Monochrome My Madness

by Ashleigh Giannoccaro

  While I wait for him to come to back, I slide the zip of my skirt down and push it down my legs, the air in the room cool against the skin on my thighs. I fold it carefully and place it on the table then pull my shirt over my head leaving me only in the lace I wore underneath. I put my clothes neatly out of the way; I don’t want the walk of shame to be any worse than it will already be. Then I sit in his chair I can smell him on it and I wait patiently for the villainous man who owns me body and soul to return and claim me. He will own me and set me free, he will break me.

  While I sit in his chair, I imagine the ways I could kill his nephew when we are done here, the images in my head only ignite my lust more. Usually, the sex fuels the needs to murder; now the need to kill, the promise of fresh prey is fuelling my want for sex. In one hour, this man has turned my whole life into a mess of new possibilities, one of which is that I can have a partner that I don’t want to slaughter because we are so alike. But you still want to kill Callum, Shannon don’t lie to yourself. I suspect he is a master at manipulating people and that his success is because of that talent. He is here to eliminate his family and claim an empire he built and he wants me at his side. He wants me, or does he want the ghost of my sister?

  If it keeps me alive and allows me to kill, I will stand by his side. I have no other options left.

  I feel him enter the room when I can no longer get air into my lungs; his eyes wander over my exposed body every inch dressed only enough to seduce him. “The idea, of killing someone, makes you hot in all the right ways doesn’t it princess, I promise you will get your fix later. I will help you feed your monster and you will help me with mine. We are a match made in hell.” His grave voice gives away just how much he likes what he sees and the way, he looks at me from those hooded eyes, makes me shiver with want, need and pure fear. I am turned on by the danger of this connection.

  A match made in hell, that we most certainly are! My pulse races for this man my body betrays me and wants to submit to him not eliminate him. I know I will never control Callum O’Reilly and I don’t want to. Yet my head tells me to be terrified of him because the villain is just below the beautiful surface and he is dark dangerous and every bit as deadly as I am. I am going to bed with a rogue monster.

  His hands are on my bare skin wrapping around my waist and neck, they are strong enough to crush my windpipe is the only thought in my head. His body is a finely tuned machine, I already saw that today. I saw just what his hands can do. My body wants them to do other kinds of damage at this moment. He lifts me up so my legs can slide around his hips and he can carry me away to his lair. His hands are biting into the flesh of my backside leaving bruises that I know will be blue on my white skin in no time at all. His mouth is on my neck writing with fire on my skin causing my chest to heave with each breath forcing my breasts closer to his face as his strong legs move us with no effort to his bedroom. “This is going to hurt Shannon.” Another promise, another warning I didn’t heed. Can I let him own me and not want to kill him? Let’s see…

  He throws me onto the bed with no tenderness or love in this man he is all madness. He stands over me his sheer size is intimidating his hands snap my garters loose and he rolls my stockings down torturously slowly. With one fluid movement, he turns me over so I am face down on the soft bed cover. I feel him pull my arms behind me until they are in an uncomfortable position and he binds them at the wrists and elbows so that I cannot move them at all. Ice, there it is my brain won’t let me submit to this and I start to fight the restraints. Meg’s words ring in my ears psychotic break. His powerful body hovers over me before he pushes me down hard. “Don’t fight me; trust your body, not your mind princess and I will let you have what you need after I am done with you.” His words are hard and cold but melt my defences, he forces the fight from me when his hands travel up my thighs touching every inch of me except the place that is screaming for him. Torture, Callum’s demon is torture that is what feeds him. Pain rips through me over and over again, as he hits me. He rapes me because no matter how my body reacts my mind is screaming no. My mouth cannot make words anymore, his every touch tears me up my body is taking pleasure from the brutal assault but my mind is fracturing into pieces that won’t fit back together when he is done. The more I suffer, the more pleasure he takes from it. My pain makes him want me more. I feel my orgasms expose my weakness to him. I could never win against him. I never stood a chance against the maniac that seduces my body and rapes my mind with every thrust of his cock and every stroke his belt lands on my skin. When I can no longer fight his torture, when my mind and body are destroyed, I let myself pass out. He has actually broken me.

  I let him do it. I let Callum torture, use and fuck me, I fed his monster all night he made me scream, cry and come over and over again. Then he tied me to the bedpost and went to sleep in the room next door. “I don’t trust you won’t kill me in my sleep princess, sleep now we will go fix your needs when we get up.” He whispers into my ear, but my body is so wound up it feels like he is screaming into my soul. He left me alone in the aftermath of the terror he reigned down on my body. I cannot even cry because I wanted him to do this. I wanted Callum, and I got him, all the dark maddening shades of his depraved fucked up mind were bestowed on me. I don’t like Callum, but my body relished the torturous pleasure that he brought. Shame overwhelms me as I sink back into the darkness. I should not have been able to come from what he did to me. How could I enjoy that I am disgusting.

  He left me in agony, uncomfortable and tied up. I slept better than I have in years. I think I may just love that villain and I don’t want to. I don’t want to love him or anyone – I won’t. How else is he still alive? You would have killed any other man who did that. You should kill him!

  I WAKE UP TO ACHING ARMS from being bound for hours. I have no feeling in my fingers and the pain is unbearable. The covers have slipped off me leaving me naked in the cold air. I have the skin crawling feeling of being watched and I know he is in here watching me. I can see bruises and bite marks on my skin and I am stiff and sore all over. My skin is covered with goose-bumps and my brain can’t decide if they are the good kind or not. I do know I want to kill him, it's freezing its way through me as I sit here tied up and feeble. I want to watch his last breath being ripped from his lungs in excruciating pain and suffering, his face contorting with pain and desperation. Then my mind flashes to the things he did to my body and the ice melts a little. What have I done? I am dancing with the devil.

  “Are you ready to feed that need I can see burning in you Princess? Do you want to kill me?” His voice mocks me bringing my rage back to the surface. I want to kill him. He is smiling at me like the cat that got the cream as he circles the bed where I am a prisoner. Stalking me like I am prey. “I am going to cut you loose now, get dressed and let's go take care of you correctly. Then we have houses to look at.” He so calm and detached, far from the passion and fury filled monster from last night. Megan was right, that was a psychotic break, it had to be. That is not normal even for someone who is into that sort of kink that was not kink, it was insanity. He should be medicated for that!

  All business, his words don’t betray a single emotion but drip with authority and power. He owns me and he wants me to know it. He staked his claim on my body last night, now he is showing me exactly how far that ownership goes. I belong to him and I can do nothing about it.

  There is nothing left of my underwear and my clothes are laid out neatly at the foot of the bed. Callum takes a knife from his pocket and runs the point of it up my naked stomach and arms with just enough pressure, not to cut me, but enough so I know that he could. I am instantly aroused and rub my thighs together. This earns me a mocking laugh and a shake of his head as he cuts my hands loose. The sudden return of circulation is painful and I cannot help but wince at the uncomfortable pain. He bends down and kisses my cheek, cold and void of the passion he showed last night. “Get dressed.” His soft words brush against my ear then he leaves me alon
e. He is dressed to perfection in a black suit as always, his hair combed neatly and he smells like sex on a stick. Where is train wreck I saw at the funeral now? I stood a chance against that Callum.

  I slide out of the bed rubbing my wrists easing the discomfort a little, no way I am dressing without a shower I smell like him and dirty sex. My hair is a matted red mess and I can feel his semen dried on my thighs. The bathroom is cold and I turn the water in the shower scalding hot. It turns my white skin red in seconds as I try to wash Callum off of my body - I won’t get him off my mind so easily. He clings to my body too, his bruises and bite marks sting and burn my skin and I can feel that his physical assault has left my lady bits tender and raw. I look almost as bad as Joel lying in my surgery after their boxing match.

  I towel dry my hair and fish a clip out of my handbag pinning it up high off my neck and face. I shamefully slip yesterday’s clothes over my naked body and put my bare feet into my heels. When I open the door, Callum is standing right outside of it waiting with a suspicious smile on his face.

  “Let’s go Princess.” My blood turns cold the lust gone and I want to kill him right now. I am instantly consumed by the grey need for death, the shadow has caught up with me. I need it like I need air. I crave the high, the buzz, the absolute satisfaction of ending a life.

  We drive in silence to my surgery, I have nothing to say to him. I am too confused by the betrayal of my body. He seems angry with me, although I am not sure what I expected the morning after sex with a madman. He tied me to the fucking bed! My palms sweat with fear, anticipation and confusion.

  He parks in the ambulance bay in front of the building and gets out quickly; I wait for him to open my door. He doesn’t; he just glares at me from the surgery door. I carefully haul myself out of the car giving him a view of my naked crotch and stomp up the sidewalk to join him. “Smile, you love me remember.” Only his expression doesn’t match the instruction. There is no love, just threats in those evil eyes. He is toying with me and enjoying every minute of it. I am Callum’s new toy and he is going to play with me until I am broken.

  He pushes the door open with excessive force and marches into my workplace. Only it’s not mine anymore, it’s his just like I am. He has taken it all.

  “Megan, get the nurse and the doctor and go on a tea break.” He barks at my receptionist, her eyes begging me to step in and tell her if she should listen I nod trying to tell her to just do as he asks. “Now Megan, not tomorrow afternoon, fuck off, I have some business with Shannon.” She scrambles up and buzzes the other two to get out; I hear their footsteps as Callum drags me by the arm to my office. I swallow my fear and focus on the promised high.

  “So how do you do it Shannon? What will fix that look in your eyes? How do you kill them? Do you watch them die?” He is just feeding my rage towards him and my need to kill is growing by the second. Being around Callum is too dangerous. I will kill him. I need to kill someone, fucking anyone will do right now. His voice seduces the darkness in me and I melt in confusion and lust. It makes me sick to my stomach.

  “Poison, which one depends on how quickly I need them to die? I would give you Strychnine and watch you suffer for 2-3 hours while your body contorts to the worst death imaginable.” The malice of my words makes him smile, he is enjoying this. He is drawn to this side of me and is stupidly unafraid of my need to extinguish the life force out of others.

  “Where do you keep it?” He questions very calmly, standing too close to me again so my body loses its fight and forgets my need to kill him. Lust one of the most deadly sins draws us into a trap we won’t escape alive.

  “Upstairs in my flat, the lock box is in my spare bedroom.” I don’t dare lie to him; I want to live long enough to actually kill him. He walks to my desk and sits in my chair. “Go fetch it Princess.” Again an order, not a request, I haven’t moved when he raises an eyebrow at me. “Now!” he yells at me, waiting for my challenge so he can react. I just turn and go to my box of death upstairs and bring down two vials of my favourite poison enough to kill someone horrifically. I hold them tight to my skin warming the glass as I slowly go back down the stairs. I am afraid Callum will get off on the torturous nature of this. He likes to watch suffering. A lesson I learned the hard way last night.

  The leather of his belt bit into my flesh over and over again, I screamed through every single lash. The vile smile on his face as he unleashed hell on my body made me cower in fear. I was convinced I would die as he forced my body to respond to his torture. His brutal assault of my most sensitive places left me in a weeping mess. I was just a mess on the floor again.

  When I open my office door, Callum is not there, I walk down a small passage in search of him. When I do find him, it is at the bedside of his nephew, the broken young man is clearly in pain Callum has apparently just added a new injury while I was busy. I don’t say a word. I feel the ice, the thrill of what is to come as I mix the poison with a glass of iced tea. I must remember to toss the glass so I don’t inadvertently kill anyone else. My coldness is directed at Callum, but I am taking it out on another, is this secret to me keeping a lover, to having a man in my life? I feel a new thrill a different high.

  “Joel, this will help with the pain and to rehydrate you a little. I don’t want to have to put up an IV so, please drink it quickly.” I hand him the glass and watch him swallow the deadly liquid down. Each bob of his Adam’s apple takes him closer to a vile end. There is no antidote for Strychnine he will die from that drink. I grab the empty glass and Callum’s hand. “We will check on you in a few minutes, try to get some rest.” I pull Callum from the room.

  “How much time?” He asks me in my ear. His breath adding to the burning desire that is coursing through me I feel my world dissolving into confusion and chaos. This is mine, my high, the release I need and I don’t want to share it with him. The anarchy in my own head is making me doubt this situation. I feel ill. I am not getting what I need from this because Callum is sharing it with me. Yet it feels better in other ways, I get strangely turned on by him watching. I am as sick as he is.

  “Twenty minutes and the muscle spasms and convulsions will start then two to three hours before he will die. He is already weak so it may be quicker, we will go watch once it starts I just need to make sure the others don’t return, it will get loud and ugly. What am I going to do with his body Callum, I cannot call Neil to fetch it he won’t believe I fucked the boy.” I just realised I am going to be stuck with a dead O’Reilly in my surgery in a few hours and no way to get rid of him on my own.

  “I have taken care of it, one of my foreign boys will go deliver him to his grieving mother.” His voice is cold again and I am afraid of him. “Go call Megan tell them to take the day off, you can tell her the surgery is closed out respect for the passing of my brother Warrick.” What the fuck? I have to stop and take in his words? I swallow hard when I slowly understand what is going on - he is the one waging war.

  “You killed your own brother?” I question just to be sure my mind isn’t making this up all on its own.

  “No, I had my brother killed. I do not like actually committing murder Princess, I don’t mind watching though. I will do it if I have to, but I rather not.” The evil glint in his eyes reminds me of the way he looked at me last night. A smile tugs at one corner of his mouth giving me a glimpse of just how much he is enjoying this.

  I go make a call to Megan and flip the door sign to closed before I return to Callum, who has made himself at home behind my desk. He looks up at me and then at his watch, it’s still too soon. “I am going upstairs to change into clean clothing, I presume when we are done we are still shopping for houses even though you should be mourning your brother’s untimely death?” He just nods and continues to work on my computer.

  My body has a poison clock built in, I know the exact minute my victim begins to suffer I can feel it as if I am connected to their withering souls. I am almost dressed when I know his face is pulling with spasms he cannot under
stand, his mind is racing to fathom why no one is coming why he can’t scream louder. Soon he will realise and accept his death sentence then I will go watch, I need to see him die. His demise is my reward.

  I don’t know how he did it, but Callum has managed to take the need to murder him and used the same trigger to make me murder his nephew. I am just as excited and turned on by it. I slip on fresh underwear and stockings; throwing what was left of yesterday’s clothing in the laundry hamper. I choose a green pencil skirt with a black camisole and heels, run a brush through my hair before I go fetch Callum. It is time for the best part of this to begin, the grey clouding my mind settles into black and I am ready for him to die. Ready for my prize.

  It has been an hour and Joel knows he is going to die; his body is shutting down, his spine arches with uncontrollable spasms almost snapping it. His eyes bulging out of the sockets with every episode, lock jaw has set in so he cannot scream anymore. He will either die when the nervous system stops telling his lungs to breathe or his system shuts down from the exhaustion of the convulsions. His pain will be magnified by the injuries that Callum inflicted yesterday. His death will be beautiful to watch. Death is the most beautiful part of life.