by Eric Vall
“Want one?” he offered and held the condom out to me. “They’re realllly fucking good, bro. I gotta ask the chef what kinda sauce they use in these things.”
“I’m good,” I gagged and waved the imp away.
I didn’t even want to think about what kind of flavoring he was tasting.
I leaned back in the chair, closed my eyes, and tried to relax.
That had been more of a workout than I’d thought it would be. But it was totally worth it.
All of Beelzebub’s Demon Lords were dead, and the Lord of the Flies was gonna be next.
Chapter 3
The next morning came much too quickly.
In what felt like seconds, the captain turned the ship around, set a course back to the cruise line’s port, and then docked. After that, the succubi and I hopped back into our black Jeep Wrangler, Shadow, and made the cross-state trip back to Phoenix. As soon as we were at our mansion, we used the newly-installed Basis Porta, quite literally “the portal in the basement,” to interdimensionally travel back to the Fourth Circle of Hell.
Liby, Cupi, Vidia, and I all headed back to our room, while Eligor went to the guest quarters. Meanwhile, Todd dashed off to see if he could find Gula in the restaurant district to “show her his bounty.”
I was out like a light the second my head hit the pillow, but now I laid there, staring at the ceiling as my alarm clock went off. I yawned obnoxiously as I sat up in bed, slipped out from underneath the covers, and stretched. I heard a few bones pop satisfyingly in my body as I stood up, and then I sauntered over to the bathroom.
This was the first time I was meeting most of these new succubi, one-on-one, so I wanted to make sure I looked my best. I hopped in the shower, shaved the stubble off my face, and then brushed my teeth furiously as I thought about the day ahead.
I threw on a pair of combat pants and a basic undershirt before I walked over to the armory box right beside my closet. I popped it open and was greeted instantly with the pristine, beautiful suit of armor that I had made my own, right next to my greatest weapon, the Unhallowed Sword.
I probably wasn’t going to need any of this shit for succubi interviews, but you never knew. Demons were a finicky lot, usually obsessed with tradition and regalia and all that shit.
If I wanted to impress my potential new Demon Lords, I needed to look the part of a Demon King.
And the best way to do that was with the literal most powerful blade in all of Hell on my belt.
I strapped on my armor, sheathed my dark blade in its holster, and then clunked out into the hallway. As I walked up to the door of the War Room, I saw there was a line of naked succubi that stretched all the way down the hallway.
Each of the women had a yellow piece of paper on their stomach, with the words “contestant number” written above a handwritten numerical figure. I heard a few murmurs as I approached, mixed in with some squeals of glee and a few gasps of surprise.
“Hello, ladies,” I said with a wave as I opened up the door.
The squeals and screams of excitement increased as I passed through the threshold and slammed the door shut behind me.
“They love you, bro,” Todd exclaimed. “I knew they’d freak the fuck out when the beloved side character arrived.”
“Side character?” I joked, “I thought I was the star? Wait … what are you wearing, bro?”
The imp sat behind a small table, right next to Superbia. However, instead of his regular bare-chested look, he was decked out in a horrifically tight black turtleneck.
“It’s all part of the attire,” he retorted in an obnoxious British accent. “We’ve got a great line-up of contestants today, so let’s get a move on it now, shall we?”
I walked over to the opposite side of the table, sat down next to Superbia, and exchanged looks with her amusedly.
“Are you supposed to be Paula?” I asked the succubus jokingly.
“I’m not sure,” Sia shrugged, “Todd asked me to act ‘bubbly, like I was sloshed.’ Whatever that means.”
“Definitely Paula,” I chuckled.
“Now remember, Jakey,” the imp spoke up as he looked at me from the other side of the table, “you gotta end every sentence with a ‘dawg,’ alright?”
“That’s a no from me, dawg,” I shot back. “Send number one in.”
The door opened, and a tiny, naked woman with brown hair sauntered in. She had a certain spring in her step as she approached, but I could also tell she was a tad nervous by the way she was trembling. Her small breasts bounced with each step she took, and her thick pink nipples rose to attention as she took her place in front of the three of us.
“Helllloooo,” she said in a trembling voice with a perky “Cali-girl” accent. “My name is Deja, short for Deja Vu, and I’m coming at ya all the way from the Eighth Circle.”
“Eighth Circle?” I gasped and sat forward in my chair. “You’re from Beelzebub?”
The petite succubus joined her fingers together nervously and became nearly white-knuckled as she tried to keep it together.
“Yeppers!” she said with mock enthusiasm. “I’m so over that scene, though. As you and the rest of your friends have probably found out, Beelzebub’s a real downer. ‘Lord of the Flies?’ More like, ‘Lame of the Flies,’ ya know?”
I couldn’t help but chuckle at the awful pun, and that seemed to perk her up a little.
“So, Deja,” Todd’s British accent interjected, “quite a lovely story, but let’s get down to business. What are you going to be singing for us today?”
“Uh, sing?” the succubus asked nervously. “I can totally do that.”
“You don’t have to--” I began, but then Deja broke out into a beatbox with her mouth.
She began to rap along to the lyrics of Drop It Like It’s Hot, much to the surprise of everyone. While Sia and I stood there, shell-shocked, Todd hopped up on the table and began to do the dance associated with the song. Every now and again, he would throw in a little “woo” or “yeah” to hype her up, and before we knew it, the song was over.
“Brilliant!” the imp exclaimed. “Bloody brilliant! You’re on to the next round.”
“Really?” Deja gasped.
“Wait, waaaaiiiitt,” I tried to calm them both down.
“I’m sorry,” Todd retorted snobbily, “who are you again?”
“Fine,” I sighed, “hold up there, dawg.”
“That’s better.” The imp nodded.
“Your singing is great and all,” I continued, “but we want to know a little bit more about you. What are your powers? Why did you choose to come here, of all places?”
“I can answer those easily,” the succubus said as she puffed out her naked chest proudly. “First, I’m a time manipulator and an illusionist, but I have other powers, too. As for number two, I have a couple answers. I wanted to get away from Beelzebub because he’s like, a total drag. Also, because I heard you’re really awesome and turn your succubi into Demon Lords and all that. Not to mention, I hear the Unhallowed Sword isn’t the only weapon you’re packing, ya know?”
“All good answers.” I grinned as my eyes traveled up and down the brunette’s yummy little body.
“You say you can create illusions and manipulate time,” Superbia spoke up, “could you demonstrate?”
“Of course!” Deja giggled. “For starters, how long have I been in here?”
“Like, what, five minutes?” I questioned as I looked down at my watch.
I was wrong. According to the hands on my wristwatch, the succubus had been in here for nearly forty-five minutes.
“How did you--”
“Time manipulation powers,” she giggled. “Now, for the illusion … ”
The succubus cleared her throat, struck a pose, and then her body began to fade in and out rapidly like a game glitch. Then a second version of her form sprung loose from her body. Deja made a lap around the room, and her doppelganger copied her every action.
“Nice,” I noted, �
�but I’ve seen this before with one of my enemies. Do you lose power with every copy you make?”
“Nope!” she corrected. “That’s only for higher-level Angels and Demons. We succubi are the low women on the totem pole, so the natural laws of the universe don’t require us to split our power with our doubles. Or something like that.”
I looked back and forth between Sia and Todd, and all three of us exchanged satisfied nods of agreement.
“Alright, Deja,” I announced. “We’ll need to talk in private, but I can tell you right now that you’re one of the front-runners. We’ll let you know when we make a decision.”
Deja let out a squeal of glee and jumped up and down excitedly. Then she composed herself, let out a deep breath, and strutted out of the room.
“Not technically a lie,” Sia noted, “she is the only person we’ve interviewed, so she is the front runner.”
“I really like her powers, though,” I explained. “How useful would that be in battle?”
“You like something alright,” British Todd giggled. “We still have forty-nine contestants to go, Randy. Try not to think too much with your second head.”
“I’ll try not to, ‘dawg,’” I chuckled back to the imp, “but it’s gonna be really hard to do. Succubi are, by nature, some of the most beautiful creatures in the universe. That’s why it’s such a fucking shame most Demon Kings treat them like dog shit.”
“And that’s exactly why they make perfect Demon Lords,” Sia added. “Unlike so many of the backstabbers who exist in Hell, they’ll remain loyal to those who show them compassion and treat them as their equals. If all goes well, you’ll soon have an army of Demon Lords and succubi who will never, ever question their allegiance to you.”
“That’s what I like to hear.” I grinned and leaned back in the chair. “It’s a shame I can’t just turn them all.”
“Bro,” Todd broke his facade for a moment, “I don’t think there’s enough fluid in the human body to do that. I tell you this from years of experience.”
“Thank you for the concern,” I retorted, “but I think--”
“My best record is thirty,” he continued, “and that was just me wanking it to the ‘most watched’ section on Porntube.com. If you try to do that with fifty women? Bro, I’d worry for your safety.”
“He’s … not wrong,” Sia confirmed as she scrunched up her nose in disgust. “It’s dangerous to try and convert too many Demon Lords at once. You honestly probably stretched it a bit too far when you converted us, but nobody in their right mind was going to stop you.”
“I know, I know,” I sighed, “but it’s a pleasant thought, that’s all. Send the next one in!”
In the next hour, we sat through another fifteen interviews. The women were all sexy as fuck, and they all seemed like they would make a great addition to my army, but they weren’t really “Demon Lord Material.” Many of them had the same powers as succubi who’d already been converted, and a lot of them had limited combat experience.
That, and Todd absolutely hated their voices. I swear I heard “next,” “that was atrocious,” and “somebody shoot me” more than Simon had ever said it in his whole life.
Finally, after contestant number sixteen, Todd shook his head.
“Alright,” he sighed, “this ain’t working. Let’s try another method.”
The black turtleneck on the imp’s body began to bubble and transform. Its color turned to a dark gray, and a bowtie appeared on his neck. Meanwhile, the hair atop his head parted so he had the traditional “horseshoe” shape.
“What is he doing now?” Sia questioned.
“I believe it’s Dancing with the Stars,” I whispered back.
“Bruno, Carrie Ann,” he said in a different British accent. “Let’s bring in the next group.”
This time, a group of six succubi came in. Before they could even introduce themselves, Todd stood up on the table and ordered them to partner up and do the Salsa Dance.
I almost protested the command, but when I saw the multiple naked women start to press their bodies up against each other, I stopped myself.
They all danced together, confused yet compliant, until the song Todd was belting out came to an end. Then the imp sat back down, reached under the table, and came back up with signs labeled “one” to “ten.”
“Where did he get those?” Sia hissed.
“I find it best not to ask questions when it comes to Todd,” I chuckled.
The imp went down the line, judging the pairs of succubi two-by-two. The first two pairs got a measly “six,” and but then Todd gave the last pairing a perfect “ten.”
“That was brilliant!” the imp exclaimed in an over-excited tone. “The steps, the chemistry, all of it. What do you think, guys?”
“Uh, you all did good.” I nodded to the three pairs as they tried to catch their breath.
“You two,” Sia demanded as she pointed to the “ten” pairing, “stay. Everybody else, we need to deliberate.”
Four of the succubi walked out with disappointment on their faces, but the remaining two looked hopeful as they held each other in anticipation.
“Could you tell us a little about yourselves?” I questioned.
The first succubus stepped forward. She was a busty woman with tattoos all over her body and dark, black hair on her head.
“My name is Eclipse,” she explained in a somewhat deep-yet-seductive voice. “I’ve come to you today from the Third Circle. And yes, my demeanor and powers both match the cold, dark abyss that is Belphegor’s domain.”
“Ehhhhh,” Todd protested, “we’ve already got a big-tiddy goth girlfriend on the team. What separates you from her?”
“One,” Eclipse protested, “I’m not goth. Or emo. I just like to show off my dark side when I can and express myself with tattoos.”
“Ah,” the imp nodded, “so you’re more of the ‘tit ‘n ‘tat type of babe. Got it.”
“Also,” the dark-haired woman explained, “I’ve yet to find another succubus with my power set. Observe.”
Eclipse stepped forward, summoned black Hellfire into her hands, and then aimed them at Todd. Seconds later, Todd’s eyes began to glow with the same dark spell, and he looked around frantically.
“Who turned out the lights, bro?” he gasped. “Are we under attack again? It feels like we’re getting invaded every other fucking week around here.”
Eclipse snapped her fingers, and the Hellfire disappeared.
“So, you can blind people?” I asked curiously.
“Kinda,” she shrugged, “I can remove the light from anything I attack. So, for example, I just temporarily pulled all the light from your friend’s retinas so he couldn’t see. However, I can do the same thing for any light source.”
The dark-haired succubus snapped her fingers again, and all of the lights in the War Room disappeared in an instant.
“Wow,” I whistled. “That could really help our stealth game.”
“I have powers too, ya know,” the other succubus spoke up. “Check it out!”
Before any of us could say another word, the room lit up with a brilliant burst of yellow as electricity crackled in all directions.
Eclipse must have released her spell, because the lights flipped back on in a flash, and we were staring at both of the beautiful women in front of us.
I could tell the second woman in the room was spunky as hell, just from her tone of voice and posture.
She stood wide open for all of us to see, with her legs spread and her hands on her hips proudly. Her pert, perky breasts were covered with large, pale nipples that nearly matched her skin tone, and her face was contorted into a look of cattiness.
Most strikingly, however, was her hair. The succubus’ locks were as yellow as the lightning bolt she had just produced.
“Name’s Inpulsa,” she boasted. “I don’t know if you speak Latin, but it means--”
“Shock,” I finished. “Very impressive.”
“Soooooo
o,” Todd returned to his British accent, “what do you give them?”
“Ten!” I exclaimed happily. “I give both of you a perfect ten, and I can’t wait to see you back. What about you, Sia?”
“I suppose if I had to assign them a numerical value … ” the redheaded madame trailed off, “I’d say a ten, as well.”
Inpulsa and Eclipse both hugged and jumped up and down with excitement before they walked out of the room hand-in-hand.
“I think you’re gonna have your hands full with those two, Jakey,” Todd observed.
As I watched both of their tight, toned asses walk through the door, I knew the imp was right.
We brought in three more rounds of six, but none of them seemed to impress.
Then came Mirage.
I let out an audible gasp as the short-haired brunette stepped into the room, unprompted.
“What are you doing here?” I questioned. “D-Does Asmodeus know?”
“Of course he does.” The succubus grinned. “I asked him if I could switch alliances, and he told me that he really didn’t give a damn. The King of the First Circle is only into humans, remember?”
“But he was totally okay with you just, leaving him like that?” I continued, completely flabbergasted.
Mirage just shrugged.
“You two are still allied, no?” she questioned rhetorically. “As long as that’s the case, he couldn’t care less.”
“That’s great!” I exclaimed with an awkward laugh. “You’re on to the next round.”
“You don’t want me to sing a song or do a dance or anything like that?” the succubus asked. “Not even a formal interview?”
“I know you, Mirage,” I reassured her. “I know how much of a valuable asset you’d be, and it’d be a great honor to have you on my team.”
“In other words,” Todd added, “Jakey’s been all up in your guts once, and it was so amazing that he wants to have a chance at throttlin’ the ‘ol clam at will.”