Love Redeemed

by Lindsey Beck

Janie smirked. “What are you more curious about? The fact that I’m painting again or that Matthew is in them?”

  “Hmm. Both, actually,” he softly replied. She watched as his eyes swept through her small apartment and landed in her kitchen. Janie followed his gaze and sighed. She had forgotten to hide the empty whiskey bottle.

  “Please tell me you didn’t.”

  She shook her head. “No. I was tempted to. Really tempted. I poured the first shot and was about to drink it when God stopped me. I had these amazing images in my head,” she quickly explained, motioning to the canvas. “And I had to get them out. The whiskey went down the sink.”

  The tension surprisingly left Jake’s body. “You could have called me.”

  “I know,” she shrugged. “I could have called Harry, too. But I didn’t and now I have these masterpieces.”

  “Think Collette will let you use them tomorrow night?”

  “I‘ve already talked to her,” Janie dejectedly returned, her shoulders falling. “She’s not big on oil paintings you know, but when she saw them, I swear she started counting dollar signs.”

  “They’re too good not to display.”

  “I know.” Janie pointed to a smaller painting resting against the far wall. “That’s my favorite.”

  Jake moved to the painting and carefully lifted it. After a few minutes, he cleared his throat and returned the canvas to it’s propped position. He swiped at his eyes. “I think I agree.”

  Brother and sister stood quietly for a moment staring at the drying artwork gathered in the small area.

  Janie eventually interrupted their solitude. “I appreciate you looking after my apartment while Emma and I are gone to Greece, Jake.”

  “How long do you think you’ll be gone?”

  “Indefinitely.”

  “What does Collette think about it?”

  “Well, she’s wasn’t happy at first, but she got over it when I promised to ship photographs back to her. I may have over promised a bit. She’ll get over it.”

  “What about Matthew?”

  Janie hesitated and then sighed. “Does it matter now? It’s over.”

  Jake’s gaze swung back to the small canvas. His eyes gathering in the details of the young biker leaning against a special motorcycle. The young biker, however, wasn’t the focus of the painting. The focus was in the background. An exquisite cross rolled away gray clouds. It’s light permeated through piles of ashes illuminating the man in it’s glowing shadow. Janie had already titled it - A new creation. Only knowing the history surrounding the young biker and the painter could lend explanation to the title. And Jake knew the full story between the two.

  He brought his eyes to meet hers. “Are you sure?”

  Matthew locked the doors to his office and collapsed onto the couch. He buried his face in his hands and sobbed. He had just watched the love of his life leave his practice.

  He thought he had been doing the right thing by putting distance between them - remaining friends. But his heart had been ripped apart when she had said she didn’t want to see him any more. Never had she said anything like that. He was losing her forever. He was losing Emma forever.

  On top of that, why was it okay for him to leave her, but it wasn’t okay for her to leave him? Why the double standard? When Janie had told him she never wanted to see him again, his heart had stopped beating.

  In that moment, he had seen everything he stood to lose. A beautiful woman that loved him…the soul mate God had chosen for him…and a beautiful daughter. All of it gone because of his arrogance and his pride.

  Janie wasn’t coming back. She still needed physical therapy, but she wouldn’t be coming here. There would be no future appointments in his clinic. He had overheard her conversation with the receptionist. Janie was leaving in two day.

  Not for the first time, Matthew wished he could turn back the clock and change things…change decisions he had made.

  A knock on the door caused Matthew’s head to snap up. Everything in him rebelled against answering that door. He didn’t want to speak with anyone. He didn’t want to see any more patients, take anymore calls. He wanted to be left alone.

  But Matthew rose and went to the door. He swiped at his eyes and then unlocked the door. He couldn’t hide his surprise to see Jake standing outside.

  “Jake, what are you doing here?”

  “You’re an idiot, you know that?” Jake barged into the office.

  Matthew closed the door and collapsed back onto the couch. “Yeah. I know.”

  “I haven’t said much, Matthew. I’ve respected your choices. I never agreed with why you left…why you denied yourself Janie, but I’ve got to say something now! You are the biggest idiot I know. God’s given you a great gift, my sister! She’s been through hell and back these last eight years. It all started because YOU asked her to hold on! YOU asked her to fight for her life. You didn’t know I heard you! But I will never forget it. I heard what you said to my sister when she was in that coma.

  “YOU asked her to stay because you loved her! At first I was grateful that you gave her something to fight for…to hold onto because I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it. But then I watched as you denied her what she wanted…what you wanted. I kept quiet. I hoped you would come around….”

  “Jake…”

  “No! I’ve kept silent long enough. It’s time you heard some hard truths,” Jake raged, his temper completely unchecked. “I saw how you kissed my sister. I saw how you held her and then I listened to how you rejected her. She fought for YOU and you threw her away because of some garbage about your past.

  “You left. You didn’t have to watch her fall apart. You didn’t have to pick up the pieces. You weren’t there when she downed pain killers and alcohol hoping to end her own life. You didn’t have to make a phone call to Harry Loggins for help. You weren’t there when she detoxed. You weren’t there when she found out she was pregnant. You weren’t there when she slept with so many men she didn’t know who Emma’s father was. You weren’t there for the labor and delivery or the emergency c-section.

  “You were gone. The one person that she fought for her entire life! You claimed to love her. You should have been there. You should have seen how fragile she was. I trusted you to watch over her. Instead, you made her feel worthless. You still make her feel worthless.”

  “Janie is priceless. I never meant…”

  “That’s right. You never meant anything. Your actions speak louder than words. You push her away, but keep her close enough so you don’t have to live without her. She loves you, Matthew. Emma loves you. And I can’t stand by and watch either of them get hurt. Especially, Janie. She doesn’t deserve it.”

  “You’re right,” Matthew exhaled as his head fell into his hands. “She doesn’t deserve this. Any of it. But what am I supposed to do?”

  “Tell her you love her. Ask her to marry you. Be a father to Emma. Give her more children. Love her.”

  Matthew shook his head. “I’m afraid,” he finally admitted.

  “Of what?”

  “Screwing up.”

  “You can’t screw things up much worse than they already are.”

  “That’s not what I mean,” Matthew groaned, lifting his head to look at his life-long friend. “What if I go back? What if I’m not strong enough to overcome the temptation of drugs? What kind of future would that be for either of them? I can’t do that to them. Even if my past were perfect…I paid for the drugs in legitimate matters…I couldn’t put the stress of having an addict in their immediate family.”

  “Matthew, how long have you been sober?”

  “Ten years.”

  “You fight it everyday?”

  “Every blasted day.”

  “Who was with you when you first started winning everyday?”

  “Janie.”

  “Who helped you avoid those cravings…spoke words of encouragement…inspired you to build Angel?”

  “Janie.”

 
“And if you were to fall again, who would be the first one there to pick you up?”

  “She would be.”

  “You can’t worry about the future, Matthew. You know that. Janie knows that. She loves you, Matthew. Just as you are. She doesn’t see the addict. None of us see the addict. We only see the new man…the new creation God has made.…We only see you.”

  Matthew nervously fumbled with the small box in his pocket as he entered the art gallery. He was a desperate man. He loved Janie with all his heart. He wanted her to be happy, but he couldn’t get over the nagging suspicion that he was being selfish.

  Logically, he knew Jake was right. He knew Janie was right. God had forgiven him of his past, but his heart wouldn’t let it go. He had no right to ask Janie to join her life to his, but he was going to.

  He wanted her.

  She wanted him.

  It should be so easy.

  Why was he letting all of his baggage get in the way?

  Matthew took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled. He wanted the best for Janie. Was he really it? Was this what God really wanted?

  There was a crowd near the back of the gallery. Only a few stragglers were gazing at random pictures throughout the rest of the large building. It was unusual for one of Janie’s showings. Usually, people were everywhere, trying to decide on a favorite.

  Matthew moved towards the rear of the gallery and waited his turn.

  Collette spotted her favorite customer as he walked into the art gallery. He was every gallery that Janie produced and bought a good portion of her work. She had thought the man just an avid admirer of good art until she saw Janie’s paintings.

  There was no doubt that this man was the same as the one portrayed in the paintings. There was also no doubt that he knew Janie on a much deeper level than just art and Janie knew him.

  Collette shouldered her way to the edge of the crowd and greeted Matthew with a warm hug. After all, he had spent thousands of dollars and was an excellent customer. And he knew Janie. He should have first dibs on these paintings.

  “Collette, how are you?” Matthew asked as the tall brunette brushed a kiss on his cheek.

  “Wonderful. Have you seen the new paintings?”

  “No. Is this what all the commotion is about?”

  Collette nodded. “It’s the best work I’ve seen her do. You have to see it. Come with me and I’ll get you to the front.”

  Collette grabbed his hand and roughly made her way through the crowd, offering penance as she stepped on feet and elbowed sides. The atmosphere changed as she and Matthew stood at the front of the group. A hush fell on the group as they recognized Matthew.

  Collette stole a glance at him and saw him swallow hard as his eyes took in the seven paintings. Tears clouded his eyes as he reverently walked forward and stroked the unfinished edges.

  “Shall I charge them to your account?”

  “Yes,” Matthew’s voice broke with emotion.

  “All of them.”

  “Yes. All of them.”

  Soft music drifted out onto the veranda. Janie gazed up into the dark sky as she sipped the sparkling grape juice in her flute. She winced at the slightly bitter taste and smiled. Collette always did prefer champagne. It was her way of punishing Janie for not allowing alcohol at any of her galleries.

  She was hiding on the veranda…another habit of hers at galleries. Collette wanted to introduce her to everyone, network with potential buyers, revel in her fame. Janie was just a simple artist. She didn’t want the empty compliments. She didn’t want to see the money change hands or meet the buyers…especially tonight. Her heart was painted on the oil canvases inside. She didn’t want to meet the buyer of those special canvases. She just wanted them sold…so she could close this chapter of her life and move on.

  And they had sold. Every last one of them had sold. The canvases were among the first items to sell that night…all of them purchased by one buyer. She had netted more off that one purchase than she had all of last year.

  It was over. She would leave in the morning. She would spend the next year in Greece, sell her studio, and move back to the old farmhouse when Emma started school. She would never see Matthew again and she could spend her future relearning how to live without him.

  Janie recognized Collette’s approaching voice and inwardly groaned. Her name was being called and Janie could only imagine what she wanted. She turned as Colette came out onto the balcony.

  “Hiding again?”

  Janie raised her glass. “Punishing me again?”

  Collette grinned. “The buyer of the paintings wants to meet you.”

  Janie rolled her eyes. “Do I have to?”

  “Quit being a child! Yes, you have to, but I’ll compromise and bring him out here rather than make you go inside…if you behave.”

  “Done!” Janie said, tipping her head back and throwing the rest of the grape juice down her throat. She giggled as she saluted towards Collette. “You drive a hard bargain.”

  Colette mockingly rolled her eyes and disappeared back inside the gallery. Janie turned back to the stars littering the dark night drop. Gently, she rubbed her bare arms to fight off a little of the chill.

  Heavy footsteps stole her attention from the horizon. She looked over her shoulder and caught a glimpse of the figure joining her outside.

  Matthew had never seen her in a dress before. It literally knocked him off his feet. He thought she was beautiful before. Now she was stunning. The black strapless dress hugged her waist and flared gently to her knees. Her hair was swept off her neck displaying her creamy skin. The white lilies on her back, neck, and shoulders were a beautiful contrast to the black that graced the rest of her.

  “Matthew?”

  Her breathless voice caught as if she couldn’t believe it was really him. Matthew tried to smile, but he couldn’t get past the lump in his throat. He had never been so nervous in his life. He forced his legs to carry him over to where she was standing.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I bought the paintings.” Janie’s jaw dropped. “They were beautiful, amazing…and inspiring. You see so much…You’re so talented. How could I have been so blind to the truth?” Matthew started to reach up and caress her cheek, but stopped himself. He swallowed hard as he watched emotions of disbelief play across Janie’s features.

  “You bought all of the paintings?”

  Matthew bobbed his head.

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m a fool. You tried to tell me in so many ways…tried to show me for so many years. Forgive me, Janie. I’ve been an idiot,” Matthew explained in hush tones as he took her hands in his. “I came here to see you this evening…to explain everything. I never really accepted that I was a new creation in God, Janie. I didn’t even really believe it until I saw your paintings tonight. I got to see how God really sees me…through your eyes, Janie. And it’s more than I will ever deserve.” Matthews voice broke and he fought back tears.

  “I was a wreck when your brother got the call that you had been in an accident. When we got to the hospital, you had been in emergency surgery. They weren’t sure if you were going to make it. My entire world shattered. I stayed by your bedside after that…and…and a few days later, I was sitting there reading to you when you stopped breathing. I was the one who realized you were coding before even the machines did.

  “I did the only thing I could think of. I begged you to stay. I begged you to fight and I confessed how I really felt about you…how much I loved you.”

  Janie tenderly freed her hands from his and wiped his tears away.

  “This isn’t how I planned to say this…”

  “It’s okay, Matthew. Just say it.”

  “I pushed you away…when I really only wanted to be with you. I was afraid of messing up again. I was afraid that I would fall off the wagon and start using again. I didn’t want to subject you to a future with someone who could fail at any time. So I pushed you away. I denied what I felt and
I hurt you.

  “God, Janie, I never wanted to hurt you. I should have stayed. You would have stayed for me.”

  “It’s in the past.”

  “No, its not, Janie. I fight my addiction everyday…I could fall. I didn’t want to subject you to that so I kept pushing you away. I tried to convince you to stay away from me, but the more I saw you, the more I wanted to be with you and the more my fear grew. I thought it would be selfish to chain you to an addict for the rest of your life.”

  “What changed?”

  Matthew weakly smiled, covering her hands with his own. He gently squeezed. “I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to see your eyes light up again. I wanted to be the reason they lit up. When I saw the paintings, Janie, I finally got it. You’ve been right all along. The only person stopping me from realizing everything God wanted for me was me. God‘s grace is sufficient and my past is forgotten.”

  “Like it never happened,” Janie whispered, her fingers gently grazing his lips. He lightly pressed a kiss against them. “I know how scary it is, Matthew. I fear falling everyday. It’s God’s strength that keeps me walking. I would never abandon you, Matthew. If you fell, I would help you back up.”

  “I know,” he quietly breathed. “Forgive me for being such an idiot.”

  “I did that a long time ago, Matty.”

  “I love you, Janie. I’ve loved you since the second grade,” he whispered, leaning his head against hers. “I never want to be away from you again. I want to be more than a brother to you, Baby. I want to be your husband, your confidant, your lover, and Emma’s father.”

  It was Matthew’s turn to wipe her tears away. He retrieved his handkerchief and dabbed at the corner of her eyes. Tenderly, he grazed his lips across hers.

  “Marry me, Janie. Please. Be my wife, my friend, my lover, and the mother of my children. I love you so much.”

  “When?”

  “As soon as possible. I think we’ve been apart too long already.”

  Janie grinned as she circled his neck with her arms. She pulled herself up on tiptoe and kissed him…deeply…passionately…with everything that she had.

  Matthew had seen her paintings. He had seen her heart and loved her for it. He had finally seen the truth she had known all along. When she had thought she had lost her heart on those canvases, Matthew had given it back to her…overflowing with love.