboards will be bare no more.”

  “I’m actually kind of excited about that.” He put the card back in his wallet as he looked around at all the bags and boxes he’d carried in. “Show me what you got.”

  It took us over two hours to get everything washed and put away. Partway through he ran into town and got us subs and chips for supper. We ate quickly and got back to it.

  I’d bought a set of twelve stoneware dishes—plates, soup bowls, salad plates, dessert plates—glazed in red with some speckles and color variations to make them interesting. Two sizes of glasses, chunky and sturdy on the bottom, but not too thick at the lip to make them hard to drink from. Colorful mugs (devoid of company logos), a set of silverware, serving bowls in a variety of sizes, and a set of bamboo pieces—bowls and platters—to use if he entertained. Lots of miscellaneous cooking utensils, an assortment of storage containers for leftovers and such, a set of quality pots and pans I’d gotten for a song, some mixing bowls, measuring cups and spoons. And finally, a few small appliances. Blender, hand mixer, Crock-Pot, and toaster oven.

  “I know it seems like a lot, but I pretty much just got you the basics,” I said as he dried the last of the dishes and put them away. “The best thing to do from now on is keep a running list and jot things down as you find you need them.”

  “When I’m busy cooking?” he asked dryly.

  “Exactly, and you really do need to start cooking.”

  “Or hang out with someone who already does,” he said with a smirk.

  I shook my head in mock exasperation and went for the last bag on the floor by the table.

  “I didn’t have time to look for wall art or decorative pieces. Maybe we can do that together sometime. But I did find these great pillows, and since my feet are kind of killing me right now, I’m gonna try one out.”

  I took two lovely pillows from the bag. They sported cheerful covers in greens, reds, and browns and were perfect for a cozy house in the woods. Going over to the longest couch I put the pillow at the end and lowered my whole body down with a groan.

  “Mmm. You picked comfy couches, JP,” I murmured, my eyes closing as my feet thanked me for giving them a break.

  “Glad you approve.”

  I heard noises nearby so I turned my head and cracked an eye open to see him kneeling, putting kindling in the fireplace.

  “You finished it,” I said, surprised. “I didn’t even notice.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I got up early this morning and got the rest of the stone facing put on. It’s just cosmetic and I could’ve used it without, but I told myself no fires until I finished. That was my incentive to keep at it.”

  I rolled onto my side and watched him. “So this is your very first fire in your new house?”

  “Yep.”

  He held the lighter to the finest splinters of wood and waited for them to catch. We hadn’t turned on the lights in this part of the room and as the flickering flames grew they lit his profile with a golden glow. Breathtaking.

  He dropped his palms to his thighs and watched the fire for a moment, then turned his face toward me. His lips parted and he looked like he was going to say something, but then he stopped. His eyes roamed slowly down along my body and back, his gaze locking with mine.

  “You look good on my couch,” he said quietly.

  I swallowed hard. “As good as I do in your truck?” I teased.

  My heart stopped when he stood and walked over to me, then it started beating so hard I was sure he could see my chest vibrating. He put a hand on the back of the couch and lowered himself down onto the edge, by my stomach. I scooted toward the back to give him more room.

  “I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as you,” he said, his voice going low and rough. “Never.” He threaded his fingers slowly through my hair and spread it out on the pillow. His eyes followed the movements, then slowly returned to mine. I knew my heart was in my eyes, but I didn’t care. I loved him. I’d never stopped. And at the moment I couldn’t think of any reason to try to hide it.

  His fingertips trailed down the side of my face, along the curve of my jaw, then his warm hand settled lightly on my neck, his thumb stroking the tip of my chin.

  “Are you really here, Myla?” he whispered. The shadows were suddenly back in his eyes, mixing with the heat of desire. “I feel like I’m gonna blink and you’ll disappear.”

  I wanted the shadows gone. Yes, I was here, and I was staying. I wouldn’t run again.

  I slid my hand up his arm, over hard, defined muscle. Blue eyes glittered in the firelight as I fit my hand to the curve of his neck and shoulder.

  He planted a palm on the armrest above my head and slowly lowered his torso until his face was mere inches abo
ve mine. His eyes asked the question as clearly as words.

  “Yes,” I whispered, so full of anticipation my body trembled at the effort to hold it all. “Please, JP. I’m not going to disappear.”

  He released a breath and dropped his mouth gently to mine. Bliss. My eyes fell shut and I moved my hand to curl around his neck, holding him there.

  I’d spent four years believing I’d never again experience this—the touch of lips designed just for mine. No others had or ever would fit so perfectly. Now I knew why the pain of losing him had never died. Because JP Keller was my one and only; he had been from the beginning.

  I reveled in the taste and feel of him. Oh how I’d missed it.

  “I missed you so much, Myla,” he said against my mouth, echoing my thoughts, and then he kissed me deeply.

  Even more bliss. I shifted onto my back and wrapped my arms around him, drawing him closer. How had I lived without this for so long? His broad chest pressed against mine and I held on tightly. Needing him. Wanting him. Craving him.

  JP kissed me exactly like I needed him to. Sweet. Deep. Long. I let out a soft moan and squirmed against him. More. I needed more.

  And then he tore his mouth from mine and skimmed kisses across my cheek and down my neck, stopping at the crest of my collar bone. Our breathing was loud in the silence, the soft crackling of the fire the only other sound.

  He raised his head and I forced my eyes open, feeling dazed and so under his spell I couldn’t think straight. His face was still close to mine, his eyes smiling.

  “It was a long wait for that,” he murmured, his eyes locking on mine. “Four years and I never forgot what it was like. Never stopped wishing I could kiss you one more time.”

  I blinked slowly. “One more time isn’t going to cut it. I think we should go for a few thousand. Or maybe a million.”