Sold! In the Show Me State

by Jessie Gussman

  She tucked her arms around her waist as a cool breeze floated across the dark night, but she didn’t really feel it.

  Chandler was the most amazing, wonderful man. She’d enjoyed their time together as they’d worked on the farm, but tonight was beyond anything she’d imagined. Not just the kiss, although that had been beautiful beyond words, but the way he’d treated her and the way she’d felt when she was with him.

  It was easy to see she’d fallen in love with the man.

  The thought stirred her heart and made her dreamy smile grow bigger.

  But, it was also easy to see that he wasn’t the permanent thing she’d always wanted, that he wasn’t viewing them as a long-term item, and that, even if he felt a fraction of what she did, he wasn’t going to be staying.

  He had a career, a very good one, in Hollywood, as well as legions of fans, and he’d be going back to it all.

  Soon.

  Those thoughts were enough to sober her some, but not enough to dampen the tender feelings cocooning her heart.

  After he left there would probably be pain, she realized that, although she’d never had her heart broken before. Maybe she was being stupid, like millions of women before her down through time had been for men who would never commit and who would just leave – her mother, for example – but Ivory had a new perspective on those women, now.

  She could understand the pull to spend whatever time she was granted, falling deeper and deeper in love with a man, who might love her back, but would never stay.

  She sighed.

  Her defenses hadn’t been strong enough and it was too late to build more now.

  Her choices were either to enjoy the time she had left, and worry about the heartbreak when he was gone, or push him away now, hoping to ease the eventual pain and separation.

  The inclination of her mind was the second – the less pain, the better. But her heart wanted to enjoy whatever time she could have with him, and honestly, it seemed harmless enough. It wasn’t like she was planning on having an intimate relationship with him. Just sharing smiles, holding hands and more sweet kisses.

  She had to admit, though, one kiss only made her want more.

  The risk was worth it, she finally concluded, still smiling her dreamy smile, and pushing back hard on that little voice that told her she was allowing her heart to rule her head and that’s where a woman’s troubles always began.

  CHANDLER HELD IVORY’S hand as they moseyed in from the pasture where her cows and goats now grazed with contentment.

  They’d gotten the fence up and he’d spread fertilizer for her. Her beehives were all fixed and ready, plus he’d made some improvements in the barn.

  Her corn was just poking through the ground.

  They’d had a busy and productive week.

  It had been the best week of his life. He’d never had so much fun with another person.

  And, at night, after RaeAnne had gone to bed, Ivory and he had strolled hand and hand under the stars, kissing and talking and cuddling. It had been the perfect ending to each day of hard labor.

  He’d savored every minute.

  But today was his last day here.

  His mother had wanted to spend one last afternoon and night with RaeAnne, leaving him to have one last afternoon and evening with Ivory. He hadn’t been able to figure out how to say what was in his heart.

  What he was feeling was so unusual and different from anything that he had ever felt before.

  Or ever wanted. He was treading on completely new ground and he wasn’t sure how to handle it.

  He knew exactly what he wanted – Ivory – but he wasn’t sure how to get her. He wasn’t even sure if Ivory wanted him.

  But tonight was his last night. He was leaving first thing in the morning. He had to figure out how he could make Ivory his. Let her know that was what he wanted.

  His thumb stroked her hand as they walked along, her body lightly brushing his and her scent drifting up. They seemed to always head towards the creek. The sounds and gurgle of the stream and the scent of moist earth and honeysuckle mixed together in the night air.

  For the rest of his life, any of those sounds or smells would bring him back to the beauty of this week and the gift of time that he been given with this woman.

  She didn’t say anything, and he waited until they reached the edge of the bank, where they stopped. He tugged on her hand until she turned and they faced each other.

  With easy familiarity, she stepped into his arms, and he closed them around her. He didn’t bend his head to kiss her like he had every other night they’d done this. Instead, he pulled her close and put his hands on her back, lightly touching.

  “I wanted to talk to you for a minute tonight.”

  Her shoulder shook like maybe she was laughing. “You can talk to me if you want. But I wanted to kiss you for a minute tonight.”

  He laughed. If he thought back to that first day when she’d taken him home from the auction, he never thought that they would end up where they were, wrapped in each other’s arms and standing by the creek together.

  “This wasn’t how I pictured us thirty days from the day you bought me.” He had to share that thought with her.

  “It wasn’t exactly what I was thinking was going to happen either,” she said with a smile in her voice.

  “Life has a way of surprising us sometimes, doesn’t it?”

  She nodded. “It sure does.”

  “Well, it surprised me in a couple of other ways too.” He took a shaky breath, unable to remember when he’d last been this nervous, but determined he was going to say something, anything, to try to keep her with him. Or keep them together. Or...what exactly did he want?

  “We haven’t really talked about what happens after I’m done shooting this next movie.” That wasn’t too bad of a beginning line.

  Ivory didn’t say anything, but she tensed a little under his hands.

  He opened his mouth again. “I was hoping that between films you and I can spend some time together. I mean, I like kissing you, and I’d like to be more than what we are right now. I would like...” His voice trailed off. He didn’t even know how to articulate what he wanted to say. Was he asking for a long-term relationship? Would they be a couple?

  Ivory didn’t move, but it seemed like there was a distance between them that hadn’t been there before, as she tensed even more.

  He didn’t want to scare her away, and he didn’t want to take things too fast. It had only been a month. He wanted everything from her, but feeling her pull away, made him think he needed to back off.

  “I mean, I’m not saying we need to be exclusive or anything.” That was what he wanted. But maybe a full-blown relationship was too fast for her. Maybe he was doing this Hollywood speed, rather than Missouri farm girl speed.

  The one thing he did know - she hadn’t wanted a relationship with him to begin with because he told her he tried the marriage thing and hadn’t worked out.

  But, if not marriage, then what?

  His phone rang in his pocket. He ignored it, letting it go to voicemail. This conversation was too important to interrupt.

  “Maybe I’m being selfish.” His hand ran down her back and over her shoulder, curving around her neck under the soft curtain of her hair. “Maybe I’m asking you to be with me and you aren’t ready.”

  Her breathing had gotten more shallow, but he didn’t know what that meant. Had he upset her?

  He waited for long minutes. His phone rang, and he let it go again. He wanted to know, needed to find out from Ivory, what was between them.

  Finally, he said, “Talk to me, Ivory. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  “It might be best if we just break it off. It was a nice little fling for a month, but there’s no future. You coming back will just drag it out.”

  He swayed, his fingers tightening before he forced them to relax.

  Maybe it shouldn’t have, but the effect that her words had on him surprised him. He hadn’t exp
ected to feel it that deeply.

  Was this how she really felt? Before he could collect his thoughts and talk to her, his phone rang again.

  “I think you better answer that,” she said softly pulling back some, until there were was an arm length between them, and just his fingertips rested on her shoulder.

  He tried to look down into her eyes, but the night was too dark. Or maybe it was his mood. Gloom seemed to settle over him, heavy, cold and hurting.

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, swiping without even looking to see who it was, not wanting to take his eyes off of Ivory.

  “Hudson,” he answered.

  “Chandler, did you see the news?” It was his agent, Randy Bieler.

  “No. I haven’t watched the news in a month.” He hadn’t missed it. Too many other things had captured his attention.

  “Where are you? On safari in Africa?” Bieler asked. But then he said, “Never mind. Jessica is dead. Killed on the set. You’d better get your butt to Las Vegas, they’re sending the body back, and you are definitely going to need to be there.”

  Ice flashed through Chandler’s body and his head spun. Jessica was dead? His stomach tightened in a sick knot.

  “Chandler?” Randy’s voice prompted.

  The last thing he wanted was to go. Jessica was his ex - he wasn’t married to her. But everything in show business was all about show. He knew that. He had been there long enough and he understood. To not show, to not have his daughter there, would look bad. Really bad.

  Jessica might not have been quite as big of a name as he was, but she still had a pretty large following, and he needed to play the game.

  But...his daughter just lost her mother. How was he going to handle that? How was he going to tell her?

  She would be devastated.

  How does one tell a daughter their mother died? He backed completely away from Ivory and blew out a breath, running his hand through his hair and tilting forward slightly. Agonized at the thought of how his daughter was going to feel. What he was going to have to do to her.

  He always wanted to protect her, keep her safe, make her happy. Provide for her. This was not one of the things he wanted to have to do. Far from it.

  “Chandler? Are you still there?” Randy’s voice came over the phone.

  “Yeah. I’m just trying to figure out what I’m going to say to RaeAnne.”

  “Don’t tell her now. I’ll get Dr. Will on the phone. He’ll fly out to Vegas, and he’ll help you figure out the best way to break the news to her. You just need to be there.”

  “How much time do we have?”

  “Her body arrives tomorrow. There’s going to be a big hoopla.”

  He didn’t have any time. He’d have to leave right now, and hope there was a red eye he could catch.

  Man, he hadn’t processed the thought that his ex-wife had died. He wasn’t in love with her anymore, of course, but still, she’d been so alive. So beautiful and vibrant. It was hard to believe that life was snuffed out.

  “They’re closing that set down. There have been accidents and whispers that it was cursed, and now with this fatality, there’s no way they’re going to finish that movie over there. They’ll probably build a set here in Hollywood or on location somewhere in the states.”

  “Yeah.” Chandler didn’t know what else to say, his mind was roiling with so many other things.

  His eyes shot to Ivory. He couldn’t see her in the dark very well, but he thought she still faced him. She was probably wondering what was going on.

  He wanted to lean on her and share this with her. Sharing the pain halved it right? He wasn’t sure, but he’d be willing to find out. Ivory made them better in every way. It made sense that she’d do so in this as well.

  But he couldn’t. He couldn’t do that. It wasn’t fair. She had just said she thought it would be better to have a clean break.

  New pain, fresh pain, harder pain, hit him then. She didn’t want him.

  She had basically...broken up with him.

  His lungs choked, and he couldn’t get his chest to move out.

  He could handle Jessica’s death. He could do what needed to be done. RaeAnne would be the worst, and that was going to be hard. Just as hard as reconciling the fact that he was losing Ivory, had already lost her. She wanted a clean break.

  “You still there buddy? I didn’t think this was going upset you like this. I’m sorry. I should have broken it a little bit easier to you.”

  “No. I’m fine. I need to get RaeAnne, book a flight, and I’ll be in Vegas in the morning.”

  “I’ll get your flight. You just get to the airport. Call me when you’re on the way, and I’ll text you the details of the flight.”

  “Okay.”

  They hung up. Chandler stood, just breathing. Trying to process.

  “Is everything okay?” Ivory asked softly. He couldn’t mistake the caring in her voice. She might want a clean break, but she still cared for him.

  Maybe he wouldn’t have said the words if he hadn’t been shaken by both Ivory’s breakup and Jessica’s death. “I love you. That was what I was trying to say earlier. I love you. I wasn’t expecting to, didn’t want to, but I do. And I know I said I didn’t want to get married, that I’d already had one failed marriage and didn’t want to do that again. But that’s what you deserve. Marriage. And that’s what I wanted.” He raked a hand over his hair.

  She started to speak, but he put his hand up. “No. Please. That was my agent. Jessica died on the set. They’re shipping her body back and I need to be in Las Vegas with RaeAnne tomorrow morning.” All the words seem to come out a rush, all the wrong words. He didn’t want talk about his ex-wife in Vegas and funerals and sadness. He wanted to try to figure out how to convince Ivory to give them a chance. “I want to kiss you before I go.”

  He shouldn’t have asked, but he craved her touch and scent and taste and needed to take as much as he could with him.

  “Okay.” Her word was soft and whispered and immediate.

  He was grateful for small mercies. He felt like he needed her now more than he ever had before. Needed her kiss, needed that closeness, and he was afraid he would have been on his knees begging if she hadn’t said yes. He didn’t wait, because he kissed her hard and deep. He meant to be fast, but ended up not.

  He lifted his head, sucking in air. “I need to go.” His hand found hers in the darkness. “I’ll walk you back.”

  “No.” Her hand squeezed, but then slipped out of his. He felt the loss just as sharply as any other loss this evening. “I want to stay here for a while.”

  He wanted to have more time with her. As much as he could get. Just the walk back would be a few more minutes that he would cherish and didn’t want to give up. But he couldn’t force her.

  “Okay.” He had so much he wanted to say, that he wanted to talk about. He should’ve done this earlier. But he wanted to finish out the time he’d committed to before stepping forward into something new. He’d needed time to think. Plus, he hadn’t known what was going to happen tonight.

  “I don’t know what’s going to go on with the funeral and with everything that’s involved in that. Then I have to start that movie, and I’m going to need to be on location. It’ll probably take a month.” Wait. Why was he telling her all of this? She said she wanted a clean break.

  It was the last thing he wanted.

  He swallowed around what felt like a lump of sawdust in his throat. He wasn’t going to force her. He couldn’t. He needed to walk away with dignity and respect her decision.

  “Take care, Ivory. Knowing you has made me a better man.”

  Chandler turned and walked off into the darkness, before he couldn’t.

  TWO MONTHS LATER.

  Ivory turned off the small flatscreen TV and plunked down on the bed that she still thought of as RaeAnne’s.

  It had been a rough two months, and she’d lost even her desire to work and save to build a farm that she dreamed of.<
br />
  She’d taken some money out of her savings, bought a TV and had watched every movie that Chandler Hudson had ever made.

  She was so pathetic.

  But it had been necessary. He wasn’t the marrying kind, she’d known it, and all he was offering was for her to be his booty call between movies. “Kissing and more” is what he’d said. She was the daughter of a modern prostitute. She knew what the “and more” was.

  Although he’d said he’d loved her.

  But lots of men had told her mother they loved her. It was all to get one thing.

  If Chandler actually loved her, he would have been talking about taking her with him, or staying with her, or marriage.

  She’d been going to skip the ladies’ meeting tonight, but she’d also bought a phone in the past two months, and Miss Lynette had texted her asking her if she was coming.

  She probably should go even though she didn’t feel like it.

  There had been a couple of movies that she’d really enjoyed, not his romances, but his very first movie had been the best that he done in her opinion, and she’d watched it four times.

  She’d been going to watch a fifth time tonight.

  She checked her watch, still not used to having a phone she could just look at. She’d be late for the meeting, but she could make it.

  She threw a skirt and a clean shirt on and checked her hair in the bathroom mirror. Grabbing her keys and wallet, she shoved aside the hurt and melancholy that had never left.

  After watching all of Chandler’s movies, she understood why he was so popular. He almost looked better onscreen than off.

  She’d take his off-screen persona over his on-screen, any day. Except the romantic comedies. Those had been too real to be enjoyable.

  Marlowe had brought her up to speed on using her phone and the Internet changes that had happened after she’d graduated from school, and she’d wasted more time than she wanted to admit finding out just how popular Chandler Hudson was.

  No wonder he hadn’t wanted to stay.

  It had been two months. How long was she going to pine over him?

  Getting out and doing things was supposed to help, but the hard part was actually doing it, because she didn’t feel like doing anything except watching his movies over and over again.