Sold! In the Show Me State

by Jessie Gussman

  Chapter 17

  The evening went by quickly, and he thought they had a good time.

  He did.

  Ivory seemed to as well.

  His oldest brother, Reid, who had four kids of his own, got the tractor and wagon out and was giving hayrides by the time it got dark.

  RaeAnne had never been on a hayride, and after the first two times, he’d been unable to get her off the wagon. Not that he tried that hard.

  A few people had left, and after he’d waved to RaeAnne once more, he leaned over and said to Ivory, “You want to take a walk?”

  She seemed like she’d done pretty well all evening, talking with people and laughing. He thought she enjoyed herself. He enjoyed watching her. It was kind of fun to be with someone who wasn’t concerned about their appearance or his. And who wasn’t bored out of their mind because the people that they were with weren’t quite on their level.

  He thought that maybe Ivory would be ready to step away for little bit, and RaeAnne obviously wasn’t ready to leave.

  Okay. Those were all excuses. He just wanted to be alone with Ivory for a little bit. He wanted to savor the feeling of walking beside her and holding her hand.

  Maybe just wanted to talk to her for a bit.

  She looked up at him, smiling. The anxiety and insecurity that had been on her face when they arrived was completely gone. He’d like to think he had something to do that, but he was pretty sure it was just because of the kindness and downright goodness of the people in Cowboy Crossing, and because of Ivory’s own personality and her tendency to be able to correct herself when she saw that she was wrong.

  She smiled and nodded. “I’d like that.”

  He wasn’t sure exactly how they looked, but when he raised his head from speaking low with Ivory, his eyes happened to meet his mother’s. She was watching them.

  She and Deacon were standing together, Deacon with his hands crossed over his chest and his legs braced. Alone.

  When Deacon saw him looking, one side of his mouth curved up, and he nodded his head almost imperceptibly.

  Chandler jerked his in return, although he wasn’t sure why. If Deacon was trying to say something, he was missing the memo.

  He tugged on Ivory’s hand and started across the side of the yard toward the barn. He figured he probably didn’t have too many women that he’d ever been with who would appreciate a tour of their barn. But he knew without asking that Ivory would.

  They walked in silence until the lights and laughter of the party faded away.

  “Thanks so much for staying beside me all night. I know that made it a little harder on you, and you didn’t have as much fun as you could have, but I appreciated it.”

  “It didn’t make it harder for me. It made it more fun.” He supposed he could have elaborated, but he’d already stepped out of line the night before when he asked to kiss her and she shut him down. So he kept his mouth shut and lifted his head to the breeze which felt warm and soft, carrying with it the smell of cut hay which sweetened it and made him breathe deeply. “I love that smell.”

  “Me too. It doesn’t make me hungry, but it makes me want to go roll in it or something.” He could hear the laughter in her voice, and he had to agree.

  “It’s not hard though to figure out why cows love it. Man, there’s just something good about that smell.”

  They walked along in silence for a few steps before she spoke. “I think I met all of your brothers tonight. There are four, right?”

  “Five. Including me, it makes six boys for my parents.”

  “Oh, okay. That’s right, I guess I did meet six. Reid, who has four children?”

  “Yeah. His wife left him while the youngest was still bottle-fed. She was a liar and a cheat.” He shouldn’t have said that. But she was.

  “Hmm.” It was probably smart of Ivory not to comment. He knew he was biased, because he loved his brother.

  “And of course I know Deacon, because he was close to our age, and Clark.” She hesitated for a minute. “Maybe I’m prying, and just tell me if I am, but Deacon was never married, was he?”

  “No. He’s the only one that wasn’t.”

  “What’s the story on Tinsley?”

  “I have no idea. Deacon won’t say. She just arrived one day—a newborn in a car seat dropped off at the church—with a note that said Deacon was her father. He didn’t deny it, so we assumed the note was correct and he knew what was going on. Deacon was the least of us who might have had something like that happen to him. We’d never seen him with a girl anyway.” He kind of laughed. “If we were Catholic, he’d be a priest.”

  “Yeah, I remember he had that kind of reputation.”

  “He’s been a great dad. Totally devoted to being a dad. Tinsley’s been blessed. Even though, as far as I know, she doesn’t know who her mom is either.”

  They’d reached the driveway, and he walked back down it, leading her toward the dark shadow in the distance. “I kinda thought you’d like to see our barn.”

  “I bet that’s the first time you’ve ever said that to a girl.” Her voice held a teasing note and a light one that he enjoyed. It took him back to the days over the past few weeks that they’d worked together in easy silence or companionable talking.

  “You’d win that bet.” He could laugh. And he did. “I think I like hanging around girls that I can say that to.”

  “Girls?” Her voice was still light and still had the teasing note, but there was a vulnerability there that he hadn’t noticed before.

  “Just you. You know there’s only one of you.”

  He meant it as a compliment, and he thought she took it that way when she laughed.

  “We milked our cows here, although we lived where Clark still does. Mom and dad didn’t build that fancy new house until a few years ago.

  “Hmm.”

  He wasn’t sure what that meant. The way he grew up was a lot different than the way she did. Maybe that was what she was thinking.

  They reached the barn, coming to the milk house first. “This is where the tank used to be. Back when we milked cows. We sold them when I was still in elementary school. There’s just no money in milk, and the market is too volatile. It’s been taken over by the factory farms.”

  “Yes,” she said. “I’ve seen that, and I think it’s sad. Although I do think that organic and pasture-raised milk could be sustainable for a small family farm. A lot of work though.”

  He nodded, again realizing that she wasn’t like the girls he normally hung out with. He’d forgotten. He didn’t need to explain to her about agriculture or the death of the family farm. “You’re right. It would be a lot of work, it is a lot of work, but there’s definitely a demand for that. I’m thinking it’ll grow, too. If I were getting into farming, that might be a good niche to look at.”

  “If you had ten kids to help you with the work.”

  He laughed. “Ten kids is work in itself. I can’t imagine that.”

  “You have a pretty close example of it growing up with five brothers. And from what Marlowe said tonight, she made the sixth sibling.”

  He nodded slowly. “Yeah. I guess my mom made it look easy. But you’re right, six isn’t that far off from ten.”

  “I feel bad for your mom though. With all those boys, she didn’t have much help.”

  “Oh buddy, she had help. We didn’t have a choice about working in the house or working outside. There was always work.” That was part of the reason he left the farm. Too much work. Work that didn’t feel like farmwork when he was sitting in his air-conditioned, GPS-driven cab. Not the kind of work that a farmer would do.

  Ivory grunted. “I guess she didn’t have a choice. If she did try to do everything for you guys, she would have died from work overload.”

  “Yeah. And before we sold our cows, she was out working in the barn too. I can say that about my mom, she sure knows how to work. And my dad. Not to dismiss him, but we were talking about Mom.”

  “You and yo
ur dad look an awful lot alike. You have the same mannerisms too.”

  “I hope someday I’m half as good a man as he is. I know I’m not.”

  “He’s got some years on you. Give yourself some time.”

  He grunted but didn’t answer. “And here’s the parlor. I guess back before my time, they had a stable. And again before my time, they replaced it with this double eight. They sold some of the equipment when they sold the cows, but I think in the back of his mind, my dad always hoped to milk again. He loved it.”

  “You know, I think there’s just something about cows. You always hear about people loving horses, and there are tons of books and everything written about that, but there’s just something about cows that gets in your blood. It’s hard to shake them.”

  He laughed, but he thought she was serious. He could see from the way she treated her own animals that she truly did care about them. “So cows are your favorite animal?”

  “Yes. They are. I’m telling you, there’s just something about them.”

  “They even beat out kittens?”

  She laughed along with him. “They sure do. I’ll take a cow any day over a kitten.”

  “Man. I’ve worked with you for several weeks now, and I had no idea how weird you were.”

  “I’m scaring you, aren’t I?”

  “Yeah. You are.”

  “Then I guess I better not give you my opinion on anteaters.”

  He snorted. “If we’re going to remain friends, we better not talk about anteaters. I can see that won’t end well.”

  They laughed together again, and he was feeling light and happy. It was pretty much the way he always felt when he was with Ivory.

  Her fingers moved in his hand, and he turned toward her. Her face was serious as she looked up at him.

  “I feel like it’s only fair, after last night, that I tell you, while I really like you and I feel like maybe we are friends, what I feel for you is not friendly.”

  He blinked. Her words had been so hesitant and soft it took him a little bit to figure out what she was actually saying.

  “I guess you already know I feel that way. I don’t typically go around asking to kiss my friends.”

  She nodded, her lips ghosting a smile. “I assumed you didn’t.”

  He needed to be as honest as she. “But I’ve already done the long-term thing. It didn’t work. And now I only get to see my daughter occasionally through the year. She leaves and doesn’t live close.” He resisted the urge to pace. “That’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had happen to me, when my wife left and took RaeAnne with her, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I can’t do that again. Marriage just doesn’t seem to work for the Hudson boys.”

  There was bitterness in his last line, and he hated that, but he didn’t know what to do about it. Because it was true. All of them had tried it. All of them had failed. Except Deacon, who’d ended up with a kid but no marriage.

  She nodded. “I appreciate you being honest with me. And I appreciate you respecting my decision.”

  “Of course. You have just as much right to your decisions as I have to mine.”

  Her fingers jerked in his. “Do I have the right to change my mind?”

  His mouth dropped open, and he stared at her, trying to figure out if she meant what he thought she meant.

  He thought she did.

  “Yes.” This word was a whisper.

  “Good. Because I have.”

  Suddenly he felt like he was breathing like he’d run up a steep hill, and his heart pounded just as hard. But he didn’t want to make inferences. He needed the straight truth.

  “You changed your mind about kissing me?”

  Her brows twitched, and she lifted her shoulder. He wasn’t expecting to see the little turning of her lips that indicated a small smile. “I changed my mind about you kissing me. I’m not sure how I feel about me kissing you. I hadn’t really thought about that.”

  “Maybe we can talk about it.”

  “Is that how you usually do it? You talk about it?”

  His own lips twitched, and although his heart and lungs still weren’t working together in any kind of comfortable rhythm, he could appreciate the humor. “No. It’s not. But I’m also not usually laughing when I’m getting ready to kiss someone for the first time.”

  He didn’t want to talk about all the other first kisses he’d had. It seemed like it wasn’t the thing to do when he was getting ready to have another first kiss. Hopefully.

  “I’ve been telling myself over and over for the last few weeks how you’re so much different than any other girl I’ve ever met. It figures you’d be different with this too. I want to kiss you, and I want to laugh, and here I am talking about it. I guess I don’t have to tell you this isn’t my first kiss, but it’s definitely my first kiss like this.”

  Humor flashed in her eyes, and he was pretty sure, far from offending her, his words had made her happy.

  “Maybe we can quit talking now?”

  “I’ve quit for a while. But I don’t mind listening to you either.”

  “I don’t think this is something I can talk about while I’m doing it.”

  “I guess you’ll have to show me then.” Her brow lifted in the challenge.

  He’d never been one to walk away from a challenge. He tugged on their joined hands, and she stepped forward. She was close enough to kiss, but not close enough to satisfy him. His arms slid around the curve of her waist, harder than he had anticipated, but he supposed that made sense since she spent most of her days in constant physical labor.

  “Why are you smiling?” he asked into her upturned face. It wasn’t a nervous smile. Actually it was a smile that made him nervous. If a woman could look at a man with stars in her eyes, that’s how Ivory was looking at him.

  “When I got dressed tonight, I thought you might be ashamed of me. I don’t look like everyone else. Plus I’m weird in a lot of other ways.”

  He started to disagree with her, but she shook her head, a finger coming up and touching his lips. There was no pressure, but he liked the way it felt.

  He touched it with his tongue.

  Her eyes widened, and her finger dropped.

  “You’re not weird.”

  “I am. But you acted like you didn’t mind being with me, no matter what I looked like or how I acted or even what my reputation is.”

  “It wasn’t an act,” he said honestly. “And it’s not that I don’t mind, I liked being with you. Loved being beside you.” His hand came up and cupped her cheek. It was as soft as it was last night, only tonight, he didn’t think she was going to tell him no. “I feel like we complement each other. Like when you’re beside me, it’s not about who can draw the most eyes, or who can be better than the other, it’s like it is when we work together—we help each other.”

  If possible, her smile softened even more. That look made his heart beat hard, but his stomach cramped and curled. He wasn’t sure he could live up to that look, wasn’t sure he wanted to face what he thought it meant.

  Ivory was strong and tough, but for all that her mother had been, Ivory was naive about relationships. She wasn’t holding anything back, and everything she felt was right there on her face for him to see.

  He didn’t deserve that trust. He definitely didn’t deserve what he thought he saw there. Admiration, respect, and—possibly—love.

  It all scared him. She thought he was more than what he was, gave him more credit than he deserved. He could bluster along—he was good at that—but in his heart, he knew, had figured out over the last few weeks of working with her, that he wasn’t good enough for her.

  She was real—solid and strong and exactly what she was.

  While he was a fake. Just pretending to be the person whoever he was with thought he was.

  Except when he was with Ivory. She brought out the man he wanted to become.

  Not now, though. The man he wanted to become wouldn’t kiss her when he knew she was looking
for something permanent and he had no plans to stay. No plans to enter into any relationship that would last beyond a few kisses.

  He should back away, but he leaned closer, pulling her toward him until their bodies touched.

  She made him better. Maybe he could be better in this, too.

  “You told me no last night.” He managed to get the words out, his lips almost brushing hers.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I just want to make sure you truly changed your mind.”

  “Yes.” She stretched up and brushed her lips against his.

  He closed his eyes, his hands tightening around her and his breath hitching.

  She did it again, and he had the same unexpected reaction. He should have known. Nothing with Ivory had been the same as it had with anyone else.

  She stretched up once more, and this time, he met her halfway, allowing their lips to brush before he parted his and deepened the kiss, pressing her to him, pushing his hand into her hair, and vaguely realizing it felt as soft as it looked.

  Her body moved sweetly under his hands, pressing closer. Heat pushed through his chest and down his arms as her hands slid up and around his neck, a light touch that burned deliciously and made him tremble.

  The old milking parlor wasn’t the most romantic spot in the world, and maybe he should have picked a better spot for their first kiss, but he wasn’t thinking of that, didn’t have any coherent thoughts other than he needed her closer and didn’t want to ever let her go.

  IVORY PADDED OUT OF her house and walked around the back. She couldn’t keep from smiling and for some reason, her fingers wanted to linger on her lips which still seemed to tingle.

  From not wanting to go to the Memorial Day picnic at all to having the best experience of her life there, it had been an enchantingly wild evening and she couldn’t sleep.

  But she wasn’t out to have a midnight tryst, either, so she didn’t walk down to the creek, which would take her right by where the object of her thoughts was sleeping.