by RH Tucker
“Hey, you okay?” Nancy bumps my shoulder.
“Yeah,” I answer, still staring at the lake.
She motions for me to follow her. “Come on, let’s head back.”
“You go ahead. I’m gonna hang out up here for a bit. Enjoy the view.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” I reply, struggling to smile. “I’ll head down in a minute.”
I’m not sure how long I stay on the hill, but I sit there, looking out. I fight to keep my mind blank, because I don’t want to think about anyone or anything. I just want to be. Emma was right, I haven’t been myself in a while. I don’t know why I ever thought I’d be able to find love. It’s never wanted me. I always knew that, but I thought that maybe, just maybe, if I really liked someone enough, they’d like me back. That they’d want me back. But I should’ve known better.
I finally get up and start heading back down the trail. With Nancy gone, I pull out my phone and plug in my earbuds, turning on my music. I look up to start jogging back down and I crash into a sweaty chest.
Losing my balance, two hands grasp my shoulders, keeping me from falling.
“Shit, Jen,” Lucas’ voice rings out. I look up and see his sweaty face, earbuds in and wrapped behind his neck, an armband around his right bicep. And he’s shirtless.
“Lucas,” it comes out breathy. I’m a little stunned from the impact, but mostly from the sight of him. I remember what he looked like the other night, but today he looks even better, the sweat glistening off his body.
“What … what are you doing?”
“Sorry.” He pulls his earbuds out, laying them over his shoulders, but they angle to the front, making me take another glance at his chest. “I was taking a jog. Sorry, I was changing the song and didn’t see you.”
“Oh, yeah …” My eyes are still swimming over his sweaty skin, roaming from his chest to his abs and then back up.
“Didn’t get a good look the other morning?”
My eyes pop open and my head snaps up, finding a smug grin on his lips.
“Shut up,” I snap, and start heading down the hill.
“Hey, wait. Sorry! I’m sorry.” He hurries over to me, as I keep walking.
He doesn’t say anything more, but he keeps walking with me, matching my stride. After a few silent moments, I glance over at him. “Weren’t you jogging?”
“Yeah, but I reached the top.”
“So why don’t you jog on back down then?”
“Um, I need a breather?” I glance over at him to see an awkward smile before he peers over my shoulder. “Hey, wait. This way.”
“What?” I watch as he moves behind me, through a set of bushes.
“Yeah, come on.”
“No.” I shake my head. “There’s no trail that way.”
“I know, but it’s pretty cool.”
I give him a disbelieving stare. “Luc, I’m not going off the trail. That’s how people die.”
“Gimme a break, Jen, you’re not gonna die. Where’s your sense of adventure?”
“I left it at home, along with my entire desire to even be out here.”
He gives me a mocking look. “Jen, come on, trust me.”
He holds his hand out, halfway already in the bushes, his eyes pleading. I remember following him into an old abandoned house when were ten, all because of those emerald eyes. Or giving into a dare that I open a chocolate milk carton in a grocery store and drink it before we paid for it, all because of those eyes. Hey, we were seven.
“Fine,” I agree and start to follow him, but don’t take his hand.
It’s not very far off the trail, there’s a small opening through some bushes and he motions for me to follow him along. As I step past the hedge, we stand on a clearing overlooking the lake. It’s not as high as the top, but still a good drop down to the water.
“Pretty cool, huh?”
I nod. “Actually, it is.”
“This isn’t even the best part.”
“What do you mean?”
He takes another step closer to the ledge and peers down. Then, he glances over his shoulder at me with a Cheshire cat smile.
“Don’t you dare look at me like that, Lucas Mitchell.”
“Fine, I won’t look at you like that.” His smile remains. “But I will dare you.”
“What?”
“Come on.” He waves for me to take a step closer. I do, only because if I know anything, I know Lucas would never just push me over the edge. “I dare you to jump.”
“Are you insane?”
“Oh, come on.”
“No way. Didn’t you hear me when I said I don’t want to die up here?”
“Jen, you won’t die. It’s like thirty feet, max.”
“Falling from that distance on to water can still hurt.”
“I do it every summer, come on.”
I cross my arms, scoffing. “How have you not broken anything? I’m not breaking my ankles on some stupid dare.”
“It’s deep.”
“You’re crazy. No way.”
I expect him to continue the banter and keep trying to get me to jump, so I’m surprised when he looks out over the water and shrugs. “Okay, fine.”
“Good.” I nod, still keeping my eyes on him.
“I didn’t realize growing up made you such a scaredy cat.”
My mouth drops. “Scaredy cat? Seriously, Luc?”
“What?” He gives me an innocent expression. “It’s okay. I remember you used to not be scared of anything. But, I understand, we all have fears. Even if it is just water.”
“I’m not going to be goaded into this, lame-o.”
“Who’s goading? It’s all good, Jen. It’s just a shame I don’t have a couple beers with me, that’s all.”
I purse my lips together. “Oh, and why’s that?”
“Because the Jen who has some liquid courage in her seems to have a lot more fun. But it’s okay. Hey, we all gotta make decisions as we get older.”
I step to the edge before I realize what I’m doing. “Fine. I’ll do it if you do it.”
“Okay, you first.”
“No way! I’m not jumping down there only to see you laughing at me from up here.”
His smile finally leaves, replaced with an expression of annoyance. “Jen, this was my idea and I told you I do it every year. I’m gonna do it again.”
This is such a stupid idea. And childish. And I don’t even know why I’m even considering doing it, much less giving into Lucas’ dare. But I am.
“What about our phones?”
Lucas bends over, unzipping a pocket on his shorts. “Waterproof pockets.” He smirks back up at me.
“Did you plan this?” I eye him carefully, which makes him laugh.
“Yeah, I waited ’til you left this morning, just so I could jog up the trail and bump into you and then dare you to jump off a ledge into the lake.”
“Whatever,” I grumble out and hand him my phone.
Taking another step, I peek over and down below. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”
“It’s okay, Jen.” His voice is so caring and soft, that I don’t know he’s still messing around with me until I look back at him. “Lots of people develop phobias in their later years.”
“Shut up.”
Taking another step―or it might just be a toe―I creep closer. I don’t think I’ve been staring down at the water very long, working up my courage to jump, until I hear Lucas behind me.
“Sometime this century, J-Girl.” He laughs.
I step back, take in a deep breath, and don’t think about it again. I jump off the side, unable to contain the high-pitched scream as I fall down to the water.
The chill from the lake hits my lungs first, as I splash below. I’m not sure how deep I plummet, but my arms wave around wildly while I try to swim back to the top of the water. As soon as my head breaches the surface, I’m gulping for air. The chill, the adrenaline, and the rush from the jump all hit
me. I gasp again, and this time can feel myself calming down, a smile coming to my face.
“Okay!” I look up and see Lucas standing at the top. “Your turn.”
“All right, cool!” he yells back down, waving. “I’ll see you back at the cabin.”
“What?” My eyes stay locked at the top, as he takes a step back and out of sight. “Luc? Luc!” I yell out again but get nothing in response. “Lucas Mitchell, you better jump down here!” Still nothing. Even though the water’s a bit chilly, I’m fuming. I can’t believe he just dared me to jump and left me.
“Lucas, if you don’t jump down here right now, I’ll kill you. Do you hear me? I will literally kill you!” Still no sign of him.
I let out a furious grunt, slapping the water, when I hear a yell.
“Look out below!”
My eyes shoot up just in time to see Lucas jumping off the ledge and come crashing into the water next to me. Water splashes everywhere, and after a second of disorientation from the splash, his head pops up.
“You asshole!” I scream at him, splashing water in his face.
He’s already laughing, trying to block the water I’m splashing on him. “Oh, man! You looked seriously pissed off. That alone was worth it.”
“I thought you left me!” I scream again, unable to control my temper.
“Oh, come on.”
“I’m serious.” I frown and suddenly feel the sting of tears.
This was a dare. A stupid dare he egged me into, so why am I so pissed off about it? Why am I on the verge of tears? And to make it even more embarrassing, his smile drops when he sees my expression.
He swims closer to me. “Hey, I wouldn’t do that.”
“Yeah, but you just disappeared up there and―” My voice cracks.
I swim over to the side of the cliff we just jumped off of and he trails behind. I grab on to a piece of rock and hastily wipe my eyes.
“Jen,” he whispers, reaching up and brushing the wet hair out of my face. “I’m sorry. I was just messing around. I wouldn’t leave you like that for real.”
It might be the feeling of his fingers brushing over my skin or because he’s so close I can actually see flecks of hazel in his green eyes. Perhaps it’s that our legs keep grazing against one another. It’s probably all of those things that calms me down. Suddenly, I find myself reaching out, putting my arms on his shoulders.
“You know that, right?” He leans his face closer to mine. “I wouldn’t … I won’t ever leave you. I’ll be there for you, whenever you need me to. For whatever you need.”
At one point in time I believed that. I want to believe it again, but I can’t. However, I don’t want to tell him that either, so I simply nod.
He holds on to a piece of the rock wall, but his other hand floats around my waist. I keep my hands on his shoulders and a foot below the water, pressed against the rocks to keep me balanced and floating. He’s close―too close―but those eyes just keep burrowing in to mine and I don’t want him to leave either.
Our faces are inches apart and it’s as if we’re stuck in a stalemate. My mind drifts to the thought of what kissing him would feel like. My body catches up to my thoughts, and my eyes drift to his lips. I want to know what that feels like, what a real kiss feels like from him. And the way he’s looking at me, his eyes keep jumping from mine to my lips, I think he’s wondering the same thing. But it’s bad idea. Everything about this is a bad idea because no matter what happens, it won’t change anything. I can’t trust him.
Before I gain the courage to break away, he speaks up.
“I have a confession to make,” he whispers. I stare at him, unable to form any words. “I’ve liked you for a long time, Jen.”
I stare at him, speechless, trying to comprehend his admission. He’s liked me? For a long time? How long? It has to be since high school, right? It couldn’t have been in middle school, because why would he have―
“Since third grade.”
His eyes stay locked on mine and I can see the red blushing over his neck and then his cheeks.
“Third grade?” I finally find my words and they sound more like an accusation then a revelation.
“Yeah, I know.” He averts his eyes.
“I liked you, too,” I blurt out, immediately clenching my eyes shut, regretting saying it.
“Really?”
I nod, still keeping my eyes shut, as if doing so will magically make everything return to normal. Hoping that when I open them I’ll be back at home, everything like it was before, because it doesn’t matter what happens next. After today, after what we just said, I don’t know if we can ever be friends now.
He doesn’t say another word and I know, if for no other reason, I’ll have to at least open my eyes to swim out of the lake. When I open them, he’s staring at me. Not a confused stare or unsure stare. It’s an honest gaze that tells me it’s okay. And for a brief second, I want to believe him.
Watching me for a reaction, he inches closer to my face. His hands are still around me and mine on him. His movements spark my own and I wrap my arms tighter around his neck. His tongue sweeps across his lips and I can feel his warm breath along my chin. It makes my body move, pressing my chest against his.
Then, his lips find mine and I feel everything. It’s as if every current in the lake has charged my skin, and the soft swipe of his lips over mine light my cells on fire. My hands run up behind his neck, running through his wet hair, and I feel his hands travel down my back. He cups my butt, lifting me up a little as I straddle his waist, and he leans against the rock wall.
Arching his head back, he finds my lips for a moment only to break away from them. Sparks ignite across my chin and then my neck, as his lips cover over me. I slide back down, and he turns us around, now pressing me against the rock wall, bringing one hand up and cupping the nape of my neck. He takes a delicate nibble out of my bottom lip and I can’t help but let out a moan into his mouth. His tongue soothes the spot where he bit and then it finds my own.
Our limbs intertwined, our lips and tongues meet together as if our bodies and souls are one. I always thought we had some type of connection, whether it just be as friends or something more, but I never believed it would feel like this. Which sends a terrified shiver up my spine, because this will truly break me.
Chapter 13
Lucas
It’s almost embarrassing how many times I’ve dreamt about kissing her. How many times I’ve tried to imagine what her lips feel and taste like. It’s the main reason I could never keep a girlfriend longer than a couple weeks, because even though I’d never truly kissed Jen before, when I was kissing someone else, I would always think of her. Wonder if her lips were as soft as the ones I’d just kissed. Imagine if she smelled the same way. If my body and skin would react to her the same. But I don’t need to imagine anymore, because I have my answer.
After she got to the cabin yesterday, she disappeared into her room. But as soon as I found out she was going to be camping with us I knew this was my moment. I didn’t know how or if she’d even give me the time of day, and I sure as hell didn’t know we’d be making out in the lake, but I knew I had to do something. I couldn’t remain speechless like I had in my room and just watch her ignore me and leave. If this was going to be the last time I might have to lay everything out, then I had to take it. At the very least, I had to tell her how I felt for all these years, because if I didn’t and I never got the chance again, I’d forever regret it. I’d wonder what might have happened if I told her I’ve been in love with her for years.
And now that we’re here, there’s nowhere else I want to be. There’s nothing in the world like kissing her. Every atom in my body is shocked and I feel like I’m being drawn to her. As if she’s a magnet and I have no choice, no willpower, to do anything but fuse to her. And it’s incredible.
I move my hands again, pulling her closer to me, because even the smallest amount of water between us is too much. I want everything she’s willing t
o give me and I never want to let it go.
My lips trail along her jaw, as her fingers run through my wet hair, and then navigate my mouth up to her ear. Smelling and tasting her skin as I move along, I let out an insatiable groan when I bite her earlobe, her lips traveling along my neck.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” I whisper to her, and can feel her smile against my skin.
Pulling away just enough to meet her eyes, I watch as she bites her lips nervously. “Jen, I―”
“No, don’t.” She stops and her smile fades, almost as if she’s realizing what we’re doing for the first time. She stares at me, a straight line across her brow.
I know that look. I’ve seen it all too many times. I don’t know what to do, but I can’t let this end. I do the first thing that comes to mind and go to kiss her again, but it’s too late. She’s already put the wall back up; her hands fall from my shoulders and she presses her palms to my chest.
“Luc, I can’t. We can’t.”
“What?”
“We can’t do this.” Her eyes ignore mine, staring at the water.
“Yes, we can,” I argue. “I know I can, and from everything I just felt I’m pretty sure you can, too. Jen, please.”
“No,” she says softly, still not meeting me gaze. “This is … this is just pent up, or something. It’s a thing to get out of our system since we’re finally done with school.”
“Are you kidding me?” The words come out sounding hurt, and I can’t hide it. I move my hand under her chin, making her eyes meet mine, and I’m sure she can see my pained expression. “This isn’t pent-up frustration, or something I can get out of my system. You’ve been in my system for years and I can’t get rid of you.”
“You’ve gone out with girls before.”
“Yeah and I compare them all to you.”
For the first time, she stares at me, caught off guard.
I wasn’t planning on admitting all this right here and now, but I can’t stop the words from falling out of my mouth. “We never went out on a date, we never held hands, and besides our first kiss in middle school, we’ve never made out. Yet every time I did that with someone, I couldn’t help but think of you. I wanted to know what your hand felt like in mine.”