The skull sighs. “One of these days, you will.”
“Maybe I will, and maybe I won’t. Do you trust me?” Until this moment, it never occurred to me that he might not trust me either. Though I don’t know why he wouldn’t.
“No. Of course not. You want me dead.”
I crease my eyebrows. “No, I don’t.” I’ve never, ever said that. Not even to others. I’ve never even thought it. Why would I want him dead?
“Why do you think this island exists? Me. If you do away with me, this all goes away, and that is your goal. It has been since you started talking to me.”
“Huh. I didn’t realize that.” I don’t really care. Maybe I should, but the islanders and ghosts mean more to me.
“I know. You often don’t realize a lot.”
I should be offended, but I’m not. He doesn’t have emotion, and he’s not trying to hurt me.
“I don’t suppose you’ll tell me how to do away with you.” I give him my best cheeky grin to show that I’m joking even though I’m not.
If Reken could glare, I swear he would’ve. “No. I won’t do that. I think perhaps I can help you accomplish your goals without destroying me. At least, I hope so.”
Time to manipulate the situation. Hopefully, he won’t see right through me. “Tell you what. You help me figure out how to kill Lorena, and I’ll find a way to keep you around.”
I can’t do that. Not really. The island must be destroyed so that the ghosts will stop killing people, but Lorena must be taken out as well.
Reken sits there for a moment and finally speaks. “That sounds prudent. I will continue to search for ways for you to defeat her. I do hope you’ll keep your word.”
I swallow. I’m not sure if I will or not. I’ll protect my friends first. But I don’t tell him that. Still, he’s probably smarter than I’m giving him credit for. It’s possible he has to do whatever I ask anyway, but he’s letting me think he has a choice in the hopes of me keeping him around.
I tap him on the jaw. “Thank you for the advice on the spell. I’m going to do some research now.”
“Come back tomorrow.” He glows a little brighter.
“I will.”
The books I need are in my boat. Benny is asleep by the time I get there. I stare at him for several long moments and remember all of our good times. I don’t know what to think anymore. No matter how hard I try, I can’t shut off my feelings for him.
Benny is the best thing that ever happened to me. He protected me when I couldn’t protect myself, and he always did sweet things. Not only that, he understands me.
I reach out to brush his hair out of his eyes. Of course, I can’t, and he doesn’t even stir. I stare at those long eyelashes and kissable lips. I remember what it was like to be curled in his arms. To be held until the sun rose.
I miss him.
And that feels all kinds of wrong. Because even though I’m a ghost, I can still feel him shoving that knife into my chest.
How unfair that we didn’t even get a short amount of time together where one of us wasn’t a ghost. But he wouldn’t be human if he hadn’t killed me.
Because if someone didn’t kill me, Maddie would still be dead.
I had to give my life for hers.
I might be able to pretend Benny killing me doesn’t bother me, but it will come out when I’m angry or upset. I don’t want to constantly be afraid that I’m going to hate him again.
Raptor squawks, and Benny jerks awake.
“How did Callie ever get any sleep with you around?” he mumbles, pushing Raptor across the bed.
He sits up, revealing his bare chest. I used to love running my hands along the ridges in his stomach. Geesh, Callie, get a grip. He leans back against the wall, and I force my eyes up from ogling his chest to his face. I want to go to him and sit on the bed, but I don’t.
He’s staring right at me, but I know he can’t see me.
“Callie, you probably aren’t here, ’cause you still hate me.” He squeezes his eyes shut and opens them again. “But I miss you. I’m so sorry. I’d take it back if I could. I miss your smell, your smile, and your laugh. I miss watching you when I was a ghost. I miss you chattering to me, knowing I was there but not seeing me. I miss watching my birds surround you. ’Course if you are here, you’d already know this. I don’t even know why I bother telling you every day. I guess maybe I’m hoping that you are standing over there listening to me. I know better, but maybe once, you’ll prove me wrong.”
He lets out a breath, and I can’t move.
He taps his finger on his forehead. “Okay, per my tradition every night when Raptor wakes me up, one new thing about me. On my seventh birthday, my dad gave me a beer for the first time. It was my first taste of alcohol.” He gives a little smile. “I hated it and spit it out. I never liked it after that. My dad didn’t get it.”
He sighs. “I love you, Callie. Today was hard, having you be with me, but not really with me. I think it’s worse than when you stay far away.”
He slides back down and pulls the covers over his head. I wonder how many things I could’ve learned about him and missed. I want to know all those things.
I rip my eyes away from him and find the books, needing to focus on the task at hand. I flip through the first one, and sure enough, I find a spell to ward off spirits in a house. I flip a few more pages, and there is a different one. I open the next book, and I find at least five spells to ward off spirits. Reken is right. Maybe I should trust him a little more. I hate not knowing who will betray me because it feels like everyone will.
I find the spell that looks to be the strongest and study the materials list. Salt, a raven feather, and an alligator spleen.
Easy enough. Ruth should have the alligator spleen. I won’t be able to cast the spell until the new moon, but I’ll do it first thing and have Benny spread the word after everyone else leaves.
The next day, I follow Benny around, and that night, he wakes again and tells me how much he misses me. Then he tells me about his first date.
Every night after that is exactly the same. He tells me he misses and loves me and one thing I don’t know about him.
And each night, I find I hate him a little less than I did before.
Chapter Ten
I wait by the docks on the afternoon of the new moon. This is the moment of truth, to see who is leaving and who is staying. I want them all to leave. Sure, I have a spell that should protect them, but what if it doesn’t? My task will be much easier if I’m not worrying about the humans who can get in the way.
Elias gets to the docks first and waits at his ferryboat. Benny arrives a few minutes later, and my heart clenches. What if he decides to leave? He can. He’ll be safe, and I’ll never see him again. But he can’t do that. Not before I have a chance to tell him how I feel.
I need him to know that I still love him and that I’m willing to see if we can still make it work.
“You coming back?” Benny asks Elias, climbing aboard the ferry.
Elias takes a long drag on a cigarette. “Don’t see the point in leaving. I wouldn’t know how to live a life out there. Surprised to see you here.”
Benny just grunts, and my whole body goes cold. He’s leaving. I can’t believe it. I won’t be able to talk to him. Elias will leave before I become corporeal. I sink down onto the deck.
People start arriving after him. Lots of the acrobats. Jane, Edward, and Martha are in the front of the pack. Most of the clowns show up as well. They all carry bags and are chattering with one another. The cook follows. I’m sure the rest of the islanders will manage to eat on their own. Amy isn’t here, and neither is Ruth. I’m not all that surprised about Ruth. I have a feeling she’ll have a hard time fitting in out in the world. I shouldn’t be surprised by Amy either, but I am a little. If I were in her shoes, I would protect those kids. But I’m not a mom, so maybe I shouldn’t judge her too harshly.
Benny and Edward stand near the front of the boat chatting. I t
hink about getting closer so I can hear but don’t.
Benny is leaving me, and I don’t want to see or hear any more. Just when I feel like things are looking up for me, this is a kick in the stomach.
“Anyone else coming?” Elias hollers.
“George and Missy didn’t want to leave,” Edward says.
Benny rubs the back of his neck. “Amy and her family, as well as Ruth, have decided to stay behind.”
“That leaves April and June. Also, Franny and Frank. Anyone talked to them?” Elias asks.
No one says a word. April and June are acrobat triplets who lost their sister May several years ago. I don’t know them well.
“I can’t wait forever.” Elias taps his long fingernail on the rail, and the noise grates in my ear.
He starts up the engine and waits another couple of minutes. I keep my eyes glued on Benny. I want to grab his hand and pull him back onto the dock. He needs to hear what I have to say. He’s looking over all the islanders and muttering something under his breath.
Elias unties the boat in the front and then heads to the rope in the back.
“Wait!” A shout comes from behind me. April and June are running to the boat, their arms full of clothes and other things. They rush onto the dock and hop into the boat, barreling Benny over. He falls, and they all scramble back up.
“We couldn’t find a bag,” June says.
Benny helps her up and moves to the back of the boat with Elias. He leans down and whispers something in his ear. Elias nods and unties the boat. It floats just a bit, and Benny leaps onto the dock.
Relief floods through me.
He’s staying. It’s almost as if he knows I’m watching. Of course I’m watching. I need to see who is leaving and who is staying, but it’s as if he wanted me to contemplate life without him. Well, you succeeded, buddy.
Benny watches them all go. I approach him and look up at his face. A single tear slides down his cheek. Then it hits me.
These are his people. He’s been living with them for who knows how long, and now he has to watch them go. He could’ve gone with them, but he stayed for me.
Even though, as far as he knows, I hate his guts and will never speak to him again.
The sun begins its slow descent behind the trees. As soon as it disappears, I feel myself become solid once again. I grab Benny’s hand, and he jumps. He shimmies his hand out of mine.
“How long have you been standing there?” he asks, not looking at me.
“I watched them all go.”
He sniffs. “I see.”
“Benny, I…” But I don’t know how to finish that sentence. I want to tell him that I still love him and that I’m glad he stayed for me, but I can’t say the words, so instead I take the chicken way out. “I found a spell that will protect the islanders that chose not to leave, but I need your help.”
He finally looks down at me. He wipes his hands on his face and clears his throat. “Sure. What do you need?”
“A raven feather, for one. And can you tell them all to make sure everyone is in Ruth’s tent before the sun rises? Between the protections she already has and the spell I’ll perform, they’ll be protected from the ghosts.”
He gives a short nod and whistles. A raven floats down and lands on his shoulder. He plucks a couple of tail feathers out of it. The bird squawks and pecks his face. He rubs the red spot. “I deserved that. But here.”
He hands me the feathers. I need to gather the rest of the ingredients, but I don’t move, so many things I need to say.
“Meet me at my boat after you’re done. I need to talk to you,” I say.
He gives a small grin. “You mean my boat, right? Do you need any help with the spell? I’m not much of a witch, but I can offer moral support.” He looks down at his shoes.
“Nah. I’ve got it. But I do need you to tell everyone…not that there’s many left to tell. I can’t cast the spell until everyone arrives, so tell them to be there by five.”
I spin on my heel and escape into the trees before I do something dumb. Honestly though, Benny would probably appreciate anything dumb I did.
It only takes me a few minutes to get to the circus, which is already bustling with ghosts. Soon, the circus goers will be here, one who will die tonight. As much as I want to keep them safe, Amy and the others are more important. After I make sure I can protect the islanders, I’ll figure out how to protect the dumb masses that show up here even though it’s a twisted circus.
I burst into Ruth’s tent, and she drops a bottle. It shatters, and the blue liquid oozes all over the floor.
“Sorry,” I say, grabbing a towel and handing it to her.
“Goodness gracious, girl. What do you need?” She hurries to wipe up the liquid, glaring at me, but I don’t have time to worry about that.
“I need an alligator spleen and salt.”
“Why?” She wipes at the blue liquid, but it smears.
“I’ll ward your tent against the ghosts so the islanders can hide in here while the sun rises.”
She rocks back on her heels. “I always knew you were a smart girl in spite of the dumb things you sometimes do. I’ll make sure I welcome them.”
“Why didn’t you leave?” I pick up another towel and help her clean up the mess.
“This is my home. I’m not going anywhere. I imagine that most people left though on the ferry over.”
“They did. It’s just you, Amy and her family, Franny, Frank, George, and Missy.”
Ruth rolls her eyes heavenward. “I wish Franny and Frank had left with the others.”
I snort. Franny and Frank are odd ducks. “I hope the people who left find good lives on the mainland.”
“Some will, some won’t. That’s the nature of things.” She rummages in her cupboards. “This is the only alligator spleen I’ve got, so don’t screw this up.” She hands me a small bottle with the shriveled spleen and another jar with salt.
“Thanks.”
I have to wait until everyone arrives before I can cast the spell. We have all night to go, so I wait at my boat for Benny. I hope after tonight, things can go back to normal for us. I’m a little nervous about how I’m going to handle this. I don’t know how to tell him that while I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive him, I don’t hate him anymore.
Raptor hops up in my lap, and I wait. And wait. And wait.
But Benny never shows up.
At four-thirty, I head back to Ruth’s. The sun will be rising soon.
Amy and her kids are already in the tent as well as George and Missy. “Where’s Franny and Frank?”
Amy and Ruth both shrug.
I sigh. “Well, we have to wait a few more minutes.”
Benny needs to be in here as well. He’s probably trying to find Franny and Frank. Amy doesn’t talk to me, but Collette does. The time passes excruciatingly slow. Five comes and goes. I tap my foot.
Amy rushes up to me. “No offense, but you need to cast that spell, with or without them. You promised you’d protect my kids.”
I take a deep breath and step outside. I look all around for them, but all I can find is bored circus goers since most of the acts are no longer playing. If I don’t cast the spell soon, it will be too late, and someone will be dead. I worry that a ghost will show up and attack the tent.
I sprinkle the salt all around the tent with an extra layer by the door. I look around again. Technically, Benny and the others could still go inside as long as I haven’t said the words of the spell.
But they still haven’t arrived.
I take the alligator spleen with my shaking hands, set it in the middle of the salt on the doorway, and put one raven feather above it and one below. I can’t screw this up.
I pull out the paper with the words and read over them one more time. They are in Creole.
“Callie, wait.”
I let out a breath and turn. Benny is running up to me with two very old people.
I don’t waste any time. “Get inside
, but be careful of the salt. Don’t step in it.”
Franny and Frank go inside, but Benny stays next to me. “I couldn’t find them anywhere. And when I finally did find them, in Lorena’s boat of all places, they were in quite a compromising position.”
If I wasn’t so worried, I’d probably find it funny.
I clutch the spell in my hand. “Thank you for finding them. Go on inside so I can get the spell cast.”
He doesn’t move.
“Benny.”
“I thought you didn’t care what happened to me.”
“I do. Please go inside.” It’s possible they could still be killed, but I’m hopeful that the spell will work.
“No. I’m waiting out here with you.”
The sky behind him starts to lighten, and I have no choice but to cast the spell without him inside. If he survives this, I’ll kill him for making me worry.
I recite the words. Then I take a deep breath. This is the moment of truth. I stomp on the alligator spleen with the heel of my shoe and grind it into the salt. I can feel a change come over the tent. I try to go inside, and I can’t. It’s like an invisible force. I stare at the tent for a few more minutes.
I did it.
Everyone will be safe. Except Benny, who now grins sheepishly at me.
“You should’ve gone inside with the others. You’re not safe out here.”
“Of course I am. I’m with you.” He has a point. Technically, I can prevent the ghosts from killing him. I think. But I don’t know that for sure.
“Why don’t we head back to my boat so we’re out of the way of the ghosts?” I ask. I should be angry at him for putting himself in danger, but instead, I’m glad I get to spend these few minutes with him. The sun still hasn’t crested, but it’s getting close.
As we move out of the circus, the number of ghosts around us diminishes. We walk slowly, and I’m not sure what I’ll say to him. He still loves me, and the second I tell him that I feel the same way, he will probably forgive me for being angry with him, but what if he doesn’t?
I wipe my sweating palms on my shorts. This is ridiculous. This is Benny I’m talking about here. Benny, who has stuck by my side no matter what. Benny, who talks to me every night even though I might not be there.
Circus of the Dead: Book 4 Page 8